Brandie - posted on 12/31/2009 ( 93 moms have responded )
My husband is active duty airforce and is deployed in Iraq right now. We have twin 2 yr old daughters. Everything was fine, we hadn't had a fight in a few months and everythign was going good. The 28th was my bday and he skyped with me, he even cried and said he just misses me so much and wants to come home.
The 29th we were chatting on the airforce instant messenger and all of a sudden he started saying how he thinks things should change adn started nitpicking random things from our entire 5 yrs together and saying how he's not himself anymore and wants to be himself. I don't understand any of it because all I know is that he has been incredibly happy. I tried to understand it and just go along with it bc he does tend to change his mind atleast once a day. We went ot bed that night agreeing things would change and we would work through it all when he gets home in March.
Yesterday, the 30th he decided he just wants to give up and that he thinks it would be easier for him to just get it overith and decided he sees all these single guys and just wants to do what he wants now. He said " I just dont think I'm good for a relationship or a marriage period. I don't want a family anymore, I don't want to have to take care of a family anymore." Obviously this has been breaking my heart and I am so confused and lost it is unreal. I've tried to talk to him about it and ask him to just please wait until he gets home so we can go to counseling or try to work it out and if it doesnt then fine we will get a divorce even though I don't want one because I do love him. He keeps saying he loves me but he doesnt know if he wants to wait that long to just see that it wont work out. It's only 2 more months until he comes home! This is so frustraiting. I talked to his parents about it and they say its just a phase and he will change his mind in a week or so, not to worry. This has never happened before and I have been completley blind sided and am lost at what to do. We are now taking a break for a couple of weeks so he can decide if " he wants to try to work it out when he gets home". He also said last night that maybe if I go back to my parents in Louisiana for awhile when he gets home so he can just live his life for ac ouple of months and see how it is for him and if he likes it or not and if not Ic an come back. But I don't think thats right for him to not even want to see me or his daugfhters when he gets home for even a week. No matter what I think I should stand my ground and stay here until he gets home.
I don't want to leave bc I don't want him putting it on me that I left if it comes down to a divorce. Should I inform the first shirt about this? Is it mandatory for us to do marriage counseling before a divorce in the military?? I need help bc I have no knowledge about any of this and I am completly lost and confused about why he would do this. Thanks