venting:: am i the only one that feels this way

Medic - posted on 12/15/2009 ( 127 moms have responded )

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i am a military wife i have been through deployments.....i was alone with a new born then again with a toddler....but why do some moms act like they are getting the short end of the deal....or like they are helpless.....last time i checked no one sugar coats what being a military wife and mother is like so why are they acting like its a slap in the face....and then they want to complain about money....i feel like its no secret what your getting into and if you dont like it put your big girl pants on and get a job and contribute.....some people dont see the blessings they have by getting to be with their kids...they have obviously never had to be away from them....i dunno i am just very irritated about this...i think you chose your life....so embrace is dont whine...i dont have enough cheese for it.

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Krislyn - posted on 02/08/2010

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Hey Jennifer

It is so pleasing to hear a strong woman stand up for what her husband does. So many people in this country don't care and don't know the hard work that goes on in personal lives of military families. I think a lot women even those who are military wives suffer from thinking what is on the other side of the grass must be greener syndrom and don't count their blessings. Also they must not know how strong women actually are and how strong they too can be. Many years ago men went out to hunt and women were alone so I think we can cope especially with technology on our side, and a reason to reach out to other WOMEN in our lives. Lastely I believe this is why we all need the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ because He will provide more than sufficent help, strentgh, grace, and love

take care and God bless

Krislyn S

Suzette - posted on 02/07/2010

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Andrea,
I don't know if it's backstabbing or not. I live on post and I hear about a lot of wives/husbands that cheat while their spouses are deployed. Of course I also hear of a lot of spouses that cheat even while their spouses are still home. To me it means just be careful of what circle you get involved in. Don't give out a lot of info about yourself until you know that the circle you're in isn't one of those. My hubby has been in the military for 12 years, we've been together for over a year, been married almost a year, and I have two friends that are military wives. One of them I spend a lot of time with, the other is pretty busy with her family, so I talk to her when she's able to. But I've heard from them that they've made bad choices, unknowingly, about friends where the women (and men) will show up on their doorsteps with another man or woman asking if they can hang out. Sometimes the person who would show up would have a deployed spouse, sometimes their spouse would be at home with their kids. They turned them away at the door because they wanted nothing to do with the drama. It's just a matter of being careful with what you get involved in, at least in my opinion.

Andrea - posted on 02/07/2010

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Tonya, this is the 2nd time I have heard choose your friends wisely? are there alot of backstabbing going on? I don't live on a base, we are National Guard on a deployment, but are considering going active. Can you elaborate please? thnx

Tah - posted on 02/07/2010

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i was never around military before i moved to va and met my husband by i also knew who i was and what i wanted when i met him, so when the deploeyments happened i handled it. I worked and went to school to make time fly, cars broke down, i got them fixed, kids got sick, etc etc, meanwhile i let him know that yes we loved and missed him but we were doing fine so that he could focus on his mission. If your husband is worried about you, he can't focus and olivia is right, that could be a disaster...so yes ladies sometimes you have to MAN UP

Olivia - posted on 02/07/2010

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I agree, I agree, I do think for some girls who have never been around military families in their lives and who married their "Hollywood" dream it can be a slap in the face, but they need to get over it really quick, I think for themselves and the safety/sanity of their husbands. A disracted soldier is a dead soldier and I could believe havoc whining discontent wives/girlfriends could cause to those poor, unfortunate boys.

Monica - posted on 02/07/2010

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I am a marine wife, and became a mom at 21 not married (now married to my childs father though) and he was deployed when our daughter Chloe was born. I didn't feel like I signed up for a bad deal or anything like that so I think I see what you are trying to say. As a military girlfrind at the time, and pregnant, I knew young that the best thing to do was accept what was happening, him being deployed, and stay very positive to have a healthy delivery and healthy baby for when he got home. True, you don't really know what it's like until you are married and move around a bit but it's not like we are blind sided completeley either...Also, at 21, I wasn't sure where our relationship would be after he returned, if we would still be together, if combat would mess him up mentally so I worked (only as a waitress but i worked 17 hr days pregnant and made close to 500 bucks a day) but I worked hard, saved my money and provided for my child just incase he decided to split. Now married and due with our 2nd baby next month, it irritates me more to see wives complain so much and act like they can't do anything!! There are many wives here that don't work, aren't pregnant, and dont go to school but sit home all day put their kid in daycare and shop and go to lunch, things I do, but I also work from7-4 a full week at a dentist office and spend time with my family, and it drives me crazy when the wives complain about their husbands working late at the unit and stuff and I'm like why are you complaining you didnt do squat all day...anyway I understand!

