baby daddys girlfriend

Gillian - posted on 10/20/2009 ( 43 moms have responded )

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my ex boyfriend, father of my child has a new girlfriend. and he wants to bring our daughter around her. i feel like there is no need for this at all. why cant he spend time with his daughter by himself. then i later found out that they moved in together after a couple weeks of dating. i think this is sooo stupoid an dfast but whatever, they also so have almost the exact same work scheduel. so when he has our daughter his GF will always be there. i have yet let him have her with her around but now i feel like i should just because he is missing out on alot of stuff with her and i know he loves her and he is a great dad and i want him to see her as much as possible. i just dont want a stranger i dont know around my daughter. i dont llike or trust her. i dont know what i should do, any thoughts.

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Elisa - posted on 10/21/2009

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i say you tell him that you need to meet her and all three of you sit down without your daughter and talk. get to know her as a person not your ex new girlfriend or youll hate her forever. but trust me i know how you feel. my exhusband has a new girlfriend and he sees our daughter once a month, MAYBE and now he wants to bring her around.. so the two of them can play happy family with MY daughter that I raise everyday ALONE?! ha! do what you need to girl!

FoxyMom - posted on 11/07/2012

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The first question you need to ask yourself is if you are feeling this way becuase of your child or becuase you are hurt. I had a hard time when my ex wanted my son around his girlfriend but I soon realized it was more me. once I met her I came to terms that it is healthier for my son to have a good relationship with this women than me resent her and him pick up on it. BUT I trusted my ex, we split up due to differences we could not work out. Not because he abused me or cheated on me.

Ashley - posted on 11/03/2009

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I know, TRUST ME, how easy it is to automatically hate your baby daddy's girlfriend. Because you feel like they are trying to take your place & become important in your child's life too or even that they till become like a Mother to your child. But look at it this way, most of the time they are really nice girls who didn't do anything wrong, but they get the blunt end of our hatred lol. If you imagine getting with a guy who has a kid with someone else & she just hates you for no reason & you love your boyfriend & really want to be involved with his daughter too but she refuses to let you because she's petty & jealous or whatever.
See? It's just not fair. I haven't had to deal with it yet, but I HAVE thought about it a lot & got some advice from my Mother who was a step mother herself & her step sons (my half brother) mother hated her for no reason but she LOVED him SO much, like her own son! You just gotta think if you were in that position.

BUT if you have heard of her & heard bad things about her and don't trust her FOR A REASON then definitely do some heavy thinking before you let her around your kid. Safety first!

Kekua - posted on 11/16/2009

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When I was getting divorced (and sometimes even now) I was in that situation so I asked my psychologist this exact question. Do not allow it. You and your ex need to discuss it so that he can realize that it is not in his daughter's best interest, especially at that age. Time that he has for visitation should be about his child and him only. It's your decision how far you're going to extend yourself for his convenience in seeing your daughter but please don't bend yourself backwards. It's his responsibility to make himself available and not yours. If he's not willing to inconvenience himself for the sake of his child then you can just know that she's not really losing much. Unfortunately. Again on this I am speaking from experience. Have faith in your decisions, mama.

Kyesha - posted on 11/03/2009

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Maybe you could get to know her since she is going to be a part of you child's life. Ask her out to lunch or something so you can see what she's really about and don't be so judgmental. You already have it in your mind that you don't like or trust her. How would you feel if you met someone and he didn't want him around your child even though you knew the person would never do any harm to your child and cared about you and your child? He has the right to move on with his life and so do you. As long as he's not bringing several different women into your child's life and your child likes her it shouldn't be a problem. But get to know her...

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Ashley - posted on 08/04/2014

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I am in the same situation that you are but I trust my babydaddy that he wouldn't dear put our baby in a dangerous situation or leave her with so one he doesn't trust so you have to be truthful and an adult about and sit down and talk to your babydaddy about tell him how u feel and also down with the girlfriend because rather y'all like each other or not y'all gone have to grow up and be adult for the baby and now its a lesson learned dont have kids till marriage and you want have to deal with this type of stuff because its heartbreaking to me that two people can sit here and make a baby but can sit here and actually build something a family a home so that my advice to u jus talk it out and come to agreements and move on with your life a lot people say us baby mama use I dont want my baby around the baby daddy girlfriend because we dont know her as accused that we not over are baby daddy but thats not it we live in a curl world where anything can happen to anybody and no one gets punishment for it

