Too soon for another baby?

Rachelle - posted on 10/16/2010

wow....this really strikes a chord with me. First, I have to say how it amazes me how many people feel entirely comfortable telling you to ignore your doc's advice and do what you "feel" is best. It's true that statistics don't apply to each and every person (e.g., pregnancy risks associated with having babies close together), but they still apply to the group that we are a part of and you never know which one of us will experience the miscarriage or some other potential risk. And are those risks something you're potentially prepared to handle with your husband away? If you're in the hospital, who will be ready to be with your baby at home??? When I was pregnant and my husband was in Iraq, I was constantly worried that an emergency with me or the kids would happen and I did not have the luxury of family nearby. Try to remember that as remote as the odds are, statistics are not based on anyone's "feelings", they are based on known concrete facts.....based on thousands and maybe millions of cases. So yes, it's your decision, but be clear about the dice you are rolling. That being said, as anyone can see with the many many replies you have here, noone's experience is exactly the same and not everyone will respond or tolerate any given situation in the same way. So, I can only tell you what I have experienced. My oldest was 8 months old when I got pregnant with our second while my husband was home for a quick visit (oooops!)...and I was on the pill and still breastfeeding.....then we got orders to PCS across the country. When our second son was 2 weeks old, my husband deployed again. So I then had my two teenaged step-sons, my 17-month-old and a newborn......and in the middle of that deployment we got base-housing, so we moved and my husband came home to a different home....and an 8 month old who didn't know him any more than our neighbors down the street...which actually ended up ok in just a couple of weeks. You're asking about having pregnancies close together, but what I, and some others here are suggesting, the bigger issue is what happens AFTER the baby is born. A pregnancy is only 9 months and it's over....having children close in age and dividing yourself between them is forever. My boys are now 8, almost 7 and 4. To this day, my oldest is forever seeking my attention 1on 1. He definitely got short-changed on his time to be the baby.....and he hasn't forgotten. It might be hard to think of a 17 month old as a baby when your only child is only 5 months old, but it's all relative. A toddler is walking and doing a lot away from you compared to a 5 month old, but they still depend on you and want to be held and may not be sleeping through the night (mine didn't) when you're the only one available.....which when they ended up needing you even more....they're missing daddy too. The hardest days for me was when I was nursing my second while my toddler was tearfully leaning over my other shoulder waiting for "my turn?". Not that he was nursing too, but he learned quickly that there was a "pecking order" for time with mom and the baby came first. And then, as someone else mentioned, what about you??? HA!!! When I had my first, I was still "working". Then when I got pregnant with our second and we moved, I stayed home and REALLY started working! Seriously, when I was employed and my son was in daycare and I had a doc appointment, it was no big deal...I took the necessary time off from work and I just went....while my oldest son was in daycare. But after I stopped "working" and I had a doc appointment....I then had to take my son with me or pay for a sitter, which we really couldn't afford without the second income. Oh man, I'm just now remembering how exhausting it is to take a toddler, or in my case later on, two, to OB appts. I got pregnant with my 3rd son a month before we learned of my husband's 3rd deployment (when my first two were 2 and 3yrs old).....so my husband missed most of that pregnancy and the birth. SOOOO....IF you do get pregnant, of course, there's still so much to be overjoyed about. At that point, I'd just embrace it and enjoy it and forget about what you can't control. I'm actually one of those women who love being pregnant and giving birth and newborns and nursing and all that, and I REALLY miss it all. Believe it or not, I'm not saying DON'T do it. I'm just saying do it with what your children are going to be needing from you in mind.....not only what you think is most convenient for you and your husband or any idealized notions you have about your children being close in age. Good Luck!

Tracy - posted on 10/14/2010

I have two daughters, exactly 12 months and 3 days apart. I will admit I like the age difference now, but when I was pregnant with my second child and when they were younger, it was definitely different. I had more complications and WAY less energy during my second pregnancy than I did with my first, which could be due to the fact that there was only 3 months in between the two. I will be the first to admit that I LOVED being pregnant, but I also remember those nights of trying to rock my oldest to sleep and inevitably being kicked in the tummy by both babies at the same time.

In contemplating whether or not you are ready for “ready” for a possible addition, don't forget those painful nights of pregnancy with heartburn/baby kicking then add in a baby that might be teething and running a fever. Also, you have to think that having ONE baby is ok and maybe easy, but having two babies is much harder especially when they are at two different ages and still very dependent on you for completely different things all at the same time. And, oh yea . . . . take away your support system (a.k.a. your husband). The hardest thing was when they were BOTH having their clingy moments and didn’t want to share their Mom.

I would not presume to tell you "Do it/Don't do it", but I would suggest you find a friend with a young baby and offer to babysit for her(preferably a baby that you don’t see frequently and don’t already have a bond with). Then you might be able to get a glimpse of what is to come with a second child.

