Am I too sensitive?

Wyn - posted on 06/11/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

11

0

0

My son's father stops by this morning to give child support and says, "I completely forgot it was his birthday until two days ago, but it's no big deal". I did not respond, but inside I was seething!! Who says something like that about their OWN child nearly a week after the birthday? In truth, I don't really celebrate birthdays, but this was his first. I know that part of the problem is that I never contact him. If he hadn't brought the support, I would have waited until he contacted me. If I do ask for something, I either send an e-mail or send a message via voicemail (without calling). I did end things abruptly because of his behavior and lies. Perhaps, he is angry or I am over reacting.
Uugh!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 06/11/2012

5,429

69

2296

I think it is pretty bad for a parent to forget a birthday. I know the child is young and did not notice but the point is he did deserve some special attention on his day!

I think this bloke is better out of his life, carry on with what your doing and dont bank on the biological father being around or reliable.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

11 Comments

View replies by

Kristi - posted on 07/15/2012

1,355

3

78

That's BS. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have not seen or heard from my son in 8 years. I have not once forgot a birthday or Christmas. I try to contact him through PM on FB, I send cards and try calling. It drives me insane when people have the opportunity to see their child(ren) and they piss it away for any "reason," whatsoever. IMO and experience, it is better to have no father than a selfish S.O.B. popping in and out whenever it is convenient for him or whenever he wants to cause drama in attempt to control you. Kudos for you for maintaing self control and not kicking the jackass in the nuts!

Suzanne - posted on 07/10/2012

6

0

0

Plus, he may be using your child as a weapon to make you mad. Don't fall into that trap. I like your style of laying low...less drama. Email is a great tracker and can be used later for documentation if you need it.

It's his loss. Sad if he is choosing that route.

[deleted account]

My attitude is that the kids' needs comes first. when my ex had contact with my girls two years ago one of the rules that I put in was that he had to acknowledge the girls' birthdays. Anyway his birthday was just after he started having contact, and I decided that it was too early for the girls to send him a birthday card, as they were just getting used to him being part of their lives again, also I wanted to make sure that he acknowledged their birthdays first, with the view to them acknowledging his birthday the following year. Anyway he didn't bother acknowledging in any shape or form their birthdays. He either forgot when my girls' birthdays were or was just refusing to acknowledge their birthdays because they didn't acknowledge his.

I have learnt to be blunt and straight to the point with my ex. I dictate the rules of contact now and not him, which he doesn't like.

Out of the blue this morning I got a phone call off him, asking if I'd tried to make contact with him. Said no. Also asked if I'd accidently phoned him (basically not locked my mobile's keypad) and/or the girls' playing with my phone. Again said no, then bluntly put - busy dealing with girls got to go and hung up. He quickly asked if the girls were OK, but that was the sum total of his interest in the girls. Saying that I didn't give him much of a chance to talk as it was 8.45am and not the best time to be trying to talk to anyone trying to get children to school!!!

Erin - posted on 07/06/2012

195

0

6

I completley agree it's hard to be emotionally made of Iron. I've had to do that too. It's hard for me because I'm a real emotional person but also very tough. I started applying that toughness to my exes and it actually works really well for the most part. I say everything to them as "matter of fact", and spend no time playing games.

Wyn - posted on 06/12/2012

11

0

0

Your last sentence is exactly what I should have told him Erin. I did not respond because I would have said something completely nasty and emotional. Over the years, I have learned that he uses emotion to create leverage in a situation. I am determined to avoid that at all costs. The bottom line is, oh well. You can't force people to be polite, to care, or be good good parent. I can only control myself (sometimes).

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

195

0

6

He is his own person. He shouldn't need reminders of his own son's birthday. Even if he did accidently forget he should have felt bad and bought something or at least said happy birthday. Even if you were a mean person and he was mad at you, what does that have to do with the child? He's old enought to have kids so he's old enough to be mature and know that adults don't take out their anger at another parent on their kids. If he doesn't care about your son then who cares about him then? He should learn to keep his mouth shut if he has nothing positive to say.

Jen - posted on 06/12/2012

139

9

18

If birthdays are no big deal to you, he probably feels that way too. Don't sweat the small stuff at least he remembered within a week.

[deleted account]

My ex, when he last had contact managed to 'forget' both of my eldest girls' birthdays. I didn't remind him as I felt that it was either up to him to remember OR ask when the girls birthdays were. My three girls haven't had any acknowledgement of their birthdays (cards, presents, text message) for over 5 years now - my ex and I will have split up 8 years this September!!!!

Should point out that when he had his last lot of contact, one of the stipulations was that he remembered/acknowledged the girls' birthdays. The eldest two had birthdays when he was writing letters, though he did 'remember' to send them all general presents and Easter eggs to the three of them, but didn't bother with birthday things. Either he 'forgot' or he didn't bother to send the girls anything as he didn't get anything from the girls as it was his birthday just after he started having contact with them again. (I knew that it was his birthday coming up, but didn't get the girls to send him anything, as I wanted to make sure that he acknowledged their birthdays first, and it was only a few weeks into contact between him and the girls).

Yes you have the right to feel annoyed at him, he should remember when your son's birthday is, without prompting.

Wyn - posted on 06/11/2012

11

0

0

I know! You are absolutely correct. His inconsistency is part of the reason I ended things. His callousness just irked me.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms