Why do all wifes move home during deployments?

Alysha - posted on 01/30/2010

@Amy- haha I did the same thing. I was on the email list and we did have a website to check times about returning and all that. So we both had our own FRGs. Yeah I guess it goes to show how self sufficient us Army brats can be LOL

@Cori- yeah it is so horrible. My best friend and I (our husbands were in the same unit) were invited to an officer tea party. We wanted to dress like skanks and show up to the thing just to give them more to talk about because we thought it would be hilarious. Of course we didn't because we didn't want our hubby's to get in trouble. It would have been fun though LOL

Cori - posted on 01/30/2010

wow alysha, i have never been to an FRG meeting but it sounds like the fire department here!! A shift talks about the husbands/wives cheating that are on B shift and B shift does the same to A shift... i feel like everytime i go in there i get the "briefing" you talked about about who is doing who and whats going on behind whos back! I get disgusted sometimes but i try not to get caught up in it since its where my husband works its unavoidable going there. i hear funny things sometimes and even joke about having boyfriends on the other shift but everyone knows better than to take me seriously and i only joke with our good friends at the station!

Cori - posted on 01/30/2010

a lot of wives here will move home to save money (with BAH going into pocket instead of to rent) this is what i plan on doing for my husbands next deployment. my husband works in the fire department and we are all close there (like an extended family) and they know both of mine and my husbands families, phone numbers addresses, anything as we do for most of them. if anyone needs support or anything or even if i need it i know that there are at least 15 people on shift that i can call on any given day for anything i need (from countless pick ups and drop offs to the airport to watching my cat for 2 weeks and checking my mail!)

Amy - posted on 01/30/2010

I absolutely agree with you Alysha, most FRGs are drama and they offer no help. Its very hard to find one that gives any actual info. I have gone through 3 deployments and made it through just fine without the FRG. My husband put me on the email listing before he left and thats all I needed, if there was an event that I felt I had to go to I would but most of the time I stayed clear of the drama infested FRG. I really used the internet to help me get any info, my husbands unit has a website of its own (he hasn't been in any other unit so I don't know if all units have this or not) but I could look up the ceremony times for when they guys came back, events in the community, deployed spouse benefits, it was useful. I had my very own FRG except this time it actually gave me useful information :) I am also an Army brat and I agree army children are stronger than most.

Amy - posted on 01/30/2010

Thats so cute that you needed to use cuss words to get your point across, could be your age who knows. I don't care that you tried to offend me in your last post its cute that you took the time to do it. Just a heads up when talking about taking an english class.. check your spelling first :). I highly doubt you have no FRG but again you like the word generalize so Im just sure thats what your doing. My post didnt help anyone you are correct there, not sure how your original post was helpful in any way shape or form but alright. When you generalize you do offend people because you probably hate it when people say oh all military wives marry young, have tons of kids,cheat on their husbands are fat and don't work.. let me know if you like being "generalized" into the slum category..I personally don't like being thrown into a generalization that doesn't fit me at all. I don't run to mom and dad I stand on my own two feet, I am in shape not fat and I make just as much money as my husband does with my full time job, I have NEVER cheated on my husband and think its disgusting that there are women in this world who do, and my husband and I have ONE child.. so yeah generalizing can be taken as rude. Where I live army wives have a bad rep I am sure that certain people helped get it that way but in this town it is almost like people frown on you just for being an army wife and they will say whatever they want about your family. I hope that when we PCS we will move to a place that actually SUPPORTS our troops instead of just hanging a sign in their window.

Alysha - posted on 01/30/2010

The last deployment I didn't have any kids but I just wanted to go home and spend time with my family while he was gone. I only get to see them like once a year when he is not deployed. When he gets off this assignment if he deploys again I will take my daughter and move close to my family again. I CAN NOT stand FRG and the drama that comes along with it. Plus I am a vet and I really can't relate to the other wives other than yeah it sucks having a spouse deployed and I want to support my husband not have a bitch fest about the soldiers being deployed. I remember I was going to try to suck it up and go to and FRG meeting. I walked in and sat down and a woman turned around and gave me the briefing on whose wife was cheating and which soldiers were cheating on certain spouses in the room. I got up walked out and never attended another meeting. I don't think women are running scared by going home. It's just they would rather be surrounded by their families, and honestly if I got the notification that something happened to my husband I would want to be around my family not around strangers. It depends on where you are stationed some of the spouses are awesome and will reach out to other wives and others are just rude and don't want to have anything to do with other wives. My FRG was very clicky. Officers wives invited the enlisted wives to tea events then snubbed all of them. LOL @Amber most husbands help their wives pack up before they deploy. I was an Army brat and my Mother always moved back to family when stuff like deployments happened. I loved being able to see my family as a kid and starting a new school with new friends to me was an adventure. Army brats are pretty strong kids. I am glad for my life as an Army brat it gave me opportunities most kids never get.

Meghan - posted on 01/30/2010

I personally have never moved home while my husband has gone anywhere. Financially it would not have been a wise decision.We have been stationed at least 3000 miles from home since he has been in the Marine Corps so moving that far would be very costly especially with kids and all the things they require. I have a number of girlfriends that have moved home during deployments and most of them came back saying I will never do that again. So it all just really depends on each person, everyone is different.

Amber - posted on 01/30/2010

other wives: if your children are older what do you do about schools when you move back or friends that they have on base.... dont you think itd be wise to have the kids in the school going thru the same thing that they are... I understand some cases where you are all alone and have noone or nothing so you need to go home.... but most of the moms here who are moving as i said are young like i am and this is there 1st duty station and now that they are going to be alone for the first ime with their kids without daddy they figure they cant do it bc its going to be so hard so they decided to move in with parents so they can take care while they go out and have a good time... one mom has already gone.... and yeah i figured housing would be a nightmare when everyone is trying to return and get new housing... for those wives who have moved do you keep your house on base and just move in with your parents or inlaws or do you pack everything up again and who helps you once your hubby is gone??

Amber - posted on 01/30/2010

Amy: sorry, lets see if you went to any english classes throughtout your life. I was generalizing* which is what most people do when venting. (Hopefully you shall remember this word from any class you took) next dont try and be a smart ass amy... and i care bc now my whole FRG is gone and its a problem bc now other wives have NO support here when most are running back home... and I do know theses women (again reading and comprehending) they are in my FRG and 8 out of 9 of us are packing their shit and leaving. I never said it made them any less so again arent you wrong in assuming? and Im guessing you are one of the moms who does move home and i didnt post this to offend you... or maybe i did bc i have no idea who you are and god sent me here on earth to make your life hell... get a grip....and get overyourself... and if you are offended dont read the damn post.... but you offered nothing no help nor hurt... just BS and made yourself look dumb....

Amy - posted on 01/30/2010

first of all your posting is false to begin with.. by saying "all" I assume you understand you are referring to yourself.. if you are a wife and you didnt move then you have just proved yourself wrong.. just thought I would point it out.. second who cares? you dont know these women you dont know why they move back and why do you care what they do.. it doesnt make them any less than you if they move back home..

Stacy - posted on 01/29/2010

i went to my husbands family. i went becuase the support system up there was way better than the one down here ...i came back mid deployment .. wish i would have stayed in wa though ..

Lauren - posted on 01/29/2010

i find that more support comes from my family members then my friends. also, the only reason i go to other states is because my husband is there, if hes not there,i wouldnt want to be in any other state then MA..i dont like the heat at all.

Dori - posted on 01/29/2010

With all the forms of media to stay in touch I had no problem with FRG or REAR D, however, there is nothing that my mom loves more than spending time with her grandkids not just talking to them on the phone or seeing pictures.

Amber - posted on 01/29/2010

My husband and I decided I would move home during his first deployment so I could go to school and our daughter would be surrounded by grandparents. I would never move home for another deployment unless financially necessary. I found that being out of area made it easy to be forgotten by FRG and REAR D. With that being said, with FB, Messenger and all the other media forms available it is easy to stay in touch and give support to your friends and family no matter where you are.

C. - posted on 01/29/2010

Pretty much the only reason I moved back home FROM Hawaii was that I didn't have a driver's license and that I was already battling depression and didn't know anyone in Hawaii really. Plus the bus stop was almost a 2 or 3 hour walk from my doorstep and with a one year old.. Nope. There was no way in heck I was going to try and get that big behind stroller on the bus and NO, I can't use umbrella strollers.

Dori - posted on 01/29/2010

I went back home for my kids. I wasn't running scared, but rather giving my children the chance to be near grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc., especially since the were going to be without their father for a year.

Amber - posted on 01/29/2010

well there like 9 that are preggers i am the only one staying.... it kinda like they are running scared of being a mom...

Kari - posted on 01/29/2010

I went home when my husband deployed and probably again once he deploys in Aug. For me it was nice to go home because I was pregnant and I had a definate job and once my daughter was born it was nice to have help close. It just nice going home for me because my family really helps me with staying busy and not worry so much about him. I didn't have any friends when he was deployed in Ft.Hood so going home and going to school where I knew all about the admissions and teachers. I still had support from military spouse groups and my best friend who moved to her in laws during her and mine husbands dployment helped me out a lot and vice versa. You don't have to be close to give support.

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2010

A lot of wives go back to be with family, so they are not alone for a year, especially if they have multiple kids. Other times they leave and move home, staying with family, to pocket the BAH instead of paying rent with it. It makes it extremely difficult for Rear-D and FRG's to deal with these issues though, as many people don't give correct information when they leave, so getting a message to them if the schedule of return changes, or an issue happens, is like trying to pull a TREX's teeth. Not to mention when the soldiers return you have hordes of people trying to snatch up hotel rooms, or get back into housing, lickety split...then they bitch and moan when they cannot do either easily. It can be a good thing for those who need it, but is a nightmore for those who stay put and have to jump through hoops to fix the issues it causes.