what did you expect life to be like as a military wife?

Tah - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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i expected to be alone alot, raise the children by myself alot of times, worry and concern, and happy times when he comes home, and i must say..it has lived up to this for the most part, i have missed my husband, the kids have missed him, when he is home we make the best of it. I knew it would be long deployments and hours, alot of where is daddy? and alot of single mom feelings and work. I deal with it. I also keep myself busy so that the time flies and i feel i like i am accomplishes my dreams and contributing?..so I guess thats the second question/

What do you do to keep yourself out of depression and from going crazy watching the clock on the wall and the calender(a watched pot never boils..lol)?


Is it what you expected and how do you think you are handling it? why or why not?

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16 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 06/16/2010

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i guess since i was born and raised in the military, i knew what to expect and have not had any problems adjusting to this lifestyle. its all i know.

Cora - posted on 06/16/2010

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This has not been easy for me at all. But I'm leraning specially with me having a new baby. It's a new thing for me. But I wouldn't trade my husband for the world. He's dep;oyed in Iraq right now. And its been nothing but stress since he's been there.But the miilitary wife life is not an easy job at times but I never watch the pot so it flies by...The worst part is watching him leave, it gets harder everytime.

Crystal - posted on 06/02/2010

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it is everything my husband told me it would be we are getting ready for our 1st deployment together and his 2nd we met while he was recruiting way different life but my husband told me how life would be after recruiting i like it better than recruiting life this is our life for the next 12 years my husband is a career soldier it makes me happy if he is happy it just sucsk he is gone alot but aleast when he is here we have him we have only 1 daughter she is finially getting were she wants him she is a mommy's girl and now he will be leaving in oct so that hurts the most but i have to be strong for her and for myself

[deleted account]

I had made a decision not to date any one that would put me in a long distance relationship. HAHAhahahahaha... So when I didn't go recruiting and he didn't deploy so we got married (JOP). A week later, (while he was in WLC) I was still turning the paper work in to prove that we were now married. He gets orders to PCS. Three months later, two months later I find out I'm prego. three months later I had to reenlist, the week we got married, to follow him. Skip, deployed baby drama, ahead... four years, and two kids later I have only spent a year and a half under the same roof with my husband. And I would do all over again. He is totally deployed right now.
Sometimes I think he gets more aggravated then I

Dannielle - posted on 05/28/2010

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why don't you drive your husband to work? we had 2 cars and sold one of them so i just drop off and pick up hubby from work so i have the car all day.. that might help you some to not be house bound or maybe walk on the base?

Alicia - posted on 05/28/2010

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it's not what i thought it would be. it's very, very lonely. everyone i talked to said "oh you'll love it, you'll make friends really fast" yeah, well. i have yet to see that happen. we have two children and one car so i'm basically confinedto our apartment all day. even after he gets hom i cant go anywhere because he's calling me every five minutes to come home because he cant handle our kids by himself. when i do make it home he bitches about EVERY purchase ive made at the store, even if its groceries or diapers or fornula or something like that. My husband hangs out with MOSTLY single guys that he wontinvite over b eause he's afraid they'll hit on me and the one married person hes friends with, he wont introduce me to him or his wife. idk why. and the poeple in our aartment complex are weird. they wont look at or talk to me, and their kids wont play with my son...he stands back and watches and wants to join in so bad, but they ignore him when he tries...sometimes i want to sit down and cry. thats how lonely it has become, and we've only been here a month

Janelle - posted on 05/26/2010

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I laugh at our situation alot because i married my husband 6months after we met.And the thought of military lifestyle was appealing.Now being married almost a year I can say I was very nieve.I love him and what he does for our country but I hate being alone and the wacky hours he has sucks even more.we both brought kids to the relationship and it makes it even harder because most of the time I feel like a SINGLE PARENT even though when we are together its amazing.but i always have the fear in the back of my head the reality of it all.I wouldnt change anything at all.I laugh because there alot of opportunities and risks being a Military Wife.So far the good out weigh the bad!!!

Candi - posted on 05/13/2010

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My husband and I got married in 1996 and boy things were different before 9-11!! I must say I love military life! I am thankful to the military for showing me how strong I am, building my confidence, making me appreciate everything, and being more than 'just a mom' or 'just a wife'. There have been hard times, but the good times make up for it. I set goals for myself during deployments. That really makes time seem to go so fast. At first you say "well, I have 12 months to do that" but you get so busy with other things and eventually its "Oh crap, I only have 2 months to get that done!" The kids have been able to experience so much and they are so flexible. We have never lived near family, and although we are very close and love them, living away makes our marriage stronger. We are as happy today as were were 13 years ago when we got married

Faith - posted on 05/03/2010

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Honestly I dont know what I expected. No offense to anyone young, but I was a dumb 19 yr old that had just gotten married to her 2 yr long fiance off in la la land. lol @ me! Its been a wild bumpy and exciting ride. We've had 3 boys during the 10 yrs that hubby has been in. I just try to keep up with them...there's no time to be depressed, even when you feel it. I really think my boys are my sanity, blessings, and stressers that hold me together while hubby is gone. The finacial part was buggerish when he joined we took a HUGE pay cut from civilian pay, but I think in the long run its been beneficial to us. I try to handle whatever comes my way from the military, but what can you do when they say they have to leave. Just keep on swimming, keep on swimming (Dori the fish, Finding Nemo) lol!

Ashley - posted on 04/30/2010

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and yes i would do it all over again! i mean he didn't join until we were almost a year into being married but if not my kids wouldn't be seeing more places then i would have thought of.. and then i wouldn't be having my kids in different places.. lol they are from all over..

Ashley - posted on 04/30/2010

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yes i did expect these things but it is one thing to think these are going to happen and then them really happening.. its hard at first but then you learn more and more things each time we just came back from japan where i had no family or friends spent 3 years there had my 3child there also.. what i learned there and one of the hardest things is that the army never makes since and the date they leave really isn't the date and when they say they are coming back they are just playing they come and go as they need them my husband would suppose to be out for 2 weeks then come back 3months later.. and it was the hardest when they said they were not aloud phones to call home.. and i also learned that anything and everything that could happen would happen right after they left my husband left one night and my washing machine flooded half the bottom of the house at night thank god for the person that lived next to me.. but most of all i learned that its never easy.. and you miss them more and more...

Erica - posted on 04/30/2010

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i expected alot of alone time and its pretty much been that way i mean we have are time togther but most of the time it feels like were on a clock and i always feel like i got the smaller side of the stick ya know wat i mean. i have my lil girl and i keep hoping the time my husband gets wit her is enough i see and take care of her 98% of the time which is fine i just want him to enjoy his daughter. just feels like there is never enough hours in the day

Tah - posted on 04/28/2010

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o i love my life. i was just wondering what everyone else expected as i watch some of the post. so i was wondering if anyone expected a 9-5, was this a real shock, etc. i love my husband and i am fine, of course you want him to get off when he is supposed to and not leave but hey, that's what it is..and i get it. i work and school and the kids and the dog and my time is pretty much filled to the brim.lol..and it brings him home faster. We are blessed that he is a IT and we talk almost everyday, via email and can usually have a actual conversation doing that during deployments. I was never military, didn't come from a military town, moved to Va and was like what is this...lol...but when i met him and we got married i learned as i went along, am still learning and i'm good with it.

Cassie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Oh and I would do it all again anytime. The time apart I think makes us that much stronger as a couple because you value the together as a family time way more then people who see everyone daily I think.

Cassie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hey I've been married to the Navy for 5 1/2 years now and we have a daughter 4 1/2. It is a lot like I expected it to be. I honestly try not to watch the clock as much as is possible. I try not to do the mental countdown because my husband is on a fast attack sub and their schedules can change at anytime. I keep really close with my family and go home as much as I can. I go see my relatives across in the country once a year when I can and finishing school was a big plus. Try to make at least one good friend if you can. There's a lot of transient people and you don't always become good friends with people but for that one you do it can be a lifesaver. Someone to share struggles and tears with and they will completely understand. I don't really mind the military life. I have tons of people in my family who have been in so it's not that unfamiliar with me and it makes me proud to support my husband in defending our country. Sub life is hard and has one of the highest divorce rates bc there's not alot of communication. You just have to send lots of email, packages on deployments, and treasure your kids. :-) Maybe take a few hours for yourself here and there also. That works wonders. Even if its just to lay in bed in the middle of the morning and not watch cartoons. In my experience watching re run after rerun of Dora could drive anyone mad. Just hang in there!!

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