Navy Wives??

Alyssa - posted on 02/24/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Hello



My name is Alyssa. I am married to a Guardsman, in the US Navy Ceremonial Guard. He is an airman apprentice but right now, he chose do be part of the Ceremonial guard, which is a terriffic honor. We have a wonderful 18 month old Son named Sladen. We are currently Stationed in Washington DC , where he works at Bolling (base) for his guardsman duty of 2 years. Then off to wherever he is needed.



This military lifestyle is new to us, especially me. He has only been in since July, and we have only been in DC since Early December.



Any Navy Wives, or any military wives at that, got any advice for me, for being away from loved ones while stationed? and how you cope with all these changes that the military life has to offer? and if there is any DC military wives out there i would love to chit chat!



thank you!

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Alyssa - posted on 03/04/2009

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Hello Erica, thank you! that notebook idea is a good one!!! i am going to have to steal that idea!!!thank you very much!



we have a webcam, and i make videos and get on skype very often! but recieving letters is a great feeling!



i would love to chat sometime!



where are you living now?!



hope to talk to you sometime!



*alyssa

Erica - posted on 03/04/2009

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Hi Alyssa!

How are you liking the life? I am not a 'navy' wife but my husband is a DOD fire fighter on a navy base (NAS Lemoore, Ca) and 99% of my friends are navy wifes :) as far as tips for being away from family, we started a 'family notebook' and what we do is you take just a normal note book and write a couple of pages in it on how you are doing, whats new, ect.. along with the date that you are writing it. then you send it to another family member who does the same thing..passing it along to a diff. family member then when it get back around to you, you will have all sorts of great things to read about your family and how they are doing. My kids love getting the note book back in the mail and writing in it. Try to take tips home when ever you can, there is nothing like a big huge hug from a family member who has missed you. And we have a web cam- helps a lot when grandparents/granadkids are missing each other. Any time you want to chat let me know :)

~Erica

________________________________________________________________________

Mommie to Melessa (719-01) and Morgan (04-12-06)

Alyssa - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

Hi Alyssa...
y hubby has been Navy for almost 9 years and I have been with him from boot camp. The Military lifestyle is hard not matter what your hubby does( Whitney is wrong). You should be proud of him and yourself. My husband is stationed in Patuxent River, MD about an hour South of D.C. Whether they are home or away our men are amazing. Every job the Navy has is important or they wouldn't have it. My advice would be to make friend, be social, make the most of everyday and every situation. Use the resources the Navy gives you ( COMPASS, Fleet and Family, Military One Source, and when your husband does deploy your ships support group). Be involved in your husbands career, let him know you support him and all he does. Being a Military Spouse is a special job and it takes a special person and I think you will do just fine. If you ever wanna chat I'm here.


Military lifestyle definatly is hard!... brian my husband isnt always home like you would think, yes he is home in the evening, but thats not the point. this is only a 2 year station and he will go out on tours just like the rest of them. so right now, he is enjoying this honor of a job, then we will grow and move on as time passes. 



i really try to be involved in his carrer and i support him whenever possible. but that is great advice (you suggested that) it definatly gives them encouragement and lets them know you are by their side. 



thank you for your help!

Alyssa - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

Hi Alyssa...
y hubby has been Navy for almost 9 years and I have been with him from boot camp. The Military lifestyle is hard not matter what your hubby does( Whitney is wrong). You should be proud of him and yourself. My husband is stationed in Patuxent River, MD about an hour South of D.C. Whether they are home or away our men are amazing. Every job the Navy has is important or they wouldn't have it. My advice would be to make friend, be social, make the most of everyday and every situation. Use the resources the Navy gives you ( COMPASS, Fleet and Family, Military One Source, and when your husband does deploy your ships support group). Be involved in your husbands career, let him know you support him and all he does. Being a Military Spouse is a special job and it takes a special person and I think you will do just fine. If you ever wanna chat I'm here.


Military lifestyle definatly is hard!... brian my husband isnt always home like you would think, yes he is home in the evening, but thats not the point. this is only a 2 year station and he will go out on tours just like the rest of them. so right now, he is enjoying this honor of a job, then we will grow and move on as time passes. 



i really try to be involved in his carrer and i support him whenever possible. but that is great advice (you suggested that) it definatly gives them encouragement and lets them know you are by their side. 



thank you for your help!

Alyssa - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Allison:

Hi Alyssa, First off, I would like to congratulate your Hubby for being selected for such an honor! He must have been a stellar trainee during basic and Advanced training to have gotten such an amazing assignment! Only sailors who have high achievement during those phases get selected for assignments like that! I have been reading this thread and OMGoodness do I ever remember being in your shoes. I was a bit of shy gal once upon a time! A cliff notes version I was a Navy wife for 10 years, I was active duty Navy for four years myself, am now a disabled service connected veteran and have been an Army wife for the last six years.
My best advice to you is try to get yourself involved in things you are interested in. Hobbies, going back to school, even if it's internet classes, mom and me play groups, a church, anything that will get you out there socially where you can connect with people who have the same interests. Research your area! You'd be surprised how much there is out there with "free" stuff to do! My hubby and I ALWAYS look into the the tourist information in an area where we are being PCSd to, to find out what is available for fun. Also try to get as educated as possible about the Navy, COMPASS is a very good place to start. The Navy offers many wonderful opportunities for support for families, it's just a matter of researching, in alot of cases you can find things that will even offer child care if you need it. You just have to give yourself a bit of time. You've only been at this for a little while. The best thing to do is stay busy and stay open minded. As far as future deployments, when they happen, you will find you will get into your own routine. Deployments aren't easy, whether they are six, eight or 15 months. Believe me I have been through plenty of them with no children and with kids. You do get through it, and there are rewards! I can't tell you how many close and wonderful friends I have made through my combined 20 years, and how many things that we have been able to do, see, and participate in. You just have to get out and do it!





WOW! you were in yourself huh?! thats great! i really appreciate your words. I am really proud of my husband, and i think that they all went through the same bootcamp and training and wear the same uuniforms, and they stood up and joined so i believe they are all equal. after all they do get to pick their jobs so its ultimatly their choice. My husband got chose for ceremonial guard so who would turn that down?! that is SUCH an amazing honor! he was a huge part of the inauguration and it was amazing!



 



i am very shy and its really hard for me to get out there, and put myself out there for others. But i understand that everyone in my position is doing the same thing.. just trying to find someone to hang with and go through this together.



 



i am going to try going to that compass like you said and thanks to your advice i started going to the Navy wives fellowship here on our base. I get to meet up with the wives and we get to do things as a group (with our children) on March 19th we are going on a tour inside the pentegon.. and it will be things like that, that we do.... its exciting.



i am really not looking forward to the deployments, but i know i am tough enough, and it something that i have to do.  thank you so much for all your advice, you seem like a wonderful woman!



sincerely, alyssa

Brittany - posted on 02/28/2009

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Hi Alyssa...
y hubby has been Navy for almost 9 years and I have been with him from boot camp. The Military lifestyle is hard not matter what your hubby does( Whitney is wrong). You should be proud of him and yourself. My husband is stationed in Patuxent River, MD about an hour South of D.C. Whether they are home or away our men are amazing. Every job the Navy has is important or they wouldn't have it. My advice would be to make friend, be social, make the most of everyday and every situation. Use the resources the Navy gives you ( COMPASS, Fleet and Family, Military One Source, and when your husband does deploy your ships support group). Be involved in your husbands career, let him know you support him and all he does. Being a Military Spouse is a special job and it takes a special person and I think you will do just fine. If you ever wanna chat I'm here.

[deleted account]

Hi Alyssa -
Definitely check out COMPASS! I was a COMPASS mentor on two overseas bases and it's a great program. Even as a leader I always learned something new about Navy life.

