Can you forgive the father of your child if you found out he cheated on you while you were pregnant

Lee - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Can you forgive the father of your child if you found out he cheated on you while you were pregnant and your little boy is only 7 months old? Should I try and work it out with him or get on with my life? Ive told him he can see his son whenever he wants and he said hes gonna make it up to me but ive kicked him out. What would u do? Please help

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Lezel - posted on 01/23/2013

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My heart breaks when I read this as I am currently going through the same thing.
My ex and I were together for 11 years thought he was the one , was madly inlove to find out two years ago, that the last 4 years of our relationship he had year long affairs (with a mate) and had slept with approx 8 girls , I know he was unfaithful while I was pregnant - Any fool could work that one out.... At the time I did not want to beleive that he would ever do that and im not a silly girl so was flabbergarsted as to how i did not pick it up. My son was 18 months at the time.
He was sorry and blah blah spun me heaps of promises, so I gave him another chance, to find out while we were trying to patch things up had slept with and had a 3month fling with another girl. Once I found out again which wasnt the best of senarios. I kicked him out, A week after that he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes , so I felt sorry for him and still loved him dealry took him back.

Ever hear about the saying ...once bitten twice shy.... Well clearly I had not!!
Doctors thought the diabetes was caused by serve stress... I wonder why living a double life for 4 years must bring on heaps of stress,,,,,,

I then moved back home with my son and my ex stayed behind in the UK , was so happy and single and starting to get my life back, we were not getting on fighting over maintenance his mother wanting to file for custody etc etc and the list goes on.... A true nightmare to be honest.
My ex and I started getting on after 9 months of being in a different country and things were really good , so I decided to give him one last chance ( love is blind and sometimes we do things and make choice because of what we want so badly to be ....but deep down know it will never hapen) I think I was blinded thinking it was love when it was in fact just that bound we had, having a child together...... My parents have been married for 44 years and are going strong , I guess I always wanted that.... and never wanted my son to grow up in a "broken family"
You probably reading this thinking..... This chick is cooked and needs her head read does she not learn ...but like I say Love is blind and for the sake of my son so wanted it to work and be a family that I always dreamed of having. Dinamics change so much when there is a child involved!!!!
Well back here and .........WORST descision I ever made coming back here and giving him a chance......... It has not worked out and I am planning to move back to my home counrty...

All Im trying to say is a LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES HIS SPOTS and although you think he will change .....they dont....... some do.... but in order for me to fully forgive and forget......It will change me as a person...... Im very chilled and relaxed and this would make me insecure and jealous as you will always be wondering and thinking why / how.......

In order for our children to be happy we need to be happy... I truley believe after all this that still there is a soul mate for everyone and we have just not yet found ours....

I hope this helps

Brandy - posted on 03/07/2010

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been there done that....i filled for divorce and he begged me to work it out so i unfiled a short 2 years later i filled for divorce only it went threw. i am much happier and my child is so much happier that we are not together fighting all the time about the many women he was sleeping with. save yourself misery and move on

Veronica - posted on 03/05/2010

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move on with your life. your guys relationship will never be the same. you will always be wondering if hes cheating on you its not worth the stress. If he really think he can make it up to you hes got another thing comming you cant make up something like that its not like he forgot to pay a bill or do chores. He was dishonest especailly while you were preganant with his baby forget him you deserve better

