was your husband home for your babies birth?

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

was your husband home for your childs birth? i feel like the odds of that happening are slim to none, so i just got over the fact that it could happen and accepted the reality that it wont. but HE wont accept it, he keeps talking about how hes going to be there and i hate to be the berrier of bad news ALL the time but, i rather him come home later that way all his time home is with baby instead of him coming home and having even less time to be with his son, its our first baby ever! so i understand he wants to be there, but should i keep pushing him to just come home later?

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Lyndsey - posted on 02/11/2010

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my husband missed my whole pregnancy with our first baby. he left for basic when i was 8weeks pregnant and got a month leave when i was 7months pregnant. we got based in guam and by that time i was to far along to fly and he wasnt able to get home for the birth since he had only been at the base for about a month and still had training to do, so he missed the birth also. he didnt get to meet our wonderful baby boy until he was 2months old. and now he is deployed to iraq and im 5months pregnant. this time he at least got to spend the first trimester with me and he is due to get back home about 5weeks before my due date. just make sure you have a good support team with you so you have someone to lean on, it never makes it 100% better, but it does help.

Tah - posted on 01/30/2010

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my husband picked his ship around my due date...he saw when their first cruise was scheduled and went from there...but everybody isnt able to do that i know, but yes he was there, and i wouldnt push for him to wait, he obviously wants to be there and hopes he can so keep him encouraged and allow him to come whenever possible, if just for a couple days, those are precious moments for him...

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Brandy - posted on 02/15/2010

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i was very lucky my husband was in training for both of our births but they let him be there granted for the birth of our son (1st child) he was only allowed to be there for the birth and he had to leave early the next morning which that was alot harder on me seeing him leave for the birth of our princess they let him come home for the birth and stay a couple of days but that was it. military life is full of surprises you never know whats going to happen i wish you the best of luck and i hope he is able to be there for the birth :)

Jessica - posted on 02/15/2010

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wow i would want him there definatly,my hubby basicly delivered ur son bc the nurse kept walking out n the doc was flirting with the nurses out in the hall!yeah i was real pissed but it so sweet to know n remember that my hubby basiclly delivered him n was there.he had his materinty leave went to work one day then had his leave before going to iraq so we had him for like a month!it was so nice n i am thankful to be able to say all that

Kalyn - posted on 02/13/2010

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My husband and I were pregnant when he left for deployment. We had no idea if he'd be able to come back for the birth or not. He insisted he was and was so excited being our first. When it came time for me to give birth I requested Emergency leave....he did not receive it. We were lucky he got moved up to the first group in his unit to go on R and R. He came home when our baby boy was 2 wks old. Those two weeks were so precious for him to bond with him and have us as a family. It was hard for him to go back knowing he still has 8 months left but I would recommend him being with you as soon as possible. It will mean the world to your soldier and you!

Alicia - posted on 02/13/2010

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my husband and i just had our first baby in august. and he was gone for it, and most of my pregnancy. it happens. on a weird note im almost glad he wasnt there, it seems like more and more couples are getting uninterested in eachother after seeing it all.

[deleted account]

I was pregnant with our first and only son when my husband was deployed. He was trying to get R&R for the birth. That was 5years ago. I am still angry not with him but angry that he missed his only child's birth BUT he did make it back when our son was 3 1/2 weeks old then he returned home when he was 6 months old. Thaa was the best time for him to miss. Our son has no clue that daddy was not there (he was on the phone when our son was born and my family took pictures, video and even audio taped it). My husband is gone again now and it is a lot harder for our son as a 5 yo. I would choice my husband missing the pregnancy, birth and first few months.
I don't know if this helps but you are not alone!

Jen - posted on 02/12/2010

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My husband was super excited about our first and really wanted to be there, unfortunately he was given dates he was allowed to come home and our daughter was two weeks early. When he did come home he got to spend the whole time with us. The hospital was not the greatest place to bond as a family. So it worked out for us. I am pregnant again and chances are he's gonna miss the birth again. I know both of us would like him there, but are not counting on it. Just be prepared for anything, meaning have plans of friends or family on back up to help you if you go into labor when your husbands not there. Things don't always go as planned during labor so just be flexible. Remember you will have time to enjoy the baby together.

Shelby - posted on 02/11/2010

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I have been very lucky as my husband was home for all 3 of his children's birth. Now...He has had a habit of leaving shortly after I have given birth to every child...He jokes and says hes leaving before S**T hits the fan...HAHAHA. But I'm with the other person who said that if your husband wants to be there and he can, even if for a couple of days, Then by all means. Let him. Those couple of days could do wonders for him, and he'll get to experience that with you. Its hard enough on them to miss out on so much. Let him share this with you. You'll talk about it for years to come, Trust me, LOL, he may as well be able to join in on the convo...

Karen - posted on 01/31/2010

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Thought my husband wouldn't be here for the birth of our youngest but his deployment date got pushed back so he was able to come and actually spend a week with us before he had to report back with the rest of his batallion for deployment. It was a great surprise for both of us. :)

Ashley - posted on 01/31/2010

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my first one wasn't his so she was 6months old when we got together.. and met.. then our second one nope.. then our 3rd we thought he was going to miss.. but made it.. and now we are on our 4th and the only way he will miss this one is if i go into labor early.. and he has to be with our children because we have no family around here..

