Child Support and Should I Get Full Custody 2?

Darnisha - posted on 02/08/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Hi my now 4 month old son is surely going to be missing his dad in his life. so i've decided to put child support on him (which is what i should've done from the beginning). I want to get full custody too but i don't know what i need to do to make sure Eli is completely mines...Im mean im not one to keep someone from their child but he doesn't come see him but when he feels like it and he lives literally 3 mins away and he doesn't even have to drive to get to our house he can walk .Im tired and don't want a pop in dad in and out of his life. He is avoiding my son and it crazy because he is beautiful baby who deserves nothing but the best in life that we can give him. He had RSV( a baby cold) for 3 weeks and he saw him once and then when he saw him he said " O he really is sick" and ive never lied to him so why would I lie about my child being sick ( Elijah got it when he went to his house). Even though we aren't together anymore it makes it harder for me to communicate positively with him because he doesn't give me anything good to say about him. When he goes buys diapers and wipes(which is all i ask for) he gets the cheapest kind he sees and in the wrong size even after i just told him what kind and what size to get..... so am i making the right choice by trying to get full custody or should i just get child support and just continue to keep seeing my son because i think it will hurt more when gets older..... What should i do?

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Angela - posted on 02/10/2010

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get the support order right away!! in canada if you have been the sole caregiver, and never married or lived with the father you already have sole custody. You can tell "daddy" unless he wants to make his own schedule and stick to it, you won't let him see the child unless he has court ordered visitation. If he misses the visits you can have him charged with breech of a court order, and haul him back to court. He will either man up, and be there when he should, or he will get sick of being in court, and waive his rights. I live in Canada though, I talked to a lawyer to find out my rights before I did this.

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Tara - posted on 11/12/2013

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Most of you in here are so pathetic. You all sitting over here talking about talking about he isn't doing this or doing that. Am sure he didn't just become this way but yet you lay down with him and had a baby with you. Now all you are after is child support money. A responsible father takes care of their children regardless of what the relationship is with the mother and if your guy is not that, then that is a reflection on your own character. What a bunch of losers.

Denise - posted on 12/05/2012

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This is the issue . His dad may never seen him until hes older . And dads tend to hate paying that child support when they get older because it rises . He may start all kinds of trouble in court for you so i would go for full custody if i were you . i wish i had done it when my daughter was a baby

Aleksandra - posted on 08/16/2012

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I am in Canada and my daughter is now 20 months. Her father took advantage of me while I was drunk, I barely knew him and after i left his house that morning as soon as i found out that I was pregnant I tried get in contact with him to tell him but without success. So one day i just decided to tell him by text message. All he had to respond to that was to get rid of the baby... So i was terrified of the future but I decided to keep her. When she was born I tried calling him but his phone number was disconnected so I found him on facebook and sent him a message, just that he knows in case he was wondering at all. He started seeing her couple of times, swimming pool activities, with me around all the time, cause I don't know him so i wanted to make sure the kid is alright and one day, when she was 6 months old, I told him that i was gonna go for child support cause he haven't paid or bought anything for her since the day she was born, he told me to fuck off and I haven't heard from him for a year after that.

Child support services took a while to make a move and finally at the court date he decided to do the paternity test just to make sure it was his baby (witch I strongly suggested to him to do anyways). So once we had the results and the judge set the court order for his payments, suddenly 2 months after he text me saying that he wants to see his daughter and be in her life. So I decided to give him a chance. Everything went well till he started telling me one day that if ever I had a boyfriend he was gonna break his face and seriously making disrespectful comments about me regarding the conception day. One day I got a phone call from his girlfriend that he was hiding from me and she told me that he was in jail and that he wont be able to make it that day to see his daughter. I was concerned and stayed in touch with her for couple of days and when he got out instead of giving me any news he just text me: "Stop fucking texting me and my girlfriend!" and nothing for 3-4 weeks. Then sudden: "I want my daughter this Sunday!"

