Am I Out of My Mind???

Amanda - posted on 02/13/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

11

21

0

So I have just left my daughter's abusive alcoholic father and I have this other ex that was before him with whom I owned a home that wants me to move in with him for free. I know that financially my daughter may have a better life and this man is not abusive, but it didn't work before and he never wanted kids, so why would it work now? I almost want to jump in, but I am not. I am getting my own place with her and even though I know financially it will be difficult, I'd rather that than carry her in and out of live in situations that don't end up working out. I'd rather her feel stable with me and the men in her life that will never leave her, like her grandfathers than be financially wealthy. I'll even probably have to accept some form of state assistance since her father is now in jail and won't be paying child support. Right now I have full custody, but I know someday he may be doing better and get granted visitations, but although I hope not I'm sure he'll fall off the wagon. So with that huge variable in her life I really don't want to add anymore. I am willing to give up live in relationships unless WE someday fall head over heals for someone and I know it will last. The only constant in her life I can provide is me, and I hope someday she'll grow up knowing I did my very best and had fun even without a ton of money. I also need everyone to tell me to never go back to the shitbag either, because as much as I hate him for all he's done I still find myself blaming the alcohol and hoping he'll change. I hope to have the strength to say "Too LATE" even if he does. Just looking for thoughts and advice. Thank yyou all.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

3 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 02/14/2010

11

21

0

I am very scared that when he gets out of jail I'll be fooled into think he's all better. I always thought I was strong, but I thin kbecause he is her father I have a weakness for him and this intense urge to save him I do believe people can change but he'd have to prove it for like a really long time away from me, and honestly as a healthcare provider I think he's past that point and I know better, but I am still afraid of my own self giving in once again! I am doing emotional push ups and gearing up my support system incase my knees wobble. Thanks girls!

Becca - posted on 02/14/2010

4

21

1

Amanda, you are a strong woman-and it may be hard for awhile, but you need to keep pushing yourself. Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL. You both deserve the best, and you will only find that happiness on your own. Do everything you can for yourself, make yourself happy, and she will be great. My ex and I were together for over 4 years, and he is a terrible drug addict. I learned the hard way, that you CANNOT help an addict. They have got to do it on their own, the only thing it does is pain and misery and worry for you and your daughter. I think the best bet is to get your own place. It's been over a year since the final split up and my son and I are doing fine. I had to seek therapy for the years of emotional abuse, I am on housing and food stamps, and yes, it may be embarrassing for some-as it is for me...but it's what NEEDS to be done. I'm not just living off of it and not doing anything. I am a full time student and I will have my nursing degree in hopefully 2 years. My baby has everything he needs, and that is no thanks to his father-but the government help that has been offered to me. Thank God for that. I have my own apartment, a vehicle, and my wonderful baby that motivates me everyday to do what I need to do to better our lives. Alone. He hasn't had any men in his life since his father went to prison up until almost a year ago. I met a man that not only loves me, but just ADORES my son. I didn't let them officially meet and be around eachother, until I knew it was going somewhere. Children get very easily confused and I'm glad I did that, bc it is now going great, and they just love eachother so much. You will find that Amanda, it just takes time. But don't look for it. Don't ever feel like you need a man to keep you happy or that you need a man to take care of you-because you don't. You are strong and you can do it all for you AND your baby girl. I guarantee he wouldn't know the first thing to do if he was in your shoes. So do what you gotta do and find that peace within yourself, and one day everything will fall into place. Good luck with everything. ♥

Karina - posted on 02/14/2010

48

26

14

I admire you for your strength and taking the harder road to travel. Im also a single mum and I have three kids, I spent nearly 11 years waiting ad trying to change my kids drunken father. In the end I had no choice but to leave because i couldnt handle it anymore, not even losing his family has made him change. I moved in with my parents for a year and a half til I found a house. I now have a home all of my own for my kids. Its really hard money wise, but I wouldnt have it any other way! There is plenty of help out there if you get desperate for bills etc like charity groups. And you are so right all you precious daughter needs is a loving mum who loves her more than anything. And she has that in you! Anything after that is a bonus!! And NEVER go back to that shit bag!!! (there thats one of us lol) You are to precious and deserve so much better, i keep hoping that one day when im stronger and happy and have my head soughted about the past...that special man will walk into my life! He's out there and I know someone is just waiting for you too. Best of luck, wishing you every happiness Karina x

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms