contempt of court.. child support.

Claire - posted on 12/24/2012

Here is my dilemma, my ex was/is a great father to his daughter and was always there for his daughter. We have both remarried and our daughter is loved by his new wife and is really close to her.
He use to have a great job which afforded him and our daughter a great life they travelled the world for vacations. He would fly back every couple of weeks to spend time with his daughter never went a day without calling her.
But then I got married to my current husband who is a bit jealous of my ex and had forced me to take out a restraining order against by ex. He also hired an attorney to go after him for non-payment when he fell ill. He is now disabled and unable to work but my husband and CSE are constantly pursuing him. We (both myself or our daughter) have had zero contact with him for over 2 years and I see what that has done to our daughter but am helpless to do anything about it. I have known him for over 20 years and know he's a good person and would never deny our daughter as he adores her more then life itself. How can I help him with CSE and get him and our daughter to reconnect.

thanks,

AC

Melanie Fraser - posted on 07/31/2012

, OMG, this is a terrible story and firstly, is it really true that they can pay to get themselves out of court? WHAT? My ex owes me boatloads of money, lives overseas and was ordered to pay me by TODAY a large sum of money. Our actual next contempt hearing is in August. I assume he will be put in jail which would actually really delight me but I had no idea that a person can pay to get themselves out. This is discouraging and outrageous.

Jennifer - posted on 11/11/2009

I am very much in agreement with Sarah D. below. It is never wise to bad-talk the father to the child. It puts a deep division in the child's heart and makes them "in the middle" I went through that with my parents and at 29 --- THEY STILL DO IT!!!! Its tore me apart and took alot to stand apart from them and I know that my son's dad's actions and lack there-of will reveal itself in my son's eyes and hopefully inspire him to be a better man than him. Or maybe he will want to have that relationship. Thats why I take these young years to instill as much love and trust between us so that I know that there is a solid foundation. My son writes his dad letters and draws pictures and I help him and I encourage him to pray, but I also reassure him that I will be there. Man, I don't know what has happened to men these days and what is SO GREAT in this life that they feel they need to play games and run. Must be tiring and unfortunately ignorance is only bliss for the moment to the one who is in it... too bad they don't see that is devasting the lives around them. Pray that these men grow up and desire to be real men. But I know that I no longer fall for any guy that says something sweet. I really test his heart... our children are worth us waiting for only the best.. and any real man would feel blessed and honored to be with a real woman who has not only experienced pain, but triumph and is real and has no time for games. I see this time as a single mom as a great opportunity to get to know myself, strengthen relationships that are REAL, and build something lasting with my son. "We attract how we act" is what I say. If I give in to drama.. then I'm gonna get it. Since I seek a real man, I pray that God build me into a real woman... and help me to enjoy the ride!! I hope you take this time as a opportunity to bloom into the beautiful person you are and I know its hard when it seems everyone else has it so easy... but do they? If you have to vent about the dad (which TRUST ME! We DO!!!!) I pray you have good friends or some base of support to go to that will let you cry and scream. We just can't do it alone... but we can surely do it without THEM (the men) Love ya! Blessings

Jennifer - posted on 11/11/2009

Hey Nicole, I read your blog and my heart broke for you and your situation. I Know exactly what you are facing. I know this may be hard, but the best thing I ever did was let the money go and put full force in raising my child. I did file for support and opened a ghost account for my son and never check it. I decided that when he is 18 we can open it and see but I do not depend on it to survive. Yeah at times its hard financially, but honestly as a single mom- life has so many battles to fight and our children need us to be strong for them in mind, body and spirit. YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT HIM!!!!! and his MONEY!! We are strong women, and your child will look at you in amazement to see that you were so calm and cool and adult and his inability to take responsibilty will reveal itself in the end and your child will grow up to see this. Take this time to make the best life, home and calm for your child. Dive into that beautiful child and the courts will see that. They have a tendency to overlook cases where both of the parents are fighting. My son's dad has never showed up for court either and yet the judge always rules in my favor because I am taking care of him. It isn't fair what this guy is doing.. and no matter what life he thinks he is having that's better than with that child is his loss.. and rest assured if the courts don't catch him.. life will. You deserve to be chased... not chasing him. And once you start to put this loser aside... it leaves room for a great one to step in and be in awe at your strength.... you can do it girl! I am on your side all the way!! We need to prove statistics WRONG that all single mom's are gold diggers who are lazy (WE ARE NOT!!) There are so many beautiful and strong women out there doing it alone and we get pushed aside.. its time we take the higher road and show them what we truly are made of. And YES!! You are made of that!!! You are not one of those statistics.. you are strong and beautiful and that child is depending on you to show her that.......... it won't be easy, but worth it when that child grows up and honors you with her life and words and deeds. Find support somewhere.. here is a good place and if you have to lock yourself in the laundry room to cry in bitterness over how unfair it is (he was there too, making the kid) DO IT!!! But we have to keep our strength and cut out the ones that bring us down.... Don't know you, but my heart goes out to you today and I'm praying for you!! You WILL make it :)