We've been in 12+ years now, and there will definitely be ups and downs. For me, the worst part is never knowing where you are going next (I am a planner!). Unfortunately, the higher they progress in rank, the less say you seem to have. But we have definitely "seen the world", so my best advice is to enjoy that duty station for what it has to offer, learn all you can, and get out of the house as much as possible (even with littles). We explored a good chunk of Asia with a 1-2-3 year old and a 5-6-7 year old. (not six kids, we were there for 3 years).

They will leave from time to time. That's a tough hurdle to get over, but you CAN do it. And it will make you feel so strong to know what you're capable of! My husband hasn't deployed in the last 3 years and I kind of miss it - not the separation but the anticipation of the reunion. =)

DC can be overwhelming (we are at the Naval Academy, just down the road) but there are tons of other spouses and many interesting things to see and do. Enjoy!

Cyndi - posted on 02/27/2009

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I just want you all to know how strong you all are my husband retires this year after doing 20 years, you have to be strong and independent. Husbands you can't depend on them as soon as you do they have duty or deployment. You have to love them and know they would be with you if they could and be proud of them. Just stay active and independent.

It is an adjustment most people I talk to, fight with there spouse just before they leave (it is like they can't leave some one you are happy with) and you fight right when they return adjusting to them coming home bear with it there is a lot of good being in the military.

Hope this helps

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2009

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Hi Alyssa...Sure you are welcome to add me...I am sure that you will continue to do well...As I will also need to draw on support from anyone willing to help me out when we start our adventure...I guess what also keeps us strong is our faith in God and our Native American Customs and Traditions...We have grounded roots her in New Mexico...and for sure will come home no matter where this takes us...But if we network and make friends and communicate with individuals in similar situations...it will benefit us all in years to come...Keep in contact...I am always available...Good Luck

Elizabeth - posted on 02/27/2009

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Hi, British Naval wife here! My husband has been in the Navy for at least 8/9 years now; we married nearly three years ago, and we have a 10 month old son!

We don't live in quarters, but have done for a year - what a wonderful community!

We live just outside a little village by the sea, so it can be lonely.....



My husband has been away a lot on various deployments, and every time he goes I hate it!

I feel like I have lost a part of myself, and it takes me a while to get myself motivated.....but I get there and then I'm fine.!!!...(weirdly, the longer I know he's away for, the better I am???!)

Everyone is different, but once children are involved, life has other priorities.....my husband knows he has a job to do, and believe me he gets on and does it very well, but he is an amazing father and it kills him to be away from us!

I am a positive woman, and I meet friends regularly, both millitary and civilian, and that's what keeps me going.

The navy here is like a big family for us all, and we take what we need from it.

I've found it easier having a little one to keep me busy, and I have a great family, and groups like this are worth their weight in gold...........



So yes, for three days I am pretty useless when he's away, but I allow myself that - baby or no baby - and then the day seems bright and everyday we get closer to seeing each other again!

Allison - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hi Alyssa, First off, I would like to congratulate your Hubby for being selected for such an honor! He must have been a stellar trainee during basic and Advanced training to have gotten such an amazing assignment! Only sailors who have high achievement during those phases get selected for assignments like that! I have been reading this thread and OMGoodness do I ever remember being in your shoes. I was a bit of shy gal once upon a time! A cliff notes version I was a Navy wife for 10 years, I was active duty Navy for four years myself, am now a disabled service connected veteran and have been an Army wife for the last six years.

