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Chelsi - posted on 01/26/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband isn't deployed he is in basic, but its still the same separation issue.
I need to know..
Does it ever get easier?!
I am going out of my mind!!!
My 16 month old daughter keeps running around asking for dada but I don't know what to tell her cuz I know she won't understand.

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Sherilin - posted on 01/27/2009

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It does and also doesn't get easier.  I have found over 12 years in the military life, that the separations are easier when you set your expectations accordingly.  Let me explain.... DH went to a 3 week training and it felt like a LIFETIME.  During his first deployment, the time passed so quickly because of my attitude...I had set my expectations that he wouldn't be around to handle the oil changes, the disciplinary issues, the leaky faucet...and all the other things that he normally takes care of.  I was on my own.  When I set myself up for handling it by myself...the time passed more quickly. 



I find that as our relationship has grown, I miss him in different ways than I thought I would.  I get saddened over the fact that my children are missing out on knowing their Dad and having him be a part of their lives on a daily basis during schools or deployments.  I get choked up when I think that he may be gone for half of my son's high school carreer....he may miss our daughter's first date....but then I also think of how proud I am of his serving his country, setting the example of patriotism, honor, duty, respect, integrity, etc. for our children.  I wouldn't wish for any other life than the one he has chosen for our family. 



As for your daughter, keep pictures around...it will help her remember her Daddy.  Make a calendar of how long until your husband returns.  Use pictures instead of numbers to represent things each week....heart for Valentine's Day, flowers for spring, egg for Easter, etc.  Have a special "we've made it another week" celebration with her.  Time is a difficult concept for little ones...you will set the tone for how quickly it passes in her eyes.  I told my kids that "Daddy is at school" or "work" or "he's playing Army" when they were younger.  He was "playing Army" when he was out in a field training exercise.  



Be sure to find something that is "just for you" to do.  You need to have some alone time, even if it is only an hour or two.  If you have family around, have them watch your daughter, if not...find childcare for a couple hours.  The money is well spent and it won't make you a bad mommy...take care of yourself so you can take care of her.  



Welcome to the ranks of the Military Wife! 

Chelsi - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thank you so much. It's always comforting to know that others understand what it feels like. I appreciate the advice and will most definetly be using it.

Jeri - posted on 01/26/2009

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It is such an awesome blessing to be a military wife!!  You get to stand at the "homefront' and keep the flag waving strong.  When me husband was deployed to Afghanistan (19 months)  I leared that if I have a bad day, so does everyone else.  Talk about daddy, draw pictures, talk to him at night through prayer, all these things are very simple ways to keep daddy in the picture.  My kids had their bad days, but the recovery time was quick becuase we knew that Daddy was out making a difference!!  You can have off days,  cry with your kids!! But be sure to be saying positive things!!  "I know this is hard, I am sad too, but I am so proud of our strong daddy, aren't you?"  By showing my kids how I wanted them to respond, we made it through a very difficult time.  No, it doesn't get any easier, but you do grow muscles you might not have known you had!  :-)  You can do it!  I will be praying for you!!



 



Jeri

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