Meredith - posted on 03/23/2010

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The father of my child did the same thing to me. We were together in highschool and then went our seperate ways and got back together and we got engaged and then he wanted to start a family. Well when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant he just stopped talking to me didn't say anything then I caught him taking lunch to a girl and was out with a girl getting liquer a couple days later. he is a paramedic so he always would tell me he was working a 24 or overtime when i know he wasn't. He has never seen his daughter and she is 8 months old. Yes its hard to let go of someone you love and the father of your child but I know it was in my daughters best interest. He tried to come back and wanted to work things out and I played along for a weekend and then told him I couldn't do it anymore. yes it was the hardest thing I have ever done because everyone wants there perfect family but your family is perfect if you make it perfect regardless of whether you are with the father of your child or not a dad is who raises you not who helped make you! I am with a great guy now, the father of my child actually works with him which was akward at first but he is a great guy and he loves my daughter like his own and he stepped up and took respnsibility when he didn't have to now that is a real man. I know the father of my child feels worthless everytime he works with my boyfriend and so he should the father of your child will feel that to this will come to bite him in the butt years down the road when he realizes his child calls someone else daddy and this new guy has everything that he used to have and he gave up trust me he will kick himself in the butt just like the father of my child does everyday. . . . You will be fine hold your head up and be there for your child and just think of it this way you already have the best of him what do you need him for!

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Emma - posted on 04/05/2014

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my heart also is breaking reading this. i was with my daughters father for 2 years before i had her. at the start of our relationship he messed around and i left. he promise me faithfully he would change.
fast forward having my baby. i nearly died giving birth to her. i thought if anything this made him realise what he has. when my daughter was 8 months old i was about to log on facebook when i saw an email address i didnt recognise. so i clicked it and ping it logged in...i nearly died when i saw it was my baby daddy. messaging his exs with his new num and asking to meet up with his fk buddys he use to have. also he joined zoosk and by now my heart was just shattered. i decided.to log on to his email addrrss he had to this fb and guessed his password right!!!! in his inbox was loads of dating websites he joined.
i confronted him and guess what he denied it lol...said they werent him...yeah whatever...so i told hin to leave and he promised he would change and basicqlly refused to leave. i admit i am scared of him.
so here i am stupidly gave him a chance. what for , i dont know. ny daughter is now 13 months old. i dont trust him one bit. i have turned.my feelings.off.now it wwsnt easy. but i wish i just left im so unhappy i cry everyday. we live amicably but thats because.i dont give a.shit anymore. now im plucking the.courage to.get him to leave mine and.my dsughters house... so.anyone.who went theough this or is going through this please just leave you will be so much happier

Sarah - posted on 03/22/2013

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I just found out my now x cheated on me too.. I think about that alot if I ever could forgive him and I know I could never truely forgive him. It will always be in the back of my mind and he cheated when its suppose to be the happiest time. now he sees what he is missing.. Thats just me though. If u really in your heart think u can forgive him then go for it but always keep your guard up.. Trusting him again will take time, good luck

Maria - posted on 03/17/2013

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Hello I need help
My man has been cheating for 3 weeks with a co worker I can't seem to get him away from her well within 3 days things went down he brought her to are home ;( I caught them there I made a big seen outside with my foot in the door ! Instead of telling her to leave he told me I'm 6 months prego ! He didn't seem to care he wasn't the same man ;( I left after fucken her car up and the next day went to pick my shit up nd took are tax money 1 ,500 and my thing nd my cable cuz he was calling her on are house phone so a day passed his family was mad I thought maybe this would open his eyes nope she drove him to Cali to see his family nd he was showing her off but him nd I were just out there a week ago !! His family let her stay in the house all this bitch has is a new altumA car she's ugly nd works at Popeyes making 8 hr working 6hrs 4 days a week.. my ex he has nothing he quit his 2 job to work more with this slut so know he's stuck with 4 to 3 days a week 6 hr nd making 8 dollars an hr yup he fukd over all are bills everything went to shit !! Now he's 4000 down on his bank card !! Nd he has to pay parole 50 every 2 weeks he needs a job or bak to house arrest Nd idk if he's even going to be there for are daughter or if this girl is her to stay !!! ;( pls I need opinions

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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Well let me start by saying sorry. I think it totally depends on you as an individual. You know your partner better than anyone despite what might be happening at this moment . Ask yourself if this is something you could move on from and be better on the other side together in time. Or is this something that's always going to be brought up as leverage when you have differences. I hope this helps. And good luck with your decision..