This was not the first time that he used bad and disrespectful behavior towards me, I just don't feel safe around him and am seriously fearing about his threats so I decided to go for full custody... I haven't told him yet what I am doing but i refuse him to take my our child since I don't know anything about him beside that he is a big fat liar. He said that since he is paying child support he have rights to see his daughter and if I don't want him to see her i will loose child support and the benefits that he signed her up for with his work. The thing is that he is paying child support trough maintenance enforcement and he offered me to tell them to stop charging him money and he would leave me alone with the child for good!

We never lived together or were dating, i hope that will help my cause. I wanted him in her life for some time, but now I am judging that it will be better that he is not. I still think that he should pay child support and I should have a full custody or maximum visitation rights with supervision but i don't think i would survive if he gets like 50-50 that he's been asking for couple of times already. Should I just stop him from paying the child support that he leaves me alone!?

Jessi - posted on 02/20/2010

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Document everything. How often he comes to see the baby, if he gives you any financial help or help buying neccessities for the baby, how he interacts with the baby. Talk to a lawyer that specializes in family law. You have nothing to worry about as far as getting full custody of your child. As far as RSV. My child had it when he was 2mos old and was in the hospital for a week. It is not just a baby cold. It's a respiratory infection that can cause death in a baby and should be taken very very seriously and if he made light of that then he has no business being a father at all. Go for full custody, go for child support (the max that you are able to get). Most importantly tho, never talk bad about him around your child, ever, and never keep him from seeing him. Love your child first and foremost, and please do not let the money come first. Don't be quick to throw him in jail if he doesn't pay. I say this because if he goes to jail it will just cause him to lose his job, get further behind, and you still won't get paid. My prayers are with you.

User - posted on 02/12/2010

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Hello, I did go through the same thing you are going through right now when my son was about 6 months old. He never came around,no phone calls,no B-day card etc... Till my son was 3 yrs old. Only because i looked for him so my son could have his dad in his life. I took him to child support back when we broke up. But he felt like he could take my son away when he was 3 yrs old only because i lived with a room mate. I went to court and fought for custody and got shared custody only because he is the father and had the right to see his son no matter if he was in the picture or not. i did get physical custody of him. The best thing you can do is no matter what you take him to court and get child support. Make him pay you money for the baby and the baby needs. Still to this day and my son is 16 yrs old has nothing to do with his father because his father wants nothing to do with him. Take care and hope this helps a bit.

Britta - posted on 02/12/2010

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I would get sole custody. So then you have control of your child and decisons you make for your child. The father wouldn't have a say in what goes on but he still has the right (only if you decide) to see his child.

Danielle - posted on 02/12/2010

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I would get child support set up, but I would not try to get full custody because that would look bad to the court. My father's tried to get 50% custody when my daughter 1 month old and they said he was nuts because we were never together, and they said that was an overdramatic thing. I would set up a parenting time order, so that he can see him if he wants every other weekend for a few hours. Offer him something to the court, and the court will see that you want him to be in your sons life. Don't just shut him out.

Tara - posted on 02/11/2010

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As was stated by a previous poster, each state is different, however nearly all states have child support and visitation hearings as separate & unrelated filings. If you have never been married to the father, simply contact your local department of human services and start the process for child support. It will be up to him to petition for visitation, not you. As an unmarried mother, you are automatically the sole parent by law. Check out your Texas website to apply for state ordered child support: https://childsupport.oag.state.tx.us/wps/portal/csi/ApplyOnline
Here is the link to Texas Department of Human Services: http://www.hhs.state.tx.us/
Follow through and ensure you and your baby's rights.