My best advice to you is try to get yourself involved in things you are interested in. Hobbies, going back to school, even if it's internet classes, mom and me play groups, a church, anything that will get you out there socially where you can connect with people who have the same interests. Research your area! You'd be surprised how much there is out there with "free" stuff to do! My hubby and I ALWAYS look into the the tourist information in an area where we are being PCSd to, to find out what is available for fun. Also try to get as educated as possible about the Navy, COMPASS is a very good place to start. The Navy offers many wonderful opportunities for support for families, it's just a matter of researching, in alot of cases you can find things that will even offer child care if you need it. You just have to give yourself a bit of time. You've only been at this for a little while. The best thing to do is stay busy and stay open minded. As far as future deployments, when they happen, you will find you will get into your own routine. Deployments aren't easy, whether they are six, eight or 15 months. Believe me I have been through plenty of them with no children and with kids. You do get through it, and there are rewards! I can't tell you how many close and wonderful friends I have made through my combined 20 years, and how many things that we have been able to do, see, and participate in. You just have to get out and do it!

Amber - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hello, my name is Amber.  My husband has been in the Navy for 8 years. I have been with him for the last 4. It is very hard to adjust to but eventually you just learn to especially if your marriage is worth saving. Our of those 4 years together my husband went on a 2 1/2 month deployment Dec 2007 then again this past December. That that makes two Christmases in a row that we have missed him. We are half way through this 2nd deployment and Im pleased to say, that even though its hard, you get use to it and having little ones makes its so much easier. Just pray for the best and prepare for the worst! And when you realize that you cant have anything "your way" then it becomes a little less stressful. Dont try to compete with his career....the government will always be the ones with the control.

Amber - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hello, my husband has been in the Navy for 8 years now. I have been with him for 4 of those. Even though there are so many things I hate about being a military spouse there are alot of things that we as military families are blessed with! Like the insurance and with the economy being the way it is, we dont have to worry about our kids eating. The best piece of advice that I can give you is expect the unexpected! Ive heard of men finding out they are leaving for a 6 monthh deployment, the day before they had to leave! The government isnt there to make us happy they are there to get a job done! Ive come to realize that I am not just below the government with making choices...I have NO control at all. And since then its been alot easier. Prepare for the worst and pray for the best because thats all you can do. Find something to pass the time. Since I have 3 kids my options are limited. I joined a fitness club with childcare so thats what I do five days a week. Its really helped!

Alyssa - posted on 02/25/2009

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Thank you very much...your advice was really helpful and i will definayly keep in mind the part where you said to document everything my child does when my husband is away so he can keep up with him as well.  I did that while my husband was gone for boot camp and training and it really helped motivate my husband.  i am in constant contact with my family back at home. we have webcamas, and pictures and email and all that good stuff. almost everyday my son talks to his grand parents and i talk to my parents as well. its heartwarming. 



i agree with us supporting one another. we are all in this together. all of our husbands joined the same way. went through boot camp the same way, and training... we all need eachother to lean on every once in a while. 



once again, thanks for your words, they were encouraging. i would like to keep in touch. can i add you?

Nicole - posted on 02/25/2009

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Hi Alyssa...wow...what a response from Whitney...I personally don't know what to make of it...sounds a little childish to me...but my husband of 7 years just decided to join the Navy Reserves in 2007...and he will be going active in April of this year...He is with the Construction Batalion "Sea Bee's"...I'm not sure what we will be faced with in the coming years but we definatly are not new to the "being away from loved ones"...so maybe I can help out with a little advice...We have been together since High school...we have two children an 11 year old son and a 7 year old daughter...of course they are older now but when our son was small we were faced with the having to leave home...for long periods of time...We live in Fayetteville NC, for three years...My husband used to do Contract work for the Army...Logistics Training on communication equipment for 8 years and we lived a life that was very similar to Military life...We were also at various stations through-out the US even Hawaii...But one thing that helped my children and I thru the times he was away was developing contacts with military families as well as cilvilian families thru schools and the church...and staying in regular contact with my family back home...saving up for grandma and grandpa to come an visit...I know that we will be faced with similar challenges in the up-coming months...and it will be kind of new to us...but my kids are a little older...I would suggest that you keep a good record of every acheivement your baby makes and keep pictures of dad and remind him that daddy loves him just as if he was home...if he does get deployed...we all understand that Military life is very different than that of civilians...but we have to support one another as wives of NAVY Spouses because at times we will need that support...and it don't matter how long our spouse has been in the fact is they all went thru the same thing and they are all fighting for the same purpose...we all start some where and grow together...Good luck and I am here to lend an ear...Take care...Nicole Thomas-Vicente...