Now that they are 8 and 9, I am happy that they are so close. They play together, share a room and help each other do things which gives me time (here and there) to spend by myself or to spend with my husband. In the end, you really need to talk with your husband and make that decision together. And don’t forget to ask him how he will feel about missing out on a second pregnancy (believe it or not, some guys like to take part in the pregnancy).

Crystal - posted on 10/12/2010

its not health to get prego during the first yr evrey ob will tell you that u can wait until r&r to get pregant my daughter is 3 1/2 yrs old i am not having another baby and if we do she will be abt 7 or 8 by then or maybe older but thats me i want them as far apart as possiable

Ashley - posted on 10/12/2010

my daughter is nine months old and we have been trying to have another baby since she was 5 months old . he doesn't leave for deployment until next year sometime but we still want our babies close at age . still no luck yet but i know it will happen i just keep my faith . i dont think there is anything wrong with it at all and GOOD LUCK (:

Jeri - posted on 10/11/2010

My kids are 10 months apart, (the birth control they gave me didnt work lol). It wasnt that much harder being pregnant so soon after the other was born (3 weeks after...) but having 2 in diapers and on formula is crazy expensive. I dont know if you are breast feeding or not, but the ta-tas shut down once you get preggo again. We were spending almost $300 on diapers and formula a month until we got WIC, then it was close to $150 just for diapers. My youngest is about to turn 2 this month, and I started having body problems about 6 months ago. My uterus was damaged a bit being pregnant so close together, but I fall into a very small percentage of women with un-naturally soft tissues, so that's why. But I dont plan on having anymore children so I'm ok with it. The bad part though, is that it ruined my muscle down there and I ended up with a prolapsed uterus and a ballooning bladder and almost had to get major surgery. So I would ask your doctor if they think your body could handle it first.
But having my kids this close together it GREAT now haha. MY son is potty trained, thinks that his little sister is the best thing ever, and takes great care of her. They are best friends, and teach each other so much! Personally I think the pain I went through was worth how close they will be throughout life, and I like knowing they will take care of each other.=)

Jennifer - posted on 10/10/2010

My son was born May 31 so he is around the same age as your daughter... I couldn't even imagine having another one this soon. Everyone is saying do what you think is best or you know your body, blah blah blah- but you already know that. You're not looking to hear what you know. If didn't feel it was too soon, you wouldn't have asked. It's too soon! Just because your husband is deploying doesn't mean you have to pop out another baby. It won't make the time go by faster or you any less depressed about him being away, have fun with your daughter first.

Catherine - posted on 10/10/2010

From someone who has kids close in age and is home with them 24/7 I personally think we should've waited a little longer. My two aren't as close as yours (3yrs and 9 months) would be but it's still alot to take on. Think about the other aspects of having another one i.e. time alone, getting one on one time with your first child while she's going through the baby stuff, even getting time alone. I was in your shoes last year wanting to get pregnant before my guy deployed and obviously it happened. There's been good and bad points. By the time he comes home he will have missed all the big milestones and she may not know who he is. Which is all things you have to consider. In the end it's what you think is best for your family but I just wanted to let you know deployment is a ton harder with two kids especially when they're little and want EVERYTHING from you at one time. Hope I gave you some things to think about. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Amy - posted on 10/09/2010

Taking care of 2 (or more) kids is so much different than one. It's like night and day - especially alone! However, two of my boys are close in age and I wouldn't change a thing. But during my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies I ended up on bed rest from pre-eclampsia and preterm labor and 2 c-sections to recover from. If I didn't have my husband I don't know what would have happened to me. Pregnancy isn't always easy or what you expect. Just make sure if you do get pregnant and have a little one to chase after while he's gone that you have a back up plan. You may need someone to come and help you.

Kerri - posted on 10/09/2010

I've always heard that you should allow 2 yrs for your body to completely replenish itself before getting pregnant again. But, I know people have babies close together all the time, so it's really your choice. Having two babies will not be easy, so please take your child into consideration. Once a newborn gets here, you will not be able to give your older child much attention in the beginning. If there is no good reason to rush into having another baby so soon, then I would just enjoy the baby I already have for a while. Also, your LO will become more demanding of your time as she approaches 2 yrs old, so that's something to think about as well.
Also, there are no guarantees that your pregnancy will be as easy as it was the first time. It's not easy having to go on bedrest when your husband is deployed & you have a toddler. I know it would probably be unlikely, but it is a possibility. Especially since your body just went through a pregnancy a few months ago & is not fully healed yet. Just something to consider.

Tamara - posted on 10/09/2010

My boys were born 21 months apart. they are now 8 and almost 10 years old and it's only been in the last couple of years that I have felt it's been a little easier having them so close together.