DD - posted on 02/06/2010

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I agree! I was raised a military brat, so maybe I had a better understanding of what I was getting into, but YES! We signed up for this as much as our spouses signed up to serve. We are doing our part as much as our spouses. We should be proudly independant! You are not alone.

Suzette - posted on 02/02/2010

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Shannon - My husband gripes about the stress cards all the time. When he first mentioned it, I obviously had no clue what he was talking about, so he explained it to me and I started laughing so hard I thought I was going to cry. I asked him WHY these men joined the military if they couldn't handle the work outs... what in the hell did they think was expected of them? I called my grandmother and told her and she laughed so hard she did cry. Then she asked me the same questions I asked my husband. I told her obviously they're a whole different breed from what my grandfather was, not to mentioin from what my husband is, and a few of the men I've met so far too. Some of the things I've heard are just asinine... and it's not just the wives whining, some of the things I hear the men whine about... makes me want to slap the crap out of them so they'll wake up and realize that they joined the military... this is NOT the movie production of In The Army Now with Pauly Shore... wake up people!

Suzette - posted on 02/02/2010

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I'm seriously laughing my butt off at some of these posts. (Not in a disrespectful way, but it's hilarious!) There was another thread sorta like this one, but the way it was worded was just flat out rude. This thread, after reading what it was really about, I can understand. And what's sad about that is that I've only been a military wife since June 2009. We're already expecting our first child, which was sort of planned. Thankfully he's not deployed, and there aren't any foreseen TDY's in his future, but we all know how that change. ;)



We were going to get married sooner than June '09, but, as I'm sure you've all experienced, things kept getting pushed with leave and paperwork and blah blah blah. Every other story that's ever been told about all that crap. Here we are now, everything is great, and that's what matters. :)



BOTH of my grandfathers were military, granted one was only in for four years when he was much, much younger and my grandmother had no clue what military life was like since she forced him to get out when they met. He told me, before he passed away, that it was the worst decision he made and he should've stayed until retirement and told her to deal with it. lol. My other grandfather, who's deceased as well, stayed until retirement. And my grandmother on that side told me all sorts of stories, lucky for her she got to travel everywhere. Places I'll likely never see, unfortunately, because my hubby has already been in 12 years. But, I know bits and pieces of what to expect, already have friends here on post to deal with whatever pops up if he has to go.



Am I going to miss him? Hell, I miss him when he's just gone for the day sometimes. I'm sure that there are a lot of military wives like that, it doesn't mean that I'm going to sit around and boohoo myself. I'll find things to do, I'm going back to college for my next degree while I'm still pregnant so I have something to do now since I can't work. Who wants to sit at home bored out of their mind all day? Blah.

Elenna - posted on 02/02/2010

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Amen, sister! I have been through several deployments and yes, they're lonely and they're hard. A lot falls on our shoulders and some people don't even realize how much we handle while our spouses are away. That said- I have a sister who's a single mother whose struggles have been greater and benefits fewer than I have EVER had to deal with. Being a military woman has its pros and cons. When my husband leaves I worry about him, I miss him, my children ache for him, I have to take care of every aspect of our lives by myself and I go to sleep at night wondering where he is, if he's safe, and what he's doing. However, I also get the benefit of a larger paycheck, decent health care for myself and my children, and I have a very strong bond with my children. Not only that but after 8 years of marriage I still feel like a newlywed because my husband isn't home often enough for me to begin to feel complacent.