Jj - posted on 12/27/2013

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hi my bf left me and my 5 month old son 4 another woman she has a 1year old and kept going into his work flirting she is y im a single mum iv herd bad stuf about her family and my bf stole my gold n his sons birth money and left me in debt also my son is under great orman street care has a special diet n she dnt like him coming with me he has been once after not coming to 4 appointments he now wants to play happy family with my son staying there 3 days he sed he will learn about his diet n do what I say but he didn't bovver at all when he lived here with us and im thinking his just saying this to inpress her n wants to show his changed this girl gives me evil looks about when I do my shopping and has walked past me and her and her sister called me sad I am so mad I fell like running away with my son but I dnt want him to hate me when his older I cnt sleep at the moment need help

Ana - posted on 11/17/2012

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do you trust him, is the question? do you have reservations about how he cares for your daughter? sounds like you don;t trust his judgement when it comes to women. He obviously found her to replace you after only a short time! Try to convince him that it is important for him to bond with his child without anyone else around! show him articles, whatever! especially cause it's such a new relationship. If he does not understand that, I would not allow him to see your daughter! stand your ground! you can't allow him to cycle through women, this is damaging to children and it's not about being jealous because I'm sure you would not touch him with a 10 foot pole at this point! set the standard early on!!! Their relationship probably won't last anyway! It is his responsibility to bond with his child! you only have to provide the opportunity for him --and no one else at this point! and if you don;t have a parenting plan, GET ONE! and explain all of your concerns!

Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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Some things are simply beyond our control - and it is painful, I know - I've been in your shoes.



Get to know this new girl ... and trust your intuitions.



Does Daddy pay child support? HOPE SO! If not, contact your State's Child Support Enforcement Bureau and fill out the paperwork so he is doing his part with this child -



Ask God to bring you a wonderful man to help you get over this one. I did and God did! ♥

Alonsharee - posted on 10/22/2012

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Its not about you likely her if you trust the dad then she b OK,and when u start to have a man around your child its nothing he can say about BC u dnt want your child to hate you later for keeping her away from her father

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2012

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i planned on doing this but now i have no interest in meeting her. I feel like she has no respect for me now. She knew i felt uncomfortable about it and didnt care

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2012

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So my ex is doing the same thing..but my situation is diffrent and need some good advice. My ex is dating his ex best friends wife, she is not yet divorced from her husband and now my ex and her have moved in together. She also has a 3 year old son who lives with them. I i am so against this My ex found out i was pregnant and was so understanding and sweet until she was born than he changed. The first night he met our daughter he told me that our baby already has a step mom ligned up! I was furious! I told him absolutely not! ? he told me that i have no choice and that she is in his life therefore in our daughters. i have been fighting this bc our daughter is to young to be introduced to another woman. Now my ex is a firefighter and is gone a lot he has barely seen our daughter,he has never helped out with anything that she needs. I have asked several times but he responds with thats what child support is for! my daughter is now 6 months and im still fighting for child support. I have quit 2 jobs and now moved out of the state bc where i was living was to expensive to do it a lone and i was living with my cousin who cheated on her husband, so i had no choice but to move! I am now living with my parents and working as a manager at a local gas station. Since i have moved i have tried several times to get my baby to my ex so he can see her but he canceled everytime bc of his work.Now that hes laid off he want her more. He wants me to take off work and i cant afford to. He is welcome to come here and see her. He came over once and drove 4 n half hours and saw her for 45 min and dropped her back off to mw while i was still working! I was pist! two months later he text me and wanted to see her i told him that would be great. He toldd me that his parents and his girlfriend were all coming! i told him that his girlfriend isnt allwed ariund the baby bc she barely knows him let alone another girl in her life. He showed up with his girlfriend and i flipped out! I told him that i said absolutely not before he even left to drive 4 n half hours! He told me that his girlfriend has every right to be with her! I told her to leave and she said no! I went n laid the baby down and when i came out they were gone! I called her das back and told him that he n his parents can visit but his gf stays out! but he told me that if his whole family, meaning his girlfriend cant see her than hes cant. So they drove off and went home! Im so upset bc i want our daughter to know her dad but not like this! i have sacrificed so much wothout second guessing myself for my daughter bc i love her! but he chose his girlfriend over our daughter in front of witnesses! now hes fighting to get me to move back. Even though im the only one supporting her! I need some advice!

Christa - posted on 06/26/2012

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I absolutely agree with Theresa. Talking to her and even to baby's dad can help ease your anxiety and it can help get every one on the same page.
I'd like to add that the anxiety and everything else you're feeling is perfectly normal and understandable. I've been in a similar situation, unfortunately he has lost the privilege to have our daughter because he was constantly moving girlfriends in and out of his house at a fast enough rate our 3yr old started having social and behavioral problems.

Taneshia - posted on 11/21/2009

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This a situation where u must put ur personal issues aside and ur heart aside because I understand that a little bit of that anger comes from him being with someone else but dig dis If u know heloves his daughter give it a try then watch how ur baby reacts 2 ole girl after da visit then go from there.bn there done dat!!!