LLL - posted on 11/10/2009

My ex owed over 12k in back child support and never filed taxes. I had DCSS open the order and asked the worker when they were going to find him in contempt or something. This is EXACTLY what she said "He's maintained contact with our office and has intentions to pay childsupport, therfore, there will be no contempt charges filed". I laughed and told her good intentions don't pay my rent, took my $ out of my accounts, sat on it for a few months and filed for medi-cal. As soon as the state had to pay for my son's medical expenses they had him paying childsupport within a week. His mom died, he got some $, filed back taxes, paid off the 12K, and is now current. So guess who gets custody after years of not paying or being there for his child. The system royally sucks.

Rose - posted on 11/09/2009

I feel your pain !!!!! My ex was ordered to pay child support and the marital bills.He never paid a penny. Didn't show up to court. Then he quit his job so he wouldn't have to pay anything. Cashed out his 401K so I couldn't touch it. Since he wasn't showing up to court I won be default. Then his attorney appealed. He showed up to the hearing. And the judge decided that he doesn't have to pay anything!!!! NOTHING!!!! No rears, no current. NOTHING!!! Even from the time that he was working. I couldn't believe it was possible. So don't feel bad at least you got something. I'm in the same boat with his family. None of them know whats going on. Not one of them has called and even asked about the kids. It's terrible that we should have to go threw this. No one deserves this, especially the kids. They didn't ask for a dead beat dad and family. Good luck to you.

LaTonya - posted on 11/08/2009

I completely understand your frustration!! My daughter is almost 10 years old and I was receiving support directly from the other parent UNTIL it was changed to payroll deduction and child support enforcement became involved! What a mistake!! DCSE (in state of VA) is very lax in terms of doing their jobs!! I am currently in the process of a motion to show cause bc the DEADBEAT refuses to pay the arrearages! The sad part abt it all is the case keeps getting continued bc DCSE doesnt have their figures correct so I have to keep coming back n forth to court!! I wont give you the long drawn out version of my situation bc you would literally be here reading all day! But, unfortunately this is what you to look forward to...a life of dealing with a deadbeat, dealing with support workers who do not care at all, and raising a child all alone. I pray they change the laws to impose fines/ penalties on the support divisions; perhaps they will be more inclined to do their jobs PROPERLY!! Or even better, take the arrearages that were overlooked or miscalculated directly out of their paychecks--again, maybe we would get workers that would do their jobs!!!! Good luck and pardon my 9 year frustration!! I have had enuff!!!

Sarah - posted on 11/07/2009

I'm with Jean - you'll find peace of mind a lot sooner if you just write him off as a lost cause and do it on your own... sounds like you are, anyway!

I don't have experience being the parent fighting for child support, but I was a child (of 3) involved in my parents' fight. As far as I can tell, the child support system is never fair and seems to want to work with the (supposedly) paying parent instead of the one who needs help. My mom only got $250/wk for 3 kids, and my sister and I (i'm the oldest, she the youngest) are 7 years apart; my parents divorced when I was 8, so that's quite a few years of fighting for paltry payments.

It's not fair, but take comfort in knowing your child will know YOU were always there.
(Just a suggestion, from experience: try not to bad-talk the father... it tends to make the child want to seek him out all the more :/ )

Good luck!

Jean - posted on 11/07/2009

i am a single parent since my daughter was 8 months old. we have 3 kids and even if he's supposed to give support i never obliged him since i do not want him to have the idea to get any of my children since he's giving support. my kids never knew him only seen him in the pictures. i guess, i made my self clear that when i wanted to get away from him, i do not want anything from him for that matter. IF YOU THINK THAT HE IS NOT WILLING TO SUPPORT YOUR KID, JUST TRY TO MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN. IT'S ONE WAY OF GETTING RID OF HIM TOTALLY.

Tiffany - posted on 11/06/2009

The only sure-fire solution is to learn not to count on ever receiving payments. I have gone down this road with my daughter's father - he did end up serving 6 months in county jail (but I'm never guaranteed consistent payment). I believe that the cycle will continue - no payment, letter of contempt, payment - and it begins again... Times are tough, but I make sure my daughter doesn't go without; in the end he's the one who's missing out...