Julia - posted on 01/31/2010

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Seriously these tree hugging hippies....(mind you I haven't even hit 30 yet but still think this way) who think war this and that....yet they either marry a service member or don't weigh the pro's and con's of enlisting when their husband decides to...come on. My ex MIL was like this, hated everything about the military...then what happened her only child enlisted...then she got sick and what happened then? she came to live with her DIL who was active duty and lived off of the Army dime....she luckily stopped saying stupid shit after that...she isn't like some of these other people I have seen who continue to complain about the military but reap ALL the benefits of it...

Shannon - posted on 01/31/2010

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Oh Julia...the stories we could write. I always wanted to ask some spouses..."What do you think your husband is getting paid for? To sit at home, never deploy, be home at 4pm, no field time, no ranges, no nothing? Then you have those "I don't agree with war, war is bad and we shouldn't be at war"...I want to ask them why they married a soldier, and do they rag on them for being a part of the war machine? If I could would write a book on all of the information I have learned over the years, and in my studies, about terrorism. I'm convinced if more people knew exactly what we faced, exactly what these fundamentalists believed, exactly how far they have spread, and could show them how the news is woefully lacking in the seriousness of the issue, I would.

Julia - posted on 01/31/2010

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OH Sharon...
You aren't joking when I was in (I have only been out for 9 months to the day tomorrow) The crap that some of these new recruits would pull...I wanted to beat every single one of them. I couldn't believe that they freakin made it not only through basic but AIT as well!!!! I mean when you have 30 new soldiers and 27 of them fail a PT test or are just plain overweight there is something WRONG with the politically correct shit the Army is trying to do.

And Amber....
You couldn't be more on target. It doesn't so much bother me when a new wife doesn't know some things or complains about certain things but to complain about having to deploy...saying crap like I didn't know he would have to LEAVE....I want to slap her in the face...come on now....the country has been at war in Afghanistan since early 2002 and Iraq since what 2003? How could you NOT know they would leave? Or why does MY husband have to do all this training before he has to leave? Really? Would you rather he NOT know what he is doing and get himself or other people killed over there? I actually had an NCO in Iraq that had NO CLUE what he was doing and could have sworn he was going to get someone killed before we redeployed...(thank God that didn't happen)

Shannon - posted on 01/31/2010

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The worst thing the military could have ever done was to go all liberal/politically correct. My hsuabnd was an Instructor for AIT and he couldn't believe how limp some of the recruits were. Pulling the stress card for tests, and for PT, and for all of the work they did. My husband just flat out recycled all of them to another class after his crew was done, or pushed through to have them booted. The military is not for everyone. I've dealt with some real humdingers in my husbands career...I could write a book and make my millions on some of the issues I have seen and dealt with. LOL

[deleted account]

and for the wives who didnt know what they were getting into isnt your fault why didnt you research it or ask family friends ... thats dumb on your part... you dont just up and buy a car and thats a big decision sooo why make a HUGE LIFE DECISION without researching it first and talking it over with your partner weighing the pros and cons... i have no sympathy for dumb ignorant wives...

TIPHINI - posted on 01/30/2010

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I dont feel like its women/ wifes dont know what there getting into.. for me it was very overwhemlimg, i was young, new wife new mother i had no idea what i was going to do or how i was going to handle it all by myself. I literally had my baby a month before the out of the blue deployment my hormones were everywhere i was scared i was stressed and yea i did feel helpless, but being a real woman i went ahead and handled my business i go to school work and take great care of my nine month old son while waiting my husbands arrival in april what i am worried for is.. having been doing it by myself for almost a year have a routine and schedule and now going back to codepence and coparenting.

