SEX!!!! thats right military wives i said it!!!!!!!!

Tah - posted on 05/10/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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apparenlty we are havving it, look at all the military brats we have between us..lol. SO my questions are



How important to the relationship is it for you???



How often do you have it???



How long is too long to go without it????(not counting deployments, and if you are having it while he is gone, i dont wanna know about it..lol)



Now i was on a few sites where women who aren't military aren't having sex for upwards of a year with their husbands citing tiredness??, or kids??? so, since we know that men express their feelings physically, my other questions are



Are these valid reasons to not have sex??(not talking about medical problems, totally understandable)



Would you blame your spouse for cheating if you were "always tired", or the "baby needed you more"???



lets spice it up..speak freely...

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My husband and I are both very sexual beings. We are on our 3rd year of marriage, and we still "get it on" at least once a day. We like to make up for lost time (deployments, him going to the field, etc.). I think it is very important to our relationship, since we both are very sexually active beings. If he no longer persued me, or I no longer persued him, I would be worried. He's been out in the field for a few weeks now, and I am missing him like crazy!

Kristin - posted on 05/12/2011

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Allow me to stir the pot and state that my husband and I don't share a bedroom. :-) We'd never go a year without sex, but we've certainly gone a month without it. Our schedules tend to be different, and I know we'd rather sit down and relax at the end of the day than spend what little energy we have left having sex when neither of us is really in the mood. Sex is important, but so is sitting down and talking with one another. Every relationship thrives differently. And should we really be having sex if it feels like a "chore" instead of a great part of our marriage? I suppose I'm lucky that my husband and I are on the same page about our sex life. It's there, and it's good! It's just not three times a week.

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Don't worry about the women in magazines and on tv. They have been airbrushed, had surgery, are wearing tons of make up, just to hide who they really are. Would you rather look sexy according to/to benefit society, or feel naturally sexy to benefit yourself?
Take pride in the body you have. Confidence is very sexy.

Billie - posted on 07/07/2011

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I felt that way too, but if you research the internet, there's women who have embraced their after baby bodies so much they've posted their body pics online. That helped a lot to know that there are tons of bodies walking around that look just like mine.

Shellee - posted on 07/07/2011

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thank you billie. its kinda been a struggle. hes says im still sexy and a hot mama, but its hard when you look at theses skinny girls with the perfect body. in the back of my head im thinkin if he had the chance would he live me for her? would he rather me have her body then my own? i just wish they would show real women on tv. no touch ups or anything.

Billie - posted on 07/06/2011

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@Shellee-I know how you feel, about not being in the mood after having a baby. I felt uncomfortable in my after-baby body, I was so exhausted from my newborn keeping us up at night and then having to care for my toddler during the day along with my newborn. Take some alone time, just a few minutes to yourself, and think about how your sexual relationship was like with your man before kids came into the equation. That's what helped jumpstart my libido! On top of that I came to terms with my new body and my husband was constantly telling me how he still thought I was sexy and didn't want anyone else but me and that helped me to get back in the mood.

Shellee - posted on 07/06/2011

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this has been on my mind for a couple weeks now. we are new parents and its harder to find the time to have sex.my problem is yes being tired, and just not in the mood. how do you spice it up. how do i make myself want it? come on i use to just give it to him. but now he has to preheat my oven. lmao. its true. im trying to get him to get in to the air force. but he wants to either be a police officer or the air force. he says wich over comes first. i would love to see him in uniform. grrr. but does have anyone have any tips???? and yes i think it is very important to have sex in your realation.

