rank divas?

Meilani - posted on 07/15/2009 ( 63 moms have responded )

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ok I never heard of this term before til my niece married an army guy a few years back...but shes had some bad experiences with other wives and girlfriends when they were stationed in Germany and now they have moved to GA.. ....anyway me and my husband have been married for 7 yrs hes been in the marine corps going on 16 yrs this coming August...after we got married in 2002 he received orders to VA I never had any bad run in's with wives or anything I absolutely loved it up there til we moved to Cherry Point NC and since there are a bunch of retired folks around here I had a few snobby run ins with some ladies in the commissary and I felt like Julia Roberts in pretty woman..."they were mean to me" LOL PATHETIC I KNOW lol but I was just wondering if anyone had some similar or funny stories to share.. :-)

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Kimberlie - posted on 06/28/2011

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By Joan Loveless- I have to say that I have run into both Officer's wives and Senior Airmen's wives that all carry an attitude of entitlement. I don't think it's neccessarily an officer vs enlisted thing, I think it's a personality thing. You're either a nice person or you're not. You either play well with others or you don't. These women were probably those girls in school who talked about people behind their backs and stole their best friends boyfriends...You know the type. We all knew people like them, and we didn't like them then and we don't like them now, but now we are often forced into social situations with some of them. So we slap on that "supportive wife smile" and grin and nod and hope the evening ends quickly. And pray you're not seated next to them! LOL All we can really do is what our mother taught us is to play nice, and if we don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all. Because it is true that you never know who might be seated at the table next to you in food court or wherever who might be that woman's best friend. And you know how fast a rumor can spread across a base! So don't give the divas any more power than they deserve.

I have to say I totally agree with you. I am prior enlisted and a prior enlisted wife and I have seen both sides. Its just like you said its not enlisted vs Officer wives its more of what kind of person they are and their character. If they were that snobby girl in highschool that laughed at you because you wore the wrong shoes then they are probably the same as an adult! I had an enlisted spouse talk about her retired grandfather who was a general and blah blah blah, Whatever Whatever Whatever.... I don't care who your grandfather was you need to quit being so mean to people and spreading nasty rumors! LOL... Anyway Not all wives are that way just a few.... Just enough to give some a bad name! LOL...

Joan - posted on 07/21/2009

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I have to say that I have run into both Officer's wives and Senior Airmen's wives that all carry an attitude of entitlement. I don't think it's neccessarily an officer vs enlisted thing, I think it's a personality thing. You're either a nice person or you're not. You either play well with others or you don't. These women were probably those girls in school who talked about people behind their backs and stole their best friends boyfriends...You know the type. We all knew people like them, and we didn't like them then and we don't like them now, but now we are often forced into social situations with some of them. So we slap on that "supportive wife smile" and grin and nod and hope the evening ends quickly. And pray you're not seated next to them! LOL All we can really do is what our mother taught us is to play nice, and if we don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all. Because it is true that you never know who might be seated at the table next to you in food court or wherever who might be that woman's best friend. And you know how fast a rumor can spread across a base! So don't give the divas any more power than they deserve.

Michelle - posted on 07/17/2009

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So far in my military experience I have not come across this, but ironically, I got the impression that these types of things do occur when my husband and I attended the first FRG meeting for his unit. Apparently, the Captian wanted to nip that point of view in the bud by specifically stating that it is the servicesmember that wears the rank, not the spouse. If you choose to volunteer for the FRG remember that all of you are equal, and that the spouses rank does not reflect anything within the FRG. It's interesting that some spouses believe that their spouses rank has anything to do with them. Granted the higher enlisted/officer's spouses do have some perks because of their the rank, but when dealing with other military spouses it should be done so equally. We didn't earn their rank, they did. A word of caution though, be careful how to conduct yourselves in mixed groups. Its always important to be professional, and not complain in a disrespectful manner in mixed company. Sometimes you never know who you may be talking to, and who's ear that person may have. While the servicemember's rank does not give the spouse special rank when interacting with other spouses, we can be viewed as a reflection on our spouses.

Jo - posted on 06/18/2011

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Thanks Tah Dula, the movers came for our stuff a few days ago. One week left and we leave the Ft Lee area for a few years (at least until Click 3). I'm glad school is over is all I can say. Like I said before, I had one mom be nice the whole time and yes, her husband was enlisted. I think the thing that irked me the most is that most of the snobby wives at the school had children in Kindergarten. There are only 2 kindergarten classes at the school so my guess is that most of their kids were in class with my daughter. My daughter has autism, she's already gonna be different from the kids in her classes. I wont stand up for myself but if she got messed with for being an "Officer kid", I'd put my foot up their momma's a**. Having an unrealistic problem with me is one thing, messing with my kid is another, and believe it or not, I have friends who's kids were told they couldn't do something or participate because their dad was enlisted. How sad is that? That not only do the wives hold these stupid rank grudges, but they spread that to their kids too?

I personally don't talk about my husband's rank. People ask "what brings you to Ft Lee?", I always answer with "Training. My husband is in school right now." Since Ft Lee, hosts several schools [including 3 BOLC (Ordnance, Transportation, Quartermaster), 2 AIT (Ordnance and Quartermaster), NCO Academy and Click 3] I let them draw their own conclusions. Like I said before, I have no rank. I got enough to worry about without running operations for the military too LOL

Andrea - posted on 06/16/2011

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It's not just rank, apparently if your hubby is recruiting and you don't belong to a "base" you're looked down upon too.... I think wives can always find something to hate on, rank, service years, where you've been, etc. Uhm my philosophy is (smiles) if you have that kind of time get a job, volunteer somewhere or do something worth while to help support others.. Just saying.

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Casey - posted on 08/10/2011

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sometimes it can be but it depends on how much of a snob/diva the persons personality is regardless of their husbands status. take away their stripes and they STILL think they are better then you. Those are the ones that need to go to boot camp and learn how to respect people...LOL

Casey - posted on 08/08/2011

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They are EVERYWHERE here at Fort Bragg!!!!! It is insane! At Fort Polk we never had an issue. It's always sad when someone uses the respect that someone else has earned

Jessica - posted on 08/01/2011

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LMAO! Thats great! Rank Diva... When I was stationed in PAX River there was in incodent where a officers wife got all pissy with my husband for not saluting her as she entered the gate. He said no offense mam, but your a civilian and I am not required to salute you. It turned into a HUGE ordeal and even wound up in the base newspaper! In the end the base CO told her to shut up and stop whineing :p lol

Tah - posted on 06/16/2011

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o..lol. i told my husband i was going to join, he said not with this war. i said isn't the war almost over...not the war in our house if you join the military...lol. so i was curious because i do flirt with going in as an officer just to travel. he's been here his whole career and i don't get the feeling he wants to leave Va..LOL

Heather - posted on 06/16/2011

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He he Tah...I meant I've been an army brat and army wife for 27 years. Should have been more specific. ;-)

Tah - posted on 06/16/2011

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Heather, you guys are dual military, has he been the same amount of time? I think you should be able to be proud and share, I don't think you should be able to wear his rank, whatever it is and look through your nose at others or expect them to part ways for you as if you are the queen of England..lol

Heather - posted on 06/16/2011

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I've been in the military for 27 years and have seen this in all forms and fashions. Rank Divas is an awesome term. I think it works both ways though...I once had a woman(who didn't know me very well) tell me she hates officer wives. Guess what? I'm an officer's wife! Talk about foot-in-mouth. lol I love my husband and I'm so proud of him and what he's accomplished, but most of the time I feel like I can't talk about it in mixed company because someone will lump me in with "those" officer wives. It shouldn't be that way. We should all feel proud to talk about our husbands/spouse and not feel the need to abuse him and his rank by using it against each other. We should all be mentors and a support system for each other. I love being a military spouse, even when it's hard, and I want all my fellow spouses to feel the same way!

Tah - posted on 06/16/2011

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sorry to hear they are being little snots to you Jo. I am not making excuses but it may be because they have experienced some of the attitude from other officers wives. I mean when i heard that some wives were making you sit in Rank order at an FRG meeting i almost pass out. My mouth and I would have been the first to stand up and say..O, im at the wrong meeting, i was looking for the meeting for the spouses and since i don't have a rank, please point me in the right direction. Or the mom who moved on base and happened to move onto a street with all officers wives and none of them would speak to her. Things like that burn me up. So maybe it's that they have been stung. Also the wives that have been told that they can't be friends with them because their husband is enlisted or the kids that weren't allowed to join a playgroup because it was for the officers wives and children...I mean sheesh..maybe you can make the first move because im pretty sure it may just be that. If they continue t act that way then forget about them..

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2011

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Ladies, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of military wives through out my life. As the daughter of an Army officer, I can remember countless times where my mom felt the snobbish ways of an Officer's Wives Club- which is silly because all of these women are all in the same boat and should be able to relate to one another! Now that I am older, I have been married for 7 years to an enlisted Sailor who will be commissioned as an officer in the fall. I'm sure I will get a cold shoulder becuase my husband will be "prior enlisted"- but I hope to change this personna of "rank divas" amoung my group having been on both sides of the military rank. I am proud of all service members, regardless of rank, enlisted, or officer and as wives, we need to support each other!