Rachael - posted on 01/30/2010

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My husband and I had been together for 5yrs when we got married, and he had decided to join the Marines. We got married on Mar. 15th, and he left for boot camp on April 1st! I didn't get to see or talk to him for 3 months. That was the hardest for me! We knew he would probably get deployed (once he was done with school and all), and we planned our pregnancy. We didn 't know if he would get to be there for the whole thing, but at the time we were pretty sure he would, and we try to make sure we got pregnant at that time. Fortunately for us, it worked out. I was pregnant within a couple months, and he was able to be there for the entire pregnancy and birth. Our daughter was 7 1/2 months old when he left. She is now 10 months old, and luckily this deployment got cut short, so he will be home this week, but it was still hard. I had never raised a kid before, especially on my own. And trying to make sure that she knows him when he gets home....heart breaking at times. But I think she will be fine. She seems to know him by pictures, so hopefully in person will be great too. I feel so grateful, though, that I am a stay at home mom, and could help her with all the new things that she is doing that he didn't get to see. They grow so much, and so fast at this age! And she is his first and he had to miss it all. She is talking a little bit, and walking, and pretty much eating what we eat. She has such a personality too! But we are the lucky ones, b/c even though we had to raise them ourselves, we don't miss anything. We get to see them everyday, and the little things to us, matter alot to the fathers. So I agree, it is very hard, but suck it up ladies! We all go through it, and if you can't handle it, then get out. It IS a choice, and you can change it; no one is forcing you to do it.
I am sorry if it offends anyone, and no our deployment wasn't as long as it was suppose to be, and that some have gone through, but we are young(er), and have hardly ever been apart (and never countries apart), and I have never raised a kid especially on my own, and even though I miss him a ton, I didn't feel like it was as bad as some women make it out to be. If we focused more on the things that we could do to make it easier on our spouse's then I think it would be alot less stressful for everyone, and we wouldn't have to listen to the whining and bickering.

Ramona - posted on 01/30/2010

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I am usually not on here, but I also have a comment to make, as I agree ;-)

I am an army wife myself, and been with my husband for 10 years now and through 7 deployments (between 3 months - 1 year long) and you know, all the field trips etc. I am not saying it's all great, but yes, when I chose to be with him, I knew, that the army is his number 1 priority and it's his life. and if i wanna be a part of it somewhere, i just gonna have to stay back in a way, adjust and support him! I ve always been full time employed and try to make his life "easier" when he takes his boots off and I'd never do him wrong. it takes a lot to be a military spouse, but yet, I can only imagine what our men go through when they are at war!

Andie - posted on 01/30/2010

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I completely agree with you! My husband left for his second deployment when our son was just 5 wks old. Our son is now 6months and just got to see his father for 2wks! I understood when I married my husband it wasn't going to be easy. I think some of these wives just jump in to marrage without truly thinking about what it means. I mean I know one guy that was with some stripper chick and within 3months of me talking to him he was married to someone else! His now wife complains all the time on facebook how much she misses her damn husband. News flash: We all miss our husbands while they are deployed!.

Rachael - posted on 01/30/2010

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I agree with you. Yes, it is hard to be away from our husbands, but we aren't really the ones suffering. It is the kids and the husband, I think. You are right about the big girl pants......"Deal with it and get over it" already. And count your blessings.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2010

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Boy, Jennifer, do you have a point! And there's SO much contribution from every base and every area of each squadron if a spouse looks. Everyone is willing to help a spouse who has a deployed family member! It can be a hard, lonely time, but the coming home can be amazing and who else can feel more proud than a military spouse??

Stay strong and don't let anyone else change your opinions!

Melissa

[deleted account]

there was another post like this, but this one is worded alot nicer so i didnt get so pissed off when i read it. but i just want to say that kids who join the military out of highschool have no idea what they are getting into, they are kids and if they dont have the experienced people to talk to, to tell them it gets easier, who tell them they are being too emotional, makes them think maybe they arnt quite cut out for the job, when really they have all the capabilities in the world to be as strong as you, just going to take some time. my guy has been in about two years, so i can deal now, im over the fact that he will never see me pregnant with his first son or never feel a kick from him in my belly...but if this was going on two years ago, im pretty sure i wouldnt have been as strong...sorry not everyone is as rock solid as you more experienced mature ladies, or what ever you want to call yourselves.am i weaker or lesser then you because i miss my husband a whole lot? if your daughter marrys an army man and crys herself to sleep some nights cause she miss him so bad are you going to tell her to stop whining too? i dont think so.

[deleted account]

and ladies for jobs dont settle... i had just my diploma and some college... i applied for a job in girlscouts... i had just turned 20 and was 5 mths preggers... i got the filed director job.. made amazing good money about 32k/yr had great benefits and went back after my 6 weeks... best job i had bc it was flex schedule... just try out there dont settle!!!!

