[deleted account] ( 61 moms have responded )
Maybe this is a dumb question. My husband is deployed (first deployment) and we are in the National Guard. We have 3 young kids (the oldest are 6). I am a freak and every month, when I have PMS, I get irrational, moody, crazy, and don't control my mouth. I have said horrible things that I am not proud of. Well, DH deployed this fall, then had a chance for the spouses to see him before he went overseas. My spouse thought it was too expensive/didn't want to say goodbye again. So I freaked out (right before my period), lost it on him that he didn't love me and I wanted a divorce, so he bought me plane tickets and I got to see him. But we couldn't afford it. We have a ton of debt and after he left I found out he put $17K on a credit card. Plus since he is in the Guard, he was making a lot less money for the few months before hazard pay kicked in, and I was selling a lot of our belongings to just pay the bills. I am a SAHM. Then, he calls me right during my devil PMS time and tells me he needs me to get a job so that I can help financially with the bills. I lost it on him and told him I wanted a divorce because I wasn't happy and I didn't think I should have to get a job during the deployment when the kids and I are all kind of freaked out, to pay for him to buy stuff that we don't need. He is an aggressive/emotional spender and I don't want to work for his fun money. So after I got my period I cooled down, but he is done with me. He says that he wants a divorce, will never change his mind, refuses to talk to anyone about it, and says that even if I took care of my PMS and changed into the best person in the whole world, he wouldn't be happy with me and is tired of trying. He is saying the kids are better off in a divorce and that they will be fine. I freaked out and begged him to give me another chance, I would go drug myself up and apologized my butt off and told him I loved him and was so sorry for all the times I hurt him, but it is irritating him. He wants me to shut up and move on. I guess there is no hope, right? I have a tiny hairswidth of hope but I am just wondering if it is stupid of me to think that maybe he will change his mind once he gets home, if I can cut out all the drama. I have had to forgive him for hurting me in lots of ways but he doesn't want to forgive me, says he is not in love with me.