Suki - posted on 06/02/2011

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some spouses wear that rank of their husbands proudly...it amazes me. I was a project manager and made double what my husband made and up until yesterday didnt even know the mans social and we have been together 15 years lol. I only learned it because the army is taking it off our id cards and i had to get a new one as he became a warrant so i had to. I hadnt changed id's either from when he was an e6, as it wasnt expired and he was an e7 for 3 years apparently...anyways, now i am sounding a little like these mean girls. Don't let them get to you. Their attitude is stank and foul, rise above it and don't worry about them. There are so many nice wives out there who don't care and are friends with everyone, like me. I have friends from all branches and their husbands are different ranks, I don't care. I am friends with the person for who she is.

Jo - posted on 05/31/2011

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i've never heard that term, but I can tell you the attitude from other wives comes in all shapes and sizes. My husband is at BOLC (Basic Officer Leadership Course) right now and he was one of not even a handful to bring family with him. Me and my kids have not been very welcome at some of the activities at the parks and playgrounds on post and picking up my daughter from school makes me feel like a snake at the zoo (everyone wants to see, but not get too close in case the glass breaks). I had one mom actually talk to me in a Wal-Mart one day. She was nice as pie and very friendly, but that same day after school, as soon as she arrived all the other moms started whispering and staring at me. I'm the only Officer Wife and that's not uncommon but it sucks that I and my children are not accepted because of my husband's rank. I've had one mom consistently be nice to me in the six months we've been here, but that group of enlisted moms I spoke of earlier doesn't like her either. I don't wear my husband's rank because I'm not in the Army. I take care of the kids, that's my job, it's his job to wear the rank. I got enough on my plate without all that drama. I have quite a few "enlisted" friends but unfortunately none of them are stationed at Ft Lee. We PCS next month and I will be a lot closer to several of them, that will be nice.

When I talked about the other moms and the situation I was in, he told me "Get used to not being invited. For every 40 "enlisted" wives, there is only one "officer" wife. Right now, you are the one. When we move, it'll be different for you." My husband is so optimistic, I love him.

But that's my experience. It's just as lonely and uninviting on this side of the "Commissioned Husband" line.

Rebecca - posted on 09/15/2009

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ive never heard of the term but i have heard of the syndrome. i dont think i have ever experienced it though cuz i keep mainly to myself.

Carrie - posted on 09/15/2009

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I have heard bout this from my husband it has never happend were we r now but i think its funny how they think they r the shit when they really not if they really want sumone to respect them they should have been the ones that joind the military. Wives and husband r there to support their loved ones not try to top them. Im so happy i dont have to deal wit them and so sorry for the ones that do i bet it can get really annoying

Kelli - posted on 09/04/2009

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My husband has recently become an officer after serving as an enlisted soldier for 10 years. Bad/snotty attitudes from spouses are not unique to officer's wives. Just as we don't wear our husband's rank, it's incorrect to judge the spouse based on said rank.

Cherese - posted on 09/04/2009

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While we are on the subject (btw love the term, lol) I have a question. Do you think the miltary in a way condones this behavior because of the "perks" that technically no one has to abide by but it is almost taboo not to?

Dahlia - posted on 09/04/2009

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We are all not that bad. Unfortunately, you do have some officers' wives who are insecure and flash their husbands rank around. I usually do not inform people of my husbands rank unless it is necessary or if it is asked of me. As one women mentioned, our spouses earned the rank...we did not. Nevertheless, our actions are all a reflection of our spouse irrespective of rank: enlisted or officers....

Cassandra - posted on 08/01/2009

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Yeah i noticed there are a few here at cherry point like that... I just kinda let them act dumb like that.. haha...

ive only heard Wearing rank. but ill have to remember rank diva.. hahaha

Jennifer - posted on 07/31/2009

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LOL "rank diva's" I LOVE that.. my husband is in the Navy (enlisted E-6) and I have known a few wives who would definitely qualify for the title "rank diva" I have just learned to ignore it and then laugh at it later. You can't let them get to you.