Mapule Sarah - posted on 10/02/2012

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hi everyone i had a problem i have a 8 months baby boy i did not tel the father's baby that i was pregnant until the baby was born, and i was in relationship with other guy but i knew that the baby its his, now hw want to take responsibilities of the baby i am confuse, i dont know what do please i must involve him in our lifes or i must move on. and he must maintain his child.

Angelina - posted on 09/03/2012

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I agree with you. My husband of 16 years has cheated on me more than a million times in our relatio.ship. I always forgive him and he goes and does the same to me over and over again. I have forgiven him for our three children but I have been living a lie for so many years. I even thought about suicide and the only thing that keeps me strong are mu children. Nut I have no trust at all and the worst part of all is that I hate being around him but have to fake for mu kids, I hardly van't sleep, I'm taking medication for my depression. I'm scared of hurting my kids. I don't love this man, I just feel sorry for him. He loves his kids dearly and he tells me he is so sorry for putting me through all this pain for so many years and that he loves me. He has given so many STDs It's a miracle I don't have HIV!!! I'm waiting for my lil girl to turn 12 yrs old so I can leave their dad for good and move on. But it's not worth trying to make a relationship work after infidelity has broken into your marriage or relationship. Like I have proven Once a cheater always a Cheater!!! You can forgive and not forget.

Xondra - posted on 03/22/2010

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Hi Ayanna, Yes, you can forgive but you will you will never forget. Mine cheated on me when they were real young and we ended in divorce and he married the girl he cheated on me with. But I didn't hold a grudge and their marriage didn't last long either. There are to many men out there that would love to have a family, even a ready made family. That would treat your children like his own. And it will always be in the back of your mind wheather he is cheating on you also. But you have to learn to trust again, because if you don't have that trust with someone it will not work. I'm living proof of that. Because I ran off a good man because I couldn't get it out of my mind that he might be cheating on me also. And yes I think once a cheat, always a cheat. But that's only in my mind. A friend of mine's husband cheated on her and they did work it out and they have been together for 34 years and have a good marriage.You look pretty young and there is someone out there for you, just take your time on finding him. In the mean time live your life like there is no tomorrow, because life is to short to hold grudges, I say forgive him and move on. Because that makes you the better person. Then who cares where his life takes him, don't stay in a relationship for the childrens sake, you can do it on your own. And why stay in a relationship that could make you miserible. Let him go, be happy with your children and yourself. You're the winner. Good luck.

Jenna - posted on 03/20/2010

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cheating is unforgivable, i ended it when my ex told me he didnt want me to keep our unborn child, we tryied to make it work as he changed mind bout baby he then told me he cheated on me the whole i cudnt forgive a cheat exspecial not as this other girl was also pregnant. he moved in with her n i moved on best thing i cud hav done as he cheated on her n now has his 3rd baby on way. once a cheat always a cheat

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Unfortnately I have been in your shoes... twice. I forgave and worked it out only to have him do it a second time. Definitely forgive...but be very careful about about giving a second chance. If he really wants it he will have to work for it. There is nothing wrong with that. He is the one who lost your trust to begin with.

Lisa - posted on 03/18/2010

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Lee,
if I were in your shoes NO WAY on Gods Earth would I EVER forgive such a thing! I had my daughter in August. If my man cheated on me in any shape or form and I found out he would be done! By cheating I mean, texting, emailing, talking, emotionally or physically, he would be done! During your pregnancy he could have contracted a STD and hurt you and your unborn child. This was not a violation to only you but your son as well! I would leave the SOB, drag him through the mud for child support but still allow him to be a “daddy” if he so chooses. Sorry.. but that aint no man that did that to you!

