New Family Getting Ready For Husband/Father To Get Deployed For A Year !!!

Kellilynn - posted on 09/25/2009

Let the girls have as much time with him as they need prior to him leaving but just remember to spend time with him yourself! spray a few teeshirts with his cologne, or even a few of their stuffed animals, so when they miss him they can smell him. Have him record his voice as well, even if its reading them a story. Display a lot of pictures and even frame them and give one to each girl to set by their bed. Stay as busy as possible! Join the PTA, get the girls in girl scouts or brownies, etc. You will be surprised at how quickly you adapt to him being gone. it will hurt at first, but you will adapt! Dont count down the days!!! It only makes it go slower. If you need to, go by weeks, then it doesn't seem as long. They do have progams through the military for wives and children of deployed spouses and even for husbands of deployed spouses. For Navy its the Fleet and Family Support Center but I'm not sure what it is for the CG, MC, AF or Army.

Bettina - posted on 09/22/2009

It's always great to start getting ready ahead of time. Every branch of the military has a Family Center & groups specifically helpful for military families. The Army has ACS (Army Community Services). A good website to get more information is: http://www.myarmylifetoo.com. There are great checklists & information on many questions.

Get involved with your unit's FRG (Family Readiness Group). There are many other spouses to meet there; spouses whom have already gone through a deployment or two. They are some of your best resources.

Get prepared by doing things with your spouse - Do you both pay the bills together, Do you know where all the important papers are at? Did you both update all your power of attorneys, wills, health/life insurace plans? Have you both sat down together & prepared a family budget, so you both know where your money is spent & saved? Prepare a briefcase/safety box with all the documents that would answer all the above questions & includes passports, birth certificates, shot records, DEER forms, Tricare information & any other form/document that you think is important in case of emergency.

Have your spouse walk you through post - Do you know where to get legal help? Send a Red Cross message? Fix/ask questions about your spouse's pay problems? Get a new military ID card shoud you lose yours while he is away? If you live in military housing, do you know who to call for repairs, emergencies or lock-outs? How to get medical/dental treatment on post or a referral from Tricare to be seen by a specialist? What do you do when your car breaks down - have a towing service plan with your insurance? Do you have a long list of phone numbers by the phone & in your car of emergency services, schools, & of any resource you may need just-in-case?



Now my favorite parts of getting ready are:

Having my spouse read stories/books to the kids while I videotape them.

Have my spouse read some stories for later, so the kids can read along with him months into the deployment.

Take a lot of pictures of them spending time together.

Ued shutterfly.com to put together a personal book of some of the special photos taken for my spouse to take with him.

* Hve the kids record a song or messages to be listened to over and over by thier daddy

* Our family has a small one page Family Newsletter that we send once a month. It has all the little things that the kids are doing, milestones accomplished, pictures of them playing soccer, ect. Its almost like the kids telling daddy what they did today.

* Mom & kids put together a special package at least once a month of things that might be useful/enjoyed by dad. His favorite candy, snacks, ect.

* my favorite thing to make for my husband is: take one of those clear plastic hanging shoe holders (the one with pockets) & laminate a lot of pictures of our family and his family and use clear tape to tape them to the inside of the pockets. He now has a place to put his socks, tshirts, underwear & other personal items while he gets to see all the people he loves everyday. It can easily be hung in his small living space. It's useful, practical & brings color/home into his little space he will call home for awhile.

Hope some of this helps. There are so many things to do to get ready & to help deal with the separation. It's always best to be prepared & walk into the situation with your eyes wide open.

Sylvia - posted on 09/22/2009

Hello Nancy,



I am a Navy veteran and now wife and mother to my hubby who is deployed and just recently got extended. Having the experience from both ends I will tell you not to panic or worry yourself about his deployment or focus on the time. You and your husband now (if you haven't) can take some time and sit with your children together and explain to them about Daddy's job and what he has to do. Ofcourse in a way for children to understand and not feel that it is anything wrong with Daddy going away. This will help your children as well to deal with the deployment as well as yourself.



Please do not get stressed and down, for one the situation is out of anybody's control. Second there are alot of resources available to you prior to his deployment, however the briefs won't be what gets you through. I'm going to be realistic with you because that is what you need, you will have bad days just as you will have good ones. You will have days when you smile and days when you cry, allow yourself to feel this because it is okay.



However there are positives, for myself I see it as a chance for me to send him soo much mail love...xoxoxo. I send him boxes of treats and I trace our daughters hand-prints on the box and she put love you daddy on her side of the box with flowers. I send him a photo flip book every month from snapfish.com 45photos for $11.00, and you pick the design of the book.



I make photo stamps www.zazzle.com and www.photostamps.com, I have a family photo stamp, one of me with messages on it to him (zazzle) and a photo stamp of our daughter and him. My daughter colors him pictures and makes little crafts for Thanksgving and Christmas. And we send pictures!



Also you will be amazed as the days go by how your little Angels will keep you strong and smiling! My daughter keeps me smiling and busy and I don't get sad or down and out. have your girls write him letters and before you leave take tons of photos and you and your girls make him a scrap book!



It is not easy, but you can and will get through this trust me! It is not as bad at it seems. And stay connected and involved with things yourself on a personal level, like I'm in school and I exercise and I'm involved at church, so those all keep me busy. Also amazon.con has a great price for two little mini recorders and casettes. Order them, record you and your girls on a tape and mail him the recorder with the filled tape.



Also camcorders have DVD's now, so once you record things mail the DVD to him and he can play the video of you all on his portable DVD player. Valentines fill him a box of teddy bears and crafts! You will get through it!! I will keep you in my prayers.



