Threatened with divorce...

Renee - posted on 12/16/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

(a little long) So 2 weeks ago now my husband and I got into another argument (over something stupid) and I said I had enough. If we had enough money in the checking account at that time I would have packed up the kids (2 1/2yrs and 8mos) and myself and went to my mothers. She lives about 300 miles away and the truck was on empty and only about $50. in the checking account. I threatened him with a divorce if things didn't get better soon. According to him he had "no idea" that I thought things were this bad. He didn't realize that he was treating me like he treats our 2 year old and talks down to me. I am a college graduate and graduated with high honors. I have had enough of his temper and his tantrums. His thoughts that he is helping the family but the underlying reasons are to benefit him only. Like spending a 5K inheritance on guns and gun parts when we were in debt up to our eyeballs. The gun parts would be worth more money in the future and we could sell them later if needed OR he got them for the children because when they get older they will never be able to find those parts or guns. We get a little extra money here or there and instead of paying off bills he bought a boat because this was the only way he could get out to go fishing and relax. He found a 200gal fish tank with stand for $300. which normally costs $3,000. He had to buy it because it was such a "great deal". We didn't have the money for it and ended up taking money out of our 2 year old's savings account to buy it.

His idea of spending time with the family is sleeping on the couch as the kids are playing or him sitting on his computer playing games as I take care of the kids, make his dinner, clean the house, etc and he wonders why I just want to go to bed at night. After 3 years of his crap on a regular basis and another 4 years of his crap. Sometimes I wonder why I even married him in the first place. We fought before we got married and I had thoughts of giving him back the ring before we got married. Something in me loves him. I don't want my children to grow up without their father around. I don't want to leave him but I also can't keep living this way.
Since I threatened my husband with a divorce he has been getting a little better. He is actually starting to help a little bit with the kids but only a little. He still won't feed them, bath them, change diapers, etc. What he does do with helping is what I ASK him to do, he can't just do it on his own. He says he doesn't know what to do or how to care for children. I am sorry our oldest is 2 now. You should know how to change a diaper, bath a child, feed an infant, get them dressed. There are millions of first time parents without experience having children every year and somehow they are able to care for their children. I just feel so hollow and empty inside (since the birth of our 2nd child) but I should be able to fix it because it's my body. He should be able to fix his high blood pressure then because it's his body...I asked him a month ago to help me put plastic up on our windows and it still hasn't been done yet. Our heating bill more than doubled this past month because the windows leak so bad. The windows are too long for me to do it by myself properly...especially when I have a 2 year old trying to "help".

I still have my parents looking for a job for me down there that will make me enough money to live on my own and care for my children. My parents have an extra room at their house that we can always use if it comes to that. But my husband said if I did that he would quit his job up here and get his old job back down there making 1/2 as much as he does now and working twice the hours. He has really let his body go to hell as well where he can't physically do the work any more in that environment. Since we have gotten married he has gained about 100lb and really high blood pressure. He has passed out a few times but refuses to tell his doctor about it. He gets chest pains when he gets upset or stressed out but refuses to say anything to his doctor about that as well. I make him healthier meals to take to work and he just buys junk at work. Buys sodas even though he has some in his lunch box. He tells the doctor what foods I make him but doesn't say that he eats 3-4 serving sizes. I make extra food thinking it will be enough for his dinner and for him to take with him to work AND feed our 2 year old. He eats it all unless I put it away before he gets to it. He doesn't want to go to the gym because he misses us too much to be away from home more than he already is. If he misses us so much then act like it.