I think also that pregnancy takes it's toll on the body. If you are in really good physical shape (honestly working out 3-4 times a week) your muscles are stronger for handling a pregnancy without so many aches and pains...on the other hand if you just do what you can when you can(ME) I think that giving your first daughter your best is more important then timetables and our desires.

C. - posted on 10/09/2010

I actually heard you should wait 2 years b/c that's how long it takes for your body to go back to 'normal'. I hear you, though, on not wanting your children too far apart. With that being said, my one and only is 2 years old. I've also recently developed some medical problems ('female' medical problems) and I couldn't be happier that we haven't had another baby so far.

Honestly, I don't think you want to put yourself through that stress. Yes, you went through it once already-- But you didn't have 2 kids, you only had 1. With an additional baby, that's going to be really hard and I think you should really, REALLY think this out. Not only that, but your baby is 4 1/2 months old! You haven't even waited a year, your body isn't back to normal.. I really think you should wait.

I know it's hard, though. I want another baby, aside from all the pain and mood swings, etc. that I'm going through right now. BUT at the same time, I know it's best that we wait.

It's nice to give your baby someone to play with, but what good is that going to do if you're sidelined b/c you had 2 babies too close together and your body can't handle it?

Melissa - posted on 10/08/2010

They recommend giving your body a year but its your choice. If you carried your daughter easily and didn't have any problems while pregnant or during labor I'd say go for it. My oldest 2 are 10 1/2 months apart. I got pregnant with dd while he was home on R&R when our son was 2 months old. You know your body better than your dr does and if you didn't/haven't had any problems and feel up to it, I say go for it!!! Good Luck :)

RACHAEL - posted on 10/08/2010

You should really consult your doctor and do some research on the topic. My husband is in the Army too, and it is possible to wait until R&R to conceive baby #2. Recent research has been suggesting that it is best for both the mother AND the health of baby #2 if you wait at least 9 months before conceiving again. The risks for low birth weight, premature birth and miscarriage are highest each month a mother conceives before the 9 month time frame. There are many women who's children are ~16 mos apart, and both mom and baby are fine. Again, I would still gain the advise and support of you doctor before truly committing to conceiving before baby #1 is 9 mos.

Ashley - posted on 10/08/2010

@LauraBeth Lang
Thanks for that info! I had a c-section and that is nice to know.

Ashley - posted on 10/08/2010

My brother and I are 13 months apart and my mom didn't have any problems. I have a 5 month old and plan on trying to get pregnant again soon. I don't want our kids to be more then 2 years apart.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/08/2010

Everyone heals at such a different rate. My doctor told me to wait 18months-24months before conceiving again! YA RIGHT! I can add that my uterus was back to its prepregnancy size by 5days pp. The doctors were amazed as to how fast I healed. Now at 12 weeks everything is back to normal and has been for some time. Start trying in November... she'll be six months. That way you've given yourself the "minimum" suggested resting time and they won't be too far apart!



We'll be trying for #2 after Zo's 1st birthday. We want them 24 months apart and hopefully not anymore than that.



People say what's the rush. They just don't understand. I'm like you, I want them very close in age. I get the reasoning.

Sarah - posted on 10/07/2010

That is part of our motivation as well. Yes Joshua will go on tours, I would rather have him here for the birth then anything and then when he leaves a few months to a year later I will have to be as okay with that as I can be. I did alot of research, talked to alot of people about the seperation of age between their kids and the most common answer was have them closer together because although there will still be fights they are more likely to be close the closer in age they are ( unless you get a really older brother or sister ). It is going to be tough either way you look at it but there is a learning curve to it and no matter what you will get it! You have to know what you want. Me and my DH talked and talked and talked about it and we knew that until we just went for it we would never be happy. We want another baby so we decided it was the perfect time. You have the love in your heart and a place in your home for them. If you can financially handle the obligation then go for it! No one knows better then you if you are ready for it or not, or how bad you want another child or not.

Megan - posted on 10/07/2010

I only have one child and he is almost 6years old but when my hubby gets back we would like to try for another. The only thing I regret doing is not having a brother or sister for him around his age so he wouldn't feel so alone. Especially since daddy has done almost 4 tours in Iraq

Melissa - posted on 10/07/2010

I'd wait. I personally think the best spacing is about 39 months. That's just based on my experience though. I have known a lot of ladies that had babies close together and since you're facing deployments alone, I wouldn't want the added stress. Take this next deployment to focus on your daughter before inviting another baby into your home.

Coley - posted on 10/07/2010

What's the rush? I have two children exactly 2 years apart. I would have even waited another year if my second wasn't a "surprise"! ENJOY your first baby! Her little years are numbered!! Maybe she doesn't want to share you just yet??? Two kids are more difficult that one, especially 2 babies! I was pregnant while my husband was deployed and he came home 1 week before she was born. Then I had a 2 year old and a new baby with colic. My husband deployed when she was 6 months and so then I became a "single parent" like other military spouses whose significant other is deployed. I LOVE my children with all my heart, but it's very hard. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and it is costly with 2 in diapers:) and having two buy 2 sets of clothes! With that said... it's ultimately up to you. You know your body better than anyone else. So if you really want this then no one is going to make the decision, but YOU! Just really put LOTS of thought into this very important decision. Make sure it's what you truly want!

Amy - posted on 10/07/2010

What do you think is too far apart? Your doctor's right--it's best to give your body time to recover from the hard job of pregnancy. Your bones, muscles, and organs have all taken a toll, especially if you didn't eat just about perfectly. Do you expect your husband to leave soon after he returns? I would wait until he returns next year to have another child.

Sharlene - posted on 10/07/2010

ITs what you chose really, my 2 kids are 16mths apart:) first was born before hubby went away and then the 2nd was conceived when he was home for a bit.

Sarah - posted on 10/07/2010

My husband was gone just the same for our first born. Through the entire pregnancy than arrived home just before her birth. We are currently trying for our second one for many of the same reasons as well. Claire is 7 months old which even if we got pregnant right away that would be 1.5 years apart. I had a c-section with her and when I went in to discuss it with my dr she didn't even state any concerns with it.

Toni - posted on 10/07/2010

Mine our 5 years apart just because it happened that way. A women knows her body better than anyone else. If you and your husband are both on the same page then go for it

Candi - posted on 10/07/2010

Ericka, not sure about the being best friends part. My 2 oldest are 16 months apart and they are now 11 and 10 and continue to fight like you wouldn't believe. Their fights are shorter now b/c someone gets hurt quicker! They started fighting when the 10 yr old was only 8 months old and started walking! Of course, when they play together, you couldn't ask for better kids and they are highly protective of each other. its true that most kids born close together are friends, mine are just weird. LOL

Ericka - posted on 10/07/2010

My daughter and son are 15 months apart and my third child is due in 6 weeks! (the latter two will be 20 months) I say if you are ready....go for it! It's tough at first to have kids so close, but by the time they are 2 & 3 they are best friends! And will remain close!

Tammi - posted on 10/06/2010

My babies are 13 months apart and my body is fine i had no issues at all during either pregnancy so if you want to have another one go ahead. My husband left when our little girl was 5 wks and our son was 14months and it's hard at times, but i wouldn't have it any other way. The daycare on post offers 16 free hours of daycare a month for each kid when your husbands deployed. If you don't mind putting your child in day care i would take advantage of it. Because being preg with a toddler can be very hard.

Aly - posted on 10/05/2010

The desert is not that bad, i am here now. My husband and i are stationed here. But as far as the baby thing, do what you want and what makes you happy. If God wants you to have another child he will bless you, who are people to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. it's your body if you are ready then i say go for it. Look at 19 and counting, God apparently works in mysterious ways but good luck to you and congrats.

LauraBeth - posted on 10/05/2010

Go for it!! we had our children close together (even after a C-sec.) I wouldnt trade my children being close in age for anything! the only bad thing is that they extended my hubbys deployment and now he doesnt get to meet his little girl until she is 4 mo old. Children are a blessing and should be welcomed anytime they want to come. Best of luck to you!!

Laura - posted on 10/05/2010

I really think it comes down to what you feel you can handle. If you think your ready to have a baby, be pregnant and doing it without your husband... go for it! It is a lot of work though so keep that in mind. As far as medically, I agree about knowing and trusting yourself. Plenty of women get pregnant immediately after giving birth.... I mean like 8 weeks later! So, whatever you decide, good luck and make sure to make use of whatever/whoever offers services that will help you while your husband is gone. Again, good luck!

Amy - posted on 10/04/2010

That's funny, reading the replies...My second son as born on 5/15/10 and my boys are 16 months apart. Anyway... Personally, I think its all a matter of knowing yourself and your body. Are you going to stress like crazy while he's gone? If so, not good for bun in the oven. I do know that for me, with my husband being gone for the last 8 months and will be gone for at least another 6 that taking care of 2 babies under 2 by myself is the hardest thing Ive ever done! If you want another that bad, dont want to wait, and think your body can handle it, with all factors included... go for it and have fun tryin! lol Wish you the best of luck!

Candi - posted on 10/04/2010

My first 2 are only16 months apart. Everybody heals at a different rate, so if you feel you are ready, go for it. Just remember trying too hard will cause stress and make you less likely to conceive. Of course my husband's first deployment was 15 months....and we have a 5 yr old from that one. LOL. Good luck

Chelsey - posted on 10/04/2010

well what you can do try to get pregant during his R and R. and so he isnt missing much of the pregance if he come home close to his end of his deplment.