bringing up 5 children and one on the way alone !!!!

Jessica - posted on 05/20/2011

i have four kids and sometimes i have five kids (the kids' older sister with a different mom, i have her a lot! and raised her for most of her life until i left their dad... he has full custody of her and is very willing to get rid of her when he can) and what helps me is SCHEDULES, ROUTINES, AND STRUCTURE. i do everything at the same time every day. i can predict my day and i never let it change for nothing and schedule everything around it. my baby goes to bed at 7:30 gets up when ever in the morning, eats, plays, has lunch at noon and goes down for a nap at 12:30, wakes up when ever, gets up has snack, plays, all the kids eat at 5:30, at 6:45 pjs and brush teeth, 7:00 four stories, 7:30 bedtime (including my 11 year old but he goes in his room and reads a book with a reading lamp for a half an hour to an hour but that is the only way he can stay up). on a school day the other kids get up at seven, have baths, eat, get on bus or get dropped off at school by 8 (getting three ready right now, was four but she is done with preschool). i pick up after the kids go to school and at nap time and after dinner. it helps to assign chores to the older ones with direct consequences if they don't do them to ease your burden. the 11 year old, 8 year old, and six year old are old enough to pick up toys and sweep and do dishes or pick up dirty cloths or trash. i always give them one thing to do at a time so it doesn't get overwhelming... like i say, okay, everyone pick up shoes!! then when they are done, i say everyone pick up trash and hand them bags, and then toys, and so on. or you could give each child a task to do and they each do different things. put a basket in every room for toys and a trash can in every room so it is easy for them to pick up. i never let bedtime or nap time get interrupted ever. on Fridays i either hirer a sitter or exchange with another mother babysitting and have them come to my house so i get a chance to go out, then the next week, i watch her kids so she can go out and it never costs anything but i do it at my house so my kids still go to bed in their beds. when you have your baby, you need to keep the same routines with your other kids no matter what so you don't end up with chaos. fill your fridge with easy snacks for the kids to grab. i also precooked a lot of meal and put them in Tupperware divided in how much we needed for each meal and froze them and i bought a lot of microwave meals and easy easy easy meals and crock pot meals so i didn't have to worry about cooking for the next month or so. i also had the baby sleep with me for the first four months and kept everything by the side of the bed that i needed (diaper, wipes, change of clothes, water) so i never had to get out of bed ever and they were up for ten minutes at the most at each feeding (i breastfed and i tell you, so much easier then a bottle at night time because you roll over on your side, pull up your shirt, insert boob, and pass back out, wake up, burp, and go back to sleep, change diaper before you feed) so i would wake up in the morning refreshed and well rested. babies that sleep with you don't get their days and nights mixed up, they are awake less, and sleep better, plus they will not die from sids because your breathing reminds them to breath plus if anything was wrong, you would wake up. another thing that helped with a new baby was a moby wrap so i could hold my baby and keep my hands free for the other ones. it was a life saver. i am not all into the swing or the bouncer all that much because my kids messed with the baby way too much then and in the moby wrap i could protect her from the two year old trying to pick her up every two seconds. i could keep an eye on the baby plus the baby was happier in the moby wrap. i stopped sleeping with all my babies at four months. i did it gradual by putting them to nap in their bassinet, then at four months i started putting them to bed in the bassinet at bedtime and every time they would wake up, i would put them back in their bassinet (i still kept it in my room) and i also encouraged them to learn how to fall asleep on their own at four months. hopefully all this helps you somewhat. it is hard raising lots of kids but it isn't always hard. they do get older and less physically challenging. i go to the park a lot and to the beach and try to get out of the house as much as possible with the kids to every free activity i can find. we also go for lots of walks and explore the woods and what not. i also take early childhood education classes so i can talk to other mothers with children my age and not feel so alone. getting out of the house as much as possible can help you with your depression and you can talk to other mothers and other people that way.



when you have this baby, your other kids will be in school. you can enroll the three year old in preschool so you won't have it that bad during the day. i have two at home all day right now and that is how many you will have at home all day. but what ever you do, go after child support as fast as you can.



i am sorry for your loss, i lost one at 2 years and 3 months. that was four years ago... and you never really get over it.



you can do this... just buy a triple stroller so you can leave the house.

Candace - posted on 05/18/2011

First of all, stop crying, then make immediate plans to get a court order for child-support. Next, if you can recruit family help, do it. If you do not live close to family and it is possible to move closer to them, then do it. Your children need the security of as much family as possible. Third, do not get involved in another relationship. Your children need your full attention and you need time to learn to love yourself and know yourself. Your previous relationships show that you may not like yourself very much.
From a Mom with an degree in Early Childhood Studies with concentration in early intervention.

JuLeah - posted on 05/18/2011

I don't know what resources are around where you live. Here in the USA we have hot-lines. You can call 24 hours a day and someone will listen, offer resources and support, and give you contact info for where to get help.
I'd talk with the professionals at the school your children attend.
It is okay to be down and depressed. Allow yourself time for that, and but, you need to stand up and step up. Your kids will look to you for how to react and respond. You are teaching them important life skills right now. They are watching and learning, so show them what smart, strong, able women do in these situations. She them what courage you have. Show them how one picks up the pieces and gets on with their happy life. Good luck