not in the "mood"?

Kendra - posted on 11/15/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

290

2

18

i am 6 months pregnant with my second child. With my first child my husband was in basic, so when he got out and we were finally together again we had a lot of sex lol. Everyone told me when you are pregnant you are "in the mood" all the time. But with this pregnancy i dont want anything to do with sex. i dont wanna be touched, i dont wanna cuddle, i dont want to kiss...

i feel so bad because my husband tries everyday to have sex, at first i told him maybe im not in the mood cause he isnt too romantic. so lately he has been really trying to be romantic, giving me long soft kisses, rubbing my back, complimenting me...and still im just not in the mood. and he is starting to make comments like "well if you gave it to me more often...bla bla bla"

even when he kisses me i find myself pulling back like "ok ok thats enough, get away now" i just can not seem to get in the mood at all. im sooooo tired and even on days where i tell myself "ok we will do it tonight" by the time tonight comes around im too damn tired to want to do anything.

is this normal? like i said before, i thought you want more sex while youre pregnant?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

let me tell u the best answer I can the child u r carrying is probably a girl. All my friends who have boys say they couldn't get it enough I didn't even want my husband to look at me during both my pregnancies. I have 2 girls. A Dr. told me that it's when u r having a boy u want sex a lot because the testosterone in his bloodstream which mingles with your bloodstream and well Testosterone is what makes guys always want sex.
Then again this on just what I have heard and I might be wrong

Elaine - posted on 11/18/2010

1

16

0

It does happen sometimes. The only thing that I can recommend is even if you're not in the mood TRY! I have found times in which I was not interested at all and instead of telling my husband 'I'm not interested / in the mood" I had sex with him anyway and I found that if I did it increased my desire for him and I wanted to be touched, cuddled, and be with him again. Also understand that to him the best way he can express his love for you is through sex and he feels closer to you when you do. So when you say no he feels undesirable and distant from you. Some things that you can do to help you is spend some time relaxing so that you're not tiered and do some Kegal exorcises that might help you get into the mood. Other then that try if it doesn't work then it doesn't work but I am sure he will be much happier if you do.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

31 Comments

View replies by

ستيفاني - posted on 03/06/2013

22

0

1

If he.wants.it twice a.day thats to much me and.my husband have it once a.month and because im.so tight he finishes quick and he teiea again but than i dont want to nomore nd.my belly is to big and o feel like i cant move i fwel like my husband doeant try to turb me on he just like get satiafy but he doeant satiafy me i like him on.top and he likea me.on.top so thab i tell what mqkes me.turb on and.he forgets.when were.doing it and idk like to repeat it espexially wheb were.doing oh grab my ass lick my titties and that just doeant make me.finish so my mood goes.away sometimes.i.do.want to.fiosh but idk iget turn.off so.quick

ستيفاني - posted on 03/06/2013

22

0

1

I am 6 months pregnant and also feel the same way i dont want ny hisband to even touch me i get ib a bad nood and.he even.bothers me i just want to be left alone sometimes i.feel.bad but he gets.in a cranky moodfoo so i just get woreer

Courtney - posted on 01/17/2011

40

37

3

I wish my husband wanted it everyday and twice a day, haha. My husband is always so tired, he ends up passing out within about an hour after getting home. lol. But besides the point, it is normal to have these feelings when you are pregnant, not a majority, but normal.
The fact that you give it to him once or twice a week is good, he's just being greedy if he is giving you heck about giving him more when he obviously can tell that you are too tired to do it. You need to have a nice long sit down and talk about it and get him to understand. And take others advice about making him be in charge of the kids one day on the weekend. That will more than likely put you in the mood, you won't be as tired later that night, and then you can catch up on some reading or sleep! (not trying to be nasty or anything ) but do you mind watching pornographic movies? or even soft core porn?(like a movie with some sex scenes throughout the movie or something like that?) If you are not against it, you can always try watching one with your husband if he really wants to and you don't feel in the mood .... maybe it will open you up a bit to the idea of doing it that night. (just an idea of course, don't get offended, lol)

Hilary - posted on 11/25/2010

59

0

3

I have to say I am not totally going along with the ladies here who think you should give him what he wants, BUT and it is a big but, we all know that our men, as much as we love them have very sensitive egos and they find it very hard to be turned down. So..a bit of a peculiar english phrase here, "there's more than one way to skin a cat"! you don't need to go the "whole way" but I'm certain you have found ways to keep him satisfied that don't cause you discomfort, and with a bit of practise you (and he!!) can be done in minutes! You never know, it may get you going too then everyone's happy!! Good luck with the new addition!

