Boyfriend at fourteen

LesleyAnn - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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what do you think about your fourteen year old daughter having a boyfriend, how do you handle this, i'm new to this, please shed some light on this issue.

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Kathryn - posted on 03/01/2010

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i don't have a 14 year old...i have a 3 year old daughter...but my first bf was when i was 14 and i was still focused on school and got good grades....My mom, who was a single parent, raised me and my sister the best she could...i believe that i turned out just fine...yes i had a bf at 14 but i wasnt interested in doing anything sexually with them...i think that as long as you set some ground rules and you know you have raised your daughter to be smart and use her best judgement then it should be ok...i wasn't allowed to be alone with my first bf...if we went out to the movies it had to be in a group of people...just be prepared that if you tell her no she may start dating him behind your back...

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learning from my mistakes i would say its young but that about the age most kids start to want to date. but always remember it would be better to know about it and monitor it then to have them do it behind your back. my cousins about that age and her parents are okay with it but there are rules. if they want to go out the parents have to be there things like that. hope all works out well.

Beth - posted on 08/14/2009

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Hey LesleyAnn, 14 is such a precious age and a difficult one for a girl. Such peer pressure! My daughter is almost 21 so I have been right where you are. Yes, girls will want to have boyfriends and there will be a valid reason to allow it but I can assure you that the love and acceptance she is seeking is within the 4 walls you provide. Step up the time you spend with her, turn off the TV and talk, make dinner together, take a walk, she is seeking attention and if she doesn't get it at home she will look for it in the eyes of a guy who will say she is pretty, smart and all the other things you tell her. She'll wait for the right one because she'll follow your steps. Best of luck to you because she has a role model who cares for her! Blessings!

Candice - posted on 08/14/2009

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i had a "boyfriend" in grade 6. i still talk to him to this day. all we did was go to chaperoned dances and peck on the lips. you can't stop a girl from falling for a guy at any age. you can, however, supervise them, talk to them, listen to them, and teach them what is appropriate. telling her no will just get her sneaking around behind your back or rebelling against the things you teach her.

Ciara - posted on 08/05/2009

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Being a 14 yr old mother myself, i've got to say its going to be a hard situation to deal with, because if you tell her she cant have one shes probably going to sneak around anyway but by supporting her and talking to her and telling her you want her to wait for sex and basically laying the birds and the bees out to her and your ground rules for having a boyfriend if you have a good enough relationship she should be ok. Best of luck!

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Vera - posted on 11/18/2011

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I'd absolutely die. I was overly protective of my 20 year old when she was 14 (No parties, can't go out without her parents and others parents, must go to bed by 10, can't use computer at certain times) But she liked it. She grew up in a very strict regimen and all she liked to do was read. At 18 I was less strict with her but I realized she didn't exactly have a "normal" teenage life. My now 13 year old, going on 14 is more energetic and likes to do so many things, I'd hope she doesn't have a boyfriend. I'm less strict with her because I felt I took something away from my 1st daughter. But generally, if I found out she had one without telling me she'd be in huge trouble. My kids know i'm strict and if I found out they'll know of the consequences. I'd probably take away a lot of her privileges. But my parenting skills are rather tough, so it depends on who the boyfriend is and if he's her age. If he was a 14 year old normal polite boy compared to a 19 year old weirdo, the consequences shall be different :P

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2011

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I went through the same thing...i knew if i went against it she would go.. i met the guy..told her ok but that i wasnt happy about it and kept my eye on it..it didnt last:long at all...plus i let her know ANY questions she had to please come to me.

Audrea - posted on 11/16/2011

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Speaking from my own experience, I had a BF at 14. We were together for almost 4 years. My high school sweetheart I guess you could call it. He was my first true love and I have never forgotten him... But I think it all depends really on your relationship with you daughter whether or not you want her to have a BF at that age. It took a lot of convincing to get my mom to agree. lol. But it turned out fine because my mom had all the talks with me about being safe and think about what you are doing before you do it, don't let anyone talk you into to doing anything you're not comfortable with. It;s all a personal opinion on your part but thought I'd put my 2 cents in :)

Kim - posted on 09/03/2011

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@ JuL Leah...I'm not so sure, but....I don't think they would tell you whats truly on their mind...