Laura - posted on 03/18/2010

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well well well a post that means a lot to me, i have two boys to my ex partner 2 and 3 i now find out he has more children 2 and 3 to two different women even tho he denys it!! but his bro told me we were together during this time he cheated twice that i know ov and god knows how many other times wat i am trying to day is i still c him from time to time but know he will neva change i just need the self confidence to tell him get lost u should get out now while u can wish i had taken that advice but its up to u at the end of the day xxx

Glory - posted on 03/18/2010

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I wouldn't make it easy for him...but if you feel he is worth working things out than you should...you see, if you have a man that has sweet eyes for other women, and is not capable of staying in a relationship than I would tell you absolutely not, but if he is not that type of man, and he just messed up..than he might still be a good man, just got cought up in the moment....was it a one night stand, or was he holding a relationship with this woman

Shannon - posted on 03/18/2010

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Hi my name is shannon,35. I am sorry once a cheater always a cheater miss! You don't need him I went through a similar situation . When our first daughter was dying and the second one was born a month later I come home and there was a note on my table saying he had moved out and I was DEVASTATED! Not only was I loosing my little girl but there dad too who I was with for 5 years. My advice is move on there are plenty of other men out there who are grown up and will love you and your child ! MOVE ON! It's not worth it!

Tiffany - posted on 03/18/2010

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if u cant forgive and forget dont waste ur time that is some hurtful ish and honestly how can u have a decient relationship with that kind of hurt in your heart (just a little food for thought) but i pray the best for u in what ever decision u make

Sikelelwa - posted on 03/17/2010

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wow this really hits home, my baby's father and i had problems before i got pregnant, we were together for six years before i got pregnant we just started to take each other for granted, i thought we were working things out and when i found out i was pregnant i was the happiest woman and all hell broke loose he was not there for me emotionally and he would hurt me deliberately and i am starting to learn that he is emotionally abusing me, he does not care at all about me and recently i found out he was cheating on me with a university chick obviously younger than me and know i am slowly trying to move on beleive me it is not easy i never thought he would do this to me, all i can say is ask urself if u deserve this us as women tend to give ourselves not enough credit, be strong god never gives u a big burden to carry all i am praying for now is to relocate far away from South Africa and make a new start for me and my 2 girls so any of u moms who can help please let me know, at present i am a receptionist so any admin job would do..

Kasey - posted on 03/17/2010

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i know how you feel but you have to think about what you want you child to see as a good realtionship, like is the father likely to do it again? im a firm believer in "Once a cheater always a cheater" im still pregnant and the father of my child has already cheated on me 4 times... there is no way that i am taking him back, you and your child do not deserve that kind of treatment.

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2010

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Been there! Only I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I left and divorced him. You, however, will have to make that decision for yourself. Look at the situation. Do you think he's gonna do it again? Is he good for you? Do you fight often? What's gonna be best in the long run for you and your child? And I don't mean just financially. You have alot to think about. I wish you the best.

Good Luck!

Krystal - posted on 03/16/2010

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i wouldnt take him back... that happened to me too. he cheated on me with 5 different women. not only did he cheat on you... you were carrying his child while he cheated. i think thats the most horrible thing a man can do.... besides be a deadbeat dad.

Rebecca - posted on 03/14/2010

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personaly i say once a cheater always a cheater . they will never change i have 4 kids n the father of my kids cheated i did forgive him the first time and things were kool but he stil kept on n he was use to me forgiving him, so they take that for granted .. so i say you move on with your life you dnt need to be lied to.. its really hard but its for the best.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/07/2010

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okay well i was in the same boat chick. but my baby daddy didnt want to work it out and now is with my best friend. cheating is not apportiate at all so i would have to tell yu to go on with yur life and it easier said than done. but also yu need to follow yur heart and think about yur beautiful baby boy! i mean think to yur self is it worth being cheated on again? i mean it hurt and once a cheater always a cheater! just stay strong and follow yur heart!