Crystal - posted on 02/11/2010

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If your "baby daddy" isn't paying court ordered child support, then it is acrueing interest and will follow him FOREVER... it will be on his credit report, when he gets a job, the government will garnish his wages. You will eventually get the child support you deserve. Don't ever turn it down, just don't rely on it. Since you have a child, you need to make sure you have enough money for diapers and wipes and things that child needs. If you don't, then you need to get a job, or get assistance. Your child will be taking cues on life from you, and you want that child to see that their mom is a strong and determined woman who is making the best of a difficult situation.

Zakiyyah - posted on 02/10/2010

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I am going through the same thing also. Funny our children have the same name ( my Eli is 7 months) I am takin his dead beat to court, its a choice you need to make about custody like the others said he will be entitled to visitation. Remember whenyou take them for child support it might be ugly. Good luck!!

Briane - posted on 02/10/2010

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hi how are you. i am in that same situation, and my baby daddy is on child support and he isnt paying anything, so i dont think that child support is the best way to go... but it wanna do it thats all on you, but the custody thing is a good thing to do toooooo. i had a custody hearing and he never showed up, so ther for im stuck with him... and when i asked him to buy my baby some diapers he gave mr 10 dollars and said i hope you can get some out of this. S o me i said no what is that going to buy,, so i said i need about 20 more. do you think he gave it to me, NO... but it dont matter, cause wheneva he wants to come and see them he have to call me, and i sit in the living room while he there, so he wont try anything stupid... i mean why are men like that.. they make babies and dont wanna take care of them... why why why... can u write me back

Crystal - posted on 02/10/2010

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You can certainly get full custody, but no court will deny him his right to see his child, no matter how sporatic is it. They may put certain times in place and you can limit him to those times, but in the end you are only hurting your child. If he wants to see him, let him. The child will only resent you later if you don't. You are lucky he wants to see him at all. My sons father wants nothing to do with him. Definitely get support orders in place and ask for back child support also.

Karen - posted on 02/09/2010

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hi im a single mum of 4 children. i was married to my first 3 childrens father then we divored when my youngest son was 6mths old. i was in the same situation. do i or dont i. but a few people told me the same thing. if i dont get full custody he can take them. just a little info my ex husband was very abusive so there was no way i was going to have them live with him.
so i went to the local court and i applied for full custody but made an agreement that he have the children on weekends during the day. thats when child support comes in as well. you apply for both at the same time. anyway i was granted the custody as i have a house they have rooms and beds but he has to agree. which he did agree. but i did agree to the access as he was an in and out dad to. unfortunatly now he wants nothing to do with any of the kids. which is sad as they were very young to when he left. my 2yr old girl will never know her father. we werent together long at all close to 2 month i had told him i am pregnant he turned to me and told me to f*** off its not mine and im married. that was the most hardest thing to deal with i didnt know. by the time i got to the doctors i was 12wks pregnant (i dont beleive in abortion so i did the right thing and kept her) wouldnt give her up for nothing now. anyway i gave him the 9 mths to accept his responsibilty if he did i wasnt going to get child support. but after taya was born she was just under 2mths old we met up and he held her. i thought he was goin to cave but he didnt he said she not mine to go away. well i had to update child support that i had another child. and it went from there. they gave her father and opportunity to fess up she was his if not it goes to court well it went to court we got dna now his wife knows and he pays childsupport. i didnt want the money. i wanted him to see his daughter. so he doesnt see her. she will never know him. but when she is older and she asks i wil ltell her.
if the father disappears from their life dont panice it is hard i know but they need to make that choice when they are older on whether they want to see him. in the mean time do your best to give him access on paper so go court that way he cant say "you never let me see him" you have the back up to prove.
unfortunatly men have no idea on babies as they dont participate in their lives when they are born. dont get me wrong their are some wonderful dads out there. not many but there are.
my advise go get full custody maintenance will follow and give him access to your child if he accepts that you will be ok. sometimes it can be settled out of court which is good

Janelle Andrea - posted on 02/09/2010

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Damn Gurl Sounds like your baby daddy is usless to say the least.Im really Sorry you and ur adorable son Eli is going through that.I dont get how men like that can live knowing they dont see or support their own flesh and blood thats sickening.I believe your doing the right thing..By Getting Child Support Number 1.And Number 2...For full custody all you have to do is talk to your case worker for Child Support and Ask what steps you have to take.Because i am getting Child Support and also have Full physical Placement of my Daughter Nevaeh.I was married to my baby daddy tho so i went threw the divorce process to get it.But if your not married to him..Which I hope you arent. My best Guess and advise wuld b to talk to ur Case work or Clerk Or Courts in whatever County u live in...Good Luck!

