Age-appropriate visitation scheduleren of divorce

Lisa - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Please HELP! I am in the middle of a legal separation (going on for 13 mos now) - my husband filed last year after we went thru a rough patch. Shocked me - completely unexpected and, to me, unjustified as we could have worked thu things. That aside, visitation has been that my husband has our 2 sons - 8 and 6 - for one full week and 2 additional weekends per month. The 6 y.o. has high-functioning autism and does NOT want to go with Dad. The 8 y.o. adores his father, but at times states that he wishes he didn't have to go with Dad for so many weekends (3 out of 4 per month). Well, now he wants 50/50 - alternating weeks! I was stunned. These boys are too young and very sensitive. I have ALWAYS done everything in the way of taking care of them - dr's appts, parties, school registration/events/etc., holiday shopping/decorating, clothes shopping, everything necessary for my autistic son's special needs, etc. I still do all of this. I think this is a very bad idea at this point in their young lives. I know when they are older, this may be a better idea and what the boys may want.

I desperately need input as to what is appropriate, what has worked for others re: visitation, good literature on custody arrangements for young/special needs children, and any advice or experiences you would like to share. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!


[deleted account]

Certainly worth talking to your solicitor about your concerns and also who was the main carer before the separation. See if there is an independent person who the children can talk to and voice what they want out of this. Even though as you and your husband have parental responsibilities to the children, I would hope that the court/solicitors would take into account the boys' views and what's in the best interest of the children. The solicitors/court hopefully way up what's right for your children - may not be exactly what you or your husband may want, but hopefully come to some arrangement that is in the middle and be reviewed on a routine basis.

The best thing I can suggest is to speak to your husband (directly or indirectly) about it and voice your concerns/worries. If you do it in writing then there is documentary evidence on what was said (make sure that you keep a record of what you send and put it in a file). Also you could suggest that whatever routine is put into place currently, set a date for it to be reviewed to see if it needs adjusting/stay the same. Assuming that you've got a solicitor - worth talking to the solicitor as well.

Remember - try and remain civil to your husband and what you're doing in terms of custody/visitations is in the best interests of your son. Also see what your husband wants out of it - just the visits and/or take a more active part in the various appointments, school runs etc..

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