My husband just left to basic!

Whitney - posted on 02/18/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My husband left just barely a week ago and I feel like everything is falling apart. I am trying to stay positive because I know I know that I don't fully comprehend where he could be. I just wanna know how do you guys do it? How do you keep from telling him all the negative crap in letters you send. I hate feeling like I am the only one who is going through this when I know I'm not. How do you guys adjust at the first?

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Big'sex - posted on 10/16/2012

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My fiancé is currently in basic training at fort Jackson. He's been gone for a week & I feel like im losing my mind! 1 second I'm fine. The next second I'm crying like crazy, then the second after that I'm fine again. I feel bipolar lol. & it's killing me that I can't speak to him. How long till I get my 1st letter or phone call? I'm freaking out! I feel like im going through separation anioxiety.

Kendra - posted on 03/03/2010

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When my husband left for basic I was 4months pregnant and 2 weeks married. I NEVER heard from that man and believe me it was hard, but I kept myself busy with work and school writing letters, letters, and more letters. I told him everything.. my good days, my bad days, fights I had with his parents, all about how the cats were doing, I drew pictures.. tons of picutres. I spent whole classes drawing portraits of our soon to be family on a piece of loose leaf. Or a sketch of just him holding the surprise baby that we both were so anxious for. You just need to remember that even though you don't know where he is or what he's doing, at least he's safe. He's getting his ass beat into shape, but he'll be home in three months. And I know you're worried that he's going to be a changed person with whole new attitudes and outlooks on life and people and that scares you, but if he's anything like my husband he'll lose 30 lbs and wear silly looking glasses, but the minute he gets to go free from graduation and go home with you he won't be so different. And two years later he'll be the same guy he was before he left and you'll be wishing he'd go back and get his ass beat back into shape :-). I sent my husband a letter (or two, or three) every day while he was at boot, and he loved every one. I only got one back every other week or so, and only one phone call, but just keep busy, keep writing, and he'll be so thankful for it. It'll seem like forever but compared to the rest of his career in the military it's he shortest. You're there to support so make sure that's what you do.. and Good luck!

Arlise - posted on 03/18/2010

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My Husband has been in the military for 14 years now. I'm sure a lot of other wifes on here will agree with me on this one, something always falls apart when they leave.
I know on one of the many deployments, there was one that a week after he left both cars broke down, one of my sons broke his arm, the A/C went out and all of this happened within a few days of him leaving.
I have found that you really need to be able to deal with stress either by workingout or by doing something like that, having really good friends around you for surport that way if you need to get your feeling out then you can tallk to them instead of writing them in your letters. Right now he needs to know that you are doing ok, thsat you can deal with the things that come up.You are only the begining of the military life and right now it seems hard but it does get easier for the most part.

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My husband left for basic August 5th and before that we were separated apart due to issues but I just go through with it by looking at our son and enjoying days cause I know I have to be happy for our son. It takes time to adjust but you will get there. Just do things that you love. I still tell him the negative stuff cause if he needs to know he needs to know I dont keep things from my husband. Cause I know if he eventually finds out he will get more fire to the fuel. He has a temper at times and as do I.

Jaycee - posted on 03/18/2013

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I am going through the same exact thing! My husband just left for basic and we just got married 2 months ago!!! I am trying to find things to keep me occupied and keep my mind busy but whenever someone mentions his name I can't help but lose it my eyes start to water and the next thing I know I'm crying! It is crazy what love does to people when there is a long distance...it is sad and heartbreaking but just gotta stay strong through it all. My husband is in the Air Force Special Operations and so his Tech School is 8 months for his job and they move around too much for me to live with him and so all together it'll be 10 months before we can actually live together as a family. This military life is so difficult, but I have faith that in the end it will be worth it all! I just want to pour out my heart to him and tell him how much I miss him...but I don't want him to want to come home as much as he already wants too. I want to be his rock, be strong for him so he feels encouragement from me to keep on going even when he wants to quit. Things are going to be really rough...but gotta think about what happens afterwards and know that it will be worth it in the end. #StayingStrong...♥

Markie - posted on 10/14/2012

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I'm having a really hard time with my husband being gone for boot camp ... It's our first time being separated from each other and we just got married in August ..it's been so hard because I'm used to being with with everyday and sleeping with him getting phone calls at work and seeing him right when I to off..now I don't have any of that an its Hard to deal with!! It's his first week of boot camp.....d oes anyone have advice for me

Kelly - posted on 03/16/2010

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my husband and i met in the National Guard. By the time we met we had both been through basic training. But it is nice to hear about whats going on back home the good and the bad that way he knows that there is still life outside of those concrete walls. Let me tell you it gets pretty lonely there too. They do constantly keep you busy in basic training but Sundays are the worst and thats when it's nice to get the letters. But hang in there it will be over before you know it and you 2 will be together again!

