baby daddy

Sharee - posted on 12/18/2009

I am in the same boat. My child's father was a big part of her life for the 1st 3 years...he's never did much financially, but he was there....then he got locked up & was gone for 3 years. The entire time he was gone...I did my best to keep their relationship strong...i mean visits every time he could have 1...high a$$ phone bills so she could talk to him & the whole time he's in there...he's talkin about how much he's gonna change when he gets out & all he wants 2 do is be the best father he can be....JAIL TALK! He's been out for a year now & I can list the things he has bought her & I can count on my hands how many times he's spent time wit her....so sad. Now...he has added 2 more kids to the list & boy do I feel bad not only for the kids, but the mothers as well.I have thought about child support, but I know he really can't pay it. I'm sooo thankful to have a boyfriend who treats my baby like his own....she doesn't want for anything :) Her dad's loss....not ours.

D - posted on 12/16/2009

Well it has become the norm for men to walk out of their kids lives. But best believe God will deal with them accordingly. Keep praying and you will find the strength to move on. And trust Karma is a bitch ... Men who do this to their children never walk in grace until they do right by their seeds.

Kristi - posted on 12/15/2009

I hear ya! I am in the same awful position. I have an 8 month old little girl who's father hasnt seen her since she was 2 weeks old (that was the one and only time) I think to myself morning, noon and night y just y wouldnt he want to be in her life. And how bad I want him to be...I Want her to know who her father is.Its tuff very very tuff!

Antoya - posted on 11/24/2009

he has serious issues. personally i wouldn't want to talk to anyone who doesn't accept a child of mine. but yaw have a child together. every child needs a father.so continue to let him see his daughter. but keep him away from the 7 yr old. no child should be treated like that. u also wanna make sure you don't have your daughter feeling left out.

Rashida - posted on 11/24/2009

Girl I feel you. I have the same problem with mine and I think that's sooooo trifling, and believe it or not mines live very close also. I look at it like this- it's their lose because they are missing out on so much and one day their kids are going to hurt their feelings real bad.

Karen - posted on 11/23/2009

girl i know the feeling jus pray

Amber - posted on 11/23/2009

You really can't force someone to be your child's life if he doesn't want to be. I look at it like it's his loss. Once your daughter gets older you can explain to her the situation and she will deal directly with her father. In the meantime I would definitely go after support if he doesn't want to be there physically I see nothing wrong with going after the pockets. Good luck to you and just continue to be the best mom you can be to your baby.

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2009

I would start by controlling my temper.Then working on not talking down about this father.Make it easy for him to come over and spend time with your daughter.Think of how you would feel if the only way to see your child would be is to confront the angry mom?I'd say the child would be better off not knowing daddy if all she knows is that mommy hates him.Children pick up on so much body language.

Robyn - posted on 11/23/2009

i know exactly how u fell hun my babys dad does exactly the same .... nothing
just keep trying to talk to him im tryin this my self now

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2009

I know what you mean. My babys daddy hasnt done anything for my son at all! All i asked of him was to just be there for his kid. Just to come see him. BUt apparently thats too hard and his life is more important. Its like wtf!? But my baby is still young. I hope he will change and come around~

KeShaun - posted on 11/22/2009

I FINALLY DECIDED 2 PUT MINES ON CHILD SINCE HE CANT AT LEAST CALL 2 SEE IF HE IS STILL ALIVE!!! N NOW HE HAS ANOTHA BABY BY SOMEONE ELSE AND II REFUSE TO LET HIM TAKE CARE OF ANOTHA BABY N NOT BOTH!

Joann - posted on 11/22/2009

" Anyone can be a FATHER but it takes someone special to be a DADDY "
I am having similar problems ... I have sole custody of our daughter she is just a year old . He has been ordered to pay child support .... But I get called every name you can think of by him and his mother because of him having to pay child support . If he gets mad at me over something stupid he tells me he don't want to see our daughter that day . Let me take it back a few months and tell you why we are no longer together .... He got mad because I fed my oldest daughter last of chicken nuggets without giving them to him and then he was wanting me to kick her out ... She is 7 !!!! Anyways now he wants back together without the 7yr old not EVEN gonna happen . But like I said if he gets upset because the oldest forgot to pick paper up in their room and he yells at me about it and I told him to get the freak out of my house . Because he don't even live here he tells me he don't wanna see her .
Then there have been times he calls and says he don't want to c her then 20 mins he calls back and says he wants his visit . We go back and forth like that till it is time for the visit ... ANY suggestions ???