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2010

2

0

0

It is very normal to feel that way! Once you have that gift you will go right back to attacking him every chance you get. Being pregnant is different everytime. You will be back to normal soon after you have your angel! He will learn to understand just talk to him and let him get upset. Try to control all the emotions you are having and listen.

Shawnda - posted on 11/24/2010

44

43

5

Durring the first 7 months of my pregnancy i did not crave sex what so ever but the last 2 months i wanted it all the time its just your body and hormones im sure that he will understnad if you explain that to him

Christina - posted on 11/24/2010

3

3

0

I have a 13 year old and 1 year old and I am 4 mos pregnant. I have never been in the mood with any of the three pregnancies and I am tired all the time so I wouldn't worry. My two children are boys so I don't know if that has anthing to do with it...

Tah - posted on 11/20/2010

7,412

22

351

probably because you leave the poor man begging all week so when he gets it he takes full advantage...lol..have you tried other things??????????????????????HMMMM??????????

Kendra - posted on 11/19/2010

290

2

18

*sigh* idk ladies. its just soooo hard to even want to try. i know being turned down isnt fun and im sure it makes him mad but i just dont have the energy for it. then after we do have sex it hurts and i can barely walk! LOL!

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2010

7

17

0

Wow, there is another person like me!! I was pregnant with our first daughter when my hubby left for basic (he missed the birth by 2 days). I missed him dearly but it was good in a way because the whole time I didnt even really think about having sex. This was probably due to him being gone and me knowing I would not be getting any but also the thought of it weirded me out!! With our second child it was the same way, my daughters are 14 months apart so I was really busy chasing our first around and when I laid down at night to go to bed I was going to bed not doing anything else because we all know its not garunteed the other kids will sleep all night and the up using the bathroom ever 45 minutes lol. I gave my husband 2 times he could get some which was kind of wrong lol. I told him in the morning or afternoon which comes the wrong of me because he doesnt come home from work at lunch and my husband does NOT get up any earlier than what he has to for work :) I think its totally normal!! I have to say my husband has respected my wishes the entire time and when I say no he doesnt push the fact...we waits a few more days and tries again

Carly - posted on 11/19/2010

40

13

3

It can be normal. Your hormones are doing all kinds of crazy things. Sometimes sex is all you can think about, and other times you might not want anything to do with sex for a long, long time.

My last pregnancy, I was on bed rest, with no sex allowed, from 6 months on. Truthfully, most of the time I didn't want sex anyway. Now (7 months into my 2nd pregnancy), my hormones make me want sex all the time, but it's my husband that's pulling away. Maybe the bedrest scare from last time have him too nervous this time? Whatever the reason, I know what it feels like to be on either side of "sorry, love, no sex tonight".

My best advice to you is this:
It's really not fun to be turned down. Has your husband ever turned you down? It can really be an emotionally painful thing, even when you know that there is a legitimate reason for being told no. I do completely understand not feeling like it (pregnancy can make it awkward, you're more likely to be uncomfortable, you're likely more tired, etc), but every so often, maybe you could try to get into the mood for him (like now my husband has to try for me sometimes!). If you're stressed, maybe have a really nice warm bath with candles? Maybe having your husband treat you to an awesome massage can spark your mood? Think about what would normally "flip your switch" and maybe sometimes considering giving it a try. Not all the time, but maybe every so often? Obviously don't push yourself, but I do know that when I don't feel like it, and I relax and allow myself to be pampered and coaxed into the mood, that I don't regret it, so it might be worth a try every once in a while! It really might help you both out emotionally.

Stosha - posted on 11/18/2010

6

0

2

Well, every pregnancy is differeny. My daughter is 6 mo but while pregnant my husband and I barely touched i felt the same way you did. I stated asking is there something wrong with me because my pregnancy with my boys I had sex twice a day lol

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2010

13

12

0

every pregnancy is diff, just the price to pay i guess, with my first it was not a problem at all, i prolly wanted it more than him, but with my second it was the complete opposite, i didnt want anything to do with it.... at least you dont have that much longer to go! =(

Debbi - posted on 11/18/2010

20

34

0

I had NO desire the entire time I was pregnant with both of my kids, other than about a week at about 6 months. Then nothing.

Tina - posted on 11/18/2010

54

15

2

Ok, so this is going to sound bad, i know already. I have had 5 kids and know exactly what you are feeling but.... husbands have needs and wants and desires as well. I know you do not but even if you do not want to have sex, going through all the motions and routine and what not, maybe you could do something just for him* If it has been as long as it sounds, it probably wont take as long as actually "making love..." You know, the whole nine yards. He might appreciate something different as well and who knows, it may open up new doors, sexually for you both. I think many times a husband feels like he is coming in second, or even third to your toddler and pregnancy, which does affect the marraige. Even though you are tired and have no desire to be with him intimately, giving him 15 minutes of sexual stimulation may just be what he needs (and will alleviate the 45 minutes of guilt trips and pressure to have sex!) So really, you win too! Good luck to you all! I know it is tough!

