Need advice from everyone and anyone ASAP.

Autumn - posted on 04/23/2009

From someone who has been in boot camp, I have to say that boot camp will do that to a person. They actually TRY to tear you down like that, and then start to build you back up. It is all apart of the process that will prepare him for life in the military. Once he gets out, he will feel a lot better. It helped me to focus on the end of boot camp. It doesn't last forever.

Kim - posted on 04/22/2009

I wrote my husband daily while he was at boot camp. I would tell him what we did the day before, so that he didn't think he had missed anything. I would also write him about how much we loved him and missed him, but that we were soooo proud of him. I would mention to him in every letter that we knew it was a sacrifice but in the end would be better for our family. My husband really cherished the letters and kept every single one. When we would get to talk and that was very rare he would tell me to keep writing him daily. It really got him through those long weeks!

Laura - posted on 04/22/2009

Boot camp does that to a person. Just send lost of letters and pictures. There are never enough "I love you's" or "I am so proud of you's". He'll make it. I remember some of the letters I got and it's hard to see the person you love having a hard time. Trust me, He's not the first to want to bail on boot camp. My hubby is now rounding 12 years in and long deployments still are hard on the family. You just learn how to cope better.

Carrie - posted on 04/22/2009

Everyone has been giving you good advice. Keep reminding how much you and your children love him and that you support him in every way. There are people that he can talk to. If he has a "battle buddy" in basic; tell him to talk to them. If you notice that it is getting any worse, tell him to go and talk to a drill sergeant. Depression is something they take very seriously in the Army.

Chrisandra - posted on 04/20/2009

My husband is 11B as well and he says the same things as well. Some of it is just frustration and venting some of it is real talk. What I do is listen to his rants and then remind him that he takes care of our family(I stay at home). If he were to just walk away what would happen to us? This always brings him around.

We are also going into our 2nd deployment, so I understand the long time away from each other. To get through this we email, write letters and talk on the phone. I try to remember at some point in the conversation to tell him "We only have...(x amount of time) to go. Then you're home" This only works if communication is NOT daily. A daily countdown would suck.

Just remember that this MOS is very stressful and they will talk about leaving at more than one time. I really hope this helps and if you have other questions about 11B please feel free.

Chris

Arlene - posted on 04/20/2009

I can't even begin to say how much I appreciate the support. Thank you.

Danielle - posted on 04/19/2009

first of all like everybody has said let him know you are ok and you miss him and write him everyday but the shortest way out of bootcamp is to graduate it will take him even longer to get out any other way. you just need to be as supportive as you can and let him know how proud you and your kids are of him. its hard but he will eventually get use to being away from yall and it will become easier. just tell him to think about the whole process in baby steps because anybody can do anything for 15 mins at a time. love and support is all he needs.

Teyaka - posted on 04/19/2009

Let him know that you are behind him all the way. He has to finish it out. After he fulfills his contract, then start talking about quitting. But honestly, my hubby didn't like basic but now he loves his job and serving his country. So he might change his mind once he gets over the hard part. Just stick by him and encourage him

Stacy - posted on 04/19/2009

I don't know much about any other Bootcamp besides AF, but I went through it and my husband went through. When most people go into the military they only think about themselves so the TI (Technical Instructors) are there to make everyone start thinking about eachother. The main goal of bootcamp is to break everyone and then rebuild them as a team. We have "wingmen" in the AF. I am not sure about your husbands branch. But if we couldn't trust our wingmen then we couldn't do our job very well. When they get deployed they need to know that their wingman has their back, even if they have never met their wingman before. So the TIs strive to make sure that they brake (I hate to say brake but thats what my TI always said) everyone so they can rebuild them how they are "suppose" to be. It is basically a mind game. I am not sure if he is able to get out until his contract is up... unless he gets medically discharged. But the fastest way to get out is to finish bootcamp, go through tech school. It is so much better in the operational AF or what ever branch he is in. You could possibly tell him that it would be hard for him to get a job if he got out, it is soooo worth the benifits that he will provide his family (health care, comissary, ect) and it is almost over... I know the last one is kinda like a no brainer but a count down until he can see you or graduate always kept me going. Or say you have completed ___ days already it is almost over! Or even try to encourage him to look forward to wearing his "Blues" We were only allowed to wear our blues or dress uniform the last week of training... we were then the "big man" on campus.

Sorry it is so long winded but I hope this helps!

Abby - posted on 04/19/2009

Whether or not you put the "Everything is always wonderful, thats your duty" thing into practice is your choice... My soldier and I do not use this, because he's not stupid, he knows life is happening while he's gone and does not want to be left out just because he is working... Therefore I tell him what's going on around here, positive or negative... Though, timing and tone are everything.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2009

As a military brat married to an active duty army soldier for 11 years, you need to continue to give him full support and understanding. This is an adjustment time but if you weight out the pros and cons and make an educated decision as to whether or not this lifestyle is for you all then you will make the right decision. Always remain positive and never discuss the negative when your spouse is deployed. Everything is always wonderful, that's your duty. Good luck and keep us posted-S

Melissa - posted on 04/19/2009

it is something you do get used to. if he is in boot camp for the first time you andhim have to realize that he is going to be doing short tour assignments a few times. (short tour is up to 365 days). it does get better as he gains experience and has done his time. my husband has put in 17 years now and is currently deployed for 1 year (his last required short tour). i have two children and yes it is hard and you have to give yourself a pat on the back because i think the wives have the hardest job! he isn't obligated unless he is sworn in. can't remember if you do that before bootcamp or afterwards. the initial being sad, upset and missing family is normal from what I have heard but you have to make the decision and move forward with that decision. if that is just 4 years than that is what it is. 4 years of serving your country is more than most people do in a lifetime! it is hard and i am not going to sugar coat it but worth it and our love keeps us strong.