[deleted account]

and i hope other women wont sugar coat things because then that's not the truth and a lot also depends on ur hubby's sea to shore rotation. my hubbys an IC2 he's 5 year sea/ 2years shore. so u should ask him what his rotation will be. once u get to know what the sea rotation is at u'll be able to gage how many deployments he'll do. "usually" it's like 2 per 4 years but it's different if he's IA or on a carrier because they do "surge" deployments after there 6 month deployments. my best friend's hubby is a nuke on the uss reagan and they got home from a 6 month deployment 2 days before thanksgiving and they'll be doing there surge in may for 4-5 months. also u said way to be optimistic....oh u will learn LOL the navy is GREAT at crushing ur hubby's dreams. so u learn not to get ur hopes up haha it just comes w/the territory lol

Alyssa - posted on 02/25/2009

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well thanks for your concern.  Im not one of those wives who cant function without their man by their side. i know how to do things on my own.  I know that when he leaves me the first time its gonna be hard, but i'll do what i always do.. just plug along, and be stong... and make the best of what i do have. Our son. He's spitting image of his dad, so its like i still have my hubby around.  Maybe i do have alot to learn, but i didnt come here with my eyes closed, i knew full heartedly what i got myself into.  Ive been with this man almost 9 years, and plan on then rest of my life, so we can deal with deployments and such, even though it might be hard.  I know i am in for an eye opener, and thanks for warning me.  i never asked you to sugar coat anything, and nor do i.  but i dont know if you re-read it, but it sounded like you were telling me that my husband wasnt really part of the navy, and kind of rubbing my nose in it. so sorry if i got a little snotty, but thats how i get. (i think its inherited)lol.



thanks again. sorry for the misunderstanding.

[deleted account]

i didnt mean to be rude at all. im just the kind of person who tells it like it is. you are BEYOND lucky to have that as ur first duty station. and please enjoy because that will probably never come around again and he will be gone. and u will get used to doing things by urself. believe me i know what it's like my hubby's been deployed 3 times in the past 4 years and i know it's gonna be a lot more than that. things are a lot different even if u knew someone who has been in awhile. when he leaves u for the first time u'll really know what its like. u have a lot more to learn what the real navy is about. i love the navy and i can handle anything they throw but for a lot of ppl they arent that strong and can function w/out the loves of their life. i have a friend who's hubby is IA in iraq for 10 months and was IA before that for 5 months. i just dont want u to be "shocked" when u guys leave this awesome job he has and he gets his "real" job. i think it's flippin awesome that ur hubby got to do all that stuff for the president but it's not gonna last and these 2 years are gonna go by so quick and he'll be gone on work ups be deploying and u'll be lucky if u get an email once a week or a phone call once a month. that is the navy its just the way it is. im not gonna sugar coat something because the navy doesnt sugar coat anything. im sorry if i came across brazen or rude but i was just telling u the truth.

Alyssa - posted on 02/25/2009

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Wow. you sure have a way of putting things! Way to be optimistic! 



As far as I am conserned, My husband isnt any less in the Navy as yours is.  Even though he hasnt got deployed, he still is away from our family alot more than you think. He works 14 hour days, he wears the Navy uniform, He went through boot camp and training, just as much as your husband did.  But instead of going right to a ship, or a sub, he went to the Guard, to honor The fallen sailors, and to give them one last Honor at their funeral.  Im proud of my husband No matter what. 



