Just need to vent!!

Jennifer - posted on 12/05/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Well first off i am super stressed out my husband is deployed and we have a 3 yo and i just gave birth a month ago to a little baby girl. When he left i thought the hardest thing i would have to do is give birth without him...was i ever wrong! my mother in law is driving me crazy. when my husband left i moved back home to be closer to our families and to have support for the birth. Our families only live about 15 mins from each other and i thought it would be nice to get to see everyone and that my oldest would have lots of family to be around while her daddy is gone. things were great at first we would see everyone at least once a week. i am staying with my parents so of course they get to see the kids more but we saw his family every week and everything was going so well until i got to the end of my pregnancy and was too big to drive. his mother started complaining and would write my husband emails to complain that i would not let her see our 3yo. so my sister started driving me to my mils house on the weekends so we could visit, then she started dating and could not find time to see us and would cancel our meetings to go on a date, BUT then would write my husband who has enough to worry about and complain that I would not let her see the kids. so my husband asked me what was going on and why i was not going to see her so i had to waste one of our times to talk on explaining what his mom was doing. she is driving me crazy i have tried to tell her if she has a problem to tell me and lets try and work it out but she goes behind my back and tells my husband i am mean and only want my family around our girls. she is like a little kid. we have been married for over 4 years and for 3 of them have lived out of state because of the air force. she only came to visit in all of those years i think twice. and now every time i see her she cries because she missses my husband so much and is just devasted that he is gone well he has been gone for three years and she was fine. we even came to visit everyone a couple of months before he left and she did not even take off work to spend time with him. i dont know what to do when she cries it pisses me off i mean i dont even cry anymore and then her going behind my back to cry to him when he is deployed and has much more important things to worry about i have tried talking i am just fed up.....oh andlast week we had planned to go visit and my oldest woke up throwing up so my mom kept her and the baby and i went to see his dad everything there went great andthey understood why my oldest was not there and we had a great visit BUT when i got to my mil house she kind of pouted and all she said to me the whole five hours i was there was that she was dissapointed our 3yo was not there she didnt hold the baby or say anything else to me she went outside and put decorations up on her house while i was inside with my sis inlaw and aunt...i mean come on what do you do in a situation like that...she is crazy! at least i think so...

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Kim - posted on 02/27/2010

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she sounds a little crazy....but she also sounds like maybe she just misses her son a little too much and she's using her grand children as a way to fill that void, as they are a part of him. i have never been a military wife but I can't even imagine what it's like to feel like your alone, I know you said you are close to more family, but not having the one you love to go through it all with makes you agitated and reluctant to be trying to satisfy everyone. But the thing is, although it's not just your responsiblity to make sure they also get to have a relationship with your son, you kind of have to see that it's hard for her, too! It sounds to me like the inlaws need to make a little more effort and not expect so much from you. You shouldn't have to be the ONLY one making the effort.