I am an awful person

Kay - posted on 02/19/2012

This confession was from a year and a half ago........

Meredith - posted on 02/19/2012

Would anything good come of this confession? It doesn't seem like it, it seems that only bad will arise from it. It will cause your husband, I'm sure, untold misery and grief and he may forever question himself as to why and what he did to cause you to go else where. Having said that, now you have to forgive yourself. I suggest that you see a counselor to help you do this. No matter what happens in life we must consider those involved and make decisions based on the innocent people involved and decide what is best for them. I would give myself the same advice as I'm giving you.

Sarah - posted on 02/15/2012

Sally, first of all, and this is just my opinion, you need to accept your responsibility for the affair instead of justifying it away as you being weak, the man was a player, he broke down your resolve. You're feeling bad now because you potentially hurt someone you love, but nowhere here do you indicate remorse for your action, it sounds more like remorse that your husband might be hurt (they're two totally different things). Regardless of how attractive the other man was, or how depressed you were, YOU made the choice, not him. If he was putting you in that position, as a married woman, you should have told him to get out of your life, not invite him into your bed.



Now, having said that, you can't change what happened in the past. But, you can learn from it. I personally don't believe you can have an long lasting relationship without trust and honesty. I think you should tell him. Then suggest you go to couples counseling (and probably individual counseling) so that you can work out your issues, and hopefully move on to a healthier relationship together. Good luck to you.

Carla - posted on 02/10/2012

Take it from me ... Don't say a word ! U need to forgive yourself .. N if u want your relationship to work you need to put it behind you . I told my ex .. Notice he's my ex ! We tried working past it , he tried so hard to forgive but he never forgot !

Laura - posted on 02/10/2012

You did it, it's done. Telling him would only hurt him. Learn, forgive yourself, move on.

Alisha - posted on 02/09/2012

Well, you feel horrible because by God's standards you are guilty. We all are guilty and none of us can measure up to God's 10 commandments. God wants you to turn to Him and turn away from your sins (lying, cheating, hating). He can only truly forgive your sins, I think a church would probably be able to help you further know more about God or just simply pick up a Bible and read John and Romans. Extremely powerful, because God is amazing and has neverending power. He feels you are so valuable to Him and He loves you so much that Jesus Christ (God) died on the cross and when He was up there He was thinking about all of YOUR sins. He already knew you would do all of them and He knows exactly what you are going through with your shame and guilt. He can set you free and He took your punishment of eternity separated from God in hell so that you could be with Him in heaven. As far as telling your husband, I would say you will need to at some point, when and how to tell him is up to you. Perhaps get some counseling before you tell him, I'll be praying for you!

Penny - posted on 02/09/2012

Forgive but never forget. If you forget, you are liable to do it again with someone else. xoxo all my love to you sister.

Isabelle - posted on 02/09/2012

Many times we "tell on ourselves" to make ourself feel better (relieving our own guilt) - and do not think of the burden it will put on the person we are telling. My opinion is this: telling him would only make YOU feel better. You made a mistake and it is now your personal cross to bear in life. Don't ruin your husband's life too by telling him. Suck it up and live with it. Use this as an opportunity to recreate yourself into the best person you can be each day with him. If you ever do it again - THEN you need to evaluate if marriage is for you and come clean - but one time is a mistake and you clearly know it and regret it. I wish you well on your journey.

Mvcamom - posted on 02/08/2012

Honestly...it happened. You can't change it. You learned from it. Just move on but don't tell him. What would being honest about your infidelity do at this point. I'm sure it will ruin his trust for you and lead to many other problems and maybe divorce. I'm not condoning what you've done. You betrayed a good man that loves you because you were depressed and insecure. When its probably likely he would've bent over backwards to make you feel better. Why would you hurt him now by telling him the truth? I'm glad you feel miserable and guilty for what you did. But keep it to yourself and learn from it and appreciate your husband that much more.

Ashley - posted on 12/10/2011

no be honest. tell him. u will feel relieved and be happier with urself for being honest. i hate cheaters but if ur hubby is really a GOOD man he will forgive but nvr forget. it will be a bumpy road. if he did wud u expect him to tell u? we all make mistakes...own up to urs girl. good luck.

