All Communities > Military Spouses with Children! > Needing advice ....

Needing advice ....

Elizabeth - posted on 11/25/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Okay so I need some real good advice. My husband this past March got orders for I&I duty out here in Washington. Fort Lewis to be more exact. My husband is a active duty marine who is at an army base. I honestly think that if I have to explain to anyone else about why we are here on an army installation if he is in the marines; I will scream. I am so sick of hearing those words!! Anyway, We got here in April, and not even a month later we found out our youngest daughter is special needs. She has congenital horizontal pendular nystagmus, she has lost almost all her vision from the nystagmus, severely developmentally delayed, has seizures, and scar tissue on her brain from a birth injury. It has been a very crazy 6 months for us. We got involved with of course EFMP, she has a teacher, physical therapist, and a woman from the Dept. of the Blind that all come to the house to work with her and us. We are involved in PAVE 360 as well. I love the services that we are getting to help her, I'm still completely overwhelmed and passed the limits of being stressed. Anyone that has a spouse or knows anyone that is or has done I&I duty knows you see them less then you did at the fleet. I am of course our daughters' primary care giver, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess I'm just so tired of not having anyone for me to be able to talk too, a friend, or anyone to help. My husband tries his best to help and to give me time when he is home, but my youngest is attached to my hip. She flips out if she can't sense me around her. I just need advice on how I can take time out for myself. I know that sounds weird to read, but I keep having people tell me this all the time. I just want to scream when I hear it now. Honestly, when am I suppose to be able to find the time for myself when I running around after a 2 year old, a 1 year old that has special needs, running to doctor's appointments, having people in and out my house every other day, going to college online, doing the daily things moms have to do, and trying to be a good wife? I don't have any family near us. All of our family is 3,000 miles away on the other side of the country. I don't know what to do. I know I have to take care of myself, but its even hard to find the time for me to go to the doctors. I am already on 2 anxiety/ depression medicines. I'm sorry for the vent. If anyone could give me any advice on how to make daily life less stressful that would be great. I am open to any advice.

I do want to say though, please do not think I don't enjoy being a parent. I love my kids with all my heart. They are my life. I know everyone gets stressed, but other people can find the time to relieve stress. I don't have the time. If my husband isn't on drill weekend, working late hours, off doing different training / classes, then he is getting home late. Anyway, thank you!!

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4 Comments

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Kelley - posted on 01/28/2013

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First off, sounds to me like you do a fabulous job handling your daily life - without a whole lot of outside support. Could you try making 8:00 - 10:00 "me time"... anything that doesn't get done before 8:00 just has to wait until tomorrow. This is hard, but you have to tell yourself that it is beyond your control. It's 8;00 pm and your "work day" is over. You're not allowed to do anything that doesn't fall in the "Elizabeth" category... I used to do this when my children were small and it worked for me!

Tah - posted on 12/03/2011

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you need to check into getting respite care for through an agency, if they are providing all of that care for her they can point you in the direction of it. I have worked at agencies where parents had a certain amount of respite time per week where we would come in and stay with the patient while they got there housework done or ran errands. Another thing is maybe a py daycare for the 2 year old.

Amanda - posted on 11/27/2011

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I'm stationed in California and a good friend of mine has an Autistic son. She gets I think it's 30 free hours of babysitting from the state of California and she uses that time to get her errands done (she's a stay at home mom). Check with your child's doctor and see if they know of any programs like that in your state. I think it would help you if they did.



Also, if you are on Tricare they do pay for a certain amount of therapy sessions a year. You don't even need a referral for it. You can call Tricare and get the names of some therapist. There is no shame is getting a professional to help talk out all your feelings. I used to be on anxiety meds too, but no longer need them now. :)

Alicia - posted on 11/26/2011

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Hi! My names Alicia. I live in tacoma and my husband is in the navy. He is on a sub, and gone often. From January 2011-now he has only been home a month total. We have a 2 yr old. I have my mother like 20 miles away but don't get many breaks either because she has a 4 yr old herself. What I like to do is stay up a few hours after my daughter..take a bath, listen to music, paint my finger/toe nails, maybe have a glass of wine, and watch one of my movies. haha. It helps out a lot! its like a recharge so I can handle the next day of busy, crazyness, tantrums, and ahh. haha. It helps. :)

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