Caryn - posted on 03/16/2010

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My husband is currently in AIT (7 more weeks left, yay!!!) but when he left for BCT I stayed here with my dad and our 2 yr old. The week that my husband left I found out I was pregnant! That made for an interesting phone call from reception for him to give me his address and me to tell him he is gonna be a daddy again... all in 32 seconds (actual time we got to talk!) I got very few phone calls (like 3). But I wrote my hubby every night before bed and sent the letters every other day. I rec'd letters from him almost daily. I just tried to keep it upbeat, let him know the cute things our daughter was doing that day.. took lots of pictures of her and just took the memory card out of my camera and went to walmart to develop a few at a time. I would send like one or two with each letter. I would let our daughter draw him pictures and send those. It is hard.. and some days I have a really hard time remembering why we decided to do this?? lol.... but I am very proud of my soldier.. and I know you are of yours. Let that pride of what he is doing for you and his country help you get through the roughest days. I also made lots of "computer" friends.. found other wives in the same spot as me that I could talk to. It seemed the lonliest time would be at night after my daughter went to bed. But it was the same for the other wives.. so we would chat late at night about our frusterations, cute things the kids did, our worries. It really helped. Now we are at varying stages of learning where we will be and hoping some get stationed together!! Just hang in there and be Army strong.... you can do this!

Danielle - posted on 03/16/2010

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When my husband went to basic i was 6 months pregant it was really hard at first i did alot of crying it was also the first time i ever lived by my self. But i had alot of family and friend support that helps alot. I also thought i was the only one going through it. It's hard but just keep positive. Hope everything works out for you.

Arlene - posted on 03/02/2010

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The time during BCT can be hard, especially if you havent been a apart from your husband for more than a few days. I felt the same way. I cried constantly and felt like everything was falling apart. My husband was in basic last summer for 4 months. There are things that happen in bct that we could never comprehend. As hard as it may be, stay 100% positive for the first few weeks. Because his world is crashing down too! Remind him that you are his #1 fan and that you will be there when he is done. For most guys in BCT their #1 concern was fear of their wives/girlfriends leaving/cheating. He will feed off that constant reassurance and it will get him through.



Write everyday! I did, and even though they do no get their mail everyday, whenever they get it, there will always be something from you. I wrote everyday, sometimes twice. My husband got such a boost from it b/c there were guys who were getting divorce papers and nothing at all!!



And keep yourself busy. Work, focus more on your kids, going and doing things with them. Anything, because just stting around will drive you crazy. It will be difficult the first few weeks, but it will get better. If ou ever need to talk, just shoot me a message. Ive been an army wife less than a year and I know how ifficult it can be not having someone whos been in your shoes to vent to. Things will get better, remember that.

Carey - posted on 03/01/2010

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It was different for me because we were just dating when my husband went in, but I wrote him a portion of a letter every day and mailed once a week. It might be three lines but was always upbeat. Some days I would write the letter I really wanted to send and would tear it up. The advice I gave someone with a spouse working away from home... screaming in a pillow helps.

Think of this, you have already endured a week... so now you know what it is like until he graduates basic. Take one day at a time and mark the calendar for every single day that you survive. My husband's last ten week deployment was the one straight from you know where... our daughter had bronchitis, four ear infections, double pneumonia with a hospital stay, and a UTI. As soon as we got home from the hospital, I had a bacterial stomach flu that landed me in the ER for 16 hours. We survived and are stronger for it. I learned to let a few things go and to reach out to people who listen and at least seem to understand when I need to vent. You are on the right track to be on here.

Hang in there. Scream into the pillow, take a long bath or shower, or pray. You can do it, and it gets easier as time passes and you experience more military life. It is a wonderful life once you get used to it.

April - posted on 02/27/2010

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My husband has been at basic for about 5 weeks now. He is in Fort Jackson, SC. I'm lucky and have got to talk to him a bunch of times on the phone. He sends me letters all the time and I send letters back all the time. I try not to tell him about negative things that happen, just sticking to the positive things. When I start thinking that i'm stressed out and missing him I just think about how much he's gotta be stressed out. At least i am here with my family and he went there not knowing anyone. When he left 5 days had gone by and it felt like at least a month went by. Time is going by much faster now. My son and I get to fly down and see him for "family day" and his grad ceremony in April. I'm so excited and cannot wait! When I write to my husband I tell him what we did that day and tell him about the things our son has been doing. Our son is almost 16 months old now. Where is your husband going to basic? Everything will work out and he'll be back :) When my husband left for basic my son and I moved in with my grandfather. Long story short....Our lease on our apt. was up 3 months after he was leaving and I didn't want to have to find a place and move by myself and try to adjust to him not being there so...I temporarily moved in with my grandfather. And, our car had to be taken off the road for certain reasons for a little while. So, not only did my husband leave, i'm not at "home" all my stuff is in boxes and my son and I share a room, I don't have a car...needless to say...i'm going CRAZY!!! I hope everything works out for you, and don't worry, things do start getting easier. :)