Marie - posted on 11/21/2009

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Well first you need to meet with the new girlfriend and baby daddy, tell them what you expect and take it from there. The new girlfriend may be the kind who doesn't mind having your baby around and may possibly help you with things you need for your baby.

Theresa - posted on 11/21/2009

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I would have a talk with her, just the two of you. Explain your worries and why you're uncomfortable, and get to know her a little bit. If anything, she may understand and might decide to go somewhere else for a while while your daughter is with him, until you're more comfortable with her being around your daughter.

Shereen - posted on 11/21/2009

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i know it is hard...but if u know he loves your daughter than he would never put her in harms way. Maybe you could try spending some time with his gf like go shopping together or something one day so you get to know her and learn to trust her as well. Obviously he is serious about her so you need to get used to the idea of her always being around. I know its hard cuz u wanna protect ur baby but you just gotta trust him.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/20/2009

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Tell your bd that you need to talk with his gf before she comes around your daughter because you want to know the people who are going to be around your daughter

Rebekah - posted on 11/17/2009

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I wish my daughters father would have a girl friend, instead of having random girls at his house. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him to give you a reason why you should trust her around your child, and just take it from there. God Bless.

[deleted account]

well idk but i personally wouldnt let her be around your baby my baby daddy left me while i was pregnant b.c he was scared and qot a qirl who he had just met pregnant two months after meeting her they had to move into his moms house and i never let him take my daughter over there i just didnt feel confortable b.c i know she hates me and we soon found out that she HATES my daughter she said nasty things to me and told me that its best if i take my daughter out of his life b.c he has a family a wife and his son but i ignore her shes ignorant but now my baby father can only see my daughter in my house i dont take chances with my daughter and i know alot of people cant be cold hearted and mistreat children and thats not sth im willing to risk. also i dnt think you should let him introduce your daughter to every flavor of the month b.c shes a baby and all hes qoinq to do is confuse her

Marcella - posted on 11/05/2009

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u should all meet some where u feel comfratable at like the park so u can get to know her and watch how they both react to ur lil one i have the 100% same problem but my ex lives in another state and want s to play family with his gf who has a 3 1/2 yr old son and my & month old he didnt want to be there before but now she convinced him im like no!!! ur in another state!!! so yea i know how u feel i dnt trust my baby daddy or her but u should try to get to know her so u dnt worry and so ur in the loop

Elizabeth - posted on 11/04/2009

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DONT BE SO LIENT BECUASE SOMETIMES THERES CONSEQUENCES U DO WHAT U HAVE TO DO.....

Charlee - posted on 11/02/2009

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my ex has done the same thing. he has passed gf to gf and moves in with them so fast, and then has my kids around them. i have told him that he DOES NOT leave her alone with them unless i meet her first, and can see who she is, what she drives and her tag number, so just in case i have something to go on. he has left my kids alone with his ex one time, and he saw how postal i went on him, and he doesn't do it now. the way my ex is, it is best that he has someone else there with him to occupy the kids, cause he is horrible at it, not the greatest dad in the world. his current girlfriend has a daughter, so it also gives my kids another kid to play with when he sees them. if you have sole custody of your child, then you have the right to say, but if it is joint then you have no right. my ex is trying to stop me from having my kids around my current boyfriend (which i have been with for over a year, and have not introduced the kids to yet) but the judge has told him that he has no right to tell me who i can have them around and who i can't. if you have to, bring it up in court when you are there, and just express that you have that "motherly instinct" and you just don't feel that he has given their relationship enough time to develop much less introducing a child, what happens if they break up. kids get so attached it would break their hearts. i have seen it too many times with my ex. good luck!

[deleted account]

Hi Gillian, do you want him to tell you who to date and what not? I know it's hard, but ya gotta let him go. It's none of your business who he has in his life. You have to trust that he loves your daughter and will not put her in harms way. I have been there and understand how much it hurts.

Corie - posted on 11/01/2009

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I am with you on this one . I am going through the same thing My husband And I are not even divorced yet and he cheated on me and Now he wants the kids be around her and Its reall confusing my six year old. And My soon to be ex Doesn't see the problem. I dont want my kids around her Because I dont trust her. He even took them to her house and stayed over with out my knowledge. Man was I mad So I do No how you feel write to me and we can chatt

Kaxandre - posted on 10/31/2009

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If you trust him you will have to trust his judgement if he love is child he will not bring anyone arounfd his child that will hurt his child. If he do decide to bring his daughter arounfd her and your daughter can talk i would ask her how does she treat her and if she ever alone with her how does she treat her due to when the father around

Whitney - posted on 10/31/2009

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I am in the same situation, but opposite. I met my boyfriend through mutual friends and I have my son 99% of the time because his dad is a work-a-holic. So my son has met my new boyfriend and he is great with him. I am taking it very slow, but I want my son to be with me as well. I would never put my son in jeopardy and no matter what, he comes first. The guy I have started seeing agrees with me, but my sons dad thinks its a very bad idea to have them around each other. So I have no idea what to do about it? I am gonna have this guy around my son a few times just because my son is with me all the time. I sat down with my sons dad and told him that he just needs to be around this new guy and get to know him, but he won't.