Megan - posted on 11/18/2010

3

0

1

i was the same way when u are fat and sick of being pergo u just wont want to be touched lol.. and when u have another one running around.. like me i just did it for him doesnt mean i always wanted to but i felt bad for him.. u just have to left him know how u feel about it if u dont tell them they dont get it and just think u dont want sex.. they dont get it "like your not in the mood" they never see it from our eyes lol.. but good luck

Rebecca - posted on 11/18/2010

11

10

1

That same thing happened to me with my second pregnancy. I did not want to be touched or anything. I felt so grossed out to be intimate. Plus I was always exhausted. There are gonna be a few times when you just need to give in and get it over with. Just for the sake of your husband. It sucks but make it a quicky.

Crystal - posted on 11/18/2010

1

67

0

Yes, it is normal. Our 1st child we did it all the time and when I was pregnant with our 2nd I found it hard to get in the mood. I was just so tired from taking care of one child and having one bake inside of me. I will tell you this, if you stay at home with your child ask your husband to watch him/her for the afternoon. Go get your hair done and get your toes done. It will relax you enough to be willing to have sex. You might even enjoy it. With our son my sex drive picked up closer to the end of pregnancy so maybe that will happen for you. DO TRY to have sex even if your not in the mood b/c your husband needs it. Hope that helps.

Kelly - posted on 11/18/2010

14

10

1

i felt the same way with my second child. maybe just explain to him that its the pregnancy and not him, maybe then he will lay off the trying. i would alos let him know that you appreciate him trying to be romantic.

Kendra - posted on 11/16/2010

290

2

18

we already do once or twice a week! this man wants it everyday, twice a day! lmao.

Tah - posted on 11/16/2010

7,412

22

351

see mingo..told ya..(sticking out my tongue like im 4..lol)..trust me, at this point, he'll just be glad to get it, don't lay there and knit or do crossword puzzles..but we have to look at it from their point of view also..they will never be able to fully undrstand, they can try and be sympathetic, but all they know really, is that they want their wife....some women don't have husbands that are attracted to them when they are pregnant ans that is sad...so..fake it til you make it....once a week is plenty for right now..lol..thanks Fallon

Fallon - posted on 11/16/2010

78

13

10

I was like that when I was pregnant with my first child and my first marriage ended. I am not saying that not wanting to have sex ruined it, but I think it is a big part of it. Usually the less sex you have, the less you want it. I go with the first comment about faking it, not faking the big "O", but I think at least one time a week you should have sex. I think it is hard for any man to understand when women are not in the mood because it makes them more distant from us and I think with another child on the way, the last thing you want is him to be more distant. Maybe you could try setting one day once a week, like the weekend and have him watch the toddler and relax for a little and take a break. Maybe that will make you want to have sex later and I know it is hard to believe (J/k) but men will do the housework and watch the kids if they think it will put you in the mood later :) I hope it all works out for you, good luck

Tabby - posted on 11/15/2010

292

5

51

I thought you wanted more sex when you were pregnant too... imagine my surprise when I hit about 6 months pregnant and I didn't want anything to do with it lol my husband would give me a hug and I would just stand there and wonder when the heck he was going to get off me. I can't tell you how many nights I slept on the couch because he was trying to cuddle with me or because he would roll over and accidently touch me. It caused some problems until I sat him down and explained it wasn't him or anything he was doing...

Kendra - posted on 11/15/2010

290

2

18

tah! i am not faking it! lol. i wouldnt want him faking it with me. that would be sad =( lol

and yea i get pissed off when he expects it lol. but then he says its not fair and why does it have to be on my time only. haha!

Erin - posted on 11/15/2010

499

39

202

You're 6 months pregnant and chasing a toddler... Of course you're tired and when you get tired, your body doesn't want to expend any more energy. Also, having studied psychology a little bit, most women react negatively to guilt trips (which is odd, because I for one, think I'm pretty good at giving them). Add to that, guilt can be a mood killer. Sit down with your husband and tell him the truth. You're tired. I don't know what his schedule is like, but maybe he could take child duty on a Saturday and let you have the entire day to yourself. If you stay at home, he brings the food to you and just lets you sit and rest. No expectation of sex comments from him (although you should try to think sexy thoughts). If that doesn't help at all, then you may have to tell him that every pregnancy is different and the hormones may be killing your desire this time around. Good luck.

Tah - posted on 11/15/2010

7,412

22

351

Not everybody wants to get it in while pregnant...it is normal....can u fake it til u make it..what's 10 mins....lmbo....

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms