What should I know?

Amanda - posted on 09/02/2012

We are Air Force and my husband has been in almost nine years, with three years of deployments under his belt. I'll give you the one piece of advice I wish someone had told me in the beginning......You better be flexible and able to roll with anything! The military will come first always as long as he is in (not that he won't love you the most or want to be with you more than anything, but when they say go, he is going to go!). We have been made promises that were broken (like having our orders changed five times in a 60 days!), been promised a base of preference that was taken away due to manning issues, and so on and so on. It can be the hardest lifestyle ever if you let it be. I've seen so many young people get divorced because they just "didn't want to deal with it". Now, that being said, it can be a great lifestyle too, if you make it so.



The hardest part of being a single parent is you have to do it all. You have to make the decisions, because you cannot just pick up the phone and call them. You have to be confident enough to know what your spouse will approve and not approve of. You also have to learn not to burden your spouse with every little thing that goes wrong (by all means tell him the important stuff, but just remember there isn't much he can do about it and it generally makes them feel bad if you unload like that on them).



I wasn't allowed to go to Tech with my husband, so I couldn't tell you if and how that would work.



Being a military spouse for me, isn't that bad. My husband has a steady paycheck, good insurance, and loves his job. However, he works roughly 120 hours every two weeks, so time together can be a slight issue.



On base vs. off base is a personal opinion, but I HATED living on base. We live off base now and it is so much better in my opinion. However, money wise, we had to live on base our first couple of years, because frankly his salary was too low to make it in the local economy. I found the bases to be incredibly strict with housing, especially after they privatized it. Plus with how low home prices currently are, we found a great deal on a house and BAH easily covers it and it is much cheaper for us than renting.



Some military spouses are snobbish and think they know it all and probably will look down on you. Honestly, you will find those kind of people everywhere, so ignore them and try to meet and make friends with similar interests to what you have.



Being military is not a big deal.....just be flexible and supportive of your spouse and always have open communication and you are going to be fine.

Myia - posted on 09/01/2012

It's never to soon to get prepared.



Being a single parent sucks, I'm not going to lie, but they come back. Getting used to having two parents around is the hardest part for me. And I really miss sleeping in, and talking to an adult every day.



We are army and they only allowed spouses to go to school when it was longer than 20 weeks. It may not even be an issue. But I would say do not go, school can be hard enough. Plus you will be moving a lot why add another move when you do not have to.



We do not choose who we fall in love with, saying that I would never regret having a husband I love, regardless of his job. Military life is different than civilian life but there are positives and negatives to both.



We have lived both on and off post, and I would have to say it depends on where you are stationed. It is a purely personal decision. The neighborhood we are moving to has many military people living in it from all branches. But living on post housing had the bonus of activities for kids all the time. I think living in the nicest house is best, weather it is on or off post.



And why would having kids young matter? I have seen many young parents in the military. Just surround yourself with the kind of people that positive and nice. I learned long ago to kick anyone to the crib that is negative or not nice to me. It is not worth my time. The only people that can make you feel bad are those that you allow. As long as you are a good mom who cares what "they" say.



After 11 years of being married to the military one thing I always try and remember is to be true to myself. Duty stations and friends come and try not to sweat the small stuff like what others think and do.



Good luck and congrats!!!

Ashley - posted on 08/28/2012

It depends on where you get stationed. Some places do and some don't. As a child I lived off base in Germany. I went to school on base.

Jessica - posted on 08/26/2012

I'm really worried about making friends, it usually comes so easily to me but since I have had my son I pretty much just have my 2 best friends. I am 21 years old, btw. thank you for your comment!!



Another question though (I'm full of them), if we are stationed overseas will they let you live off base?

Ashley - posted on 08/26/2012

Hey Jessica, I'm so sad nobody has responded to this, but it hasn't been up very long.

My husband is navy, and I was in the navy as well. I would suggest planning for several months of pay being mixed up. I know that's hard to do, but my husband had to sell a lot of stuff to pay his mortagage the first couple months he was in. When I first met him, he barely had money to do anything.



If you go to TECH with your hubby, be prepared to spend a lot of time alone. They are only allowed to come home on the weekends and a couple hours a day in the navy, and most other branches are the same.



I haven't been a single parent through boot camp, but when my son was two weeks old he had to leave for a month and again for two weeks. It's hard, but you have to remember, your hubby is doing somethign he believes in and that it is worth it.



I have no regrets being a spouse. It's an uncertain life at times, but it's a really good life too. We've traveled, and always had a little money, even if it's not much. I wouldn't rather be a civilian, in fact, if they were more willing to station us together I would have stayed in.



I prefer being off base. Base housing has a lot of rules and requirements that can be rough to follow. We also have several dogs so it's harder for us to fit the housing requirements. Be warned, if you paint it has to be repainted when you leave. If there is even a spot on the carpet, you will probably pay for it's replacement. Some bases are even making you pay your utilities which was one of the on base perks until recently.



A lot of moms have an uppity attitude. It has nothing to do with your age. I'm not sure what it is. Don't count on making friends just because you are a military spouse too. Find friends you have something in common with. I met most of my friends at the dog parks, or doing something I enjoyed