Cristina - posted on 11/22/2009

first off a man that has a child and doesn't spend time with them is a poor excuse for a daddy.in all actual reality he is considered a doner. the thing is, as much as u would like for him to spend time with ur child,it wont happen unless he wants it to. try reverse role playing. act like u dont care either way,and if i were u go get that support,the courts will make him pay regardless if he is or not working. besides u arent the only one who should be taking on the responsibilities.

Angel - posted on 11/20/2009

girl my situation is almost the same. me and my child's father aren't together and he lives close to me. i dont really care about him wanting to spend time with me, i just wish he would spend more time with his son. our sons birthday is this sunday and he got mad at me because i asked him to buy his cake. it's not like i was asking him to cough up his left kidney and even if i was, i would expect him to do it. and how that i'm pregnant with our second child, i'm starting to think that things are just going to get worse!!!!!!

SHANQUAH - posted on 11/20/2009

GIRL KEEP PRAYING IT WILLBE OKAY

Shakyda - posted on 11/20/2009

well i know exactly wat your talking about i am in the same postion u are in with ur baby father and threw it all i have never taken him for child support cuz i;m doing the damn thing by myself with the help of my family and i'm doing a very good job without child support from him, as long as you got family and true friends you don't need his money and if he doesn't come around on his own to see ur daughter don't force him cuz it ain't worth it and everything that ur daughter does and he misses out on is his lost that is something that he will have to answer to when she gets older. keep your head up girl i know its hard being as tho he lives around the corner but we single moms have to stick together and you can talk to me about anything since we have alot in common

Siera - posted on 11/20/2009

wish my deadbeat sperm donor would die!

Dellareese - posted on 11/20/2009

Pray and ask God to help you and He Will!!!!! My daughter was 10 years when her father decided to acknowledge her. They are like two peas in a pod now. I left the situation alone and never mentioned it to him again. I actually told my daughter that her father was dead. Now I had to explain the whole thing to her at the age of 10 years old. Fortunately she understood and is enjoying her father. I am married to someone else, so it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. Trust God and leave him to the Father.

Chrystal - posted on 11/20/2009

Let him come on his own. he will b the one missing out. it is hard on the kids if they know their fathers. and later on in life but all you can do is do your best to love her as much as you can and hopefully the father will come around one day. And if he doesn't maybe it was best not to push because then she will know he rejected her. but let her know it isn't her fault.

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2009

yeah Iam in the same situation my daughter is almost five she asks questions about him and all i say is that he loves her . Never talk bad about him around her she will end up resenting you in the end you tried thats all you can do i know its frustrating but the more you stress over it and get upset your daughter will when she is older HE is the one who will have to answer for why he is a dead beat dont waste your time or energy on a dead beat enjoy your daughter and raise her to be an amazing little lady!!! I hope everything works out for you!!!!

Sheena - posted on 11/18/2009

Thats why you shoould put him on child support some guys need to be forced!!!! Every week he dont pay it I would call the people!!! Im in the same position and now he begging to spend time with his child cuz he think imma take him off which im not!!! But it helps in the long run!!! you gave him a chance and he hasnt atepped up so now you gotta do what u gotta do!!! Its nobody fault, BUT HIS!!!

Tiara - posted on 11/18/2009

Put him on child support and stop worring about his feelings. It's time to put you and your child first and put your feelings for him behind. Your daughter should come first. He'll get over it and let him know if he steps up then you can make arragement to lower the payments. But from the sounds of it he's gonna end up walking away anyway. Take that step it will pay off in the end.

Danielle - posted on 11/18/2009

My daughter is 7. I lived her with dad until she was 2. Once we broke up, I was the one trying to make sure he was going to see her and spend time with her. Then I got fed up. Her dad has not made any effort at all to see her in over 3 years. All I have to say is his loss. As kids get older they'll realize what is important and who was special in her life. You can't force him to see her. A court can't force him to spend time. It's hard but just make sure that you have a lot of people who love your daughter and try to find strong male figures for her.

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2009

Maybe as she is getting older he feels less able to raise her. Have a sit down with him. If you want this to work lets do it together. If you want to act like a little boy then leave and don't come back. If no longer wants to take responsibilty and be a man then let him go, all he can do is harm. If it's something else that has got into him, figure it out. It's a lot easier to fix a problem if you know what it is.