God Bless

Sylvia

Michele - posted on 09/21/2009

Try not to get too overwhelmed with the information that will be offered to you. There should be plenty of pre-deployment meetings that will be scheduled the closer it gets, everything from financial advice to PTSD. The FRG is an excellent source for info while your husband is away. As for preparing for him leaving, well every military wife will tell you how they coped. Many do start to detach from their husbands the closer the deployment gets as a way of coping. I did that and unfortunately I lost precious time I could have spent with my husband. While deployed, the best advice that I could give you is to invest in a laptop with a webcam if affordable. Also invest in the Magicjack and a cheap regular house phone. These two items will/can keep you connected to your husband. However, I do not know where your husband will be deployed to, so these things might not be useable where he is going. Oh, one more thing that has been a big source of controversy between many husbands and wives, money and the bank account. Don't be surprised if your husband starts spending a lot of money before he deploys and the first few weeks of his deployment. Currently my husband is deployed for the second time in three years. Please feel free to contact me if you like. Hope this helped.

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2009

My husband is getting deployed in January of 2010.. I have been looking for sites or people for support.. One place to go for good resources is militaryonesource.com..It has some DVDs and stuff for kids to help them cope and understand.. I'm hoping they work well since my son will turn 3 and my daughter will be 1 before he goes.. I have also found militarysos.com to be a good site for support.. =) One thing I've been told is that no matter how hard you try to be ready, you just can't.. Because just when you think you are is when you find out you really aren't.. I'm getting photo albums of pictures of daddy and each of the kids ready for both of them so they have something to look at with him on it.. Also something I didn't know was that you can have a daddy doll made.. It is a full length picture of him on a pillow. =) I had someone tell me about it and she showed me the one her son has. It was neat and she said he slept with it every night his dad was gone and still does.

Naomi - posted on 09/19/2009

I avoid FRG at all costs.
Lindsey, I sent you a message.
As for how hard it will be, it really depends on the strength of your marriage and the type of people you are. If youre needy and dependent, youll have a hard time. If you're independent, youll realize that your husband is away doing what he has to do, and there's NOTHING you can do about. WTF is the point in being upset with him about him leaving? Its not HIS fault. There is no point in being lazy, mopey, or making him feel bad that he's leaving. The worse you make him feel, the more he'll have on his mind when deployed. I dont know about you, but the LAST thing I want my husbands mind on is me and the baby when he's roaming about a war zone. He needs to focus on what he's doing so that he can return home safely. Suck it up and deal with it.

Deanna - posted on 09/19/2009

It's going to be hard from many different aspects. Nothing you tell him will change his mind before he leaves though. Remind him though that you will have the rest of your lives and you started this for the long term, not short. So just because he is gone for a year there is at least another 40 to go. Yes, there are many that divorce; but that's all he will hear. There's still a bunch of us out here that stayed married through it all, and multipule deployemnts at that. You have done a good start, reach out and make your voice be heard with any concerns, it's the only way you will get anywhere. Don't get frustrated. Too many people I know say FRG and base organizations don't help worth anything, so look aroung off base as well.

Stacy - posted on 09/15/2009

Your FRG is a big help. Also, with our girls we always make a chain of paper links, one for each day that daddy will be gone. Each day we cut one off so that the girls have an understanding that while daddy is gone, he will be back. This is especially important for small kids. I always add an extra two weeks worth of rings, b/c the army NEVER sends your husband home when you think they will. Nothing is worse than running out of rings and still no daddy!

Jessica - posted on 09/15/2009

Where are you stationed at? Yes their is if you go to your Family Resource Center they can tell you about all the classes they offer..

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2009

I've been there and done that a few times, the last deployment for us was for 15 months, so I know what you're going through. For your 5 year old, I'd suggest www.sesameworkshop.org, they have a deployment video that my kids and my niece liked. You can watch it online or ask for the free dvd. If they like stories, videotape your husband reading a story and play it for them every night. My husband and I were able to talk to each other over the webcam alot through Skype. You can also go to www.militaryonesource.com and they can give you alot of info. Support is great to have and you would benefit greatly by joining your FRG, go to the meetings and they'll be able to give you all the info. you'll need.

The first time is always hard. but hang in there and you'll get through it!

Penny - posted on 09/13/2009

Nancy,

Like Lutisha said, check with your FRG for anything which will help get you through the time he is gone. Since your girls are of an older age, video tape what you can (if he is able to watch videos. When my husband went to Korea 10 years ago, we sent video tapes. If the girls like stories read to them have your husband pre-record their favorite stories on tape. I know the A&FRC (same as the FRG) where I am does flatdaddies and pillowcases.

Being honest to people about your feelings while your husband is gone will also help you get through the separation. As 365 is a large number to any person, when you get down to 200 days or less, have the girls make paper chains to hang around the house and take one down each day dad is gone.

From my experience you will more than likely experience anger and want to pull away from your husband as the day gets closer for him to leave. Make sure you both keep an open communication on how you are feeling about the upcoming separation.

Finally, if he will be in a location he can receive packages, the post office has flat rate priority boxes for $11.95 (you can fill them as full as you want, as long as the box seals the way it is intended to) and have the girls write their letters and their pictures to put in the box along with special things you can send from home.

Just a few suggestions. I hope some help

Lindsey - posted on 09/13/2009

I'm not sure myself my husband is deploying in Jan 2010, I have a 3 month old and a 3 yr old. I'm trying to figure out how to have them remember him for the year he will be gone, so if you get good advice send it my way too.

Lutisha - posted on 09/12/2009

Get involed with the FRG.