Anyone ever wish daddy didnt care

Court - posted on 12/24/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I do (God help me). The father of my daughter adores her and sometimes I wish he didn't because if he was a deadbeat that just went away then I wouldn't have to deal with him.



Don't get me wrong, he's deadbeat enough. He's an alcoholic (beer and liquor), a substance abuser (marijuana) and horribly irresponsible. He will let his need to escape reality (via booze and weed) take away his ability to pay the rent, bills, even to the point where he's taking food out of his own mouth and ours. I've had many a time where he will cry poverty when I ask for money for diapers, but he's got money to drink with his friends. All that said, not in a million years will he deny his daughter. He loves her more than life itself, but for some reason can't take care of her needs without arguing for at least a couple hours. How ridiculous is that!



Am I the only one that wishes the father of their child would just go away and never return (God help me)

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Jan - posted on 12/29/2010

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Heck no, I wish that too! My daughters dad claims he adores our daughter too, but those are just words, and words are easy to come by. If they really "adored" their little girls they would get off their lazy beer drinking pot smoking behinds and contribute to the responsibilities that come with being a parent. It's not all about playing and saying how much they love their children you got to back it up with actions. I would pay my daughters dad to go away and get out of her life. He only comes around enough to keep things chaotic. He taught her to disrespect me and pretty much everyone because that's the way he is. He plays guilt trips on her to make her very protective of him. I kick myself in the backside every day for telling him I was having a baby. Biggest mistake I ever made was exposing my daughter to his worthless self. But I broke up with him before she was born, so I pray that when she grows up she won't put up with worthless men, that she will make better choices than I did. Goodluck

Danielle - posted on 12/22/2013

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So excited you asked this question and I found this thread! I know EXACTLY how you feel. My 16 month old daughters father is a real putz. He holds child support over our heads if things aren't going his way, yet tells court "he doesn't have it" then turns around and tell me that he bought soo many cute clothes for her and lots of Christmas presents. He only uses his 1 overnight a weekend, so the fact that he withholds support to buy her things is ridiculous considering he only has her once a week. I am a stay at home mom and a student that's unable to work due to a car accident through no fault of my own so we rely on his support. . But still refuses to pay to prove a point. He constantly doesn't show up for his time, he is extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative, he practically begs me to have sex with him then when I deny him he says horrible awful things to degrade me.

He is never a parent to her, lets her do whatever she pleases in hopes that she'll like him more. I think the most frustrating part is how he can pretend to be this great father to all his friends and make me look like the bad guy.

He just uses, uses , and uses her. Uses her against me, uses her to pick up women, he changes her clothes if I what I have her in isn't cute enough, then he will turn right around and change them again for a picture, the change her AGAIN for another picture. She's not her own entity to him. . . Just his item. makes me SO MAD.

Every time she comes home from his house she has a weird rash, is dehydrated, in a diaper that weighs a ton, and blisters on her bottom. He does more harm than good and I cant even imagine the emotional scars he'll give her when she's older :( I wish he'd just leave us alone. . Glad I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Jessica - posted on 01/05/2011

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I wish my ex would just disappear. He doesnt care about my son, but choses to push for visits with him bc his mom wants it. He couldnt care at all! My son is 2 1/2 and doesnt even call him dad. Which is fine with me! All my ex thinks about is himself. I know that he cheated on me, and I even caught him cheating on baby momma #2, and now theyre split up! What a POS deadbeat!

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I think about that everyday!! You're not alone! My son's father choose drinking and getting high over our son. We were never married, I got pregnant young and just knew things wouldn't work out. Fast forward to present...Dad is 34 and dating a 23 year old whom he "can't wait to start a family with and get married" He even had the balls to tell me how excited he is to "hold a newborn and bond" Where the hell were you when our son was born, why the hell didn't you bond with him??? It felt like a slap in the face to me. He told me when we were together, he was just too young and immature to be a dad. What a sorry excuse! He pays child support (even though it's a fight every month to get it) and we do have a custody agreement, he see's our son for 3 hours twice a week and every other weekend. I always say, I love my son dearly but just wish he had a different dad. How I would love if his father would just move on and leave us alone....
I'm thinking about you, I really hope things will eventually work out for your benefit. Hang in there!!!