Belinda - posted on 07/30/2009

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Amber: Yep...in one ear and out the other. It's hard because a lot of people have no idea what the CG does or why they are not part of the DOD. And having someone tell you that your husband's time away from you and your family is less than any other service members really hurts your feelings. But if you get mad and say mean things then you will never get them to understand...GOOD LUCK!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2009

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I have had mixed experiences. Not only by rank but by rate. My husband is a Nuke in the Navy. Which has its pros and cons. He spends a lot of time with his continuous training. As well as being one of the first ones on and last ones off the boat during patrols. I have lived both on and off base. I prefer being off base, even though one of my neighbors is a fellow wife and the other retired. Then two houses down is a DOD employee. I think sometimes it is the space in between that allows us to have our space and not be in each other business that helps us stay cool.

After he was out of boot camp we went to Charleston, SC for a year and a half of training before we reported to his first boat. While we were there I didn't experience any "rank diva's". I was even friends with a few of the instructors wives. Now though our husband were not suppose to "socialize" together that did not stop us from forming a great active moms group during the day while they were are work. If we needed anything there was always someone there that I felt comfortable calling or talking to.

Now That we have been station here in WA for 2 1/2 years I have come across a lot more of the "rank diva's." Some in my own personal life and some at work. Some as low as first class wives, even though my husband is only 2nd class. They feel they have been on the boat longer and in the navy longer. I even had one tell me that my husband didn't deserve to wear 2nd class because they just gave it to him he didn't earn it like her husband did. For those who are unaware, nukes are E-3's out of boot camp. Once they complete A-school (depending on the job is either 3 months or 6 months) earn 3rd class (e-4). Then from there they are on there own. They have to test just like everyone else and be able to do there job. Again they have to complete the training. Which had some husbands there as much as 16 hours a day. Then from that training they have a 6 month power school, then a 6 month proto-type.Then depending on their rate again another possible 3 month training. For my husband to have to go through 1 1/2 years of training just to be able to do his job, has to sign for 6 instead of 4 years at the start and to tell me he doesn't deserve to where his 2nd class is just a slap in the face! He leaves me and his child for patrols just like everyone else! with being a Nuke he is expected to work just as hard if not harder than those on the boat.

But on the other hand, my boss, is a co's wife. She is completely awesome and understanding. The day after my husband left for one of his patrols, while I was at work, my sitter called to let me know my daughter was kinda down and out and if I had any suggestions as to what she might like to do. So I called and asked my boss if I could leave early. she told me as soon as the next girl came in in about 25 mintues I could go for the day. No questions asked. All I wanted to do was leave an hour or two early. And she let me leave for the day.

No on another bad note at work. I work at a bank that is located inside the NEX. We are allowed to cash checks under the NEX name and policies. According to their policies O-5 and below are allowed to cash up to $150 a day and O-6 and above are allowed to cash $300 a day. We do not set this policy and even on the signs that list it says NEX policy and rules. I have had wives come in who are like I am the COB's wife, this wife and that wife and all I can do is $150? That is ridiculous and absurd and any other adjective you can think of.

So i've seen it from all sides, from all aspects. If it wasn't a higher ranking husbands wife, and we were in the "civilian" world, it would be some CEO's wife or some, VP's wife that where's their husbands title on the sleeve. It is just the woman. Some women are the epitamy "trophy wife' and some of them are real down to earth understanding freinly women.

Just hold your head up high and be proud of your husband for what he has accomplished and what he has done to serve his country!

Annette - posted on 07/30/2009

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I've heard these stories and thats why I choose to live off base LMAO

LaRay - posted on 07/30/2009

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I have never heard of Rank Divas...though I like it! I have heard of a woman wearing her husbands rank...just because he is an officer does not mean YOU are! But for some reason they feel that it makes them entitled! I have been lucky enough not to run into many ladies like this...which is good.



I have for some reason though ran into a woman who thought she owned the base because she knew NOT married to the commander of the base and their families were friends. She use to drop his name every time she thought it would get her some where...it never did. It was kind of annoying, she actually thought she would get her husband out of a deployment because of it...she didn't!

Amber - posted on 07/29/2009

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Belinda: Thanks so much for what you wrote! I am a new coastie wife shall i say! and although new ive done heard smart comments about my husband being a coastie! But I already know the importance etc! After all I do live in Louisiana and seen just a taste of what they do and did during hurricane Katrina! So your right in the sense of the others that make those comments being ignorant! Guess I better start learning now to let it go through one ear and out the other, Right? lol!

Belinda - posted on 07/29/2009

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They will always be there and the best thing to do when they start throwing rank at you is let them know you could care less. The other problem I am sure that some of us have had is what branch your husband is in. As a coastie wife I get it a lot. And I used to let it bug me. Like service in one branch makes you better than someone else. I have had women tell me that the Coast Guard isn't the real military and that all my husband does is tie knots. I almost punched her until I realized that it wasn't her fault that she was ignorant. You will always run into these kind of people and you just have to know who you are and be proud of it.