Connie - posted on 02/09/2010

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I'm not sure how it works for where you live but what happend with me here is that I have sole custody of my daughter and her dad gets visitation every other weekend from saturday morning until sunday night. At first though, when she was a baby the courts wouldn't allow her to go for overnights. So she went saturday morning till dinner time, then came home for the night and went back sunday at noon till dinner time. I know how it feels to have the father popping in and out when its convenient for him, but what I've learned to do is not tell her when she should be seeing her dad so that its not expected and she can't get hurt. It still makes it a little difficult because she does miss him and ask for him. But its not nearly as bad as when shes expecting him and he doesn't show. Don't push the baby on him though. If he doesn't want him then don't send him. Why put your baby in a situation hes not wanted in At least by allowing visitation you know your offering your child a chance at knowing his dad. If the father chooses not to see the baby, then its on him. not you. As for child support...DEFINITLY go for it...I did and I'm still not getting it.

Shannon - posted on 02/09/2010

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I'm in a similar situation. I say go for the child support and the full custody. I"m married and in a similar situation. I have two children with my husband and he hasn't changed a bit. We've been separated and that means he has also separated himself from our boys. He doesn't willingly provide for them and he doesn't see them. I did what felt right for me and my advice to you would be to do whatever you think will work for you. I'm sure you're a good mom who only wants what's best for your baby. Good luck to you and try to follow your gut instinct, a mother's intuition is hardly ever wrong.

Megan - posted on 02/09/2010

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Im going through the same thing right now. All i can tell you is that if he helped make the child, he needs to help support it! that's what i go by when things get hard and seems like they wont be better. If he goes after custody, they will laugh in his face. He doesnt do nearly enough for your child to prove he should have custody. He might get visitation but the way he sounds it probably wont last very long. Like others said, just do what feels right to you. Mother knows best!

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2010

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go to court and see what happens. u r a great mom and know one so take that from u. keep your hard up, GOD will get u through.

TyInda - posted on 02/08/2010

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I suggest that you fully check out all of your options before you make a choice. Each state appears to be a little different. You have to know that the choice you make is the one that will be best for you and your son. I do know that if you just get an order of support you will have to give him your address at all time. So that he is made aware of where the child is. Custody and support are to different cases and are usually handle that way. I wish you luck with your choice.

Katria - posted on 02/08/2010

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Well how it is in Arkansas is if your not married the mother automatically gets sole custody of the child. If you push for child support state automatically withholds it from his paycheck. Visitation starts at 1 hour then gradually moves up an hour each month but no over nights until the child is at least 3 years old with a 1 year clean bill of health. He can refuse visitation but so can you if you determine to the court that he is an unfit father or lives in an unfit environment. If they don't take it it will be supervised and where ever you want it to be and when. Good luck!

Candice - posted on 02/08/2010

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even if you get full custody, he will most likely get visitation. so yes, go for full custody anyway, but it won't stop him from seeing the child. the one bonus will be that he will have scheduled visitation, but then...he can still not show up.

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2010

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I would definitely hire a lawyer and go after child support. I learned the hard way on that. You don't want to be in a position when the "support" he does give, just goes away. You will be able to provide for your son much better when you know you have funds coming every month. As far as custody, go for what you feel in your heart to be right. You are his mother and you know better than anyone what is best for him. Good luck.

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