You don't remember how you felt as a teengirl when you got interested in boys? or did you not until later in life or have a different life choice partner? When I was that age, my parents were much older then most of the kids parents I went to school with. So I told may parents what I thought they wanted to hear. When a child sticks their hand in the cookie jar after they're told not to, and you catch them doing it and ask them why they did it...the normal responce is "I don't know" when what is going through the brain truly is.... "Because I wanted it and thought I could get it without you catching me". Girls are going to do what girls have done for centuries.
1. mature sooner then a boy
2. memic what we are raised to do
3. keep in the cool crowd because your peers judge you on what boy takes interest in you or you in him.
4. They will pick them out like all humans by natural attraction.
5. want them as a boyfriend...not asking for marriage..a boyfriend.

like I posted before, I believe a long talk of all STD's, Pregnancy, relationship games are played and what self worth should be in the first place...not just talking but really giving all information accessable like internet, youtube etc. I feel supervising is very imprtant for the dates/get togethers. They need to be prepared (such as the job of a parent ....to get the child ready to face and handle life on its own.) When she turns 17/18 then they can be unsupervised...so hopefully when she goes to college she will know how to handle things on her own. If not their will be sneaking around or when they make it to college the first guy that comes along and end up pregnant before the first year of college....and not know how relationships can work out more on the neg. side if they aren't taught at a young age. :)

JuLeah - posted on 09/01/2011

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I think 14 is too young. To have a friend, who is a boy ... cool. But a boy friend? No.

What does boyfriend mean to her?

So many teens start to develop an idendity of themsleves in connection with others, and I think she needs to figure out who she is.

So many teens have a boy friend cause it is the thing to have, which doesn't seem a good reason to me.

I ask teens I know who have boy friends, what do you like about him? What are his best traits? What are his flaws?

They can't usually answer. I ask, why are you with him? "I don't know" What are you getting out of this, "I don't know" What do you want from this relationship, "I don't know"

They really don't but the social push to 'have a boy friend' is so strong

I'd watch them alone ... maybe not ever leave them alone or unsupervised actually

Kim - posted on 09/01/2011

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I had boyfriends from the age of 6...didn't mean we went on dates...the meeting at the movies started at age 8 but your just watching the movie then at 11 your holding hands and kissing. My daughter is now 25...I never had a problem with her drinking, doing drugs, smoking or getting pregnant...because I sat her down and talked to her one on one. If you close off communication and make it where she feels she can't confide in you, you will soon regret that action. They grow faster from this point on, it's never too late to share with them the consquenses of their potential actions. Show them what STD's are out there, what can happen if you get each one.... let her know she can have a boyfriend but you will be involved with their meetings outside of school. Talk openly so you don't end up on Maury show finding out who the babies daddy is! Let them know when they turn 16 then they can go on a date to the movies or races (whatever is sutible to you) without you being there holding her had but she will be monitored. Let her know about Date Rapes, let her see or educate her about girls being kidnapped, murdered, raped, sold etc..When she turns 17 close to 18 she will need to be ready to face the world on her own so, this is your time to get her ready for that! You can protect them but if you try to cage them you lose them!

Make sure the tracking chip is activated on her cell phone..people don't forget the last few children that were on amber alerts were saved due to cell phones!

JuLeah - posted on 08/20/2010

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I'd make sure you know the kid well (I assume he is also about 14) and know his parents ... have them spend time in a group, but odds are they will want to be alone.



What does your daughter know about dating? Does she know how to stick up for herself? Break up? Say no and mean it? Respect no when she hears it? Call you if things are not going well?



Does she understand about birth control (things can get out of hand fast) It is one thing to know about a condom, another to know how to use it ... not saying at 14 she will be having sex, saying don't wait to have this conversation with her .... does she know about the dangers of drinking? ( you lose the ability to say no) - again, not saying she is drinking, just don't wait to have the conversation with her .... good luck

Kim - posted on 03/02/2010

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14 is far to young. i have sister that is 15 and has an interest. I stopped it immediately. She kinda hates me, but i can live with that. Its a cruel world out there.

Trina - posted on 02/22/2010

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i don't think a fourteen should have a boyfriend at that age. As a mom i think it is important for u to express that she should stay more focus on school and boys will come later because u know once they start the boy thing it won't be room for the more important things she need to be doing... and i do have a fourteen yrs old

Cherry - posted on 02/20/2010

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thats a tuff one for me. i dont know because i wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend at 14 and God forbid my dad found out if i did. id get in trouble for trying to date that young so i wouldnt know what to tell ya. i personally believe that dating should be viewed as an interview for a potential wife or husband and that dating should possibly lead to marriage so i wouldnt let my son or daughter date that young because they are not at the maturity level to take dating for what it should be and tend to just waste time fooling around and other things that could get them into trouble.