[deleted account]

Yup! That's the entire reason we decided to go ahead and try for an R&R baby. He took R&R 11 months into a 15 month deployment, we conceived then, and he was home for all the important stuff. We'd probably have just waited until afterward if we knew he'd get orders to a test brigade (read: non-deploying unit) not terribly long after getting home from that deployment, but it worked out really well taking a late R&R, conceiving then (yes, conceiving on the first try takes insane amounts of luck... and for us, a trip to Key West ♥), and then him going back to Iraq for just a few months, and coming home in time for all the important stuff. For 3rd ID, that's about as good as it gets!! LOL



We'll try for our 3rd as soon as we find out if he's being med boarded or not, and what's up with his next knee surgery (We want to get him through all his surgeries before adding another baby to the mix.) and he'll more than likely be here for that one also since he'll probably get out (by ETS or MEB) before he/she is born.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

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Chances are thats not going to happen...i wanted my husband home so bad for our baby girls birth and he tried everything he could to come back and they wouldnt do anything about it and it was only 2 weeks before he was schedualed to come home...So I would say dont push it either way let the pieces fall where they may.

Julia - posted on 01/30/2010

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Well with my first husband, I was 4 months pregnant when he deployed...he told his unit I was due on May 7th and that is the day he was scheduled to leave Iraq!!! Well he arrived in Hawaii on May 9th at 3 pm and nothing had happened at all I was scared I wouldn't go into labor during his entire time there. Well 4 am (yes 13 hours later) my contractions started and he was with me every step of the way!
My second husband got me pregnant when we were deployed together, I came home after 10 months of being deployed and he still had 5 months left. So he was there for the birth of the baby as well. Since he came home at the end of Feb and I wasn't due until May. Luckily with this baby he has been here throughout the entire pregnancy which is a new experience for him. Going to every doctors appt and seeing all the ultrasounds. And as it turns out this is his boy so go figure the boy would make sure his daddy is going to be there for everything!

[deleted account]

Yes he was here. He is on recruiting so no deployments for at least 3 yrs. I hate that about pregnancy. Unless you have a C-section you don't know when the baby is going to come. I think it is important for the father to be there at birth especially your first. He like you has to form that first initial bond with the baby too. They explain it as being like a morphine high between the baby and the parents. But I can also see what your point is about wanting him to come home later so he gets more time to spend with you and the baby. I think that if you have great support then you could give birth w/o him and let him come home later. Good luck. I hope everything goes well.

Meghan - posted on 01/30/2010

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My husband has a habbit of getting me pregnant right before he deploys...LOL. Anyway with that being said he was able to be home for the birth of both of our kids. Our first deployment he left on the advanced party and because of that he was coming home before the rest of the command because he had been in country longer than most of the Marines he was with. He made it home one month before our son was born. Oh and he found out I was pregnant while on the phone with me when he first got to Kuwait...so we had just gotten pregnant a few days before he left. The second time around I was prepared that he would not be there for birth of our daughter. I was not at all hopeful that he would be back in the states. A number of our good friends that he had served with on his first deployment deployed with him again. They left on the advanced party and he left after them. One of them has two kids of his own and when he found out that hubby would be missing the birth of our daughter he was kind enough to switch places with him on the flight home. It was a complete shock that he was going to be home. Less than 48hrs after he got home we were in the hospital having our little girl...she was 2 weeks early too. LOL. I guess its possible that he could make it home:) Hopefully things work out for you!!

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2010

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My husband was in basic when I was due, but was able to visit me and left the day after my son was born. He was not able to be there for my daughter's birth, though, and has yet to meet her.

Lakia - posted on 01/29/2010

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Luckily, my hubby was there for all 3 births. He was on sea duty but they were in the shipyards for the 1st birth and he was on shore duty for the other 2.

C. - posted on 01/29/2010

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Aww.. Well hopefully you two will come up with a compromise soon! I know I would have loved to have my husband there, but sometimes it's just not possible. Is your husband deployed? Hmm.. I suppose that was a stupid question :) Well, I'm not sure what to tell you.. Maybe just appease him and tell him it's ok if he comes back for the birth.. Deployments are stressful, maybe him coming back when he wants to would make him feel better? Again, good luck! I hope you two can figure it out soon!

[deleted account]

i know i mentioned the option of skype and just when i think hes getting it hes makes some kind of comment like i cant wait to see him born or something. he was more excited about this baby then me, so i dont think alone time is the case, or he could just be putting up a very big front...who knows! i got 2 more months left of trying to talk him into just coming home in may but, hes real stubborn, once he gets an idea in his head...thats it! haha

C. - posted on 01/29/2010

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Nope! My husband had just gotten out to his first duty station about 5 or 6 weeks before my due date (with our first and so far only child) and the tickets from HI to SC were about $1000/piece and he hadn't gotten his bonus yet, so he wasn't able to make it out for our son's birth.



Honestly, that's just something that you're going to have to compromise on. Maybe have him on Skype or something while you're pushing, that way he can still kind of be there, but by the time he actually gets there, he won't be waiting for you to go into labor and will be able to spend that time with your baby instead. It's a thought. Just keep trying to explain to him that if he comes out before your baby is born, there's a possibility that he could be waiting almost his entire stay for you to give birth.. Although, maybe that's kind of his reason.. Maybe he wants some "alone time" with you before your son is born, since obviously you won't be able to after.. Good luck!

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