OH MY LORD I feel like I'm the only who gives a rat's A** about our family!

Krystle - posted on 11/19/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Okay, so it's been almost 3 weeks since I left my bf and baby-daddy, and I'm so pissed off at him. One day he's trying to work things out and he cares and is willing to do whatever it takes to change and show me that he can be the man that he should be and that he wants to be, and the next day he hates me and claims I'm putting him through more turmoil and anguish than he ever did me and it's not fair....he thinks I'm just playing with his head and trying to punish him or pay him back for what he did to me. (Did I mention that he treated me like crap about 97% of the 5 and 1/2 years we were together. He was always more important than me, there were a million double standards, he could never do anything without one of his low-life sidekick friends at his side who were always more important too...He didn't want to work, he didn't spend time with his kids, everything that was something responsible was a "momma thing" or a "female thing", when he would leave he could be gone for hours upon hours and God forbid I have a problem with it, but when I would leave to do anything it would have to be an absolute necessity and I would have to be right back with strict instructions to go straight there and straight back with no diddle-daddle, I would have to take the kids with me and if it were something that I couldn't take the kids with me and I took too long, you know there would be repercussions...He hated all my friends and so it was practically forbidden for me to talk to them. He would always accuse me of cheating or attempting to cheat on him by reading too far into anything and practically everything I did or didn't do.......and trust me, that's only barely scratching the surface.) None of the reasons just listed are even the reasons why I initially left him....they participated in the decision to stay gone, but the reason why I actually picked up and left was b/c about a week before, I found a string of text messages in his phone from a girl named "Viv" (obviously short for Vivian) and trust me, they were VERY convicting text messages, talkin about "okay well be careful call me later, miss you already, kisses" and "...we should take things slower than we are, I think b/c I don't wanna get hurt or played if you wanna go back with your baby momma b/c I know it's hard to let go".....OH YEAH, trust me, I KNOW what you're thinking. There were some in there callin him pet names like baby and boy toy...girls, trust me, I know! I"m not an idiot and believe me every time I found a message I would slap the crap out of him (usually he was asleep when I went through his phone) and you could probably use your imagination on what happened after that. His first initial response was that the bitch was crazy like a stalker and that he swears up and down that he hadn't done anything to lead her on, he didn't like her b/c he was fuckin 16 years old....oh yeah, you read right, 16 years old...he said that he wasn't trying to get with a 16 year old, she's jail bait...blah, blah, blah...so I called her like a day or two later and she tells me that it's her sister who is 19 years old and her name is Stephanie. I ask Alex who the fuck Stephanie is, and he plays stupid like "I know she (Vivian) has a sister and I guess Stephanie is her name, I've only met her like once or twice and only talked to her like maybe one time and that was just to say "hey what's up my name is Alex" sort of thing"....HA! He is such a liar. Anyway, come to find out it really was Stephanie and obviously he had talked to her more than once....He was staying out all night long and not coming home til like 4 or 5 or 6am...sometimes he wouldn't come back until the next morning or afternoon...he's been doing this to me practically the whole relationship, but for the last two weeks we were together, he was gone EVERY SINGLE NIGHT....ALL NIGHT....so finally the day after we took the kids trick-or-treating he stayed out all night and I woke up the next day made the kids some breakfast and packed our shit and left. I was gone by like 1 or 130pm and he STILL wasn't back. Been gone ever since.

well I gotta go I don't have time to finish but I'll be here to finish again later...ooohhhh I'm so pissed!

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Judi - posted on 11/20/2010

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Write some of it down - you'll need it to remember, they are SO good at the cycle that it's so easy to get sucked back in. LOL - just spend the afternoon watching my little boy play with all these Dads the way that his dad never would - very sad.

Krystle - posted on 11/20/2010

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Thank you latdies, I really appreciate the support and feedback!



I just want to make sure that it's perfectly clear that I'm not sitting here saying that I'm taking him back. I considered trying to work things out if he would get clinical help and change eveything he needed to, until I realized he's not changing for me or anyone else on this earth. If he didn't change when his first son was born, anywhere inbetween or even now that I've left him for 3 weeks and am still gone...he's just not gonna change.



Jackie, I completely agree with that song by beyonce, honestly I listen to it almost every day, but the song that screams my name and helped me through the first like week and kept me strong was "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake. The words just call to me like it's really me that wrote the song. It helps keep me strong enough to stand my ground.



Judi, trust me I already know about the cycle of violence, been there too many times in the last 5 and 1/2 years to be blind to it, lol. That's what is pissin him off right now. B/c I've fallen for his crap so many times b/c I was weak to him, and now I can hold my head up and hold my ground and that I'm walkin away without stumbling...but thank you both of you for the input...there's still so much more for me to say about it....but it would honestly take the whole amount of time we were together to recall and remember everything he did to me. No, shit. One day I'll get into it, but for right now, I just needed to vent, lol that's why I created this community!

Judi - posted on 11/20/2010

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It's call a cycle of violence - and I know that violence means physical to most but CONTROL is painful too. The cycle wiill go round and round like this: "I'll do anything to have you back, I love you" [this is calledd buyback] - Honeymoon [life is sweet - but not for long] - Tension Build-up [conflict without resolution] - Standover [control - remember you are not allow to talk to your friends, you have to be home at a set time] - explosion [rage] - remorse [minimse blame justify]

It goes on and on and never stops, the only way to get out is to become aware of the cycle. Stay true to you. You know that you are an incredibly strong and amazing woman and mother (you started this group). Be strong and know that you are supported (from afar) in any decision you make.

But if there's a women's resource centre near you - go they'll help with closer support.

Jackie - posted on 11/20/2010

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Girl you remember that song Irreplaceable by Beyonce? I went throught what youre going through and I actually played that song every morning and after a while it actually sunk into my head. Now my ex can go straight to hell. He was a pathetic excues for a father and now the man Ive got is one hell of a father to my son. He wants to adopt my son when we get married and he has never even raised his voice to me. Weve ben together a year. Youll find that one that makes your heart sing and his will do the same thing.

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