Advice on this horrible situation :/

Alison - posted on 06/25/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello Ladies! So, to make a long story short I have a 3 year old daughter. Her 'father' chose to stop seeing her when she was around 6 months old and it now has been 2.5 years since he's seen her (his family hasnt wanted anything to do with her either). So, we had a bad past, he was very abusive in every way and is a felon, drug addict, and alcoholic. We have had a child support case set up for almost 2.5 years now and he just paid his first payment a couple months ago to avoid jail time (he has since not paid another payment...big surprise) and once he made that one payment him and his 40 year old gf (hes 24) that they wanted to see my daughter. I was upset about it, but realized that if anything it could be good for my daughter to know her father even if he is in and out because she will feel like he loves her. So before we had mediation I let him call her on her 3rd bday to wish her a happy birthday since he's missed every birthday she's had. Well he didn't call until the next day because he didn't remember what day is was on (so low). So I was irritated but we did mediation and the only thing that was agreed was that he would come meet her one time to see how it goes (we live 2 hours away from him). Well, 2 weeks went by and never heard a thing from him. He finally calls after that 2 weeks and demanded to start seeing her 8 hours at a time every weekend and to talk to her on the phone every day. I said no way in hell because she is only 3 and has no idea who this man is. He has no vehicle or license because he lost it from too many dui's and stealing cars so his gf would be bringing him the 2 hours. I asked him, 'what would you do for 8 hours with her when you have no car?' 'would you take this 3 year old girl you dont even know and bring her to the bathroom and wipe her bottom?' i dunno about you but having a strange man wipe me would be traumatizing. i asked why he didnt call for 2 weeks and then all of a sudden demand to talk to her on the phone every other night...his excuse was he didnt have money to get down to where we live. okay....so you mean to tell me none of your family members would borrow you money to come meet your daughter? and also, what does that have to do with talking to her on the phone every other day. she's 3, she doesnt like talking on the phone especially to a man she doesn't know at all!!! so i STILL extended the offer to have him come down on a certain day and told him a time. i said that when it gets closer to the date to call me and i can tell him where to meet us. his only response was 'well, i'm still gonna call her every other day.' i said 'no, you're not. you are more than welcome to once she knows who you are and once you meet her.' so what has he been doing for the past week...calling my phone EVERY DAY leaving nasty messages to have my daughter call him. please tell me i'm doing the right thing by not answering. it was HIS choice not to see her for 2.5 years..now he wants to come into her life full time, talk to her every day, think he's the best dad in the world. NO..it is not okay to do that...he is thinking of only himself and gf..not the best interest of my daughter...which would be to start slow!!! Am I doing the right thing?!?!?! (I also have a lawyer who advises me, thank fully, and we are going to court for custody soon).

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Alison - posted on 06/26/2012

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Well it isn't a for sure thing that we are going to court yet. When I found out he was taking me to mediation out of the blue after 2.5 years I got a lawyer (thanks to my dad for borrowing me the money) because I wanted to make sure my daughter was safe and wanted to try to get sole custody of her and have him only have supervised visits to start. So my lawyer is going to be sending him papers to see if he will sign them first giving me that custody and he will still get parenting time. If he doesn't..then we are going to court and having the judge decide. We dont get along whatsoever. So if we don't have an agreement signed by a judge, we will never agree to anything. I hope it works out for us :/

Chequita - posted on 06/26/2012

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yes u are doing the right thing i am in a similiar situation my ex only sees my son every 3 months or so and he wants to take him 2 hours away where he lives 4 a whole weekend and i said hell no my baby doesnt know u but u can come spend time with him supervised by me once and we will see how it goes from there.. but his wife disagrees and he is only thinking of him not the fact tht ny 16 month old will be surrounded by strangers 4 3 days r u kidding me so needless to say big arguement. but u are doing the rigjt thing slow and steady ur daughter has to get used to him first.is ur ex trying to get custody? y r u going to court?

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