attitude about phone calls

Jodie - posted on 09/08/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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So....my lovely ex-husband (yes that was sarcastic) told his family the other night when asked if he called my son every day or at least every few days because he lives in CA & I live in TX, that "no, he didn't call him as often as he should, but it really doesn't matter at this age." My son is THREE!! Can you believe it? He calls him every 4-5 weeks and has seen him 7 HOURS out of the last 1.5 years. He was deployed for almost the first 2 years of his life, so all in all, out of 3.5 years, my son's "dad" has seen him 10 months, 7 hours. Nice, huh??

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Michelle - posted on 09/17/2010

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I understand Diana that he is a father not a playmate but when he only sees the child 4 days a month he could pay attention to him when he sees him my son isn't asking for a playmate he wants a dad who shows interest in him. Paying attention to your child is part of being a father not just picking him up on your appointed days.

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2010

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It sucks that he feels that way, but it could be the other way around my sons father picks him up like clock work every other weekend. Takes him back to his house where he proceeds to dump my 9 year old son on his girlfriend cause he needs to work on the house. The only real time he spends with my son is when they are doing chores together. As I said before my son is 9 he gets doing chores at home because he lives here full time and well we pay him to do them. He does not understand why he has to go see his dad if he isn't even going to hang out with him, and has asked me repeatedly when he can stop going since he was 7 for us he has to wait til he is 12 then we can get him a lawyer and hopefully after my son explains his case to a judge they will let him have a say in how often he goes I am tired of having to remind my son to be nice, behave as really he figures he would have more fun watching tv at home. So honestly be thankful that he is staying away at least your son will never have to endure the visits with someone who doesn't want to spend time with him.

Donna - posted on 09/16/2010

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I sometimes wish for my kids sake that there father wasnt around a it hard being a mother and having to deal with the constant let downs i hurt for my kids a. They either want to b a dad or they dont they need to make up there mind a and stop huring the kids!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/15/2010

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@ Amy I am so sorry you have to go through that with your ex. I agree with you though. Why do women sell themselves short as being amazing moms who can provide much more support than a dad who doesn't want to be a dad? I am blessed to have my daughter to myself. Whenever a male is needed and Sarah just would rather have a guy show up than me i.e., daddy daughter lunches, dances etc... I ask my brother or a close friend. I make sure Sarah has strong males in her life that she knows she can talk to and look up to and trust. She doesn't miss her dad at all. And I told her already "Your relationship with your dad is between you and him. I can't change it or fix it but I support you and will always be there when and if you decide to confront that later." Of course my daughter is 9 (today!) and when she was younger I just took everything day by day and counted my blessings and I am the best mom i can be so she doesn't feel like she's missing anything. That's all you can do. Your relationship with your ex is between the two of you but you can't make him want to be a dad, and forcing him on your kids... they'll just grow up feeling the resentment. Just be the best you can be and let him fail them, because when they grow up that is between the kids and their dads and in the meantime... you get all the blessings.

Amy - posted on 09/15/2010

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Sorry i have to put my two bob in but please mothers why worry, i have an ex that picks my daughter up twice a week for a couple hours and it kills me. He pays no child support and expects me to pick her up i cant work much due to my choice of being a stay at home mum, he was mean as hell, he has a son to his ex that has major issues and even thou he is only five he already treats women like his dad. When we were together he use to treat the mud on his shoe better, he would pick fights around the kids cause he knew i wouldnt fight back even while i was breast feeding our daughter. If the father is trash why would you want him around your kids let the kids work their dads out for them selves. I know its good to bitch on here but i would so wish to be in the shoes of a mother that had nothing to do with their ex so i could keep my daughter safe.

Missy - posted on 09/14/2010

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My son's father always sends me a text asking his son to call him! I feel like it should be the grownups responsibility to call the 5year old child...just saying!

Vicky - posted on 09/13/2010

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Makes being a supporter of the troops difficult doesn't it? I, personally, wish the courts would give more credence to what the mother feels is in the best interest of the child in a situation like this.

Donor set an ALARM on his phone to remind himself to call and admitted as much in court! What would happen if he didn't??? He's also said to me during one visit, "you don't have to be supermom, I can carry something." A comment like that enrages me to the point where I ALMOST say, "why yes, I do. Your selfish ass couldn't be bothered with taking responsiblity for your son until now. So guess what? I CAN do it all and we really don't need you."

Kirstin - posted on 09/09/2010

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Oh yeah....that's another thing I forgot to mention....he has 3 other kids....all adults(he is much older than I am). He would NEVER do anything like neglect those kids....hell, he spends more time w/his 4 grand-kids than he does w/OUR DAUGHTER!! :( That is what hurts the most!! :( *hugs Diana* I had to add this after I saw your post.

Diana - posted on 09/09/2010

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My son is 12. His father spent the first 7 years not knowing him. As soon as he found out he was a daddy, he was all gung ho about being there for him since his father was not. That ended at 1 year later because he being in Cleveland and us in Detroit, he stated to me "Out of sight out of mind." I cried for my little boy because he loves his daddy but his daddy wants nothing to do with him.

Might I add, he has 4 other children. One by another woman after my son, and 3 by yet another woman after that. He spends as much time with the 3 but no time with the older two.

Kirstin - posted on 09/09/2010

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My ex is a retard when it comes to phone calls too! :P Our daughter will be 5 in Jan. and he ONLY calls to set up the pick-up/drop-off times when he actually sees her. He is supposed to have visitation EVERY week....but his wife is a pain and doesn't want her around, so it has gone down to maybe twice a month if our daughter is lucky.....he hasn't seen her in a month! He calls to tell me he has to "work" or something and can't take her, the whole time I am on speaker phone so his W can listen in! The only time he has ever asked to talk on the phone to our baby was last year on her b-day!! ARGH!! I feel your pain! :(

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yes - unfortunatly you are not. I luckily, was just awarded sole legal and physical custody of our son and due to his erratic behavior my ex has lost all visitation rights.

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My "lovely" ex husband last called our son the day after christmas. At that point he told our son that "mommy was holding him hostage" among other cheerful things. He hasn't seen our son in 14 months.

And our son is only 2.5.

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I'm sorry! My ex has scheduled call day/times twice a week. In the past 7 weeks he's called our 3 kids (8.5 year old twin girls and 2.5 year old son) twice! Only one of those times were on a scheduled day and both times was over an hour past the scheduled time. Sure made bedtime fun....

Sounds like he was just making excuses to make himself feel better. Most 3 year olds aren't great phone conversationalists, but it most certainly matters if their 'Dad' keeps in touch. My 2.5 year old knows who 'Daddy' and pretty much their entire 'relationship' has been done by phone since my ex has only seen him half a dozen times or so in the past 14ish months. My son has pretend phone conversations w/ him all the time that go like this.... Hi Daddy. Doing (what or how are you doing) Daddy? Doing fine. Bye.

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