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I have been married for 11 years and have had one bad experience. I have seen them on both sides enlisted and officer. I agree with the post earlier that pointed out it is the attitude.



When we were newlyweds we got stationed in GTMO. My husband was the only married non-staff nco to be stationed there. We only lucked out because I was active duty also. At my very first spouse club (that is what they called it) meeting, I had a spouse say to me well we are a captain. I was offended. I straight out said to her oh are you active duty? When she responded to me, I answered back oh where did you go to college. Well I have not, so when I informed her that I had and that she was not the officer and was no better than me, she got mad. She got huffy and stomped off. The CO's wife heard the whole conversation and was actually laughing. I think it is all in how you approach it. I am a firm believer in we are all equall. I worked for a Admiral in San Diego who told me, we all put our pants on one leg at a time. only difference is that he has served his time.



I want to clarify that i did not think I was better than her because I have gone to college, but I was not going to let her think she was better than me. Infact we have friends who ende up stationed with us 2 duty stations later and his wife still remembered that and had all our neighbors laughing at it.

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I have been married for 9 years and have had a few encounters with wives like these.My husband and I talked about this one day when trying to park at the commissary. they have the normal handicaped parking then they start reserving spots for this commander and that Lt...anyway if spouces arent entitled to their husbands rank why do they have special parking at the commissary where wives are more likley? I think its a fine line because u are a reflection of your spouse and expected to behave in a certain manner, but it is not necissary to be a b*thc about it. FYI my hubby is E-6

Dawn - posted on 07/27/2009

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Yes I have come across a few of those in the past 10 yrs. They are what they are. lol

Teyaka - posted on 07/26/2009

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I haven't really had a problem as far as a "rank diva." However, at one of my playdates we had a conversation about this. I came to the conclusion... and I told my husband this before... I didn't sign the dotted line. I don't have to report to Uncle Sam. I am not "government property." Therefore, my husband's rank does not apply to me. Seeing how I am not the one that is actually fighting, who am I to piggy back off of his hard work. Being a stay at home mom I have my own job and rank. I am MOM, that means commander and chief of my children's lives until they are out of my house and beyond. I am WIFE, the right hand to my husband. I make sure he has everything when he walks out the door and that he wants for nothing when he is in the door. I am the PERSONAL ASSISTANT / DRIVER, multiple schedules to keep up with, appointmets to make, and errands to run. I am MAID cleaning the house and washing clothes. Everything has a place and I am the one to make sure it goes there. I am a STUDENT, might as well better myself. With all these jobs and more, I should not have time to worry about where my husband's rank falls. I am proud of him and am there to offer that encouragement when he has had a bad day, that massage when he has had a stressful day, a listening ear for those talkative times, a hostess smile for those unanouced get togethers, and laughter for those rough days. Being a military spouse is a crazy job. We are the stregnth they need for those days that they feel weak. There is ALOT on your plate. Sometimes the help you need, that encouraging push forward, that tough love to move on... that can come from anyone. Cause at the end of the day as a military spouse, I am doing the same as many other spouses. I am running my house, being a mother, wife, and best friend. My husband signed the dotted line to be in the Air Force.



Oh, and to offer a males opinion, my husband likes to revert to something a drill instructor told him in basic... "If the military wanted you to have a wife, they would issue you one. Hell, they issue everything else." So, with this logic I agree, we may run into some cattyness. BUT we aren't the ones who joined the military, we aren't the ones wearing military uniform. We have too many others in our closet to wear for the day. If the military issued wives, than "rank divas" would be something to consider. Seeing how they don't, we should be encouraging our husbands and not worried about rank when it comes to socializing, meeting others, and what not. We have enough going on as it is.



As a military spouse, I would prefer to spend time clowning around with my friends, developing my family, and being that rock behind my husband. I strongly believe that you should treat others the way you expect to be treated. When deployment happens, we are all in the same boat. We miss our spouse, want to hold them, wish they were home to help with whatever situation is driving you crazy. Why let a little thing called rank (that doesn't belong to you) get in the way of helping a friend? I don't care what rank you are, if you need help, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, looking for a playdate so you can get out of the house... whatever... I can relate and my door is open. My Auntie is active duty Air Force and I have a reserve cousin. When they heard my husband joined the military they told me to make friends with the other spouses. I would find myself relying on them in times of need and they are the ones who will offer support when needed seeing how I am so far from my family. The military is like a second family to me. Just like a regular family, there is a chain of command, however as a spouse... I am similar to every other military spouse. I hold similar thoughts and love that I am able to speak to people that have been through what I am going through, speak with people currently going through what I am, and speak to people who are about to do what I have done. In a way, we are all similar, and there is no "rank."