[deleted account]

Its mostly the new military wives.... i had a friend whose husband whined everyday about being in the field (the deploy in 5 mths) he whined that he was cold and tired and didnt want to sleep on the ground and needed a hot shower and blahh blahh blahh.. and his wife even had a bunch of their new wives in the FRG call the general to whine about the guys working so much.... i want to be like duhh they are preparing for WAR!!! why would you not want your hubby to have field time b4 deployments.. she already couldnt handle it and just moved here in dec and is planning on moving back in june when they leave bc she cant handle being alone and having her child without her parents to help... i want to scream at these moms lol..... i love being a military wife... i dont mind the deployments or money or all the dirty boots and socks all over the house.... just the whinny bitchy privates and their wives...

Shannon - posted on 01/26/2010

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Uh-oh...be careful. The cyber police are going to tell everyone to leave this site because we don't "support enough" of these people of which we talk about. Now we have multiple threads of how we should act, watch what we say, don't think on our own, or we can leave. Nice, huh...so much for freedom of speech in a democracy. We're military wives...what do we care about freedom. (sarcasm)

Tonya - posted on 01/26/2010

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This will pretty much be a repeat of a lot of what has already been said, but....I have been an AF spouse for almost 16 years now, we were married about 7 months before he went in. I have experiance....I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left and he has been deployed shortly after both our children were born. We have had back to back "surprise" deployments as well as advance notice ones, neither are easy. I was not raised around the military and neither was he, so we have had to learn and deal as we go. We have moved 5 times for various amounts of time and dealt with 7 deployments to various locations, some in war zones, some not. We have mostly chosen for me to be a SAHM for our kids. I have worked some however, when needed, for 5 years off and on, I did home daycare. I know that may not be for everyone, but I loved it and it worked well for us, I was home with our babies and at times, I made more than my hubby! I could go on and on about the "bad" things, but over all, it has made our family AMAZING! Our marriage is strong, our family is strong and I am incredibly blessed to say that I am a military spouse. Of course we have had issues, more than some, less than others, I'm sure, but it is how you CHOOSE to deal with them, whether or not you are strong, it IS still a choice. We have chosen to not even entertain the possibility of divorce, to put the other first(now don't get me wrong, I am totally selfish a lot of the time and I know that) to protect our family. Sometimes the military does get in the way, and believe me I have felt so frustrated over the years, but still, it has been a choice we made from the beginning. We have made families where we've been stationed, or not sometimes, and they definately help and are a great way to cope, but in the end, I will say it again, it is the CHOICES you make as a family. Unfortunately, some people make bad choices...spemd money you don't have, are unfaithful, are lazy, whatever, and they need to deal with their choices, so yes I do get extremely irritated with those that complain about the situations they are in, but there are legitimate issues out there too, and we have to recognize those and I think people do a good job with support for them, but it only perpetuates the problem when we coddle those that cause their own problems they have and tell them it's not their fault. Give them gentle, constructive criticism with possible solutions instead. A lot of people seem to forget about the good things, mostly free healthcare(even with the issues it has, it's better than most people have), housing or an allowance(some people have no house or the ability to pay for it), steady paycheck(maybe not as much as some, but a lot more that some),community support(you have to choose friends wisely) and like above, I can go on and on after 15 plus years. The military has been a wonderful lifestyle for us, even with the difficulties. It has made us stronger all around to have to depend on each other. We both come from broken homes, so don't think that "oh they had it easy growing up or what ever, we did not. It does take dedication from both of you and sadly it seems like too many people are not that way, even after marriage. Now that I have gone on and on, I don't want to seem like I am on a high horse, but this all comes from experience and after reading most of the posts I thought I might have some imput, you can take it or leave it, it won't bother me one way or the other...

Barbara - posted on 01/13/2010

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I am with you. Some women just can't handle this life. I just quit my job to be home with the kids more. They seem to be getting into some trouble. I love being home and if that means I have to cut back, well then I cut back.