Mia - posted on 01/04/2011

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No, sorry to say it but you're not the only one who feels this way. My ex is the same way. I just wish he would go away and forget about her!!

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Ashlynn - posted on 12/22/2013

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I feel the same way but my reason is different my little one is only 4 months old and I feel like if my ex doesn't wanna be a family than he should leave us alone so I can find a dad for her and have a real family.

Jessica - posted on 01/08/2011

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no definitely not!!! My sons father is no better. He can party smoke weed and have the time of his life. But he wants really nothing to do with him that entails responsibiites so he doesnt want to see him or talk to him but makes it across to everyone he knows that he loves his son and went and got a big tattoo og his name but cant pay nothing for child support or anything he has never done anything or helped in any way or ever made it a point to try to come see him.

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2011

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Similar situation here, while I was pregnant he would only contact me when he was drunk, was very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, denied his son on more than one occasion(even 2 days after finding out I was having a boy). It finally got to the point that I not only left him, I told him if he wanted anything to do with his son he'd have to take ME to court because I couldn't handle the stress he was putting on me daily. Now he is 4 months old and the state filed for child support because I'm on assistance for now, but he missed the negotiation meeting for visitation and cs so now we're having to take it to court, which I wanted to avoid if it was possible. It makes me sad for my son that his "dad" can claim him to all of his friends and make me look like the bad guy, but when it comes to manning up and actually taking care of him he claims he's broke, even got evicted from his house, all because he wants to spend all of his money on alcohol(doesn't pay for his weed, he lets his brother do that for him). Now I'm wishing I'd never filed for anything because this is just going to hurt both of us in the end. I hope your situation works out and he realises it takes more than just attention to raise a child.

Belinda - posted on 01/06/2011

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My son is going to be 11 next month. Has never met his father. He pays child support & carries health insurance on him...but never see's him. I often think this is a good thing...especially after reading things like this...except...it hurts my son. He doesn't understand why he doesn't have a dad...or why his dad doesn't love him. I never say anything bad about his father...just that he didn't want to be one. So I think its hardest on our kids and we just have to do the best we can. Good luck to you all.
By the way...my cousin has been in a similar relationship for 17 years...her boyfriend is a pothead with no job. Their son see's how if effects their family.

Bev - posted on 01/04/2011

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Be thankful for your child's sake that he loves her....think of her....I lost my husband and kids' dad to addiction and then death...all they have are the positive things I have told them about him...yes, they know the other side but I wish they could have known him themselves....the fact is, we chose these men so we must accept the consequences of our choices and be good moms which means thinking of our kids needs first...good luck to you!

Jessica - posted on 01/03/2011

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I found that my daughter's father didn't want to help out with things that I wanted him to help with (i.e. lending a hand, time, money, etc.) as a way to punish me. Yet, when I was not around to see, he would play with her, wash her clothes, and bathe her. I always wondered if she knew who her father was because of all the men that were father figures in her life, her real father did not seem to give her the time of day. Later I learned that he would pray for her all the time, and when she started talking, she showed that she knew exactly who he was. I was the one that had a problem with his contribution, but I soon realized that she didn't, and he didn't either.
He is also a substance abuser, and I, too, was amazed at his ability to find creative ways to obtain expensive drugs, while he was willing to let his own child go without food. I even learned that he would ask for money, with buying food for her as an excuse, all the while feeding his habit instead.
Yet I never doubted that he loved her. I just knew that he didn't love himself enough. Things only got better after he went to rehab, but I had to be very patient and wait for him to come around to the idea. One thing is for sure, if I had tried to stay with him as his woman, rather than just be around him as the mother of his child, I would not have been able to make it through. Since we were no longer a couple, I was able to come and go as I pleased, which only made him appreciate the time away from her more.
Not much has changed as far as his relationship with her. They still do not see each other much. But my relationship with him is a lot better because my attitude has changed. Now I just do what I want to do, without worrying that I will deprive her from her father because he wasn't ever around anyway. Everybody seems to be comfortable with the situation as it is. Wish you luck.

