The closer the deployment gets, the more we tend to fight!!!

Rebecca - posted on 01/07/2010

Quoting Annette:

Hi Ashley. This is Annette. I've read some of these replys and they are all right. My husband has been in the navy for 20 + yrs. I'm not certain but I think it is just easier for them to leave if they are mad. They aren't really mad at anyone, just that they are leaving. They have so much to do when they are away and they miss out on so many things when they are gone. Just remember, if he is angry because he's leaving it's a good thing. You wouldn't want him to be happy about it. You'd then have a problem.
And trust me, he's worried about everything you are and then he's got to work over there keeping his mind straight. Love him and let know that you are proud to be his wife.

This is what my husband and I have talked about for several deployments now.  He finally admitted that this was exactly why ... it was easier for him to leave us if he was upset for some reason.  No matter how small it seems, he just didnt think that he would be able to leave otherwise.  So we would argue over the smallest things and when he had the first chance to call me we would be fine again

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Annette - posted on 01/06/2010

Hi Ashley. This is Annette. I've read some of these replys and they are all right. My husband has been in the navy for 20 + yrs. I'm not certain but I think it is just easier for them to leave if they are mad. They aren't really mad at anyone, just that they are leaving. They have so much to do when they are away and they miss out on so many things when they are gone. Just remember, if he is angry because he's leaving it's a good thing. You wouldn't want him to be happy about it. You'd then have a problem.
And trust me, he's worried about everything you are and then he's got to work over there keeping his mind straight. Love him and let know that you are proud to be his wife.

Alicia - posted on 01/06/2010

my husband and i always get super distant, we dont fight, but probably because we dont talk much to eachother, and when we do, i usually just cry. haha. so we get really funky before each deployment, and u seriously regret once hes gone. try just sitting down and talking about it

Tiffany - posted on 01/05/2010

It's normal. Both of you are stressed about what is about to happen and being worried about what you think may happen while you two are seperated. My husband and I are currently going through our first deployment and it has been a tough one! He will be home Jan 15th. One thing I can say we both have gotten stronger and better at communicating. When we would fight we would both come to the conclusion that it was the deployment, we were never that way when we were at home together. You two have to stay strong for each other it is really important and know that if you two can make it through a deployment you two can make it through anything TOGETHER!

Auri - posted on 01/05/2010

my husband and i fought a lot too and it was me beginning the fighting. i regret it so much because yes we should be having loving quality time. so try to just let things slide. you wont see him for a very long awhile so love a lot this time you have with your husband

Kim - posted on 01/05/2010

Totally normal. There is a book that the Caplain might have about what to expect before during and after deployment. I suggest you ask about it. If not go to a bookstore. There is one out called the Military Wife but I don't know who it's by. My hubby left this past Dec for Iraq for a year and we were basically at each others throats. Understand it's hard for him because he has SO much to deal with. He has to leave for a year and be without his family, he doesn't get a day off, the luxaries of being home are gone, he can't go anywhere or do anything, he'll work constantly on little sleep, and he is always under the stress of getting hurt or worse. He's probably trying to push away a little because he doesn't want to hurt when he leaves just like you are trying to pull him close. Try setting up a least an hour a day to spend together. It's ok to talk about how you are feeling and your concerns for this deployment. No matter what try and be supportive of him because in all reality he needs you now more than ever. I wish you the best of luck!

Ashley - posted on 01/05/2010

Yeah he is...

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2010

i have a ? for u is ur husband in the national guard

C. - posted on 01/01/2010

That is so normal!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all the everyday stresses and deployment stress getting to the both of you.. Just try to take some time and relax with each other and just talk.. About anything!!! Try setting your kids up with a babysitter so you two can go out before he deploys, sometimes that helps a great deal. Good luck to you! I hope it starts getting better for you soon!

Mandy - posted on 01/01/2010

Hi Ashley! My husband and I have been married for 7 years this month, and we're currently going through our third year long deployment. We always bicker pretty bad before he leaves. I guess it's the stress that we're both feeling that turns the little dumb things into a big deal. Also, I think we put too much pressure on ourselves thinking that we should be cuddly and so loving every day all day because he's leaving soon. The best way for us to handle a deployment is to act as normal as possible. Be there for each other and talk about your worries, but don't over think or over plan, it'll just drive you crazy! Deployments suck! If you ever need anything, or just want to chat, I'm here! Good luck!

Jan - posted on 12/31/2009

when my husband left it was really hard, seemed like everything I did was wrong, I kept my mouth shut alot cause I knew he was going through a lot of fears and I couldn't do anything to help him. It is not you that he is mad at, it is because he has to leave you, and the cute little boy there. He probly feels he is leaving everything on you to take care of, but nothing he can do. The best thing you can do is try hard not to argue with him, show him how much you love him. He wants to always be the man in the house and when he is gone you will be doing all that. Don't ever let him think you don't need him...

Christina - posted on 12/31/2009

Me and my husband fought alot before he left for Iraq last year! It was a very hard year but we made it..he left a month after we got married and i was also just a few weeks pregnant...it was very hard but stay with it girl itll go by fast

Hannah - posted on 12/30/2009

Hun it is normal. I've been married for 4 years and every time he goes away we seem to argue over every little thing. Just remember that they are the little things and not worth it. I've come to cope by telling myself its his way of trying to seperate before he seperates from us. Think of it this way, he has to up and leave his securities-you, kids, home and everything to go somewhere unfamiliar and lord knows what he has to go thru there. Its emotionally hard for them to do this when they have homeward attachments. Its a copeing step in the departure. Just make sure to send some love with the bitter spats and you'll be fine.

Lacey - posted on 12/30/2009

Hi Ashley! My name is Lacey. Me and my husband are both in the army, he is currently on his second deployment, the first time he came down on orders to deploy we fought.....and the second time he came down on orders...we fought. I think they are insecure about what we are doing back home when they are away and that is their way of dealing with it. So, I am going to say that it is normal. It is going to be rough when he is away also. long distance relationships are never easy, but you guys love each other and you will make it through. I am here to talk if you need.