Tabitha - posted on 01/12/2010

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i hear that hun...very well said! couldnt of said it better myself! take care hun

[deleted account]

"@ Rhoda... Hawaii is like a whole different country! I was active duty over there and separated while stationed there. My 2 daughters were born in Hawaii, I didn't need command sponsorship with my first daughter to get her on orders or to get BAH for her. However when I got out (May 09) my husband was not authorized BAH w/dep rate until we (a separated vet and 2 children who were born there) went through EFMP processing and other stupid shit. We decided to forgo it since we were leaving in June for PCS. I don't know how it is with the Navy but with the Army that is what they needed."

To Julia: I have heard from friends stationed in Hawaii that it is like being overseas with a lot of the same challenges. I also know from some Army friends of mine that the Navy is quicker, without a bunch of weird paperwork, to give you your BAH. My brother-in-law had huge challenges and my husband went into his paymaster, in uniform, to discuss it with the paymaster. It was pretty funny actually, Richie is pulling out the pay regulations and quoting them to him and his brother got his BAH. I know that the Army considers, for pay and entitlement purposes, Alaska and Hawaii, OCONUS (out conus) which for them requires command sponsorship. My gripe is that so often these commands act as if it's their money and drag feet on the paperwork with no reason for it. If I had been your separations clerk when you got off active duty I would have advised you to switch your kids over to your husband as his dependents prior to your separation. He still would have had to run the paperwork but you would have had time and a strong justification for getting it through. Also, the Navy does not have pro-rated BAH for your number of dependents - it's just "with or without". I believe the Army pro-rates it up to 4children, which just gives some Chain's of command another thing to mess with. However, if you're an E4 with three kids it's nice to be getting more money than your E4 buddy with 1 kid.

Tah - posted on 01/12/2010

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i am not bashing you..you got on here and posted for everyone to see that the military pay sucks, ok...so if you don't like something, what do you do,...well most people fix it...look at what the post says, wives that complain about things like money and do nothing to fix it is a running theme through this whole post....and i was responding to you saying that daycare was someone else raising your child. well there are many parents who take their kids to daycare everyday because they don't like military pay and are actually doing something about it. so if i don't agree with something you say that pertains to me, i will respond the same way you did. I'm glad you don't have to work because "my husband told me i don't have to work, we don't have to have expensive things". If that's all you think it's about then that's great, my husband says the same thing, but i still get up and go because we have children and their futures to think about. so again, in case you are lost...my poin..clearly is...If you don't like something, fix it, if not, don't complain about it...best wishes...

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2010

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we are not another child i dont want one he knows that and i dont have to work because as along as we have food, bills are paid, and my daughter has wat she needs we dont have to have expensive things and so wat if u think daycare is good i dont agree with it and i dont bash u for it to i so dont bash me it and it is my opion and others to military pay sucks and my husband told me i dont have to work so he is way to much so she needs one of her parents to be with her 24/7 u live ur life the u want to and i will live mine the way i want too that is why our husband is serving

Tah - posted on 01/12/2010

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and what if in a couple years you feel like you want..or ok, say your husband wants another child and the pay isn't much better..

Tah - posted on 01/12/2010

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your BAH changes to go with the state you live in...all of my children, mainly my boys have been in daycare and like i said that's not them raising that's them helping you so that you can make a better life for your child, you are complaining about the pay and the BAH and have an opportunity and as you said the education to help your husband but won't...ok..then you can't complain...there are alot of military spouses that do what needs to be done, daycare and school has not affecting the relationship between myself and children, we laugh talk play, i attend band programs, girl scout events and will boxing matches when my son joins that and he has never said, mom, you put me in daycare so you could work and go to school so that when college comes around i can go to the school i choose and the two of you will be in a better place to pay for it...and don't anticipate that conversation either...so what you went to college for is it hard to find a job in?....or does the pay suck for that field, because you said you would be paying daycare and gas with it and nothing else so that's why you won't work and help him out wiht the pay being the way it is..