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

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I"M NOT READY FOR A BOYFRIEND AND I AM 30!! LOL! :) J/k. No seriously.. when I think back to 14 and remember it, I wish I would have had someone in my life that cared enough to keep me focused on other things.. opening those doors too soon can be hard. It is good to keep talking to her about her feelings about boys and keep yourself available to her to talk and to help her to see other things in herself as a person to work on.. encourage friends first and ask her challenging questions.. like: "What does it mean to have a boyfriend to you?" How do you think a good boyfriend should be?.. what would be the difference between a boyfriend and say a guy that is just a friend? Keep her talking to you by being warm and open to what she is saying and then set some rules and explain why.. if you feel uncomfortable there is probably a reason.. just my feelings.. I fell into boys fast and well.. now I am raising one alone.. :) You are a great mom to be concerned about this for sure!! :)

Christina - posted on 02/19/2010

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I would say hell no. My friends child is 14 and she has a boy friend that is 18 years old and there having sex and . I just think there is so much more to do at that age then trying to be grown when your still a baby.Put her in church , groups to keep her active. if she going to sneak off cause we all know how kids can be then talk to that boy. let him know how you feel STRONGLY. that you do not want them having sex or even alone together talk to your child and keep a eye on her . making sure she not sending nasty pics to him . Please just keep up with her . Good luck .

Fredricka - posted on 08/07/2009

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OH THIS IS FOR GENEVIA, HONEY YOU ARE EXPECTING A CHILD RIGHT? WHY WOULD YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER, AT 14, TO EXPERIENCE THE WORLD TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND NOT TO DO WHEN IT COMES TO BOYS. THATS WHAT YOU ARE FOR. HER MOTHER. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TELL HER THOSE THINGS. WOULD YOU ALLOW HER TO DRINK OR SMOKE WEED, SO SHE WOULD EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS SO THAT SHE WILL KNOW IF SHE WANTED TO DO THEM AGAIN OR NOT? THATS TRUELY IGNORANT. WOULD YOU ALLOW HER TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL AND TO TEXT HER FRIENDS AT THE SAME TIME WHILE DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY AT SPEEDS OVER 60MPH, SO THAT SHE CAN GET THE EXPERIENCE ON HOW IT FEELS SO SHE CAN DECIDE IF SHE WILL DO IT ANY OTHER TIME IN HER LIFE? COME ON NOW. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR KIDS. ESPECIALLY YOUNG LADIES. I MEAN IF YOU ARENT ABLE TO TEACH YOUR CHILD ANYTHING BY TALKING TO THEM, THEN YOU NEED OUTSIDE HELP TO DO SO. IM NOT TRIEN TO SOUND RUDE OR JUDGEMENTAL, BUT I JUST GET SO UPSET WHEN MOTHERS DONT THINK THINGS CLEARLY ALL THE WAY. I MEAN ITS LIKE YOU THINK NOTHING COULD EVER GO WRONG WITH ALLOWING YOUR DAUGHTER TO GROW UP QUICKER THAN SHES SUPPOSED TO. IM SURE YOU WOULDNT WANT TO BE A GRANDMOTHER, TO A CHILD THAT YOUR CHILD HAS HAD RIGHT? WELL HOW DO YOU THINK THAT HAPPENS? TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER NOT TO DO THIS OR NOT TO DO THAT. PUT POSITIVE THINGS IN HER LIFE THAT DISTRACTS HER FROM EVEN WORRING ABOUT BEING SOME BOYS GIRLFRIEND. SPORTS, CHURCH FRIENDS ETC..TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