I understand Navy life, my uncle retires this month of 22 years of service. I have Cousins and other uncles who have served their duty in the Navy, so i understand whole heartedly what the navy is all about. And as far as being on my "Own". I know what being on my own is all about, i raised our son the 6 months my hubby was gone at boot camp and training.  But just because thats part of navy life, doesnt mean you still cant miss family and friends and get lonely.  i appreciate your concern, and believe me i am enjoying any time i get to spend with my husband.it is what you make it.



I dont know if the message you wrote was sopossed to be kind of sarcastic, sny and rude, but if thats not how you meant it, thats exactly how it came across.  I read it several times, and it came across rude everytime. Im not on this site to ruffle any feathers, i am on here to make some friends and get some nice advice, and learn and grow from other women. 

[deleted account]

being away from loved ones is the navy hahaha my hubby has a lot more years of navy ahead of him. u'll get used to being on your "own". has ur hubby every been deployed?well believe me since this is ur first duty station thing are going to get harder especially when he does deploy. the duty he's at not is a LUXURY and is not really the navy LOL like i said in the first sentence the navy is being away from loved ones. so please enjoy seeing ur hubby all the time when u can because it's going to end.

Alyssa - posted on 02/25/2009

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No i havent.  Im kind of shy, so i procrastinate a little.  But i did meet one of the navy wives, and we hang out quite a bit. She is 13 weeks pregnant, and she is a nanny of a 3 year old. So we go on playdates and things of that sort. We have a Chuck E Cheese not far from here, so we go there, the kids play, while we watch, we get to have some adult time and that is very much needed. It gets hard being a SAHM while not knowing a soul, it gets lonley and frustrating. so i am hoping to open up a little bit to people and try to make the best of it. 



 



Submarines eh'?! my husbands recruiter was trying to get him to do nuke (on subs), and he didnt want to do that.  he chose airman apprentice, and tried out for the ceremonial guard. he made it, and now thats where we are.  So there isnt a TON of navy men here, just the honor guardsman.  its amazing to see DC though. My husband and all the guardsman were  at the inauguration, and i saw him on tv throughout the whole day.  Made me beam with pride. 



alot of the navy men here arent married either, so i think its a little harder at this base to meet navy wives then an ordinary base. im looking forward to our next station in 2 years.

Kim - posted on 02/25/2009

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No, we are not sure where we will be stationed next. My husband is going to be on subs so we are hoping for Bangor, Wa but that is just one of several possibilities. It would be hard to off base. Have you tried to find just a play group for your son. Then your son could play and you could socialize.

Alyssa - posted on 02/25/2009

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It's nice to meet you Kim. 



Military life is definatly something i am not used to, but also not something i am opossed to.... i enjoy every part of it, even when they jerk your chain a little bit.  do you know where they are going to have you move next?!



 



Yes its really lonely out here, and its hard to meet navy wives, for several reasons, 1 being that this base is an Air Force Base, and there isnt many navy here and 2 is we live off of base.  so its harder to make friends. 



my husband told me about the COMPASS, and ithink i am going ot look into it. thanks for reminding me! i get a little pre-occupied; and forget about certain things. 



 



thanks for helping me out.

Kim - posted on 02/25/2009

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Hi,



My name is Kim. My husband is in the Navy. He also hasn't been in for very long, since June. We have 3 kids Tyler (8), Jacob (2 1/2), and Hannah (3 1/2 months). We are currently in Groton, Ct. My husband has been here since August, but my kids and I only moved up here about 3 months ago. We will be moving again in June when my husband is finished with school.

Military life is definitely a huge change. All of my family is in Pa so I know how lonely it can get, but the best thing you can do is make new friends and stay busy. I invite people over at least once a week if not more. Some of our friends here I consider family now. I know that I can call them for help if needed even if my husband is only on base. There also is a course called COMPASS which is for new Navy wives. Here is the website http://www.gocompass.org/ See if there is a course near you. You can learn about military life and meet new people at the same time that are going through the same thing.



Hopes this helps.

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