Surive Recruiting duty

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I have posted this in response to a call for advice - I hope it helps some -



It was the hardest time we have had and married and military for 12 years. Find a support group of some sort, I was in Oregon - no active military component so that alone was wierd for me - I had to learn to speak english :-) I found a MOMs group ( for stay at home moms) they were a great group for friends, check yahoo groups, meet up, and your local paper to find some like minded groups (scrapbooking, book club, whatever).



Also treat this like a deployment, while on recruiting I found a teenager to be a sitter and the first week of each month I would schedule nights for her to sit, then I wrote her a check and that way I KNEW what nights I had to myself. I would go to dinner with friends, or sometimes I just went grocery shopping, read a book at a coffee shop whatever YOU NEED a break.



I never found a way to help my spouse with his stress so I just stayed out of his way - but the stress is VERY real and so many drink too much and now thiose 4 in Texas committed sucide - be aware of your hubby's mental state and try to help him find ways to release the stress that aren't distructive.



I feel for you recruiting duty sucks, my hubby calls USARC the dark overlord.

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[deleted account]

Recruiting duty is a challenge. My husband has been in the Navy for 10 years and the last 5 have been as a Recruiter. It takes a seriously independent woman to live through it but I prefer it to sea duty. I know that every night my husband will be home and if I needed him to run to the store for me or pick up one of our kids from school he could do it. The quotas are tough and the "product" they sell isn't easy to sell but I have found that supporting him and figuring out how to make recruiting work for me has been helpful. I'd say the only thing I really hate is that I'm not near a base, and im away from my Navy Family. I feel like recruiters are forgotten out in the real world. I don't get to take advantage of commissarys, base housing, base child care, discounts! That sucks the most! It's not for everyone but I have found that recruiting sure beats 300 nights alone!!!!

Kristie - posted on 03/17/2009

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My husband has been in Recruiting for the last 10 years.  We have 2 1/2 more years before he retires.  I know exactly how all of you feel.  There are a lot of ups & downs.  Not only in the marriage and family, but with recruiting too.  At the first 3-4 duty stations there was no support and my husband was more or less treated like !#**.  It all had to do with who his superiors were.  it took a toll on our marriage too.  But, we got through it eventually.  Now that he is an acting 1 Sgt, he has  made sure to have an open door policy with his soldiers.  Not to mention that we are both there for the spouses too.  If a soldier or spouse has a problem they can come to us any time and we will make sure that they get the help they need.  No body was there for us in the beginning and we wanted to make sure & change that when he was in a position to do so.  So it all depends on how your chain of command works. 

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Jonas - posted on 11/21/2013

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You know what was the best thing about recruiting duty? Putting my finger in little girl's asses. I even got one of my recruits pregnant in 2001. My name is Jonas E. Mack and I was a station commander in Stockton, Ca from 2000-2004. The best part about the whole thing is, my First Sergeant knew about it and helped me cover it up by moving me to the Fair Oaks recruitng station in Sacramento, Ca. I got away with it!

Jonas - posted on 11/21/2013

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I was a station commander in stockton ca for 5 years and all you recruiters were the same. Bitch Bitch Bitch is all I heard from you lazy %$%$. You wives are no better. If you dont like the duty then get a %^^&%^% divorce and STFU!

A - posted on 01/10/2013

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I'm worried my husband was just asked if he would like recruiting duty he is in Japan I know he would come back to the states I am in school he told me it will be hard I AM WORRIED :(((((((((((((

[deleted account]

Brandy & Michele- My husband said they same thing. They are no long allowed to write over 3 contracts a month (for the USMC and atleast in our district) unless the kid wants to go reserves. Our district is so over budget they had to take gov's away and they no longer have shuttle tickets. Which is BS because now they have to drive back and forth between MEPS themselves.

[deleted account]

Brandy--- I know! My husband has been telling me that they have been turning applicants away, even though they are fully qualified and have high asvabs because there are only like 10 jobs for the whole country. That's crazy! He said that this month, his command wants them to take "atrites" because they have too many shippers. But that is the Navy, I know the Marines and Army are still going full force. It's a cycle. Once we start bringing troops home from Iraq, the entire military will be overmanned! On the bright side, our district did cancel the working Saturday last week because of the lack of avaliable jobs. I agree---keep your chins up and family is first, always!

Brandy - posted on 04/08/2009

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My husband and I have also been in the recruiting world for three years but he is on the contract side. I think alot of stress has to deal with who the commander is and who is in charge. If you have a boss who understands you need to spend time with your family then life will be a little easier. But from talking with recruiters spouses I understand how they are pushed to "play the numbers game". What I don't understand is why are we pushing to get recruits when the military is "staffed" for the next three years. My husband tells me that they are actually fighting over contracts for the new recruits because there are barely any jobs left. Why don't they just give the guys an extra day off and make life easier on everybody? Especially since they are working almost everyday as it is?



Well, keep your chins up girls! And just remember, family comes first. Especially the kids!

[deleted account]

We signed up for recruiting hell... voluntarily. We had NO idea what it would be like. I live in BFE Virginia and I am literally counting the months until the duty is over. (13 to go by the way) I didn't come here with kids but I went through a miscarriage and then went on to have a healthy pregnancy. The commanders didn't have much sympathy. The stress is terrible (for both partners) Nothing is never enough. More recruits. More poolee functions. More time at the office. It never fails. It's been really devastating to our marriage and without other USMC wives to network/have support I think it's even harder. If you decide you want RD, make sure you have one hell of a solid marriage and nothing but support for your husband. The first year was the hardest while he was still adjusting to everything. He is one of the top producers for our district and he just got promoted, so that helps a little. If someone brings up possibly going on RD, I almost always try to talk them out of it. I've seen 3 couples divorce. It's awful...