*I am not trying to stereotype by saying "we." If my post is offensive, I don't mean to be, this is just my opinion.

April - posted on 07/24/2009

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Having lived as a Army Wife for over 10 years and many years as a Marine brat as a kid, I have seen my share of what you have termed "rank diva"...but I have to say, it really has nothing to do with the rank but the attitude that one person may be over another is some way! I have stop going to FRG meetings because of some of the behavior of many different 'rank' spouses...some officers, some simply SGT wives....all a lot like high school! Much of this behavior will actually come for the younger crowd, and since I am an older member of the Army wife club (my husband did not go active until after 10 yrs in National Guard)....I have even left military housing for good because of two main reasons, one, simply that after 35 years of not living in a home that was owned by family, I wanted to do that....not die in a rental home...and second, because of the behavior of military and families of ALL rank.....I don't know what has happened to the military, but it seems that both the soldiers and their families have lost respect for themselves and what the military is all about! We are a elite group of people that are to serve our country in a way that many do not have the privilege to do! Respect for our fellow military, their families, and our country itself should be are main focus in LIFE!

This disrespeclful way of talking to one another when ALL are making such a sacrifice of personal nature...we all have moved and lived and lost a lot of time with family because of that service...we should all look at one another with the respect of We all serve, in our own way OUR country and not the Rank that is found on a spouses chest!!!

Show pride for the military by showing how we live is the best thing that military spouses can do.....treat each other with the fact in mind that we all are giving up a normal life to support our spouse in his/her chosen career!

As a note, My husband is an E-6 and my father was when he retired a Gunnery SGT in the Marines! But my rank Army Wife, and no matter your spouses rank, All wives share that rank!

Brandi - posted on 07/23/2009

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I love the term "rank diva". I need to tell my military spouse friends that one. I really hate the rep that officer's wives have gotten. My husband in 1 LT making Captain this year, but most of my friends are wives of enlisted. They've all told me their experiences with some officer's wives, and I think it's just sad. We're stationed in Georgia, and I have to say that I've met some of these snooty wives. Luckily, our commander's wife is amazing and the most humble person you could meet. I love the story with the high ranking's wife trying to cut the line at the ATM and getting told something by the base commander's wife. That's awesome!

Amber - posted on 07/23/2009

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My hubby just left for basic training for USCG, so with me being new to military life I got to say hearing y'alls stories is pretty disappointing of how some ppl act! I was told that pretty much all military ppl are like a support community lol! Pretty intimidating to know that their are grown women acting like this! Its one thing to be PROUD which I am very much so of my husband but its pathetic to think that his rank is yours lol! Thank Y'all for all the advice and stories! I laughed pretty hard on some of them!

Kim - posted on 07/23/2009

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I was working at the Youth Center on base. A new chick started working, I was talking with her. And for a few weeks we hung out. Then she asked my husbands rank, which at the time was Senior Airman. So, I told her and she looked at me disgusted and never talked to me again! well, unless she was being rude. And her husband was just a tech! two ranks above mine!

Joan - posted on 07/22/2009

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We're stationed in Aviano. There is no base housing. There is american housing units they're call built to lease housing they are sort of like base housing only they are out in each community anywhere from right in Aviano where the base is to commuting 30 min - 45 min to get to the base, you can also opt to live in an economy house where you get an allottment for your heat, electric etc. The only people who live on the base are the single airmen.

I work on the base too and I see where the spouse/rank issue comes into play. Some spouses don't think they should have to wait as long as others for their appts. But when the General's wife doesn't mind waiting and understands emergencies taking precedence then I think everyone can wait their turn. :o)

Sherri-lee - posted on 07/22/2009

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hi, by the sounds of it you all live on bases? I presume sometimes - for support - that would great, but the closeness would get to you after a while? In Australia defence housing is placed in the community, we are spread all over the place, our neighbours are defence but the next closest (that we know of) are friends of ours that are defence and they are 2 blocks away. the single defence members can live in rooms on base but families are placed in the suburbs. the contact we have with ather partners are at formal dinners or social events and thats where I personally see (as above) the women that wear their hubby's ranks, i think i prefer the suburbs to living on a base like you do.

Kim - posted on 07/21/2009

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Well ladies, it sounds like typical women that you'd find anywhere...not just in the military! Is this just their extension of high school? "My boyfriend is captain of the football team!" LOL I'm making my first Army move with my new hubby. We live in Portland, OR not on post. We are moving in one week to Ft. Belvior VA, probably on post. He's an O3 (Capt) but we just married this year. I'm a laid back person, I like to think of myself as a person who is accepting of everyone, but I have to be honest, I am worried about these so called "rank divas." It's nice to hear from some officer's wives on here that you are not all like that and I hope to meet some like you when I move to a new place where I don't know a soul. Our behavior does reflect on our husbands FOR SURE as Michelle said, and we did not earn that rank, HE did. I guess I am worried that because even though I am technically an officers wife, I didn't "move up the ranks" with him and therefore will be perceived in a different light than those that have been married longer. I'm trying to do my homework as far as what is expected of me but I am a newbie at this and have never lived on post. Any thoughts/suggestions/advice on this one?

Tabatha - posted on 07/20/2009

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Well my husband is in the AF and when we got to our first base at Langley BLAHHHHH! almost 4 years ago he pretty much deployed as soon as we got here. He did not even work one day, he just barely finished all the breifings before deploying to Iraq. Now I did not now anything about the base or anyone on it. Base housing here sucks but they are rebuilding so it might be nice in a few more years but the people will not change. I say that because my oldest son had just started school and there were a group of women who had their own kids to worry about but chose to hone in on me walking my son to the bus stop every morning. my youngest had to go with me and one morning he had a toy with him and he was swinging it around and accidentally hit a little boys hand. About a week later my oldest was going down a slide at the park when one of these ladies kids hit my son in the chest with what looked like a tree branch but was probably just a really big stick. I did not say anything to the kid or his parents cause I did not know which one was his mom. Then two days after that my youngest had a yo-yo and I told him not to spin it around near any other kids cause he might hurt someone. So he didn't he was just walking down the side walk playing with his yo-yo when this stupid little dog comes out of a bush and bites his hand, so he hits the dog. Ok I am getting to my point, about three weeks later, It had only been about three months since we moved in, a lady came over and asked me if I would be willing to watch her friends 1yr old twins for three days cause she usually watches them but her husband was coming home that night and wanted a break from babysitting. So I figure why not it was something to do while my oldest was at Kindergarten. So the first day that I watch these kids the ladies watch and gossip or plot. Day two they see me going to the bus stop in the afternoon with these babies and all hell breaks lose. About 15 minutes after I get in my house after getting my son fom the bus, I get this lady at my door she is the head of child care and she has recieved a complaint that I am babysitting and I am not certifed. Well that lady was really nice and says that I can watch these kids as much as I want as long as the mom is not paying me which she was not. So I called my husbands squadron and just asked what all do I need to know about living in housing because these ladies are getting in my business and they don't even no me. I guess they decided to send someone over and it just so happends that my husband is sp so they thought I called the cops on them. Anyway my point here is that I had two of these women at my door when the sp was there and they were yelling at me and the sp about how they can do anything they want because of who their husband is and then one of them was pregnant and when the cop told her that she needed to control her dog and they all needed to control their kids and that they did not have any right to yell at my children she started to cry. The reason they were told that was because they started bad mouthing my kids from what they had seen in the previous weeks and the one lady had yelled at my 3 yr old when he hit her dog after the dog bit him. Anyway, after that they all started calling b***h every time I came in or out of my house and the kids were saying nasty things to my kids about me and our family, but my 5 year old came back with "does you'r mommy even no my mommy name?" I thought that was great. Then my husbands squadron called and needed me to come in and put everything in writing that happend. Then the commander got involved and got all of their husbands ranks in his hand. The pregnant lady came to my door to apologise bacause her husband only had 1 stripe to begin with and that it was the other lady who was married to the chief who started it all. Well I guess even a chief can get demoted over thier wifes childish games. That was almost 4 years ago and I just let it go now but it was a learning experience. Now I know why my parents divorced over stupid childish game and the stupid things people say when my Dad was in the Army.

Erin - posted on 07/20/2009

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In my opinion some of those wives need to get a job..I personally have not had a problem with any of them but then again i do speak my mind...I get the looks rather than them actually sayin sumthing lol..

Julie - posted on 07/19/2009

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I'm sorry you are having that experience here. I'm at Cherry Point too and I have to agree with some of the officer's wives, I have met low ranking officer wives who are snobbier that the CO wives. I loved my hubby's old CO's wife she was great. My hubby is enlisted and I have run into people like you are talking about and I think they make themselves look stupid because we, the normal ones, know that our hubby's work hard for their rank not us. Do I have my hubby's rank on my car yes, but that is because I am proud of him but I don't think I deserve and more advantage for his rank.

