barely 20 and terrible father

Glory - posted on 01/10/2010

The reality is, that he is his father. It is not up to us to decide if our children should have a fahter or not. I believe we have the right to make that decision if the baby's dad is abusive to his child mentaly or physicaly. Of course is our job as a mother to protect our own. The question is: "Is he a good father for your child" "Does he support him financialy. Regardless if he give you money for the baby or not, that does not mean he can't see his child. I'm a firm believer in that. My two oldes children saw their father every weekend. Even though sometimes he missed some child suppport, people use to tell me not to give him the kids. That's something I never did, that would be hurting my children. Regardless he was not a good husband, he was a very good father, and when he had them for the weekend, he did all kinds of activities with them, so I am greatfull for that. Now they are 21 and 19. My advcie to you is DON'T GO BACK WITH HIM!! My secind advice to you is: if you can establish a desent, and healthy relastionship with him, and if you feel your child is save with him, and he sees the child REGULARLY...than by all means help them both have a nice relationship...your son will thank you for it...but if he is going to see the baby this weekend and than disapear for two weeks, and leaves you making up excuses for him, because the baby is asking you where daddy is..than I say no, your child is better off not having a relationship with him...you don't need a broken child..I really hope this helps,,I hope you guys can work something out where everyone is happy!!!

Sierra - posted on 01/10/2010

i dated my ex since i was 13. i thought i was madly in love and he was one but after a series of unfortunate events i snapped myself out of this allusion i was in and realized that i had to stop thinking my feelings and start thinking with my baby. it was not about me anymore (understand that its not about you and your ex anymore)... this is all about your son. he needs a good role model and anyman that puts his hands on a female is NOT a good man. don't think about finding someone, the right man will come to you. i met my current boyfriend at the phone store. 20min before i walked into the store i had gotten into a fight my my ex and threw my phone at him where it consequently hit him in the head and shattered when it hit the floor. i vowed then and there that all men were pigs and "i was giving up".... 20 min later i had a date with a guy that seemded funny. knew i had a daughter. and saw my fight with my ex and laughed. i wasnt looking ofr him but he showed up. TRUST ME: when i say that everything will work itself out but you have to be strong and do everything for your son. and STOP giving your ex money he needs to get a F****ing job and help you. Also STOP sleeping with him if your are. it sends a real clear message when you tell him NO and stick to it. dont worry about the money either. i could even afford food or diapers for my baby at one point in time but there are ways to get help. just take it day by day and breath. if you want my e-mail we can talk online or i'd even give you my phone number so we can talk if you want the moral support. i know sometimes it can be lonely and infurriating. just got to hold on and be strong.

Alexandra - posted on 01/10/2010

Yea i know its for the best. Its just hard. Me and David had been together for 6 years. He showed up to one ultra sound and then just messed around with other girls. I want him to take care of Tristen and to show him he cares... but everytime he"trys" Nothing good comes out of it. He uses me for money and other such things. I dont want him in my life but as soon as i see or hear his voice i fall for the same trap everytime and i cant seem to get out. I want to move on and find someone special but im having difficultys cause no one wants to date a girl with a child.. its a struggle I barely have any money in the bank. Just enough to pay bills and i dont think i will ever have the money to move out. Im so frustrated right now i dont know what to do with myself

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2010

STAY AWAY!!!! then again, Im not there to see the real deal. From what I read tho, me personally... I would STAY AWAY!!!

I raised my 14yr old by myself since she was 3, shes a great kid, fantastic student etc.. I think I did a great job. However I always kept in mind, No-one is the perfect mom. Some like to think they are, but SUPRISE, ther not!! all you can do is the best you can. And my daughters grandmother, (her dads mother) once told me, "sometimes it's best to raise your kids alone"! I held them words in my heart and still rely on them. She was sooooo right!!! Now I wish the father of my 7month old will just back off and go away because he's just a pain in the ass, him and his mother. It's sad too, cause daughters tend to go after men like there fathers, this poor baby may not have a chance when she gets older. I just pray everyday she don't end up with someone like her dad. If so, she will be a single mom 3months after her child is born. But If I can help it, she will have a natural life and all I can do is... The best that I can to raise her right.

Good luck Kid-o, its hard at first, but it gets easier and the bond grows like nothing you will ever witness in your life!!!

Sierra - posted on 01/10/2010

I got pregnant at 18 and had my daughter at 19. her father wasnt there for the pregnancy except to cause me stress and showed up for the birth to sign the certificate and then didn't show up until she was almost 3 months old. i decided that he was a low life and not going anywhere and i was better off without him. i had an okay job but i wasnt making enough to do it on my own. i was terrified that i wouldn't be able to provide for her without his income as well. i moved in with my dad for a month and realized that being single and a mom wasnt as hard (NOT EASY) as i thought it would be. i got a little more confidence and moved out on my own. when my ex (daughters father) found out he tried to come around except every time he did i ended up calling the cops to have him removed. it was always a fight. I gave him an ultimatum, he could either pay up and visit her under my terms or he could sign a waiver of his rights and leave us the hell alone. he opted to not be her father because he didnt have a job or anyway to contribute (which was all a lie but he always had excuses). I met a man who is wonderful and a great father to my daughter. times healed everything. your son needs a stable environment full of love and trust and peace. obviously your ex provides the exact opposite. you dont want your son growing up like his dad, right? so keep him at a distance. find a routine that works for you. your ex has to mold his like around you and your son not the other way around. its time to make things fair for you. so forget about him and do what feels right. do what feels good. do what makes you happy. and everything else will fall into place. just give it some time

Jessica - posted on 01/10/2010

Don't let him back in until you can trust him!



It's too much on your Tristen to have him in and out. It hurt my son more than I wanted it to. I wanted my son to make his own decision about his dad, but in and out and played feelings were worse. My son's father and I tried the civil, but he couldn't help but be abusive and possesive. Not what I wanted for my son. Min wage sucks, but pick up two jobs if you have the support for a lil while. Get on state programs to help with formula, milk eggs. We have WIC where we live. Get on food stamps if you can, they help. It took 5 years,but we're stable and I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who loves us and treats us with respect.



It will take you a while, but the struggle for a healthy and happy life for the both of you is worth it! Good luck in your struggles!