Billie - posted on 07/05/2011

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I definitely think there has to be some issues there if you can voluntarily go without sex with your spouse sleeping right next to you! I know whenever my husband comes home from deployment we bump uglies the moment we have alone time! LOL, you know that first time doesn't take very long anyways, lol. Before my husband deployed this time, we were both exhausted from #2 keeping us up all night. There were nights that I would just stay in the living room with her in the night so my husband could at least get some sleep, he still had to go to work! And whether I was in the mood or not, my husband got some nookie, whether I was participating or falling asleep, LOL, he was taken care of. Most of the time he would get me to rise to the occassion, but that's another story :) Also, when you're stressed, it's the best thing to loosen up those tight muscles. When you're exhausted, it's the best thing to help you get a deeper sleep! There's no excuse to not have sex unless you're having medical issues or you're just not interested in your partner anymore.



And there is never any excuse for cheating. Either you're with someone or you're not. If you find there's an issue in your relationship it's up to you to discuss it with your partner and figure out how to fix it whether it means taking steps to fix it or divorce, there's no excuse for cheating. That's the lowest of the low and the worst thing besides abuse you could do to someone.



I would also like to add that a good sexual connection is important in a relationship. You know you have that connection when you can't even think about having sex with another human being. We're so connected that we were doing the deed a week and a half after I gave birth to #2! But my body responds very well to birth. POSSIBLE TMI-Not to mention the sexual tension was so thick that I actually had a break in the nasty aftermath, we had to take advantage, LOL. Man I miss my husband :(

Jennifer - posted on 05/16/2011

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We have it fairly often. Though it does feel like a chore sometimes when we are doing it for infertility treatments. I am the oddest, I apparently initiate it in my sleep. So when I seem out of it, my hubby just waits till morning since he knows I am fine with sleep sex. Probably weird, but we have an understanding about it.

Tah - posted on 05/16/2011

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http://www.circleofmoms.com/the-mosaic/n...







now, ive just gone ahead and posted and the whole link because to take all the info and do it like that..too much..keep in mind we are laughing and having fun as well but the info on there is from Mary..our nurse that delivers babies and from Barb our lafy that can find anything online and just support from other moms who have been there...

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Okay ladies, not abandoning you..lol, the ladies have great input..the hormones shouldn't be affecting you in that manner more than 8 months out of pregnancy unless breastfeeding. Also some anti depressants actually decrease the desire more...there is more, I'll post the info for you...

Onisa - posted on 05/13/2011

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Jamie,
I understand what you are going through because i'm going through that also. I have just start on the process of figuring out why and i am currently on an anti depressent and have talked to a psychologist for the first type and she says its adjustment and anxiety, although i feel alittle different i still do not want sex. I am open to any suggestions also.

to go along with the original post, my husband has talked to other women but never gotten with them and it is because he isn't getting it enough and i can't really be too mad at him because i'm not giving it to him. So even though i dont want it and get nothing out of it i still have sex with him to keep him.

Tah - posted on 05/13/2011

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I have to say Jamie..I admire the fact that you know there is an issue and are addressing it, I started another community, small and intimate, everyone there has a role, so to speak..lol. So after I get off work today I'll have my researcher, so to speak, look into it for you. Although I'm a nurse, it's post surgical, but I also have a couple other nurses that deal with people antepartum so I'll ask for there help as well...best wishes...

Jami - posted on 05/12/2011

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I gave myself to my husband when I said "yes". We have a navy jr. and another on the way to prove that. While, at one time we expressed our love for each other very intimately, after having our first son, and having the mirena iud- my sex drive went so far below ZERO it wasn't even funny. Sex was so uncomfortable for me it would hurt, make me nauseous, and caused my husband to think I didn't feel the same about him anymore. I wish I could say that by some miracle, having the iud removed brought the mood back - but it didn't. The first time I actually felt truly "horny" was when my son was over 25 months old! Hubby had gone away for a month for c-school and upon his arrival , it was on. but that only lasted for that one time.... I can't explain it but sex is almost repulsive to me, now and it hurts, and it just feels.... all wrong, especially when things used to be SO spicy. I've been to several doctors, even had a therapist and was put on anti-depressants ( which didn't help that aspect, either )... I tried medications that were supposed to enhance libido, had all my hormone levels tested ... I'vce had everything tested to the point that I wondered if I really just didn't feel the same about my husband anymore- which was a terrible thought but it crossed my mind as a last resort when the doctors could find nothing wrong with me.... he recently left for a deployment, and sadly we didn't even have departing sex and I hope he wouldn't cheat-he never has and is a very faithful husband in every aspect.... But I feel like there really is something wrong with me, and I worry about things like that CONSTANTLY. It hurts me, mentally, as well... I'm sexually frustrated, and I can't even feel sexual, not even by watching porn or reading a dirty book or website, anything to try to get me in the mood absolutely fails. It's like I'm a child or something.... before puberty. Just repulsed but I don't want to be :( If anyone else has ever had this problem, please please please help me out. this is MISERABLE, and when he gets home from deployment, I don't want to fall back into this rut! I'd like to solve this issue once and for all!