Susie - posted on 03/10/2009

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I also came of a manditory recruit away from friends and family. My dh was so depressed he had to seek counciling as did I plus medication.   It really was as bad as others have posted and then some. I don't think we will ever be the same. Deployment was a walk in the park to this. It is not for everyone.

Tina - posted on 03/10/2009

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I am in the midst of it now and yes it is really really hard. My husband bottles everything up inside and I knew he was miserable but I didn't know how bad it was. We nearly divorced. It's not just him, all the guys talk about it. they are treated like crap if they don't recruit enough guys in and seriously very few actually pass the test and follow through. I had been warned beforehand but had no idea how bad it would actually be. Seriously you will be like a single parent 90 percent of the time so find childcare as soon as you get stationed. Get involved. I go to chapel on Sundays, on Tuesday nights the chapel offers free dinner and family classes for everyone so we go to that. I joined PWOC ( a woman's Bible study), I take my toddler to storytime at the library, I take the kids to the beach and we go to movies. I try hard to schedule time for me to go to the bookstore and get a coffee and read magazines or I go shopping (for me i like thrift stores and yardsales). I have hobbies like sewing, painting and gardening. I stay busy on purpose.I have several good friends I can call when I need to vent or to cry. When hubby is here everything is family oriented and we try to keep the house calm and peaceful because he is stressed. We are halfway through and he will be done next year.

Laura - posted on 03/09/2009

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Quoting Jaime:

Y'all are scaring me... is it really ALWAYS that bad?

We are considering a tour of recruiting duty, because with my husband's ethnicity there is a high chance we would end up close to home, but now I am second guessing if it would be worth it... O_o



Yes its that bad. If you have children expect to feel like a SINGLE parent. And my husband was told he wld get close to home being that he volunteered for recruting.......did we get it no! I miss my husband every day, I feel like we are drifting apart sometimes........:( The other night he had to tk a possible recruit in at 5am on a sat., which made him leave the house at 3am. Not cool. I dont recommend recruiting to anyone.

Jericha - posted on 03/03/2009

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We are done with recruiting in August!! I can not wait. Recruiting duty has been the biggest pain ever... But i was close to family and friends!! Don't know what i am going to do after

Kimberly - posted on 03/02/2009

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Don't do it willingly!!! You always think you'll get the assignment you want, right up until they pubish your orders and send you to the outskirts of BFE!!! Remember - Everything is "needs of the military" if they "need" you somewhere else, that's where you're going. And if they tell you that they'll get you somewhere specific, they're lying!! If you don't see it in writing with his name on it, don't count on it! Good luck.

Jaime - posted on 02/21/2009

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Y'all are scaring me... is it really ALWAYS that bad?

We are considering a tour of recruiting duty, because with my husband's ethnicity there is a high chance we would end up close to home, but now I am second guessing if it would be worth it... O_o

Melissa - posted on 02/20/2009

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OMG yes... my husband and I did not have the best marriage in teh military, but we got pregnant rightbefore we were givien Recruiting duty and w were stationed at camp Prndleton, CA and got sent to BFE Ohio.... Now that we have a 5 month old.. he is so busy with work and stuff that we are no longer together... The duty is hard... but I do believe that a husband and a father should always make time for his family... It is hard but if you are both strong enough.. then you should be okay.. maybe im a little bitter about it though. i guess i needed to vent. but that is the good thing about this specififc community. all of us woman know how that is in the military life...

Lucy - posted on 02/18/2009

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I feel for you! My husband did 4yrs of recruiting and despised it. However he was very very good at it so we are hoping we do not get called back to it! I did the same thing you did as far as helping him, i just tryed to stay out of his way.  They promised days off and he got lies.

Kimberly - posted on 02/17/2009

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USAREC aught to include a disclaimer in the new recruiter packet:

" Welcome to the United States Army Recruiting Command. This is the f*ck-your-buddy organization that is going to destroy any sense of normalsy that you and your family thought you had. We take pride in our ability to completely wear you down and do what we can to ensure that those of you bringing families to your new duty station will never see your children; Christmas and the occasional federal holiday excluded. Remember that you are going to be a member of the community that you have been assigned to. It is your duty to remain as involved in your community and neighborhoods as possible as to gain the trust and respect of the youngsters that we want in today's Army. We encourage our recruiters to spend as little time as possible with friends and family, unless of course, they are of age to be recruited. Family loyalties and commitments are no longer an issue for you, as USAREC has already done the necessary groundwork for all of that to fall apart before your eyes. Once again, welcome to USAREC - We expect the impossible."



Can you tell I LOVE Recruiting?!!!

Laura - posted on 02/17/2009

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Quoting Ericka:



My DH is a station commander and was told that they now are to be released every Wed. at 4pm. USAREC orders....We'll see how this works out.






released at 4 ??  Where's this?

Carrie - posted on 02/10/2009

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I am a survivor of recruiting duty.  My husband was a recruiter in South Carolina, which is where both of went to high school.  Everything that you have said is good advice.  We have friends here that are about to go to recruiting, and I have been giving her pointers.  They are fortunate to be going close to home so at least she has some family close by.  For me that is the only way I stayed sane.  I had my mom and best friend to vent to when they would keep him 18 hours a day.  He had to fight for the tmie off to get married.  He also ended up having to have surgery on his ankle after we got out of recruiting because they would never let him off of work for appointments.  We had bad station commanders.

[deleted account]

My husband is on recruiting and is Staff NCOIC I wish the marine corps would do that. DH has been working 6 days a week and then going in on Sunday nights to get the people jout to the hotel. Half the time all the other stations are closed an our guys are still there.

I think recruiting duty is worse than deployment. Atleast on deployment they are gone and not having to make excuses for missing something.

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