Spouse/Mom with career....is that so wrong??

Lisa - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Why is it that some other spouses think I'm doing something wrong because I have a family AND a career??

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Megan - posted on 12/18/2009

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I completely agree, when done correctly, being a SAHM is rather hard. Since I'm waiting on the new school semester to roll around, and the VA to accept paperwork for tuition/fees, I'm constantly running around on errands for myself, my little one, and my husband. A lot of times, that let's my husband not stress so much at work, knowing that I'm taking care of all the small things so he can concentrate on his job. So for those that see that as their calling, more power to you...it wears me out! lol



But I'm like Krista...staring at 4 walls all day whenever i'm not taking care of my little one (like when she's down with naps and whatnot) is driving me crazy...I gotta get out and do something! lol. Thankfully my schooling/certification starts next summer, so I'm not going to be feeling like i'm abandoning my daughter in pursuit of a career...it's a little wierd to think that, but she's my first and I really don't want to miss any of her "firsts"...

Krista - posted on 12/18/2009

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I don't understanding it much myself - I get a lot of heat from people because I work and don't stay at home. I am maybe one of 2 or 3 wives that worked full time before I had my baby and only a couple more worked full time - the rest stayed home (about half have children). There are some people who staying at home with their children works well for them and I'm just not one of those people! I have to get out of the house for a while or I get stir crazy... Not to mention that I spent just over 7 years in school and I'm going to use that education for something! I'll be going back to work at the end of January and I'm going to ask about working part time instead of full time, but we'll see how that goes!

At to the SAHMs out there, I really admire what you do and as everyone else has said, it is a thankless job.

Tah - posted on 12/18/2009

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I don't have anything against sahm in the military and it is a thankless job...But..i think it is important to still keep a sense of self. The sahm i have a problem with are the ones who don't do the work, or are bored so they run around spending money they don't have and when the husbnad needs the help and extra income of them going back to work they find any excuse in the world noto to do it. I love my husband and my children but if i had to stay in this house for one more day while my oldest 2 were in school i was gonna lose my mind....when he met me i was a senior school for the profession i chose and working so he knew off the bat that i would i be continuing in my career. I am blessed in that my career is everywhere so if we moved every couple of years then i would always be able to have a job and i know that isn't everyone's situation but it is mine. My husband tells me all the time that he is proud of me and what i do and if i ever wanted to stay home he would pick up the slack and even another job if need be..but i figure why make him do that..risking his life at one job is plenty...My neighbor who just moved was a sahm of 3... 1 in college and married to a marine, 1 in high school and a 4th grader, she complained about money and how he was nearing his 20 and they had no savings and this and that...and i couldn't see for the life of me why she couldn't go work on base or something..sahm is a thankless job and when done correctly is one of the hardest but i love my career and what i do and knowing that i am helping my husband gives me a good feeling....so kudos to you

Medic - posted on 12/17/2009

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apparently its the "traditional" role of a military wife as i was recently told....currently i am a stay at home mom as i am having complications with my pregnancy but i LOVE my job and my husband and i both agree that i will return to work after the baby is a year......i love being with my kids but i also crave the feeling of working....and thankfully my career works with moving all the time and works with taking time off here and there to raise babies

Megan - posted on 12/17/2009

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I'm with you on being told that my "proper" job is to stay home. But I have worked since I was 15 (now going 24), and it's only been because of my health that I've had to become a SAHM. Since my health is getting better (thanks to a gallbladder removal surgery :D ), I'm looking forward to getting back into the workforce. Though not the traditional one, I'm looking at something more along the lines of one of the kinds of home shows.

Lisa - posted on 12/17/2009

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First thank you Megan!! And Stefie I do understand what it's like to be a SAHM, I stayed home with my son until he was 3yrs old and decided it was time to go back to work because I felt all of those emotions (guilty, lonely, cut off, unsupported, exhausted). My family is my world but sometimes you have to put yourself FIRST or you begin to lose who you really are...or at least that's what a very wise now retired Navy wife told me!!! But for someone to actually tell me that a proper mil. wife stays home because that is her job.....really? So that's the comment I got and the reason I started this conversation. Thanks to both of you for your feedback!!

Stefie - posted on 12/17/2009

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I think maybe they are jealous. With my husband's training, we have to move so often that it is really impossible for us to stay together and me have a job let alone a career. I really miss my career ( before my children I was an awesome corporate accountant). We have decided that maybe in 4 years I can move some where permeant and he can come visit me so I can have a career, too.

I guess the only thing is be careful around SAHM, we often feel guilty, lonely, cut off, unsupported, exhausted, and don't get credit for having a job that never gives us one second of a break. I would try to give mother that stayed at home respect and they will probably return it.

Megan - posted on 12/17/2009

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I have no idea, I think it's absolutely wonderful that you have found a way to be something other than (at least in my opinion) be a trophy wife. It'll give you something to do, while your husband works, provide extra income into the family budget, and gives yourself people outside the military to talk to. I applaud you. *claps*



You just have to remember that there are (from what i've seen) two different ideas of how a military spouse is supposed to be. It is up to the individual, and to their specific family what the spouse is supposed to.

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