My husband is coming home from deployment! any advice?

Helen - posted on 11/09/2010

He will want to hold you and the baby at times but will also need space at other times. It is like before they go away they start to push you away emotionally as it saves them from getting too sad. Just go with the flow, if he just wants to sit and watch tv, let him do that. However more than a couple of weeks or a month and he is still not ineracting I would start to question.

Jamie - posted on 11/09/2010

My daughter was the same age when my husband left and came home, he just came home in august so this is still pretty fresh for me too.. at first, she was scared and wouldnt let him hold her.. But I had talked to him before that and told him that she was used to it litterally being just me and her 24/7 and try not to be upset if she dosnt go to him right away. He was understanding of how she was because she is so young, and unfortunately, his deployment did not allow us to use skype, so she never saw him and only heard him on the phone about once a month. it was hard for him at first, and we had to transition her pretty slowely.. first it just started that he played with her with me there too, and slowely he would pick up an activity like feeding her lunch, or bathtime, then started getting her up in the morning and getting her dressed. It took a long time for her to adjust but it wasnt so bad, she did get used to him pretty quickely, she just wanted me to do the things like feed her and get her dressed. after about 3 or 4 weeks she was letting him do everything, except put her to bed lol, that is one thing nobody has ever done except me, and it was our "cuddle time" where we listened to lullubys, read a couple books, then she went in her crib. she was so set in her routine with me that she wouldnt let anyone else do it with her, but this week she let him do it, so that was such a big deal to him. But after the first couple days of him being home from deployment and him playing with her, she honestly warmed up to him a lot and unless it was bedtime or time to eat, she wanted nothing to do with me! I hope it goes smoothly for you, if you ever want to talk I'm here you can feel free to message me!

Arielle - posted on 11/07/2010

Thank you ladies so very much! I am taking all of yall up on yalls advice. Yes I am so excited to see my husband and to have him home! I am just excited for to us to be together and to be a family again. Yes I know both of us have changed, and it will take some time to getting us to. But yes I just want to make it as smooth transition that I can for him. I just hope and want everything to go over well.

Amy - posted on 11/05/2010

get ready for him to watn everything clean! i dont know about other branches but everytime hy husband comes home from deployment he starts moving everything around. including where i have the dishes in the cabinet. they are use to having everything a cetain way and it hard for him to set down and not do something right away. the first thing he done when we got home was vacuumed the carpet because my daughter droped some cereal on it as soon as we walked in lol. dont rush him to be back to normal just go at his pace and you will be fine. may him feel like you need his help but not like you are lazy and dont want to do anything. my daughter was 6.5 months when my husband left and almost a year when he got back. he was so excited to see her again but be prepared for him to be over protective. my daughter i think felt smothered because he would not let her out of his sight. if she droped something he rushed to pick it up. if she fell over he rushed n picked her up if she was crying or not lol. good luck

Candice - posted on 11/05/2010

my husband has deployed 3 times and he should also be home by thanksgiving! the first time, he left 2 days before our second daughter was born. this thrird time, a month before our third child was born. i showed both pictures of him and taught them "dada". idk how my son will react because he is starting to have stranger anxiety. i warned my husband not to be upset if he cries, but he knows it'll take some time. just let your little one watch you cuddle and kiss! your child will soon feel comfortable and warm up to him. it's important that you don't force your baby though. she'll come around soon enough. and what i do everytime mine is fixing to come home, i clean, do all the laundry, stock the pantry and fridge, and make sure he has great smelling soap and shampoo in the shower waiting on him. also, i think i'll make my husband's favorite instead of dragging him out in public to eat. he loves chili and it's perfect weather too! good luck!!!

Priscilla - posted on 11/04/2010

congratulations!!! i think if he's up to it maybe having a small thanksgiving for just you three so that way he can get used to things again and get re-accuainted with his baby girl. there's no need for everyone to smother him but you two. everyone else will get their turn. for now it's just for you and your daughter. trust me when i say that, i've been through 4 deployments with my husband and now he just left for his 5th. that is a MUST!! and for your daughter i think she'll remember daddy from the pics but will be kinda shocked that the person she's always looked at is actually real. i went through it with my twin boys. she'll also need time to adjust to someone else being there as well. you guys have an awesome homecoming and enjoy your husband being back in your arms :)

Jackie - posted on 11/04/2010

Just take it nice and slow and understand that you both have grown since you have been apart. Time alone with your husband is very important . There is nothing wrong with having your parent or his or a family friend to take her for the week end for some alone time.

Brandi - posted on 11/04/2010

Congratulations on him coming home. You both are and will be SO excited and also nervous, because things have changed. You have been away from each other for a while and that does change things weather we realise it or not. Don't try to push things to be like they used to be cause they aren't. Go with the change, be open he may not have any issues with anything, like someone else had said, My husband still has issues being around alot of people, he DOES NOT like it and it causes him to stress out. My daughter had no problem adjusting to daddy coming home she was 3 1/2 months when she met him for the first time and 6 months when he came home for good ( I was also pregnant with our son when he came home). Keep upi with your FRG from now on even after hes home. The only thing I will tell you not to do is don't puch him, If he doesn't want to talk about something or anything just leave him be. Their are things my husband didn't think to tell me, but when he is around his army buddies he doesn't stop talking. If you ever need anything send me a message. Good luck!! and ENJOY!