Josie - posted on 11/18/2009

im in the exact same boat, and ive just decided that when he decides to be a daddy he will i can tmake him and im done asking...

Janice - posted on 11/18/2009

Quoting Antoya:

thanks everyone for responding. but its crazy kuz me n my baby daddy were together.you could say i lived wit him kuz i was always over there n never at my home. as my daughter got older he slowly took steps bak. i think its crazy because my daughter looks just like him. n i dnt understand this.....he got her name n my name tatted on him...for what? life's crazy. you gotta roll with the punches n try ya hardest not to get knocked dwn.

Hey Antoya.just remember when you get knock down pulled yourself back up and keep on keeping on.You are a strong black woman now go and handle your business like GOD has you to do.

Janice - posted on 11/18/2009

Ladies,don't worry about a thing, GOD will and can take care of every bad or good situation in your LIFE. I was in the same boat and I made it, they told him to pay twenty dollars for child-support for two kids and he couldn't do that. I finally started working and providing for my kids and now they are all grown-up and have kids on their own. LET GO and LET GOD handle it.

Christina - posted on 11/18/2009

I wouldn't even worry about it. My son is now 17months old and his "father" hasn't seen him since he was 5 months old, a year ago. And that was only for maybe an hr. He lives a train ride away yet doesn't call or acknowledge his son. He was there for the birth and promised to do more on my son's first bday, but has never tried. I stressed about it for awhile, but now I've let it go. Think about it. HE'S the one missing out. You get to spend your days with a precious gift from God, you get to wake up everyday seeing the love in your child's eyes for you. They know their mama loves them and will care for them. They can't miss something that they never really have. Sure they might ask as they get older, and that's when you tell them the truth. Don't put it all on their "father", but just let them know that you have always left the door open for him to see your child whenever. All you can do is move on with your life, take care of your child and forget that jerk. You all made a gift from God, if he chooses not to accept it, it's on him. Karma is not a thing to mess with. And please, get that child support. You can talk to a child support center, and let them know you need money from him. He may not want to be in the child's life but he still needs to pay to help keep your child fed and clothed. Don't let him talk you out of it. He still has financial responsibility where your child is concerned. Know that you're not alone, I'm in the same boat as are others. Hopefully this helps:)

Anita - posted on 11/18/2009

Well first of all you need to put your Trust in God and know that God knows all and sees all and God will give you the strength as a Mother to be as great as a Mom you can be to fill the void of her daddys absence and all the love that Mother's to share with thier children is special and strong enough for the child and all that child needs. Talking from experience Miss Bolton

Antoya - posted on 11/18/2009

thanks everyone for responding. but its crazy kuz me n my baby daddy were together.you could say i lived wit him kuz i was always over there n never at my home. as my daughter got older he slowly took steps bak. i think its crazy because my daughter looks just like him. n i dnt understand this.....he got her name n my name tatted on him...for what? life's crazy. you gotta roll with the punches n try ya hardest not to get knocked dwn.

Tanya - posted on 11/18/2009

My ex comes around and asks to see my girls when it is convenient for him. I don't get much for child support either. We left him when my girls were 6 and 3, and now they are 10 and 7. They are so well rounded and we are ALL much better off without him. I do want to say that it is sooooooo important that you don't talk badly about your daughter's father in front of her. Even if you are talking to someone else about him, do NOT let her hear you. It will only make her hate you, and want to see him more. If you let him dig his own hole, she will see on her own. Also, if he makes plans to see her and then breaks them, try as much as possible to let him break the news to her. If he won't tell her that he is cancelling, don't make excuses for him, but don't bad mouth him either. I can't tell you how happy my daughter's are, and I hope that yours is too.

Emily - posted on 11/18/2009

girl i am in the same situation...the only thing is that my daughter does not know who her father is, he can pass right by her face and she will not recognize him, he has only seen her about three times this whole year and he has another child who he takes care of and got a tattoo of and does anything for her but the only thing he has done for my daughter EVER was buy her an outfit when she turned one and that was it...i recommend to just let it go and he will learn, trust me i cry here and then but things happen for a reason, i never loved my babys dad or cared about him cause it was just a booty call, but i love him so much for giving me this blessing, and if he chooses not to be there is for a reason, god gives us tests to see if we can make it, and i do not need him cause a father is not the one that makes the child but who raises them...eventually a real man will come and love your daughter very much....

Jackline - posted on 11/18/2009

Am in the same position as you are in and i have given up so the best thing i can think of is just let him come on his own