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2010

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no im not having another baby i has no desire to have another child i have went to school and when she goes to school i plan on homschooling her so she doesnt have to change schools ever 3 years and if i send her to daycare from 8 to 5 daycare to me that is raising my child i was raised by my grandparents so i know wat its like to be raised by soembody else and have no relationship with my parents i dont want that with my daughter yes we get bah but its not always up to date with the town we have learned that in 2 different states

Tah - posted on 01/12/2010

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well crystal...they may not pay that well..but no other job i know gives you the healthcare that they do, provides BAH or allows you to live in housing letting your BAH cover everything but your cable and phone, if you don't work that's your decision, but i don't feel like daycare raises your child just because some military wives want to attend school or work to help their husbands out..if you don't have the means to get a well paying job go to school so you can have that and help your husband out. your daughter is what 3...what are you going to do when its time for her to go to school....you'll have plenty of time then to help your husband out since you think the pay sucks..but by then maybe you'l have changed your mind about the second baby...it sometimes happens that way..

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2010

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i disagree with one thing abt the money the pay sucks if they can pay civilains a lot of money then they can pay the military the same im not getting a job so i can pay some one else to raise my child and i wouldnt bring home money after paying daycare and gas so why work and i have one child and dont plan on having another because the army dont pay that good until u are higher ranking or an officer

Jordan - posted on 01/02/2010

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AGREED! At least someone out there is putting it out there for the ones who just dont listen.

Kim - posted on 01/01/2010

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I agree with you. It's hard to listen to some others whine about their husbands being gone. I sat in a wives group a few years ago. I was the only enlisted wife. The other wives were whining about thier husbands being gone overnight every 3rd night. My husband is gone 5 nights, home 4 or 5 nights, all year around. I finally had to say something, and they were all shocked that my situation was worse than theirs. There's always somebody who has it worse. Yes, it's hard, but what are you made of? I have a very good relationship with my 16 and 13 year olds because we've been through this life together. It's given me much more respect for full-time single parents, and my kids have seen how hard it would be to be a single parent. Hey, at least my husband gets to come home once in a while, not like a single parent who has to have every night alone with the kids. However, I have also realized that people are wired differently and have different life values. Some people can't handle being alone, and some people can-or can over time. I feel sorry for the ones who can't deal with it. I left that wives group and never went back. People have a choice to make: whine and contribute to the problem, do what they can to make things better, or look on the bright side and thank God for the blessings they receive from being a military family. Every family, military or not, has issues and tough times. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side of the fence. People need to make the choice to make the best out of what they have, no matter how much or how little it may be. Our being irritated with it won't help the struggling ones, so maybe we just need to be patient and help them figure out what they can do to make their situation better. Don't get sucked into the whining. Turn it into a creative brainstorming session or something. Everyone has the power to choose the positive path in his or her life. Let's make it happen!

Rebecca - posted on 12/31/2009

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Well, well, this is all so "hit the nail on the head".

I am an Army wife, we have 15 years in and 4 children (2 dogs and 4 fish). My husband just returned from 15 months in the sand box, 7 months training, and a year in Korea (all back to back)! We just felt so blessed that he was miraculously home for Christmas this year!

Our children are 17 (G), 15 (B), 11 (G), and 8 (B), and they all have such a pride for their dad. Sometimes, it is actually sad because when dad goes away for a week or month or more, it doesn't really bother the kids. I mean, they miss him, but they just pick up daily, like we-as wives-have too and make every day happen. Then when it is time for dad to come home, it's a party!

I hope that didn't come out like my kids don't love dad or whatever... it's just that if my kids have it figured out that dad has a BIG job to do, then some of these other wives have a bit of growing up to do!

I am so proud of my husband and children... and you know what... we as mothers and wives of the military should be proud of ourselves too! We do an important job here on the home front! part of that in is exactly what you are all talking about (making the ends meet, making all the kids' functions, etc.)

It is nice to have you gals to talk to!!!

God bless you

Jan - posted on 12/30/2009

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you are so right... Women today and of yesterday blame the military if their kids do wrong saying it was cause their dads were gone or we didn't have enough money. But Jennifer you hit it right on the head. If these women step up and be the wives and mothers that they are suppose to be and make their men and country proud. They won't have time to sit and whine...

Lisa - posted on 12/30/2009

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I too am a military wife and agree with you 100% on the women who seem to fall to pieces the minute their husband, partner has to go away. They chose this life so step up you will be surprised at what you are capable of when there is no one to rely on but yourself. See it as a challenge. My father was in the Defence Force as well, so yes I guess I have a huge advantage as I have never lived any other way and to me this is normal, but believe me ladies you are capable of just about anything if you put your mind to it. I am so proud of my husband and the job that he does and would do anything for him, so if that means holding the fort together (sorry about the pun) while he is deployed for 13 months (yes - he leaves in 5 1/2 weeks for 13 months), then hold the fort I will. My 2 children and I can and will do everything in our power to make sure that he does not have to worry about us at home and he can concentrate completely on the job he has to do.

JL - posted on 12/30/2009

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AGREED! I cannot stand the whining. Your an adult act like one and take care of yourself.Take the time to find out how things in the military work.If you cannot function on your own without your spouse then don't marry someone in the military because the reality is whether there is a war or not that they will be gone often or work weird hours so you better be independent and self sufficeint. Make yourself aware of the pay scale.Don't complain about money when YOU KNOW what each pay grade makes and while your spouse is off risking his life, spending time away from his family the last thing he should have to worry about is his whiney overemotional wife complaining to him and breaking down everytime he calls because she cannot function on her own.



You have to be strong for your spouse and for your children because they need it as well as you do.If you sit at home whining and being negative then of course you will be depressed and unhappy. Get your own life and act like a WOMEN!



I grew up as an Army brat with my dad in the military for over 20 years and my husband has been in the military for 10 years and he has spent most of our 9 years married deployed and away from his family...so I have no sympathy for those who complain and whine and play the woe is me card...HONEY you are not the only military wife out there and it is in the friggin military the lifestyle you are expected to live is not some secret.

Julia - posted on 12/30/2009

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Wow! You are right on!!! I have no sympathy for those lazy cows sitting at home crying about not having even money or that they are sooooo overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a SINGLE parent. For crying out loud, grow a set and hold down the fort! They have no idea what these men go through just to stay alive when they're deployed!! They sometimes wonder if they're going to eat that night and go literally days without sleep!!

Don't ever be sorry for how you feel Jennifer. These are the same people who would cry for welfare if their husbands weren't risking their lives so they can stay at home!!

Nice call Girl!! :)

Tah - posted on 12/30/2009

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@crystal..i have a post on here for them...the cheating spouses that is....o we won't leave them out..this is for the wives..i see both...i had..please note the had..a friend who lied to trick the poor boy into marrying her by faking a pregnancy right before he deployed(he was 21..she was 29 so she knew all the tricks..but he was found to have sleep apnea and was postponed so while he was working overnight and not able to leave..he's army...but in the navy we call it duty...she faked a miscarriage...so admitted to me she knew he had over 10,000 in savings and good credit cause she checked first...the money cause he was deployed twice before and saved it along with bonus and just helped his mom out..anywho..when he did deploy she started her reign of terror..spending all his savings..spending all the money so the account was overdrawn before the money hit got the car repossessed and then started sleeping with a guy fresh out the feds in their new apt that the bah was paying for but he hadnt even seen yet...would keep lying to him about his care packages being in the mail but..that darn post office i tell ya..he never received any...and if they didnt have money why cant she work...her son from b4 him was 13 when they got 2gether he can get a key and a pop tart for snack if her shift runs late..and he was the sweetest guy you ever wanted to meet he married her because and i quote..(how can i leave you here carrying my child knowing i might die and then where would you and the kids be....)...she treated him like a second son but he was faithful and took care of her..now that is the postergirl for those this post is for...we know there are service members that cheat and spend all the money but we have been addressing them on a post i started so i hear ya..but we r looking at both sides of the coin...

Cynthia - posted on 12/30/2009

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I was a military wife in Canada for 15 years, and you get the winers all over the world. As far as I am concerned, in this day and age of the military being in the media so much, every female should know what to expect when marrying a military man. Us women know what we are getting into when we start dating them. If you can't handle it then don't marry him. It takes a strong woman to be a military wife and mother. I am very proud of the women who make it work. By the way, I raised two wonderful children in the system. Good luck to you and stay strong.

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