When to tell children about deployment?

Angel - posted on 07/16/2009

please remember that your kids attitude will change once they find out that thier daddy is leaving. They are old enough to hear people talk and watch the news to understand what is going on the world. My children were in 1st and 3rd on the last deployment (he just came home a few months ago after being gone for 9mo). It was a hard adjustment, but we lived on base and the kids went to a DODDs school (lived overseas). The counsolers were great and would have weekly meetings with all the kids to discuss what was going on and the kids could talk to eachother (kiddy group therepy). I made sure that I would pull them out of school every so often for a mommy and me day so that I could spend quality time with one child while the other was in school and couldn't try and grab the attention. I would also pull them out of school during lunch time that that they could web cam with Daddy. If you decide to make a paper chain that they will rip one off a day, I would suggest adding extra to it. We all know that our men get extended, plane breaks down, ect. and that adds days to when they will come home. Hope that this helps.

Brittany - posted on 07/15/2009

I love the paper chain idea Brandy! I have a 16 month old now but my husband will be deployed in November for a year. So he will be away from his daddy from the age of about 20 months old to 2 yr and 8 months(32 months). I think I will make that paper chain thing right before my husband deploys, even if my son doesn't understand it now, he might later on. I keep reading about these Daddy dolls, I'll need to look into that. I do try to stay busy while my husband trains in the field off and on this summer-that HELPS! I stay active in my church and with our family in Ohio, my El Paso/Ft. Bliss church family has been keeping an eye on me. I'm so grateful for them!

Brandi - posted on 07/15/2009

I have a been through 2 Deployments with my Husband, even though we only did about half of the second. My children are a lot smaller than yours (2.5 years and 10 months) but it affects them all the same. My 2.5 year old just did not understand why his Daddy was gone, why he had left us. Every single night before bed, Cameron would ask "Where Daddy?" And I would tell him "Daddy's at work, on the Ship in the water." and it got to the point that he could complete my sentence before I could. I would make sure he knew everyday/night that Daddy loved him very much and he would be home as soon as he was done working. Explaining this to a 2 year old mind is difficult to do, but I did it. I did it for him, I did it for his Daddy and I did it for myself.

We have a HUGE Flat Daddy of Jason that we hang up while he is away on Deployment, and we've invested in Daddy Dolls. We are a family that has family portraits and pictures everywhere... so their Daddy is everywhere from walls, tables, the fridge to their rooms. We did the whole webcam and phone things. Anything to try and involve Jason and the kids as possible even with Jaelyn as small as she was.

I think you should tell them now. The sooner the better. There is a Seasme Street video about Deployments that the FRG passed out to the kids of my Husband's Command that also explains Deployments in a better, more positive way. Perhaps you can look that up online or ask around your Husband's Command to see if they know how to get ahold of one. It's going to be rough, but I doubt you want to tell them at the last minute, it will make it MUCH more of a shocker and they'll have no time to adjust.

Good luck to you and your family with whatever you decide. Good luck to your Husband with his upcoming Deployment and good luck to you. :)

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2009

Me again....builda sign.com has great welceom home banners...for free!! all you pay is shipping which is usually 12.75 standard mail and they always get the sign before you need it!!

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2009

BTW...get a whole bunch of customs forms from the post office as well as those flat rate boxes, both big and small...they are free from the Post office and are the cheapest way to send care packages...10.50 or so for the big ones and 8 something for the smaller ones!!! Stock up for the deployment...I always do, especially if you use a military on post USPS...they are always slammed with people and it s good to have everythign ready to go, including the customs form filled out BEFORE you get there!!!

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2009

Talk to them ASAP!! As soon as you know, they should know. Explainations work wonders. The kids should be fully prepared...get maps of where he will deploy to and show them on a world map or globe where their daddy will be while he is gone. Spend as much time with them as they need to grasp this idea...keep mentioning it from time to time afterwards to refresh their memories.



Once daddy deploys keep track of the days to R&R and redeployment with a calander or a construction paper chain...they can rip off a piece for each day he is gone, the excitement of seeing it disappear like that makes it a bit easier to cope. Start now by telling the kids daddy will try to call when he can and discuss with hubby his access to internet and phone services...SPAWAR is an EXCELLENT calling card to use Great rates for the prices and you can recharge it whenever you want to from your home.



Daddydolls.com is awesome too, they make little dolls for the kids that have voice recorders in them for dad to leave them a message...my kids 5 and 2 LOVE them...I know your kids are older, but it gives them a sense of security that they have daddy with them at night when they sleep and they can hear his voice whenever they push the button.



Closer to redeployment make it a HUGE deal!! Paint signs, decorate the house...the kids will be so into it!!



During deployments the kids can make things at school and at home to send to dad in care packages, KIDS LOVE TO SEND DADDY COOL THINGS!!!



I hope these ideas help, and don't forget to be involved in your FRG and try to keep them and yourself as busy as humanly possible, helps the time to fly by while he is gone!! If you are looking at family vacations before he deploys Disneyworld is offering Active military personel a free week and teh dependants can get the same deal for roughly 99 dollars...kids won't forget a week at Disney!! I know Sea World offers a full day for free for military families as well up to 4 dependants!! HAve some fun and live it up while he is here, but don't forget to live it up while he is gone...keeps their minds occupied and makes time fly!!



Good Luck!!