Pat - posted on 01/02/2011

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hi court i feel the same way,my sons dad and i are not together,but i wish he would just go away and leave us alone but he dont he takes me to court and lets his son down all the time,and i just keep thinking one day he may just leave us alone so u are not the only hun,good luck if ever u need to talk either here or on facebook pat xxx

Alexia - posted on 12/31/2010

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i feel the same way about my daughters father all he does is "babysits" her while im at work because he doesnt have a job BUT always had money to smoke drink & party..close to never has money for diapers & wipes soo i have to sent them with her everytime he "babysits"her

Karrie - posted on 12/30/2010

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@ Danielle-a court will not terminate his rights unless someone else is willing to step up to the plate as a father and adopt your child- and they will probably put him on child support. Tell him good luck with that court thing.

Ashley - posted on 12/30/2010

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oh not at all. i wish my daughters dad would just go away. he chose his booze and pot over me and his daughter but wont sign over his rights.. it erks me. he didnt want any responsibility when she was younger but now that she can walk and talk he wants everything to do with her

Angela - posted on 12/30/2010

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When I read the first sentence I thought "Wow...you don't know how lucky you are to have a father in your child's life". But as I read further down I realize that possibly you and your daughter are better off without him. My ex is gone for good for the same reason's you wish your ex would leave and I always say I'd rather he was gone than exposed my son to that. There are alot of times I just wish I could get a two hour break...but not at the expense of my son.

Melanie - posted on 12/29/2010

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I understand what you mean and of course no matter what you will have to make sure your daughter stays safe, happy and healthy while she's at her dad's. My ex-husband luvs his children but his personality has changed dramatically since our divorce and he has made questionable and irresponsable choices during visitation with the children. The social worker in change of our case (because I brought him to court for child endangerment) was adamant that unless the parent is a danger to the child, it is in the child's best interest to see both parents. And I now agree with her my kids luv their dad but they know he's far from perfect. So maybe having an imperfect parent is better than no parent at all. Of course that parent must provide safe and adequate care for your child.

Ariel - posted on 12/29/2010

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I feel same way sometimes, if he just never was around. Instead of the father coming and going in and out my son life when ever he wants like that's cool. He has his own problems but I have raised my son well he been locked up pretty much two years on my own I don't need him. I just wish he didn't play like he wants to be around but his Actions Speaks Louder Than His Words EVER do.!

Heather - posted on 12/29/2010

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My daughter's father actually signed away his rights jus so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He also smokes weed and drinks. He hasn't seen her in over a year and he no longer claims her. He tells everyone I cheated on him(completely false). It is a huge relief that I don't have to deal with him. But on the other hand it is really difficult sometimes when I think about the day when she will come and ask me why her daddy didn't want her.

Heather - posted on 12/29/2010

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i too wish my child's father would just go away. he is nothing but a loser, who can not even take care of him self, he thins he can take care of our child better then me, and provide for her better then me

Sara-Jane - posted on 12/29/2010

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my sons father would rather spend money on pot then food or his on kid, so i totally understand this feeling. To be honest him coming around is like a show to please everyone else, tho it just makes me more angry, and he lies to his parents making him sound like father of the year, IN FRONT of me! i cant be bothered to fight and they dont believe me when i correct him anyhow, i wish the whole lot of them would bugger off!

Raynae - posted on 12/29/2010

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My daughter's father was in her life starting about 6 months until she was a year and a half. He was very good with her, and wanted her to come over as much as she could, but on the other hand.. it was me taking her all the way across town, and I paid for EVERYTHING. I finally decided to put her in preschool/ daycare and he refused to help pay for any of that. One day I asked him to lend me some money to survive on until pay day, he flat out told me no and that I should ask "my man" for money. He also refuses to get a job, but... he had money. He was out buying a new outfit and shoes almost every day, going to the bar drinking almost every night, seems funny to me. I decided that I was done being broke so he could see her while he was living the good life. I told him she was not coming over anymore and that I did not need his help at all, I have not heard from him except for a couple missed calls at 2 am. He never cared, just wanted to seem like a good dad in everyone else's eyes. I know the truth tho. I also decided that I wanted to raise my daughter showing her how to be a strong person and not allow others to take advantage of us. He was not willing to give up any luxuries at all, she deserves the best. So now she has a loving father figure who works everyday to put food in her mouth, clothes on her back, toys to play with, daycare expenses, and also a new sissy on the way! She will be raised with the right morals, even if it was just me with her, and a daddy that really does love her with all his heart.