Sherri-lee - posted on 07/19/2009

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Hi my name is Sherri-lee, my husband is a warrant Officer Class 2 (Sgt - Major) in the Australian Army, we too have "rank diva's" here but we also call it "wearing your husbands rank" most wives/partners are great but you do get some that look down on you because their hubby is a higher rank, i had one woman tell me she was 'better than me' because her husband was higher than mine, i politely asked what he did, yep a desk jockey, I then informed her my hubby has just returned from Afghanistan, had been to Timor twice and served in the SF for awhile having been in the forces for 33 years. she shut up and moved on. just take it in your stride and ignore them. they are no better than you and they are the ones that look foolish. I would rather be a woman in my own right than just 'an extension of my husbands rank' i love him to bits but the Army is his job, not mine....

[deleted account]

OK...Now I am going to "unsour" your mouths about Officer wives. Not all of us are snooty, but yes some and maybe most are, but I'M NOT! My hubby is an O4 and I am very proud of him. But I am a Corp IT Dir and wearing his rank, is not my way of living. I have my own rank to wear at work. LOL My hubby came up through the ranks, went in as an E-1 up to Chief and now is an O4. So using the term "rank divas", in my opinion is truly stereotypical. Because the bottom line is that all of our hubbies are out defending this country, no matter what rank he is. No one has the right to look down their noses at anyone, everything is a matter of respect. The wives that choose to use their husband's rank as their own, needs to get out and get a life, better yet a JOB! LOL

Melissa - posted on 07/17/2009

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Thank you for your answer, Meredith. Very well put. My husband is about to take his first command, and I am very nervous about being the "CO's wife" and all that the name seems to imply (stereotypes)... There is not an FRG leader, and it seems that I am expected to take over... I really don't want to "take over" and I definitely don't want anyone thinking that I am charging in and looking for control of anything. I am hoping that this will be a good experience and maybe people will realize that officer's wives are not all "rank divas". By the way, I love that term, Meilani! :) Did you make that up? Too funny!

Meredith - posted on 07/17/2009

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I feel like I have to respond. I have been married for about 11 years to my airman. When we got married, he was a 2nd lieutenant. He is now a major. I have NEVER worn his rank. I have many friends who are also officer spouses, who do the same thing.



The officers are sent on just as many deployments. They are gone during the day just as many hours, if not more. I believe we are all in the same boat. We all deal with crying kids in the middle of the night, and birthdays celebrated when Dad is 1000 miles from home. I am sure we have all packed and moved on our own. We all have to find new friends every time we move, and find schools and friends for our children.



I do not beleive that EVERY officer's spouse would act the way you are describing. I can't stand the mentality that SOME spouses (officer and enlisted alike) have, where they believe that because their husband wears a certain number of stripes, or bars, or whatever, they should be assigned special preference.



My road has always been to ignore them. They are generally very unhappy people. They serve no purpose to you or to me, and probably have miserable home lives as well.

Allyson - posted on 07/17/2009

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ya i have dealt with people like that my husband is a marine and we were stationed at MCAS yuma in AZ. and i worked at the marine mart and when the "snowbirds" (for everybody who doesnt know what that is it when the older people come down from up north for the winter cuz its to cold were they live.) come down you get aalot of that cuz alot of people are retired military we had one lady come in and she just started screaming at one of the cashiers so bad that when the lady left our cashier was balling. the thing that gets me the most she had to nerve to throw out the line well i'll have you know that my husband is a MSGT or something high ranking like that. its like she expected everybody to do what she said or give her what she wanted like she was entitled to it. im sorry if your gonna be a b***h i dont care who you are or what rank you husband is you are not entitled to anything or act like that

Corinne - posted on 07/17/2009

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i guess i should point out that not all my experiences have been bad and i have made friends with officers wives! im not bad mouthing them! :)

Corinne - posted on 07/17/2009

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i loveeeeeeeee the term rank divas! its soooo appropriate!! i have had experiences with wives wearing their husbands rank on their sleeves, trying to take over frg meetings, etc! i almost b*slapped a colonels wife once cause she was always running her mouth like she owned everyone! we had it out once, at an frg meeting, and her husband had to get up and call peace! i was laughing so hard when i left! i couldnt take it anymore though!



one of my best friends recently married a captain in the army and she absolutely cannot stand the bad mouthing of officers wives! ive tried to explain it (being an enlisted spouse myself) but she hasnt been involved in it long enough to truely understand yet! shes definitely not the type to get along with the officers wives anyway! it will be an interesting show, for sure! :)

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