Tah - posted on 05/12/2011

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Well if it works, I was on another community and the women were almost never having sex with their husbands, because of the baby, or being tired or just not being interested, the husbands are wanting to have sex but alot of the women are kinda like o well, so what..which I think is selfish, especially when approaching 6 months to a year. I don't agree with adultery, but I can see where someone can be tempted or even stray when the intimacy and physical aspect is taken away...

O and it sounds like it's working for you guys, so great..if My husband falls asleep first and I sneak downstairs, he wakes up and finds me, lol, so different rooms won't work for us..lol,

Nowi also think it's important to not forget you are still his wife when you become a mom so you can't neglect him...

Kristin - posted on 05/12/2011

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And just a quick add on note: we have more sex now that we sleep in different bedrooms. I think it's because we're better rested!

Kristin - posted on 05/12/2011

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LOL I'm happy to answer. He's deployed now, so I was referring to the schedule he had at his last duty station. He's a morning person, and commuted an hour to post to be there at 0730. So at the latest he was getting up at 0600, but usually he got up around 0430 to go running. I got pregnant within the first month of him getting home from the last deployment, and early mornings do not mix well with morning sickness. We moved to bedrooms across the house from one another so that he wasn't waking me up so early. This was also great after our son was born, because we put the nursery next to my bedroom. If the baby got up in the middle of the night, it didn't wake him. Plus, DH getting up early didn't wake the baby. We could have switched me back to the master bedroom at some point, but we discovered we both like the room to spread out. We like different temperatures. He snores. I roll. We have two bedrooms because we just plain sleep better! We've never really slept well in the same bed, and one of us usually ended up moving to the guest bedroom anyhow in the middle of the night even before the kids came along. It doesn't mean we don't, um, meet up for the occasional get together, but I always go back to my room to do the actual sleeping. I get some odd looks when people come to visit and instead of them being put in the "guest room" they're put in "my room." Doesn't bug me. I sleep like a log. :-)

Tah - posted on 05/12/2011

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Doesnt have to be three times a week, but I don't think it helps a relationship to go a year without it....question...different bedrooms?...is that a schedule difference????..if you dont want to answer, that's fine as well...of course there is more to a relationship, but sex is important..

Kim - posted on 05/10/2011

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I don't think there is any reason good enough to not have sex for over a year unless you are physically unable too. My husband whines if we haven't had sex in over a week so I could only imagine what he'd be like in a year. lol I don't think that a wife should get mad at her spouse for cheating if she has been unwillingly to have sex for that length of time. Their are times when I don't want to but for the most part I just do it. It's not like its an hour chore. lol

Tah - posted on 05/10/2011

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that's what i thought but some moms are doing this and actually okay with it, so i thought i would bring it here since we have to spend time away from our spouses, and what happens after deployment..another baby...lol....so i thought this was a good control group..lol

Tiffany - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think it's important. Part of being with another is being physically compatible with them. Otherwise you are just roommates with the same last name. I don't believe there's a valid reason for not having sex with your spouse for over a year, unless it's physically impossible to do.

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