Fredricka - posted on 08/07/2009

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I BELIEVE SHES TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND. MY OLDEST IS GOING ON 12 SO I HAVE AWHILE BUT IM NOT GOING TO ALLOW HER TO HAVE ONE AT THAT AGE. SOME PARENTS THINKS ITS FINE BUT WE ALL HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT AGES OUR KIDS ARE HAVING SEX, OR DOING SEXUAL ACTIVITIES. ITS OK TO HAVE A FRIEND THATS A BOY, BUT ALL BOYS ARE CURIOUS AT THAT AGE..HORMONES AND ALL ARE STARTING TO PEAK THROUGH. AND I REUST MY DAUGHTER BUT I WOULDNT WANT HER TO BE IN A POSITION TO WHERE SHES FACING PEAR PRESSURE FROM HER "BOYFRIEND" AND FALLS FOR THOSE LINES LIKE, IF YUO LOVE ME YOU WILL, WE ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, IF YOU DONT I WONT BE WITH YOU, AND SO ON. SHE HAS A STRONG MIND, BUT WHEN YOU THINK YOUR INLOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HER MIND WONT BE READY TO WRAP AROUND THE FACT THAT, THAT LIL'BOY IS ONLY SPITTING OUT SOME B/S. SO TO AVOID ALL THAT, JUST DONT ALLOW HER TO PUT HER FOOT IN A MATURE SITUATION JUST YET. PLUS SHE SHOULD BE CONCENTRATING ON SCHOOL, BEING YOUNG, HER FRIENDS, SPORTS OR OTHER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. CAUSE WHEN YOU TREAT THEM AS IF THEY WERE OLDER, TRUST ME, THEY WILL START TO TALK, LIKE THEY WERE OLDER, DRESS LIKE THEY WERE OLDER, AND ACT AS IF THEY WERE GROWN. JUST THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT YOUR DECISION AND ALWAYS THINK ABOUT THE WHAT IF'S. WHAT IF SHE GOT PREGNANT AT 14, WHAT IF SHE GOT A STD AT 14, WHAT IF HER BOYFRIEND TOOK SOME NAKED PICTURES OF HER AND PASSED THEM AROUND AT SCHOOL, ON THE INTERNET, TEXTING HIS FRIENDS, AT 14. I THINKS ITS TRUELY SAD WHEN SOME PARENTS SEEM TO THINK ITS CUTE THAT THEIR YOUNG DAUGHTER HAS A BOYFRIEND. I MEAN COME ON NOW, DID THEY FORGET WHAT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIENDS DO? OH WELL TOO EACHES OWN JUST THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT. PRAY FOR WISDOME AND IM SURE YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING FOR HER. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS!

Genava - posted on 08/07/2009

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i think she should be allowed to date, it helps a social life... and its part of being a teen. But also it will help her learn for the future what guys to advoid and what guys not to. Just make sure to let her know that you are there for her and become close to her that way if she is feeling or thinking anything she can run to you for advice, I also wouldnt think having you have her get on here and read about some of us teenagemoms and what were going through would be a bad idea, i actually believe it will open her eyes alot. Just make sure you dont suffacate her and try to control her life ya your her mom but it can make her rebelious and just make her wanna get back at you, she wont feel like she is able to talk to you therefore (giving her the downfall).

Maggie - posted on 08/06/2009

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What's the hurry. She'll have plenty of time for boyfriends later. If she's not allowed, it takes the pressure to have one off of her, and while it may be frustrating for her at times, just think how much easier it will be than being a teenage mom or even just trying to focus on highschool after her first broken heart. As soon as I was allowed to date I felt like not having a boyfriend meant something was wrong with me. So I always had a boyfriend, and became a mother at 15. It's always easier to blame parents than to admit your not ready. If you love your kid, be the bad guy so she can breathe.

Christina - posted on 08/05/2009

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I was just talking to my friend about this . Hell NO.
She can have a guy as a friend but not a boyfriend. Talk to her about why she feel the need to have a boy friend? Is her father there? Does she know what boys want? how old is he? did u met him talk to him. start off with that nicely talk to her as a friend at that point, Listen to what she is saying Good luck.

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My 14 year old daughter (although she is quite advanced and mature for her age) has had a couple of boyfriends now. I think it is a good thing for them to do, as it helps them develop socially, and learn all about emotions and feelings. Of course, the utmost importance is to make sure she is safe in whatever she is doing, and that she knows that she has your support and understanding, so that she will not hesitate to come to you if she ever needed to discuss anything about the relationship. I do not allow my daughter to be alone with her boyfriend, or unsupervised etc.

Karman - posted on 08/04/2009

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my daughter just turned 14 and i dont think it is time for a boyfriend i think she should wait i mean what do they know about love rite now and if u think bak to when we were kids looking back now do u think it was for the best for us we should have left that alone until we got grown or at least until we got out of school for me i think its to young

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