Karolyn - posted on 11/06/2009

Well I am in somewhat the same position. The father of my two is behind and pays nothing!!! He suppose to pay around 352mnthly for two children and this just started two years ago but my oldest is 8yrs old. As long as he pays that 1000.00 or any amount close to or around the hearing it will save him. If he pays nothing then they will suspend his license and eventually issue a warrant for his arrest! Not that him being in jail will pay you either. As well the court could order him to get a job and keep one but that is on the judge/majestrate.

Karen - posted on 11/05/2009

GET A LAWYER!!!

Carmen - posted on 11/04/2009

okay so im going through something similiar in Texas. My sons dad is 7000 behind and I had gotten to the point where i needed the money and like you i called constantly to get them to do something about it. They will flag income tax here and pull it but he hasn't filed in ove 3 years and they told him when we went to court that if he didnt show up on our next court date they would automatically put a warrant out for him and if h hasnt made payments by then he will be on probation then arrested. So yes if he continues to pay at the last moment to keep out of jail you will probably have to fight for the rest of the time unless you give up. It's a hard but very real fact that sometimes ppl never get anything and still fight all their lives for it. I would say if it continues I agree with the others count your child as your blessing and move past it because you are doing all you can, why miss something big in your childs life because there father is stupid enough to not be there

Laura - posted on 11/04/2009

I'm in Canada BC and our watch dogs are FME to get these dead beats to pay. I actually just sent my form out. Looking forward to what they can do.. The dead beat is in breach of paying almost 500 for one child. And for back pay from the time I walked out that door with my boy.. So I am just going to be what I am with my boy and carry on and let someone else handle this dirty laundry for me. They will make this mans life a living hell I am assuming.. If not.. I got my boy and we love each other and have a wonderful relationship.. Got to count that as something good out of something bad as with many situations. :)
-Laura

Cassandra - posted on 11/03/2009

i only get 119 a month for one child and he makes 500 dollars a week and have only got 2 payments and a year and a half and all they have done is suspend a drivers license he doesnt have good luck

Amy - posted on 11/03/2009

ive been doing the same thing for the past 2 years. he'll get a letter and be told he pays or goes to jail and his parents pay even though he is on probabtion for flagrant non support. that is KY though i dont know how the state is where your from

Elizabeth - posted on 11/03/2009

I went thru this with my daughter's father as well. He would work and then once they started garnishing his wages (required in TX) he would move to another job and this was his routine. In TX, they will withhold his taxes and put it towards back child support as well (even though he hasn't filed in 5 years). I learned to live without it because as Candice stated it will make you crazy just figting for it. I know that any little bit helps but if you keep with the routine of call CSE, you will miss out on the best times of your childrens life. Just think you got the best part of the bargain......your child!

Brittany - posted on 11/03/2009

Do you know where he works??? Most of the time if they don't willingly pay, the courts will garnish his paycheck to pay..i went through a similar situation with my childrens father. He kept switching jobs to run from paying. He ended up like $2500 behind and they took his taxes. He has since then went and had it lowered to $75 a month for 2 children and i think that is ridiculous..

Kerri - posted on 11/03/2009

When my ex was behind & owed arrearages, the state (LA) put a flag on his income taxes & I got his entire tax return 2 years in a row to help catch it up... Maybe you could ask about that since he has to file taxes...

Candice - posted on 11/03/2009

i suggest you learn to live without the money, and if you ever see one of his payments, consider it a bonus. otherwise you will make yourself crazy.

Charlee - posted on 11/02/2009

i understand, i have been going through this for more than a year. everytime we seem to go to child support, he is unemployed or something so he gets away with paying basically nothing for his 2 kids. he was taken to court for contempt once for not paying and he was told that he had to pay $25 a month for arrearages. they should put a lien on his wages, and child support can find out where he is working and get the garnishment. that is what child support had to do to my ex. i just went to a master hearing, and he didn't show (no surprise to me) and his was upped, and the garnishment was put in right away. if he doesnt pay all that needs to be paid for the monthly amount they will contempt him, and in my state they suspend his driver's license until he pays 6 months of payments in full on time, and then they can put him in jail if he doesn't pay at that time. i don't know what the laws are in your state, and i agree with the child support number, i had to call and take the order myself to them to get anything done at first and call back everyday until something was done. keep fighting with them, and keep up the work, and eventually they will get the money for you. since they are government they do have to follow the law of the state by a tee, and they are not the most efficient agencies, and i know, i work for the government! good luck and keep up the fight against him, eventually you will get him, and yes you may have to fight for the next 16 years, but your baby is worth it!

Angela - posted on 11/02/2009

dont know what state you live in but

o



don't know what state you live in, but OK has a child support card. they take out the puiney 435.76 out of his check and put like a hundred every wk on it. they never speak of rearages. but maybe you could ask cse for that

By the way that is for 2 children...........................

k