can i keep my daughters father from taking her for the day alone

Amber - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my daughter is 16 months old,me and her dad are no longer together. Her dad has a 10 year old daughter by someone else,he spends all his time with his other daughter and 5 hours at the most a week with my daughter. His other daughters mom punched me in my stomach when i was 5 months pregnant. Recently i filled for child support and that made things get out of control. He threatens me that hes going to take her away from me and have her removed from my home and him and his other daughters mom will raise my daughter.He tell me all the time im going to get in trouble cause i wont let him take her alone,i dont trust him with her. When he does spend time with her at my house he does nothing but sleep the whole time,doesnt play with her,or even get on her level and talk to her and tell her he loves her,but hes there every day for his other daughter..am i in the wrong for not letting him take her for a day. Im so confused on what i can do.

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Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2011

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You can petition the courts for supervised visitation and depending on where you live they will have to pay for the visitations and if they miss one without enough notice full custody will be granted to you and no visitation is ordered for a certain amount of time. I know this b/c a friend of mine did this to the mother of his child and she screwed up and didn't make one and they denied her rights for visitation for a period of like 6 months and then went through the whole process again. I know that it seems hard but my daughter has never met her father and will hopefully never meet him. And she is a smart well adjusted happy 3 yr old. Sometimes parents let their emotions get the best of them as for the father and other mother I would record all converations from them you can buy a cheap recorder from walmart and get a phone with speaker phone to record everything and if he does get to take her alone if she comes home with any bruises or anything make sure that you take pictures and document the date and when everything that happened. And I personally wouldn't let him have her alone at tleast not until she is able of communicating bc then she can tell you if they are mistreating her.

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Jessica - posted on 03/08/2011

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i would change your phone number and not answer the door. he sounds like a scary asshole! if you don't think he can handle her alone, don't let her go. you have to follow your gut in this because your gut is usually right! you would be devastated if something bad happened to her under his care and you would blame yourself. it sounds like he is just trying to control you and is not looking out for the best interest of his kid, or when he came to visit, he would play with her and act like she was the greatest thing on the planet! he doesn't and all the does is ignore her. it sounds to me like he is listening to his girlfriend too much and his girlfriend is telling him what to do, so he is doing it. it also sounds to me like you walked into a snake pit when you had a kid with him... he probably wasn't done with is ex at the time and they had all this drama when you started to date him, so you got sucked into it when you got pregnant... that really sucks! i would just stop answering your phone. i would stop answering the door when he comes over... he will give up after awhile. his interest is trying to make your life hell... not his kid. who ever threatens to take a baby away from their mother is not interested in their kid. they are only interested in hurting the mother because no one sane would want to hurt a kid like that. you don't have to let him see the kid unless he takes you to court for visitation. then if he tries, you can try to get supervised!

Kari - posted on 03/03/2011

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I would document everything, and keep a record of his visits. I would definitely be concerned about how well he would care for her. He wouldn't be able to take her from you unless he could prove that you were unfit, and since you have had custody of her all this time, that would be very difficult to do.

Claudia - posted on 03/03/2011

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Dont worry my dear your child is gonna be ok...many children have never me a father and have not had a father to play with and all these this and they live a full beautiful and normal life.....sometimes we choose the worst men to be the father of our children, now just forget him and move on!

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Document EVERYTHING! I would also ask your ex and his 'woman' to communicate w/ you through e-mail, texting, or letters from now on. That way it won't be just your word against his (trust me, my ex lies through his teeth everytime we are in court and the judge doesn't care).

Amber - posted on 02/22/2011

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i dont have any visitation set up yet we are going through that now

I have also had threats from his other childs mom saying that when he gets het she will make sure to make my kids life hell and make sure shes not taken care of like the other child is

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Do you have a court order for custody and visitation? If not... I highly reccommend getting one. Especially if he's threatening to take her.

It may be extremely difficult for you to get supervised visitations granted, so you may need to let him take her alone. I do understand your fears and concerns though and would NOT let him take her alone until a court order is set up. Otherwise if he takes off w/ her you will have to put in all the time and effort at getting her back which will be very stressful on both you and your daughter. If you have court ordered visitation.... he may still try and take off w/ her, but it's as 'simple' as calling the police and pressing charges for kidnapping.... and then he may very well lose his unsupervised visitations.

Good luck!

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