Miss - posted on 10/18/2011

I do like Holly.s answer...

Holly - posted on 10/17/2011

First off your not a horible person and i can most garantee you that everyone in this world has cheated on their spouse at some time or another. I myself have done it but i have also learned not to ever do it again. I was honest with my husband only because i felt in my heart that he needed to know the truth. I have a very good man as well and he ended up staying with me after i told him and we worked it out togeather. good communication is always good to have weather it be good or bad. If he really loves you he will forgive you and still be by your side. But no matter what advise you get you truly just have to do what you think would be the right choice for you.

Katherine - posted on 09/04/2011

Hi I wouldn't tell him. As much as you might want to for the guilt to feel better. It will create other problems. The trust he has for you will be broken, and things will never be the same. Think do you like what you have with him now, if you tell him it will never be the same. I am not one for holding onto secrets but it was a mistake and you relise that. Think of the man you love and don't hurt him. Put the past in the past and move on. It was yesterday and today is today. You are not a bad person we have all got things in our past that we wished we hadn't. Focus on the love that you and your husband have and on your family. hugs

Miss - posted on 08/05/2011

Well said Iza...

Iza - posted on 08/04/2011

if you think that you could handle the distrust your husband will inevitably have of you, then tell him.. it will be hard, you will have to give him every reason to believe that the everyday things you do aren't you cheating... if you sincerely believe that your depression won't affect you in such a way that you will cheat again, than i suggest first talking to a counselor or pastor.. someone who can give you guidance as to how you can broach the subject.. they won't have clear cut answers, but advice.. and i believe that you might need counseling in the way of dealing with yourself.. you say that you cheated because you were depressed, but the way i see it is you were seeking approval from someone other than your husband.. that is always dangerous.. and i have seen this play out so many times in the military.. you have to learn to love yourself, and not put so much into the opinion of others.. your husband loves you, and if you love him you won't let yourself become entangled in situations like the one you put yourself in before.. but seek counseling for your relationship and for yourself... and if you ever start feeling sorry for yourself again, look outward.. help someone, volunteer.. it will help to help someone else.. i don't think putting off telling him will be best.. if ever he finds out later on, whenever it does come out, you'll have to deal with the time line.. if he had kept a secret from you for as long as you have, would it be any easier?

Ixchel - posted on 09/06/2010

I am going to tell you this for your own good. Do Not tell your husband!! Many reasons why. For one telling him will ease you but kill him and that is not fair, you messed up not him so why should he hurt. 2nd Do you want the good life / husband to leave because he may just do that. Once that trust is broken it can never be regained, never. I don't care what anyone says.. Your best bet is to move on with your life that your realize now is good and be happy with it. consider it a stubling block. You deserve to have the guilt and pain sheltered for the rest of your years not your husband he did nothing wrong. So in 5 years if you still feel guilty or your remember you did it it is your pain to bear your burden not his. But I am telling your that nothing ever good comes out of telling your partner your slept with someone else. I hope this helps you just forget about it and love your husband and move on.

Rachael - posted on 09/04/2010

sally your not a horrible person= what did you end up doing?

Rebecca - posted on 08/29/2010

I would be put in a hard position just like you. I would want to tell my significant other but then I agree with so many other women on here that you should not put that burden on him if you felt immediate guilt. if the guilt weighs too much on you and in your heart you think you should tell your husband then go for it! If he loves you enough then he will listen to what you have to say and take it for all it is worth. He will not assume that you are some sort of "whore" (excuse my language). He will realize it was a bad time in your life and that you should work through it together, even if that means counseling. Do what feels right in your heart and what you would want him to do if the situation were reversed.

Amy - posted on 08/29/2010

Girl...you did it, yeah it sucks and you feel bad. But for GOD'S sake...keep your MOUTH shut!! I'm talkin' about lock and key, put it in the vault and bury it. The more you think about it, the more likely you are to "accidentally" spill it or let it ruin YOU--which is an obvious tip off to your husband. I'm a BIG believer in--there CAN be too much information in a relationship...stuff that would only hurt the other person, even if you feel like it would be "healing" to you to get it off your chest. Think about it...that's kinda selfish motives. So-talk to your priest, your therapist, your girlfriends, whatever....but DON'T tell your husband!!

Ashley - posted on 08/21/2010

I don't think anyone can you good advise on what to do. You should do what you think needs to be done. I was cheated on too many times by my sons dad. Not once did he tell me about it. I kept finding out and holding it inside until one day I burst. What if your husband already knows and he's just waiting for you to tell him one day. Would you rather him bring it up one day? I know personally hearing it from him or finding out myself it hurts worse to find out yourself. If he would have told me what happend yes I would have been devistated but I think it wouldnt have been as bad. Obviously it's not the same as you only did it once but you also have to think if he doesn't know and you tell him how do you think he will feel. Is it worth the heart ache if he doesn't know. See I am not much help.

Rebecca - posted on 08/10/2010

I know it has been years... and you are sorry. but.. at the same time.. what if he finds out in 2 more years? Won't that be worse? From a wife who's husband kept secrets similar to this from her for 2 years, trust me. He will thank you for telling him sooner than later. It wont be pretty but then you can have a clean slate. It is HIS business just as much as it is yours what you do in your marriage to him. Put yourself in HIS shoes. You would want to know.

Lauren - posted on 08/07/2010

I agree w/alot of the other ladies on here. Forgive yourself, dont ever do again and live your life to the fullest w/your family.

Kate - posted on 08/05/2010

I agree put it behind you clearly it was meant to happen and it did so be it, you cant change the past but don't let it ruin the future!

Debra - posted on 08/03/2010

Never forget that you must forgive yourself ... or at least get some consolation. If I were you, I would confess to your priest or minister and seek his counsel. I am not usually an advocate of keeping something from your lifemate, for you will change in small ways ... and guilt has a way of seeking release... xx Best of everything to the both of you...

Lisa - posted on 08/03/2010

Most times I would agree you need to tell him, how would you feel if you found out..but in this case I agree with the other woman, if he is gone and you are truly sorry then telling him will just hurt him. If you forgive yourself and move on and learn from it then you will be better for it in the longrun.

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2010

honestly i would, and if it ever comes up explain to your husband why you did not tell him, "let sleeping dogs lie" and if you do it again i would reconsider your marriage worth...but we are all human and we all make mistakes

Jessica - posted on 06/21/2010

I would put it behind you... Over time you will forgive yourself... Its not like you are going to see him again and nobody can give a guilt trip like you do on yourself. You obviously have learned your lesson... forgive yourself and let it go

Corena - posted on 06/15/2010

As someone whose spouse cheated on her...I say you should tell him.
I understand how hard that would be but whether he knows or not it is going to come between you because of how you feel about it and I can almost guarantee that he knows something is wrong anyway...or at least that you have changed, even if he can't figure out why.
My husband did not tell me, I "caught" him on his computer. I would have prefered he tell me. His hiding it made things worse for sure.
I did forgive him and we are doing great now. If you decide to tell, I pray that your husband be given divine grace to forgive you. And that you forgive yourself.

Heather - posted on 06/08/2010

My husband and I were actually talking about this after watching some Discover Health show on infidelity the other night and I honestly think that the only thing you will do by confessing to your husband is make him feel like crap. You have obviously learned that an affair only hurts, so hopefully that means that you will not do it again. So I would move on and even if you feel guilty or it hurts you, if you truly love your husband, you bear the burden for him and don't make him share in it.

Tina - posted on 05/10/2010

Well, I would absolutely put it behind you. It happened, it's done and you'll never have to see him again. Clearly you feel like you made a mistake and feel bad about that but a mistake is really something we learn from. And you have learned how much you love and appreciate your husband. I suggest you find one day where you can be completely alone and cry it out. Write a letter to your husband and burn it. If the guilt weighs too heavily on you then think about the consequences. IF he found out would he leave you? Would you be able to repair your relationship? If you feel he could forgive you and work toward fixing your relationship, even with therapy if necessary, then sit him down and explain it all to him. If you think he will leave you then go to therapy yourself and deal with your guilt and love what you have.