Arlene - posted on 04/19/2009

Thank you everyone for your advice. It's comforting to hear that he is probably not the only one that has ever felt this way.

Abby - posted on 04/18/2009

Quoting Abby:

every single soldier has this feeling. I can almost bet you he's only been in training for a couple weeks... My husband went through this, I personally went through this... It is because the DS are telling him all the horrible things about being deployed to sort of scare him into paying attention... He'll do a Combat Life Savers Course when these feelings will get worse... but chances are in a few weeks he will change his tune a little, it will still be sad, I miss you but it will be less depressed... WRITE HIM EVERYDAY, on days that I couldn't write I wrote I LOVE YOU on a piece of paper and mailed it... I even wrote on the outside of the letters and put "Love you Daddy!

OMG I wrote SOO MUCH that didn't show up! :( anyway.. I have lots of advice if you want it.. lots of pointers and tons of information..

i'm on yahoo IM - mommy2maddox08... message me 

geez I am so sad my post is gone :(

Abby - posted on 04/18/2009

every single soldier has this feeling. I can almost bet you he's only been in training for a couple weeks... My husband went through this, I personally went through this... It is because the DS are telling him all the horrible things about being deployed to sort of scare him into paying attention... He'll do a Combat Life Savers Course when these feelings will get worse... but chances are in a few weeks he will change his tune a little, it will still be sad, I miss you but it will be less depressed... WRITE HIM EVERYDAY, on days that I couldn't write I wrote I LOVE YOU on a piece of paper and mailed it... I even wrote on the outside of the letters and put "Love you Daddy!

Stephanie - posted on 04/18/2009

As an Army wife of 24 years now, I think I have a little advise to offer here. First, send lots of letters letting him know how much you and the kids support him and love him. Second, let him know that what ever decision he makes you'll support him 100%. As far as him getting out without getting a dishonorable discharge, that's easy, it's call "failure to acclimate or unsuitablity" and it's available to any soldier still in Basic Training. You can read a little more about military discharges here: http://www.tpub.com/content/advancement/...

I know it's hard on him right now, but the benefits of staying in are worth it. Both my husband and my son are/were Infantry. My husband is still in after 24 years, now deployed to Iraq. My son got out after 7 1/2 years (3 of them in Iraq) due to a non war shoulder injury.

Heather - posted on 04/18/2009

I just asked my husband, and he says the fastest way out of Basic, is to graduate.

Susie - posted on 04/18/2009

My husband is in the US army national guard. I have three children. He just left for his 2 tour in Iraq. The first time was 18 months and he didn't come home once. My smallest child at that time was 6 months old. Pray for him lots , write letters encouraging him, Bootcamp pretty much sucks. Try and handle most of the problems yourself or seek help from an at home support group so that he won't worry about you. Remind him Bootcamp isn't forever and regular duty isn't so bad. Remind him of all the benefits, pay, insurance, retirement if he is in long enough etc... Post pics on facebook so that when he can get to a computer he will see you pretty face. All this will help. Build your support group as well. If he is in for awhile you will need them. My husband is a life timer who has been in over 15 years.

Tiffany - posted on 04/18/2009

In the past 5/6 years, my husband has been away from us at least half that time. When my husband has been gone, one thing that he says that can be a problem is the fact that other families are having problems, and sometimes that can affect other soldiers. My advice to you (beyond all of the great suggestions from the other wonderful ladies) is that you reassure him that you and the kids are staying strong, and waiting EVERYDAY until he returns, and that he will have a place to return home to. Many families fight over the phone, and I try very very hard to make sure my time spent with my hubby is one that is peaceful. Obviously life is not perfect, but my husband knows that we ARE going to wait for him. I think that soldiers believe sometimes that because they are gone, that life will just pass them by and that there is no place for them when they get back. These are normal feelings, and you guys will learn to find balance. Finding balance after reunion is in my opinion one of the hardest things, but when you are committed to eachother, you know you will work through it. Don't be afraid to seek guidance from the chaplin either. Being stressed is something that he will learn to work through. I tell my hubby I am his #1 cheerleader. As another has said, you can support him, but the rest is up to him. Hope this helps.

Danielle - posted on 04/17/2009

If he is in bootcamp, I can assume it is just the initial stress getting to him. Lots of pictures, video recordings, and "legal" contraband (ie-homemade decorated cookies, paintings, etc) can be sent. Also, if he has internet access and has a webcam (and you do too), you guys can set up a connection through Skype. Being able to see the family, with whom you are speaking gets many active military folks through the tough separations. Don't forget to tell him how brave he is for doing this, and how you and the kids are so proud of him. The rest will have to be up to him.

Vanessa - posted on 04/17/2009

Pictures send lots and lots of picture with a lovely letter reinforcing that he is providing well for you and the kids. Things the kids have drawn anything to make him feel connected more to you all. I can't say it will fix it but it might help.

Heather - posted on 04/17/2009

I can't offer too much advice, I'm not much of a veteran. Write him every day, tell him you love him. You can't know what he's going through so I never wanted to say anything that might bring that to light. When my DH was in basic I knew I had to be strong for him, and I tried to distract him, take him out of his world, when we talked(rarely) or I wrote him. If I had it to do over again, I would have written more letters, its all he had to remind him why he was there. I hope this will help a little.