Church question

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2010

i would say yes because she is entitled to her beliefs--i would rather my children believe in God than not because at least i know they would go to heaven if there is one

Cassandra - posted on 05/31/2010

I grew up in a very conservative/religious house.....so at times I have very conflicting views on things because of my own experiences and how I want to raise my daughter and different things. And i'll probably end up contradicting myself here but oh well.

I made the decision to be baptized when I was younger, its a great thing, but like you said you don't believe in it which someone talked about it not being morally wrong.....no its not morally wrong at all, but since you don't believe in religion it does go against your morals and you are her mother.

Also baptisms can definitely be pushed on someone and they don't even realize it. I've been baptized twice I first made the decision when I was about the 4th grade, a lot of my friends were doing it so it became a "popular" thing to do at the time, I was too young then to really understand it. I later made the decision to do it again when I was in high school when I understood what it was about.

A lot of religions offer baptismal classes/or studying. I think it is very important that if you allow her to do this then she should understand it what kind of commitment she is making. You could always have the priest/pastor/minister visit your home and ask him any kind of questions you have about their church (if you aren't already familiar with it). If you aren't familiar with the church then maybe going with her a couple times and meeting the people might make you more comfortable with what she wants to do.

Ultimately if you tell her no then you're going to have to explain your reasoning to her. I wouldn't listen to anyone who says that they think it might be more about the neighbor then about her wanting to be baptized, You are her mother and i'm sure you have very valid reasons if you don't want her around a certain family. Its your right as her mother to not let her be around people you don't like, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

I'm having a bit of my own delimma, as I said my family is religious and in our religion it has a certain health message that goes with it and a part of that is the type of meat we eat, the religion follows the bible about clean and unclean meats/fish. So pork is not a clean meat, I don't want my daughter eating pork but her father's family does eat a LOT of it (my baby is 8 months, her dad is off in the navy but I take her to visit his family frequently) So how would you address the issue? I don't think they'll respect my decision and give it to her anyway.

Debra - posted on 04/17/2010

Absolutely. Your belief structure is not hers. However, I would suggest that you sit down with her and ensure that she understands the responsibilities of such a commitment. As she grows older, those basic beliefs may or may not change. You might also want to accompany her to church to support her decision. If you'd like to talk more, I'm here.

Zatonda - posted on 04/17/2010

yes,although you don't believe, as we have to learn history in school you should learn what type of church your child is attending. There are lots of strange chuches that focus on being baptized, if my child has been going to the church long enough to understand it I would not have problem with them getting it done after all it is in the bible. Ask her if she understands what it means ,if you don't understand then ask someone you trust that do so you'll know what she is talking about, you really do need to be careful about allowing her to attend church and not allowing her to pratice the faith, it send mix signals, church is not day care.

Sheila - posted on 04/10/2010

I agree. It is no harm in her being baptised. In all do respect, it sounds like you are the one with the problem. She wants to be baptised and you don't believe in religion. I was told once that you raise your kids the best you can. You make decisions for them when they are to young to make them for themselves. Then you make the hard ones and let them make the others. That way when they are grown and have to make all the decisions for themselves they will know how. You may ask how do you know witch ones to let her make? If the decision is not life threatening, morally wrong, and won't hurt someone else or against the law. Then let them make the decision and have to deal with the result of that decision. If she want to dye her hair fluorescent green, let her. It won't hurt her or someone else, It's not morally wrong or against the law. You may not like what it looks like but if you tell her no then you she will probably give you grief. But if you let her do it then if she gets teased or if she don't like it then that is on her. She will learn that that was not such a good idea and she will have to figure out how to correct it.Like this, your daughter getting baptised will not hurt anything. Is will either continue with the religion our decide that it is not for her. But if you make that decision for her, by telling her no, then it more than likely their will be problems between the two of you, And maybe when she is older she may still have the feeling of wanting to go to church and she may end up in a cult or something bad. So why not check this church out for yourself and see if it is a good legitimate church and let her go. It won't hurt her it would only help her. Just because you don't care for the neighbor don't make your daughter suffer from it. If she is not in harms way, and I assume that she's not because you have aloud her to go there for months, then let her go with that family, or take her yourself. Don't make your feeling about religion be your daughters. Let explore and make up her own mind about religion. You don't want her to grow up having her let someone else tell her what she likes or don't like. You want her to be able to be her own person and make decisions for herself. Let her start now. Sorry I rambled so long. I hope this helped you some.

Jamie - posted on 03/08/2010

"now she wants to be baptised there"... If that's what she wants, where's the harm? I'm for it.

Laila - posted on 02/18/2010

Okay, I am not a religious person...never been baptized. But I do believe everyone has the right to make that decision for themselves. Isend my 6 year old to a Catholic Private School so he can at least be educated enough to make the decision later on in life. Your daughter has shown an interest and I think if you are uncomfortable with the neighbor taking her and possibly pushing her to get baptized, you should then take her. ( even if you don't believe) It won't hurt you to help her make that decision and be supportive.
Good luck.

Tashell - posted on 02/12/2010

Good evening,



Church is a touchy subject. I have 4 daughters of my own therefore, I can sympathize with you all. My oldest also being 13. However, I beg to differ with you ladies in allowing the child to attend church. Mom you stated you do not believe in religion. Therefore, you have not been forth right with your daughter, you have not communicated your feelings to her. Would that make you a hypocrite pretending that everything is okay and your daughter is allowed to go to church with your neighbor and all the while you feel otherwise? Your neighbor is not perfect, however, she maybe trying to get herself together. With that being said, we ought to encourage people to do so and not sit around and pass judgment.



In addition, your daughter has now been exposed to a religion and you can hinder her by not allowing her to go, but it will not stop the seed that has been planted in her life by not allowing her to go to church. If you do not worship a God don't hinder her. Find out about the church and your neighbor(instead of what you see)and then make a decision.



Personally, it seems like the problem is yours and not the neighbor as you have allowed this to go on for months and it was not a problem until now. Is it possible you are using your neighbor as your scapegoat to stop your daughter from attending church? If so, don't do it. Allow her to be. If there are no changes in her behavior, chores, etc. Then examine yourself. The issue(s)lies within and not so much with your neighbor. I encourage you to make the right decision and speak with your daughte but like you said allow her to make her own decision grown or not and don't force your belief on her either. Be blessed.

Amanda - posted on 02/11/2010

Just want to say that church people are not perfect, no one is. Everyone has problems, and just cause someone goes to church does not make them a hypocrite, anymore then working in a school makes you smart. Some people are wierd, but all wierd people don't go to church, I know alot of wierd aithiests too. But I do agree that religion shouldn't be pushed at anyone, everyone has to make the choice for them self. I made it at 5, and again same choice at 15 and still I am choosing to go to church, it is a good thing, even if some people are odd, there have been odd people i did not make my friends at every place ive ever worked, taken classes or in the malls. You just choose who you keep as friends and who you smile hi and bye to. It sounds like a problem family to me though.

Angela - posted on 01/05/2010

situations like this are hard when your child wants to do something u do not feel comfortable with, u feel mean, but u gotta do what u feel is right. and church itself is a touchy subject, i had an issue in the past with my in laws wanting to include my son into their religion but i said no because i did not feel comfortable or agree to a certian point with their religion. and i am glad i did it, because even though it was hard and cuase some drama, it is like it never happened now and i am not asked about it anymore, they respect my decision now...i think?? lol
and i have to say i hate when someone claims to be such a wonderful person because they go to church, hypocrit is the word for sure. i know someone who acts like a perfect parent and at fist you kinda feel like your not up to par with them then you find out they are far from perfect, they act that way to hide other things. i think i am a really good mommy but certainly not perfect, those people are the ones covering something up. i feel for you because i have been through a similar situation but atleast yours are neighbors not family. and i know what u mean about having nothing in common, we had a couple want to "adopt" us so to speak and they were wierd lol so i kinda just did not communicate with her much and was like hi/bye when i saw her, i felt mean because i am not like this, i am very friendly and social, but it was for the best. we do not need the drama, life is dramatic enough on it's own lol
it is hard when ur child is friends with their friends. are they real close friends? if it were me, i would just have to tell my child no, that being friends is fine, but they cannot be involved with their religion. i would stop my child from going with them, but because if i do not believe in their religion then my child is not going to go, they can decide what their religion preference is when they are adults. :)
sorry for going on and on, i feel very strong about religion and it being pushed on you or your family. :)

Tammy - posted on 12/29/2009

Quoting Angela:

i know i would not let her. at 13 and after only a few months is this what SHE wants or i have to wonder if the neighbors are encouraging it. does she really understand it? i know if it were me i would say wait until she moves out and make the decision as an adult

I know, I thought maybe I was just being a mean Mom but I really don't want her to do it. Especially not with them. They are nice people but very over dramatic about everything. They are always semi-adopting kids in the neighborhood and buying them things just so the Mom will have other kids over to entertain her kids. Or does she do it because she is just really that nice? She is a stay at home Mom on disability. Doesn't clean her house, almost a hoarder, and is on pain pills sleeping all day and then she gets up to cook dinner and act like the perfect parent. She is always asking me & my husband if we want to go out with her and her husband but I don't have much in common with her so we don't. I don't think she is a bad person but she is hypocritical. We see her smoking on the side of the house where her daughters won't see her. I think you should be who you are going to be instead of living two different lives. Having said all of that, I just don't think she is a good role model for my daughter so we have limited how much time she spends over there.

Angela - posted on 12/28/2009

i know i would not let her. at 13 and after only a few months is this what SHE wants or i have to wonder if the neighbors are encouraging it. does she really understand it? i know if it were me i would say wait until she moves out and make the decision as an adult