Having quiet sex

Tammy - posted on 12/29/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My husband & I are only having sex about 2 times a month because I have older chidren, 22, 18, & 13 who I am afraid my hear the whole thing and be scarred for life. Am I being ridiculous or should my husband be a little more understanding?
I first started suggesting that we be very quiet but then my husband got turned off by that and said he shouldn't have to be quiet in HIS own house.

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Nicole - posted on 01/16/2010

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Well...this is a tough call in my book. I remember "hearing" all of my parents (Mom/Dad, Mom/Stepdad, Dad/Stepmom) at some point or another. I don't think it was scarring so much as a recognition (later, especially) that adults need to continue to love and share with one another if we want our kids to feel it's ok to have that in their lives. I think it's a matter of personal preference....think about how you want your kids to feel with their partners and their own intimate lives later on. I want my daughter to be able to be sexually healthy and enjoy the intimacy of her partnerships. However, everyone doesn't feel this way. I mean...you don't have to howl and scream and bang on the walls...I have a 12 year old daughter and in-laws in the house, and we're polite...but we don't skip intimacy for fear someone will hear. No one ever mentions it...so I'll assume it's ok!

Bobbi - posted on 01/31/2011

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I did hear my parents once and what I heard was disturbing to me, the things my dad was saying to my mom was not something I wanted to hear, it wasn't normal to me. To this day it still bothers me when I think about it and I am 31 years old. What I would do is to turn up the music in your bedroom so you don't have to worry about the kids hearing you. We have kids around almost constantly ranging from 3 to 13, if we have to lock the bathroom or bedroom door and turn up the music or TV we do, sex isn't that enjoyable if you are worrying about who can hear you. Good luck.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/30/2014

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I think that you shouldn't have to be quiet. I don't think you should scream obscenities at the top of your lungs either, but sex is a normal and natural part of a relationship and if your children happen to hear it that is a very normal and natural thing too. Go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Try to be private, but don't ruin your sex life because you are scared the children will hear.

Joseph - posted on 09/17/2014

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You should have sex like crazy in your house . The two older ones are old enough to move out. I moved out because my mom wanted to have more sex at home but didn't because I was there saying we too old to still be at home .

Ashley - posted on 12/10/2011

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you no i was wondering myself how to go about this in a few yrs when my kids cud hear. they are 6 and 7 now and im already getn paranoid!

Kathy - posted on 08/26/2011

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I really don't think there's any reason to be ashamed of having a loving and sexual relationship with your husband. Your kids are old enough to understand what real love is and sex is part of that. I agree with some of the other posts that say if you want your kids to have a healthy sexual relationship of there own some day then what better role models then their own parents.

Janis - posted on 03/16/2011

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I think you and your husband are battleing the wrong subject. All your children are old enough to spend the night out somewhere. Send them packing for the night and live it up!
Or you and your husband play hookie from work and have an afternoon delight.
Getting creative will not only allow the two of you to be as noisy as you like but might reignite an old spark or a whole new one in you relationship

Marta - posted on 01/15/2011

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I grew up in a housaehold like June. It wasn't unsusal for my parents to just say, "Keep the TV up, we're going to be in the bedroom for a while." It really wasn't weird to me. It also left the door open for me to talk openly about sex, and birth control and STD's. If anything I think I have a healtier sex life because of it!

June - posted on 01/15/2011

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i ahve to agree with danielle here. i heard my parents all the time it never bothered me we where alot more open about sex in our house though i coudl ask my mom anything and was never embaresed to so when i heard my parents i dident think ew i though awww good for them

Marta - posted on 01/07/2011

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I don't think you will scar your children for life. It night be embarrassing at the moment, but they are old enough to know that parents have sex.
As long as you're not doing it when they have friends over or anything. But if your sex life is lacking, maybe you can use some things to your advantage. Kid are all watching a movie?? Sneak off for a quickie! Getting ready for work in the morning?? Shower with your hubby and get a little naughty with the body wash! Whatever it takes, but don't let the kids cost you your sex life. They'll live if they hear a moan!

Danielle - posted on 09/23/2010

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they are old enough to have sex and know what it is.. so go crazy, go wild.. if they don't like what they hear, they'll turn music up, tv on or cover their ears with a pillow. hahaha. its cool :) thats probly not the answer u want, but i wouldnt ever give up my sex life for nothing.. they wont be scarred by it, trust me, they would probly only be scarred by it if they were like 6 and walked in on u. but they're older, they know about sex and if they hear ya'all.. they sure as heck ain't walking in lol :) good luck.

Lesley - posted on 03/29/2010

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I know exactly how you feel! and my husband does too, we have 4 kids ranging from 6 to 16 , now throw in my eighty year old father, ya i feel real sexy (not), i have thought about this alot, that is what it is, how we feel, it is so visual, or physical with men, and with us it is our brains and how we feel, and if we are even the slightest bit worried our kids (or seriously my dad ew) heard us, it takes us right out of the mood. We are not in a financial position to do a hotel thing or a get away (dreamin), so maybe you shoud plan ahead , when you know the kids are away at a friends, or grandma's etc... and use that time to your advantage. Believe me I know easier said than done. Also I have been married 16 years, so stroke his ego so to speak, cause even if we think they should get it or understand, they usually do not, and take it as rejection. Good luck!!

Rose - posted on 03/27/2010

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I agree with you. I used to hear my dad and his girlfriends go at it. It was so embarrassing. I would be stuck watching my brothers and her kids while they were in there moaning away during the day even. I think it is wrong and disrespectful. Me and my hubby always make sure my daughter is asleep when we have sex. When she gets older only 2 at the moment i will probably try to be quiet about it. It could be a fun little game trying to be quiet while having sex.

Catherine - posted on 02/17/2010

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your husbandshop be a little more understanding to you, my husband and i have to be quiet cause even though our son is only 10 months old he still wakes up during our frisky time. But also i think at the age of your children are with todays society they wont be scarred let alone desensatized by hearing yall. They ( well at least the older two) are old enough to understand.

H.I.H

Monica - posted on 02/10/2010

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I know i'm late, i just joined the group and i saw your post. To me, it seems like you and your husband just need to make the time for it. Its not the most romantic thing in the world putting it on your to-do list, but it will definitely improve your relationship. Also, having children 22, 18 and 13, i'm wondering why they're even home? They should be at school or out doing extra curricular activities or out with friends. Also, your husband may be insulted by quiet sex because it is HIS house, but he has to be respectful because he shares the house with your kids. Quiet sex can actually be pretty thrilling. Just the thrill of possibly being heard or caught. Just one more piece of advice, if you do decide to do the deed with the kids home, LOCK THE DOOR. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Maggie - posted on 01/21/2010

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If your kids have an issue with you two having sex ask them "How do you think you came into this world?" Comeon at thirteen i knew what was going on when my parents dissappeared and i stayed away from their room. You and your husband need your time too so your marriage can stay healthy. If you dont have a good relationship(including sex) then your children will suffer in the end.

Nicole - posted on 01/17/2010

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Oh, and just one more thought...you could look at it as a reminder that your husband is attracted to you. That is a wonderful thing...

If you really can't reconcile the possibility that the kids will hear, I'd take Mariam's suggestion. Keeping intimacy alive is worth the price of dinner and "date night". Hotel sex can be pretty fun!

Angela - posted on 01/05/2010

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oh i so feel for you and relate to this one as well lol my son is 11 and right beside our room and he would so hear us, so we only have sex when he is gone over nite somewhere, which is like once a month. plus with a 2 year old and a 9 mos, old who still does not sleep at nite it is hard to find a right time.
i am with you on this on!!! he is being a man thinking with his penis LOL they don't seem to care like women do.

Mariam - posted on 01/05/2010

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I feel that your husband should be a little more understanding. He has to think of the fact of, what if he heard his parents having sex... loudly. I can guarantee he wouldn't like that. So, he has to think of your older children. If he wants, why doesn't he take you out one night for a romantic dinner, then after, rent a hotel room. Go wild and out there.

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