Irene - posted on 03/07/2010

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Hi, I know it is a shock and it bloody hell hurts! There is so many ways to look at this, at end you will have to decide. You know at the end it is what is good for your little boy. I've been there so I fully understand what you are feeling. It you and your hubby can work this out, it would be nice for your boy. Unless you know that the trust you had in him will never be you restored, the best would be to remain friends and treat each other with respect, so that your child can have the best of both of you. They do feel a sence of balance if to people get along. Try watching the DVD Fireproof both you and your hubby. It's awesome, an eye opening experience. We neglect small things. All the best!

Koren - posted on 03/07/2010

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That is a very hard thing to do, Iexperienced it myself and I am stilling coping with it two years later, it hurts. You just have to search within yourself to forgive him, good luck!

Rachel - posted on 03/04/2010

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Don't take him back. If he's wronged you once, he will wrong you again. The health issues as well as the emotional issues you'd have to deal with aren't worth it.

Lisa - posted on 03/01/2010

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Hi Lee. I went through something very similar. I was with my ex for 4 years when I got pregnant. He was unfaithful, and my son now has a half brother one month younger than him. I wanted to keep our family together, but all that was left between my ex and I was animosity. I tried to forgive and forget, but it was just not possible. Even when I had thought I had let it go, he would bring it up and act out about it. Soon, as my son got older, I could see the effects of this in him. He was getting a temper, and acting up in daycare. I had to end the unhealthy relationship for my sons sake. It was not easy adjusting to being a single mom, but it was the best thing I ever did. My son's father sees him three times a week, and is very devoted to him. My son is happier and more well adjusted at school. Removing him from the violent, angry home we were in was the best possible move. You situation may be different, but for me, forgiveness did not solve any of our problems. I am happy to say I have met a new man and life has gotten ten times better. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 03/01/2010

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I would go on. Forgiveness takes time.. but forgetting is not in our human make-up. That is for God. There is a reason we are not made to forget.. to protect us and help guide us to make wiser choices. Can you imagine if we kept forgetting that the stove was hot, or that stepping into a busy street could be the end of our lives? Whether or not you choose to take him back is your choice and I pray blessing in whatever you do.. but it does not make you a "unforgiving" person to not take him back into your life intimately at all. He has to take responsibility for what he did and when you step out of it and take a stand his true character will be revealed.. trust me on this one. My son's father called me out of the blue 3 years ago and was like: "I messed up, I really want to be a dad to Jamison...." So I said "I forgive you, if you are really serious about this then lets meet up with a parenting counselor a couple times a month and see something consistent in child support before we get Jamison's heart entangled.." Some would disagree , but since Jamison had never met his dad and his dad has a history of saying one things and doing another, it was wise to see if this guy was for real.. guess what? Have not heard from him since.. sad huh? Guess he really was serious huh? he still uses me as an excuse, but the truth is that he didn't have the heart to stand up for what was right in himself.. its easy to use me as a scapegoat to avoid responsibility.. I say this as you do need to emotionally remove from him to REALLY see if what he meant was true.. sure it may not be, but then again it may be real as well.. he does need to be accountable for cheating.. period. I bet if the tables were turned he would not have such a heart of mercy for you? Just a guess... its not being hard as you can TRULY FORGIVE SOMEONE AND NOT LET THEM INTO YOUR LIFE INTIMATELY!! I have several times and sure those people are mad that I do not share my cookies with them at the luch table anymore.. but if they only knew that if they meant wanting to make friends with me again and do their part to make it right..I have a whole box of cookies just waiting for them over here!! :) You are wise to ask these things.. never let anyone make you feel bad for protecting and being more wise with your heart.. and of course you child does need a relationship with its father.. but he also needs to be responsible.. I would lay an offer on the table for visitation with the child and say how you honestly feel as far as you and him are concerned and say, it hurt (it did didn't it? It always does..) and you have to be able to trust the person you are going to give your love too (bet he misses that good love huh?) :) You will be fine and if he backs down, that is his insecurity, not yours and you are paving the way for more mature and awesome people (maybe a real man) to come into your life.. healing takes time..

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