Sue - posted on 10/30/2009

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I think that you should set up a time and place where all 3 of you can meet without your daughter present so that you can express your concerns, boundries, routines ect. and come to an understanding on what you expect when your daughter is with her dad. I know it is hard and scary but being totally upfront with expectations will let everyone know where you stand.

Shay - posted on 10/29/2009

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Honestly there is nothing u can do about it. They live together, so of course she'w gonna b there when he is spending time w/ his daughter. As long as he is still an active part of the baby's life and the gf hasn't done any thing wrong to your daughter,u should let it go and try to accept it.

[deleted account]

i know its hard to deal with things like that but sometimes you let ur heart get in the way i know u feel u cant trust her but it might just be because shes the new girl try to give her a chance

Kasbi - posted on 10/27/2009

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if you trust him and can be civil with her.. there is no need to keep them away from eachother. I am in the same situation and I have been the other woman as well.. but you and her dad are not together and at some point he is going to get serious with someone else but I would suggest making sure she isn't just a fling because kids get attached and it will just hurt them in the end

Tara - posted on 10/27/2009

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I think you should let your daughter get to know her father's GF. First off, I think all of your dislikes about the girlfriend are just YOUR emotions because you to are not still together. Everyone dreams of this big happy family but sometimes it's just not meant to be. You said yourself that he is a great father, well, he would never let anyone hurt his little girl, so put your feelings aside, I know it hurts, I've been there before, and let your daughter spend time with her daddy. You never know you may come into the same situation with your next partner and you would want to share time with his kids if you love him and plan on being with him. So, give it a try, your daughter knows who her mommy is and no one can change that. It's time for you to let go and move on.

Shelly - posted on 10/27/2009

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Arrange a time for you and her to take your daughter to the park or somewhere similar. Get to know her and see how she reacts to your child. Be open minded and observe. If there is something about her reactions that really bother you, speak to your ex about it. A mother's intuition is crucial. However, if it is just jealousy making you feel bad, then suck it up. I know it seems harsh, but you are the adult and need to do right by your child. No one wants to see their baby daddy with someone else, but don't punish the child for it.

Corinne - posted on 10/26/2009

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hi gillian, i have been in the same situation, my ex did the same and lyed about it because i didnt want a stranger around my son until their relationship was stronger, it is two much i think for a child to handle, they need mum and dad whether sepated or not, its really hard but i think your feelings are right and if your not feeling comfortablw with any situation to do with your child then speak up for it anf dont be scared, your the mumma!!

Katrina - posted on 10/26/2009

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Don't worry about it ... pray and God will give the anwser. You want your child to have a very good relationship with her father.Don't allow another person to stop that.

Cassandra - posted on 10/25/2009

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i went through this same issue almost 4years ago me and my ex split just 2 weeks after i left him he moved in with the new girl and my kids loved there dad but he wasnt seein them because of the new girl well finally after about 4 mnths of him not seein his kids i called him and told him hey u need to be in there lives if you have to take them around ur new girl then whatever but my kids need there dad so thats what he did and now my girls love her shes really good with them

Linda - posted on 10/23/2009

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Even if you do have a custody agreement there is something that you can do. You can file a motion in court that says that there is to be no non relative opposite sex people staying over night when your child is present.



But I would start by talking to him and see what he says. I have had this discussion with my ex.

Marta - posted on 10/22/2009

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If they've been dating for a while then I'd say meet up with her and him and see how she is around your daughter, you do have a right to that. If you feel as though she's ok and he's a great father then by all means you're ok to leave your daughter with them. However, if they've been dating for a short period of time, ask your ex to hold off on introducing his new gf to your child just yet. you have a right to be concerned!

Angela - posted on 10/20/2009

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One thing me and my kids dad agree on is if there is a new person we must met them and as mother you decide from there what to do .If you dont trust her the set time up where he has to come to your house and it would only be him to spend time with your kid

Candice - posted on 10/20/2009

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if you trust HIM to take her, you have to trust that he will not put her in jeopardy.

Tiffany - posted on 10/20/2009

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If you have a custody agreement you have no say in that matter. I know it sucks, but you don't have the right to tell him who he can and cannot be with. If you do not have a custody agreement that you don't really have to, you don't even have to let him see her.

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