Danielle - posted on 12/28/2010

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i can not say that i have experienced what your going through, but i am a mom to a 7 month old whose father doesnt care. my son met his father once, when he was 5 months old and that was when i showed up at his fathers house and didnt give him a choice. since then i have not heard from or seen his father, except the one time he told me that "my mistake was ruining his life" and that he will see me in court to terminate his rights. mind you i never asked him to sign over his rights, i just asked him to see him. he has never given me a penny, and honestly i have never asked out of fear of the response. although i can see why you would want your daughters father out of the picture, please just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Court - posted on 12/28/2010

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@ Julie

That's why I moved out with my daughter a few weeks ago. I figure if I want to be foolish enough to ruin my life for this man then whatever. But I refuse to let my choices and his behavior screw up her life anymore.

Michelle - posted on 12/27/2010

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Unfortunatly alot of men seem to beleive that as long as they say they love their children that is all they need. They don't understand that they need alot more. We as moms learn that alot faster because we start as soon as we find out we are pregnent. Your babys dad may never learn to put your childs needs first. They best thing you can do is be strong for your daughter and let her know each and everyday how much you love her. It is going to be hard because you will always be torn. You will want her to have a relationship with her dad because she deserves a father in her life that loves her. But the father she has is no where near that. I say this from experience. My daughters father left when I was 7 months pregnent. He comes in and out of her life when he feels like it. She is 4 now and is starting to ask about him. And it is very hard to answer these questions. She wants to know him and I can't make him be there for her. And she doesn't understand why. So I let her know that she has me and the rest of her family to love her. I hope that one day she will understand. So stay strong and keep your head up.

Julie - posted on 12/27/2010

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Let him go
Buy cloth diapers... and save yourself a bundle.
How is it that he sees her when he is not providing for either of you. Learn to draw the line precious girl -
Nothing makes us want something more, or work harder, than having to earn a privilege, right? You are too eacy on him!
I am NOT saying, "be mean" - just learn when to draw the line -

Allison - posted on 12/26/2010

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Mine isn't a deadbeat, he just doesn't want to be with me which makes me feel like crap whenever he's around me. I'm trying to remember it's better for my kids that he wants to be a part of their lives. I'm glad he loves them for their sake. I think it would be easier to go on with my life if I never had to see him, talk to him, or think about him in any way, but that's obviously not possible if he's going to have contact with our kids. And I feel guilty thinking it, too. So I'm trying to put on a happy face and thank God for whatever he gives me that's good and trying to ignore whatever else comes at me.

Lesley - posted on 12/26/2010

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I lost my sons dad to addiction when my son was 20 months before he died under no circumstances was he allowed near his son unless sober harsh as it is my son is better with no dad than one who was goin to mess his head up.Do whats best for u child cos in the long run it aint worth it ok for him to say he loves her i used to say my ex loved the drink more sickens me

Amanda - posted on 12/26/2010

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Unfortunatley I can definitely relate! My husband and separated because my son's welbeing was constantly at risk. He's so irresponsible and inconderate, but sweras up and down that he wants nothing more than to be a good dad. I don't get it!! Now it's just so stressful and I'm so not looking foward to the day it all goes to court. It certainly would make life so much more blissful if he would realize that he's just not the responisbile person he needs to be. IF he loved his son like he thinks he does he could just do whats best for him and stay away

Brittany - posted on 12/25/2010

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Hopefully he'll get the help he needs or maybe something will happen to make him see how special and important his child is. It must be a man thing though cause I have a friend who was really into meth, and the minute she found out she was pregnant she dropped it. She's been clean for going on 5 years. I think as mothers since we do the carrying, and go through the birthing process, etc we just have a stronger bond or something..

Court - posted on 12/24/2010

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I just don't understand how he is comfortable not fulfilling her material needs, occasionally being too drunk to watch her and spending more time with his friends than her and still think he's a great dad.

Brittany - posted on 12/24/2010

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You're definatley NOT the only one who feels this way! When I was reading this I almost thought it was about my ex-fiance, who also happens to be the father of my baby. Don't get me wrong since we've known that I'm pregnant he's gotten a little better about thing, but not much. He drinks alot, smokes pot, and this crap called spice. He got evicted form the apartment that my grandma spent $825 to get him, and has continued to pop pills. He SAYS he's going to try, but I don't see it.. I wish you yhe best of luck :)

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