Amber - posted on 02/27/2010

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My husband is leaving March 22nd for basic and we have a two year old. 10 month old and I am 5 months pregnant and i know it is going to be very hard to deal with things when he leaves. Right now i am ready for him to go ahead and go to basic and get the hard part over with.... u don't have to stay positive all the time! When my husband leaves i have already told him that he will have letters that i will vent my emotions to him so i can deal and he knows what is really goin on with me and the kids. I hope things get better for you.....and stay Army stronge.

Audrey - posted on 02/26/2010

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I do not have a deployed spouse, just friends with many. My heart goes out to you. Check out this doll that has helped me, my kids and hundreds of thousands of others in your position. www.huggeemissyou.com. Also contact OPERATION GIVE A HUG (www.,operationgiveahug.org). Susan Augustin has been where you are many times. She donates FREE huggable picture frames AND deployment advice in a booklet to children of deployed parents. Her phone is 1-253-691-9391 her email is SLA767@msn.com/ She is amazing. tell your FRG leader and anyone else so she can help them too, all 100% FREE.

Paula - posted on 02/26/2010

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I am with Kristi on that...When he does come home it is gonna be mucho wierdish...My husband is fininshing up his AIT right now...When he left and even before he left I was scared to death....How do I do this alone?I dont think I am ready for this? How do other military wives deal with their Husbands being gone on deployments.? But you do what has to be done...I have three kids that were kinda freaking about dad leaving...he is gonna miss this and that I would just tell him you know what he is doing something that needs to be done and we get to see different places in the world (if we R lucky) ... Now they are kind of excited and wanna see new places....I have survived the last yr of training and AIT by knowing that soon he would be home and we would be back together and everything will be fine...You got this girl....You can do it....Just keep your head up and try to stay as positive as you can and try not to have to many pity parties...there fun but can bring you down real quick....keep your chin and up and know your husband is doing the most important job in the country...defending our country!!!

Kristi - posted on 02/26/2010

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I wasn't with my husband when he went to basic. However, he was deployed to Baghdad about a year and a half or so ago now. I was 8 months pregnant with our son when he left. So of course, he didn't get to see the birth of our first child. He also missed out on a couple of holidays (my first Mother's day, his first Father's day, 4th of July). It was hard to adjust at first, but once our son was born (about a month after my husband left), I just knew I had things to do. Many people have asked me how I did it. I just replied "I had to, I didn't have a choice." And that's the truth. Once you get into a routine without your husband there with you, everything will seem to run more smoothly. In fact, it might be kind of scary when he does come home! You guys will need to re-adjust which will feel quite awkward at first!

Janice - posted on 02/24/2010

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I graduated Basic Training and i didn't mind hearing negative stuff (mom) because it let me know what was going on at home and made me miss it more. But regardless of negative you look forward to reading those letters, hell i just wanted to here my name when they called out mail because i knew i had something to look forward to. One girl in our group got a letter saying her friend died but was relieved she was told from family n friends.

Alexandra - posted on 02/24/2010

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my husband graduates from basic in 15 days, he is stationed at ft Jackson and its hard. But hang in there you can do it. you are stronger than you ever imagined. You can be negative but be positive to, Its important to be honest with your partner. He is going through a lot right now but so are you. Hang in there and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

Kristen - posted on 02/24/2010

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I am keeping my wifes friends and facebookupdated... She is currentyl doing her basic training... We have two childern ages 4 and 5. I know what you mean.. For me the first week wasn't too bad, but the second week and on was really hard...We get to go see her graduation in about a month, but everyday we dont get a letter from her is the hardest part... I know from reading her letters and talking to her that we hash a lot of things out good and bad... The best thing she loves to get is pictures from home.. I would definately recomend joings your local Family Resource group for the branch of serice he is in.. They have helped me, just by giving you a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen too... It has almost been 6 weeks now and i dont think I have completely adjusted you just keep doing and stay busy it helps greatly...

Shanell - posted on 02/23/2010

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My husband is finally nearing the end of bootcamp, thank god only 15 days left till I see him again and he sees his son. I was 7.5 months pregnant when he lefted and I still had finish packing up and cleaning the house we were renting boy that was emotional and the pregnacy thing only made things worse. Once I finally got moved in back home with my dad things were a lot easier. Everyday that I got a letter from him made me smile and those days I didn't get anything nearly broke my heart. The most hardest thing I went through was giving birth to our son(our first baby) by myself with out him there I had my family but it still was not the same. My husband had a hard time in bootcamp there was a cople of times he just wanted to give up those were some very hard letters to read, I had to be stronge and tell him how proud of him I was and keep him motovated. He did get to come home a week after our son was born and got to stay home for about a week that's what killed him. Now he is doing great and is counting down the days till he see us too. Advice I give you is be stronge even though it's killing you inside be stronge for him, send lots of pictures do remember they do get looked at by the drill sergeant(the picture not the letters) so don't send anything that you wouldn't want anyone else to see and of course write lots and lots of letters. Good luck with everything and hold your head up. Ohh and try and stay busy so the days go by faster

C. - posted on 02/18/2010

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Well, when my husband was going through Basic, I was pregnant. So he was hearing it ALL in letters. He didn't seem to mind, really. He knew it was hard and I was really sick throughout my pregnancy and had to take several months off from work, so he was pretty understanding. What I DID do though, was I ended up writing a couple rough-drafts first. I would sit there and read through and edit anything that sounded REALLY bad or made it sound like I was complaining. I still told him everything, I just made sure it was all in the nicest way possible. It will be hard, no doubt, but you will find strength that you didn't know you had. Just keep pushing forward and try to keep a positive outlook on everything. Good luck to you!

Faith - posted on 02/18/2010

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When Fritz went to basic we didn't have any kids, just the puppy he gave me before he left...cute thought but the lil bugger had to be housebroken, lol. Anyway its really hard like you are finding out, but you will find out how incredibly strong you can be on your own. Its kinda like a sink or swim, and gut instinct will tell you to swim for your life. It probably sounds bad but when I would write him letters I would write 2...one for him to actually get and the first one I would begin with. Just writing that whiny negative letter always felt better...but that was the one I would keep. I saved it for when he got done with basic and funny thing is that letter, way pretty freakin hilarous when I later let him go through it. Raising his sister was trying while he was gone, but made for some laughable letter when he got back.
Its amazing when I think back to ten years ago my hubby went to basic...and even more amazing how much more I've made it through...YOU WILL MAKE IT!! we women-moms are incredible!
Focus on your kids, thatsthe big key. They can always make you adjust quickly and as stupid as it sounds, take a cue from them. Kids have amazing ways of coping with things and so much simpler than we adults make it.
Hope that things get easier for you :)

Jillian - posted on 02/18/2010

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when my husband went to basic it was really rough for me, luckily we didn't have any children yet so i wasn't worried about that on top of it, but when he left i realized that our house was being held together by duct tape and the sheer force of his will because it all fell apart as soon as he left and i was all alone, i had no family and few friends around for support, i remember the worst moment of all of it, the lawn mower had broken and i was working overnight almost every night so i hadn't had time to get things fixed and i got a notice from the city on my 21ts birthday that i had to do it or they would fine me, i ended up out in the grass on my knees with a pair of scissors balling my eyes out for a couple of hours, covered in bug bites and miserable i realized i had only cut about a 9ft patch and gave up. things eventually got done, but it was really hard, and i knew what my husband was going through wasn't a picnic either so i tried to do things to make things better, like doing the things i hadn't had time to do while he was home, i organized the house (when he was home he always messed everything up right behind me if i did this), and tried to only tell him about the positive parts. it was tough, but it will end, just keep reminding yourself that it will be over soon.

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2010

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My husband was done basic when we got together, but he was gone for months on end for courses and training before we had our kids and after. I find it much easier with the kids now. I was always bored and thinking when i was alone. Yes i had all my friends and i went out all the time but now that my life is stable and we have a great family I find it goes by quicker and I keep busy more. With the kids I would have play dates with friends or go to the MFRC for play dates. Try not to let on too much that it's hard for you. He is doing this for your family and if you have a hard time handling basic he might think you can't handle deployment. It gets easier with time. Find something to keep yourself busy. Get together with friends who have kids more often. Exchange services for childcare with another mom. If she needs to run to the store some night suggest she bring the kids to you so she can have time alone and then when you need to go to the store she can watch the kids for you and it doesn't cost either of you a penny! My neighbor and I do this and we love it! Also get out to the local gym and walk on the track. It'll help you get your mind off things for an hour a night and get the kids out of the house. Remember it wont last forever and he will be back soon but you need to get a good support system in place for your sanity. Look in to the MFRC where you are to see if there are groups together for wives of military men who are currently gone for basic. Here they have monthly meetings i think, or maybe weekly and you just get together with other women who feel like you and you might be able to make a great friend from the experience.

Finally, the best advice i could give is, don't stop living and being who you are.

Keep your head up and take it one day at a time. The life is so worth it in the end:)

Good luck!

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