Wife of a USMC Combat Instructor needs advice

Valerie - posted on 05/12/2009

I think you need to let it go. He works 29 days in a row. I have 4 children, and I don't think even I work that much. At least I am in the comfort of my own home most of the time. As for the 4 days off, when you see him making a mess, just ask him politely to pick up after himself. Just make sure not to nag or play the "who works harder than who" game, cause all it will do is make you both feel like crap and you know men tend to tune out when you nag. My hubby is a slob, but when he makes messes I just say,"Can you put those dishes in the dishwasher please?" or " Will you please put your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor?" Don't feel bad if you find yourself reminding him ALL THE TIME! I have to remind my hubby alot too. :) The point is, when I politely ask for his help with specific things, he never turns me down. Hope this helps.

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2009

HI Natasha... Its a very hard situation that you are dealing with. And trust me there are lot of spouses that deal with the same thing. Like DI and recruiter spouses... or even the spouse that Marines or any other branch on deployment. Its not easy fitting it either. I would just talk to him. I know this from my own life and I work at a cdc on the recruit depot. Its a huge problem in military life. They dont understand how hard it is being the spouse, supporter, house keeper, and mother/father. And we dont understand what it is like being the one that has to give up their family for the corps or other branches... so there is a lot of grey area. I would just talk and keep talking. I have gone so far as to throw all his stuff out on the front yard... dont do that if you live on base... he will get in trouble (ooops) Set up a time for you each day he is off to go and relax while he plays with the kids. My hubsand goes through this every time he comes back from deployment or I am out of work. They do not realize how hard it is doing our job as a military spouse. And remember that everything doesnot have to be perfect... I have learned that the more you clean up after them the less they will do. If he makes a mess the first day he is home leave it be til the last day and tell him to clean it up or you are throwing everything in the trash. (works for my kids... my husband just throws it in this garage) make a part of the house just his... My husband took over the garage. I dont clean it and will not clean it. It looks the same as he lefted it before he deployed 2 months ago. But just realize that you have a job just as important as his and make time for yourself...and for your guys alone.. Hope this helped... Good luck and keep your head up.

Rebecca - posted on 05/07/2009

it does seem like a sticky situation...my fiance who is home all the time does this to me on weekends...EVERY weekend!!!we have an 18 month old and i am 7 months pregnant with our second child. i had a business that i decided to let go about 2 months ago to help with stress also so i get your point on this on some level. i understand that you too need down time, everyone does. i have never had to deal with 29 days gone 4 home though but my suggestion is come to an agreement about those 4 days. the first day he can relax and sleep in, the second day is a family day, the third day is your day where you can sleep in and forget about the house and cooking for once in the month and the fourth day is a relax day for the whole family with some light cleaning so you don't have it ALL the next day. my fiance just started paying a stupid game on the computer that keeps him up until all hours of the morning especially on friday nights so on saturday i still get up with our son and he drags his ass out of bed around 10am after hearing me nag for 2 hours,he then falls asleep on the couch or takes a nap in the afternoon. i never get a break so i'm not looking forward to the second childs arrival with no help from him. it might seem hard to bring up to him at first but just let him know how you're really feeling,stressed. i watch a few kids during the day so my days aren't just with one child and i'm not sitting around relaxing by any means so again i know how the day never ends. he needs to see what you do in the run of the month and appreciate it. maybe have a night for the 2 of you. when your daughter is put to bed have a late supper together and rent a movie or just talk over supper about how you are feeling. i don't suggest bringing it up in front of your daughter,it might lead to fighting and i'm sure none of you want that for the few days that he is home.good luck and stay dtrong:)