Switched missions on him.. Now I feel lost..

Lisa - posted on 10/29/2009

Another thought to consider is letting your son help with sending things to dad. It will keep him busy and give him something to DO to help daddy. He can make cookies, art projects, help shop for the things you will pack in boxes (they have special priority flat rate ones specifically for overseas deployments), pack the boxes. He will act out sometimes. You and dad are the center of his very small little world and that world is gettng tipped on its head. Just be patient and help him talk through it. Are you near a base? Lots of times the BX will have books for children whose parents are deployed. It will help him find the words he doesn't have. I think that would be one of the two hardest things about being a kid .... having no control over anything and having all the same feelings an adult does without the words to explain it or the knowledge to deal with. If you ever need to talk, vent or ask questions, feel free to find me.

Jessica - posted on 10/29/2009

I do have alot of family and friends for support but I only know one other military spouse that I keep in contact.. and everyone is about an hour away. We knew them before Jeremy reenlisted and her husband is in the navy with him and was in the army with him as well. I've been with him for over 4 years now and its been military except he was inactive reserve for just over a year and just gettin back into military life and they sent him. We definitely plan on making a video for the kids when he is back before he goes overseas.. He says he might be able to be back for almost 3 weeks instead of 6 days. So that will be nice. We haven't done a paper thing like you did but we are doing tootsie rolls. We keep them up on a shelf where he can see them dwindle down. I just give my daughter a cookie or something soft that she can eat. My son can have one every night that daddy is gone. When I give it to him I talk about daddy and remind him that daddy loves him and misses him.. but daddy has to fight the bad guys. He's done pretty good so far but there's the acting up from him occasionally.. and last night he woke up and came into my bed at 4 in the morning and would not go back to sleep.. Other than that he's done pretty well tho. I think my daughter is too young to understand. She gets really crabby some days but I just think its all part of him being gone. I'm also planning on putting pictures of their daddy all over the house at their level so that they can see him more. We do talk on webcam but the kids don't usually want to sit down and talk to him. But I figure as long as they see him a little bit it'll be ok. I tried to get my son in preschool but his birthday is past the cutoff point so he has to wait another year. Just trying to find anything to keep us busy.. Including me taking classes online. :)

Lisa - posted on 10/29/2009

Hi Jessica,



When they deploy it's always hard. I have been a milspouse now for 10 years and my husband has deployed 4 times: Saudi, Oman, Iraq, Iraq. He was over there when the twin towers were hit, and when the war started. It's always scary, but there are things that help. If you have webcams, use them. If you have friends in your area that you can call to talk to, use them. Find a group of moms who are in your husbands company or unit and trade babysitting and errand running favors, so that yoy have time to wind down. I have found it priceless to have people I can call and say, "I am really struggling and I don't want to worry my kids, can you take them for a little bit until I get this in control?" Any milspouse will perfectly understand and most of them will help. If you return the favor, you can develop a support system that will see you through just about anything. Whatever you do, don't watch the news. You will hear stories that will scare you and you will worry more than you need too, because you will automatically wonder if he was involved.



If he can, if you have time or he can find the resources where he is make a "daddy video." We have had one for our kids every time my husband is gone. In it he tells them where he is and how much he loves them and misses them. He reads stories on it so they watch it before they go to bed and it is their "bedtime story." Then we just add film on there of him playing and spending time with them. They watch it every day and it helps tremendously. While he is gone do special projects with them to send to him. Get a coffee can and decorate it with contact paper. Cut little strips of paper. On each one help them write a note, draw a picture or put a heart sticker. Fold them in half and place them in the coffee can. One for each day he is gone. Explain that every day he will pull one out of the can and open it up and look at it so that they can give him lovin' every day. Make one for them on the sly and say it is from daddy and let them pull one out every morning so they get lovin' from dad every day.



You're right, the thought about his safety will be in your mind every day, but you can do this. When it is all over you will look at the time and know that the hand of a higher power was in on the whole thing. You are more capable than you think you are. You will be in my prayers.



Lisa Cleveland