Heidi - posted on 11/04/2010

That is great that your husband will be home soon! My husband returned home from a 7 month deployment a couple of months ago. My son was a few days away from turning 2 when he left and my daughter 6 yrs. I often had showed the kids pictures of daddy while he was gone, and we got to talk via phone once a week. I had the kids make a welcome home banner and my husband had told me he just wanted to relax when he got home. Our son was a little unsure what to think of him at first, it did take a few days for my son to warm up to him. I told my husband not to take it personal, he was not used to him being here. After a few days everything was OK. My husband is not the same as when he left. He startles easilly...one example I can think of is a car in the neighborhood backfired and he thought it was gunfire, since that was what he had been hearing for 7 months. He has switched from listening to rock music to country music. I still feel as though I am "doing everything" around the house, dinner, cleaning, mowing the lawn, helping our daughter with homework. I am planning to give him a little more time and then ask him to help with things like mowing the lawn etc. I am extremely happy to have him home safe and told him I will help him re-adjust however I can. The most important thing is communication I think. Your daughter may need a few days to get used to having your husband back home, or she may be fine right away. Oh, BTW, my husband slept for 12 hours straight a few hours after he got home. I didn't wake him but kept checking on him to make sure he was OK. He was exhausted with all of the flying and time changes. Hope this helps some.... Glad your husband will be home soon!

Kimberly - posted on 11/04/2010

Just let him ease into things. Don't force him to jump back into seeing people and having get togethers, only if he wants to. Also, let him and ur daughter have some alone time, they need it. Other than that just be there for him and allow him to do some things at home. My husban used to say when he came home he helt like I didn't need him anymore because I got used to doing so many things by myself

Jeanette - posted on 11/04/2010

This is such an exciting time for you!!!!!! Nov 11th will be 2 years since my husband came home from his final Army deployment! Just as Samantha Zeno said, there will be a honeymoon phase and then a reintegration phase and then a "get your butt back into normal routine" phase! My biggest piece of advice is to not expect too much in the beginning... just let things flow the way that they're supposed to. Give him a chance to get comfortable but after awhile, start to expect that he help out and become part of the family. In my experience, if you give him a "break" from all the responsiblity for too long, he'll just assume that you've got it all under control and will take a back seat role in your marriage/parenting. If this happens, you might feel resentful. They say that it takes just as many months as they were deployed for things to go back to normal.... They are right! My husband was gone for 15 months and it took just about 15 months until we were 100% reintegrated. The last piece of advice that I'll give you is to not expect it to be exactly the same as when they left. People change and a year is a long time. Change and growth are inevitable and if you haven't been together for a year, it's going to take a little time for each of you to get to know the new people that you've become. My daughter was 6 months old when my husband came home so luckily, she really had no idea what was going on. With your daughter, don't force her daddy on her and make sure to interact with your husband together. She trusts you and will see that you trust him and should warm up to him fairly quickly! I hope this helps a little and doesn't get you too nervous. Homecoming is a joyous time so enjoy every second of it! Definitely lean on your FRG and friends for advice along the way! They know exactly what you're going through and will be your best resources!

Trish - posted on 11/04/2010

My husband has been deployed twice in the last 4 years. One thing that has been an issue for him is crowds. He may not want to be in a big group of people at first, even if it's family or friends. My husband returned in early August, but he still is uncomfortable in crowds and will sit at the end of the pew at church. Also, it's very common for them to have difficulty sleeping at first...due in part to the time change.... Even if he's been a great communicator and helpful at home in the past, you can't expect them to immediately step back into that role. They will need time to adjust. It will happen. Just be patient. Let them know you're willing to listen if they need to talk about what they experienced, but don't push them to talk about it. A little love, a lot of patience, and a boatload of acceptance will make it a smoother transition for all of you.

Alexandra - posted on 11/02/2010

hey, my daughter was 5mon. old when my husband dep. She saw him almost everyday online (plus I was pregnant with our son) But when her daddy came home, she was like ''who are you?'' She was checking him out like you know, ' is this dude living with us now'????!!! she did'nt want to be around him when I wasn't there. She followed me everywere. But she got used to him after like 3, 4 weeks. Like I said b4, I was also pregnant so my husband came home and had a 1,5year old and a newborn. I tried to, you know, not bother him with stupid stuff like 'take the trash out'Give your husband a few weeks. Let him get used to his family first. You both have to get used to beeing around each other again. It aint as easy as it sounds. But you will be fine, I know how you feel now...oh you are all excited and happy.. Enjoy it have fun

Kristen - posted on 11/02/2010

With my husband when he came home from his first tour I welcomed him home with opened arms and we picked up right where we left off before he left. things will be a little different at first but once the newness of him being home things will set it self up and fall into place. with your little girl, she may cling to you since she hasn't seen him in person, let him do things with her, like give her a bath or feed her. I hope everything goes well!!! I'm very excited for you and your daughter!

Samantha - posted on 11/02/2010

You can go to a brief that the FRG should be putting together to help you transition to your soldier's homecoming. Also, there will be a honeymoon phase, a re-integration phase, and a get your butt back into a routine phase- that is not an official one, but one I made up based on my own experience. The guys are told, to sit back and see how you work when they arrive, so don't expect him to jump in with both feet. And try not to be too jealous of the time he spends with your child. Other than that, just enjoy him being back, avoid crowds and don't plan too much. Relaxation is key, and plans need to be flexible based on what he is feeling. Start cleaning now. Don't wait until the last minute :)