Marci - posted on 01/21/2011 ( 39 moms have responded )
I posted another question where I said my deployed husband wants to divorce me because of my raging mood swings and how awful I have hurt him. I have new information that I am honestly concerned that he is cracking. First, as soon as he was deployed, his Captain said he wasn't acting at all himself, was begging to go home and see his family, was not acting like he could handle the deployment so they took him out of more dangerous job and put him behind a computer/desk on base. They told him it was because he has computer skills, but it was really because some of the guys that had known him a while said he wasn't acting himself either. Well, he told me that he got early leave because no one else wanted it. I didn't know he had begged for it. Then when he comes home, he has jet lag, right, so he isn't going to bed at normal times, but not like him at all, he wanted the light on at night and he was not sleeping very many hours at night. Usually, when he is off on leave, he sleeps a lot because he loves to sleep in whenever he can, but he was sleeping like 6 hours instead of a lot more. Then he has lost 20 pounds in the last couple of months and doesn't have much of an appetite. He has never before been in trouble for not performing well or being a wimp. he is always one of the top guys in his classes at least intellectually, and physically, he is usually not working out for the fun of it, but because he has to, so I am not sure why he is not eating much and losing all the weight. Maybe the affair he wants to look better, but maybe he is just not coping well. He doesn't have his close friends over there with him. They all got spread out and he is not living or around his friends, so he is not leaning on them. His parents and brothers do not write and call him, and then he tells me I am so bad that he is done with me. I thought this all had to do with him not wanting me anymore for his behavior, but he was screaming and crying at me when home. He never acts like that. I thought, I guess he was just emotional about the divorce, but now I feel like he was unloading and using me as a scapegoat for all his problems. Should I tell his captain that I am concerned about his emotional well being? I had no idea that he was acting weird over there and I don't want to look like a vindictive, jilted spouse, but I am seriously worried. He is not acting like himself and I fear that if I tell them he is having an emotional affair in addiction to his other symptoms, they won't take me seriously and think that I am just trying to screw him over. But I had no intention of getting him in trouble, in fact I think they demote people for affairs because she is a SSG and so then there would be less money for me and he would be madder at me. He was also acting paranoid that I was going to sell all his stuff and steal all his money while he was gone, and calling me evil and telling me that I was crazy. I took it all in, was crying and apologizing, but now I think he needs help. He needs to talk to counselors over there, not about our marriage, but he doesn't sound like he is coping well and I don't want him to get hurt or lose it over there. I still love and care about him. I am worried that this woman is messing up his concentration and that is why he wanted to hurry home, because maybe she lives around here and he wanted to see her. It was only a day or two after he came home that he started telling me we were over, the love was gone, he could never love me again, there was no hope, etc. Should I tell his captain?