going crazy!!!

Rhiannon - posted on 06/13/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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ok so i'll give a rough idea of whats been happening. its kind of a long story.

my partner and i have been having alot of problems lately, and im pretty sure im suffering with depression so things are very hard at the moment.

about 6 weeks ago we had a massive fight so i took my 3 girls and went to stay with my mum for a few days, basically because he had been lying to me. so when i came back i tried to talk to him about what was bothering me and the response i got was 'oh god i have already said sorry for that' (he and my brother had lied to me while i was away) as if sorry was supposed to make me forget it, come on i deserve better than that right! anyway part of fights were about him watching porn and lying to me about it, i know alot of ppl watch it but to me i dont think it is exceptable. it makes me feel worthless, unattractive, unloved and very unneeded if you get my drift. i have an 11 week old baby so i already feel very bad about my body as it is. anyway the other night i was playing with his phone and found out that he had been downloading it onto his phone, i asked him about it and he told me he had no idea what i was talking about lying straight to my face. after that i told him that i wanted to talk about it but he told me that any time we talk its always about me and how im feeling and if i dont get my own way then i crack it. i have also tried to explain to him that some times i find it very hard to cope with basic every day things and his response to that was 'you always use that as an excuse' REALLY!
i have just about had enough if im willing to put in 100% of effort on trying to work things out then he should too, but to me it seems as if i'm supposed to shut up and get over it. im nearly ready to walk away and i dont want to beacuse im still as in love with him as i was 4yrs ago when we met.

i really could go on for much much longer about everything but thats a basic idea of whats happening and how i'm feeling.

please be supportive, i go by the golden rule 'if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all' i dont mind if you have objections to anything i have said but please dont be nasty.
thanx for listening

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4 Comments

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Tenille - posted on 07/13/2010

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Hi babe. I hope your feeling ok today :).
I think it sounds like u r suffering a little from post natal depression as I did this time round. I knew I was because I had suffered from depression before my pregnancies. I felt worthless, helpless, tired, overwhelmed and sad for majority of the time and it seemed that when I did get to sleep it was never a good enough sleep or not enough of it and another day would roll bye again feeling exactly like the one before.
When u feel like this the last thing u need is a male around the place doing things to upset you.....
Once you have seen your doctor and been put on some mild anti depressants with a couple of weeks you will have more of a clear thought pattern.
This will help to not care so much about what your partner is doing.........( him hiding the porn is probably his way of trying not to upset you in a male thinking way). He probably thinks he was doing you a favour????!!!!!! Taking the stress off you....
Dont feel offended or less loved by those sorts of actions. Take it with a grain of salt and it wont become such a big secret. I know you said you dont like it but men will be men when it comes down to it.
anyway........
The medication will have you thinking that clear before you know it you will be in a routine that you and the kids are happy with and your attitude will be worrying about everything to getting things done and somehow in a relaxed state and relieved at the end of the day instead of feeling such helplessness.
I hope that helps. I dont mean to offend if I have in any way. I have been through this myself and could go on forever :)
I live with my ex and have a 5yrold and a 5mth old baby but it stills seems that I do everything,,,, but in the end it was a lot harder when I moved out and really was doin it on my own..... Hense why I put up with a fair bit of onesided behaviour on his part. But we are women and we are the stronger sex.

Katherine - posted on 06/15/2010

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Sounds like my relationship to a T. The women suffer from the depression and the men don't give a rat's ass. Go to your doctor see if you need meds(not saying you're the problem) it takes the edge off. My story is waaay to long to post. In a nutshell, I met my husband at a wedding. We hit it off. 8 months later I was pregnant and 5 months later we got married. It all went to hell from there. He had a gambling problem would leave me home alone to go gambling until about 2am.....etc..etc....total insensitive jerk. Now we have another one, and I have filed. Long story in between lol. He just didn't want to acknowledge he had responsibilities. He does now and it's too late. Sooooooooooooooooo I am there with you.

Rhiannon - posted on 06/13/2010

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thanx for your support im kind of glad some1 knows a bit of what i am feeling. he wouldnt go to councilling he's not 1 for sharing feelings and stuff. so i dont know what im going to do

Meghan - posted on 06/13/2010

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I just kinda skimmed through this cause my monster is on the prawl (now that I FIANLLY am taking a few moments to myelf...)
So anyway, I totally hear you, and I really feel for you hun!! My ex constinatly told me that my feelings weren't justified or I was blowing things out of porpotion. Bottom line, you do deserve to be happy- and this is a difficult time for you, you have new born for christ sake!!! ARGH MEN!! (i am a little bitter! lol) maybe councilling? would he be open to that??

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