daddy wants an abortion

Jenni - posted on 01/16/2013

http://www.medicinenet.com/stages_of_pre...

No one can tell you what to do here. This is why it is not recommended to have sex without a marriage. You could have him sign his rights away now and give the child to a loving adoptive family. It doesnt sound like either one of you is ready to have a child that will demand all of your attention away from your existing children.

I am so sorry that you are going through this! It's a tough choice for you. Coming from a totally SECULAR point of view, if you choose a great guy he will wait to have sex with you until marriage. I have been in your position. Your child that you have now does not need this extra drama. Nor does his.

Giselle - posted on 01/15/2013

GISELLE here, follow your heart, and lean on God. i don't believe in abortions for many reasons, 1 is that i don't give life, so i wouldn't take it. imagine life without your daughter, and imagine life without him. which is harder. men come and go, but your kids come, and love you and worship you because you are their protector and mother. i know that i wouldn't choose a man over my child, would you. AND CONTRATS.

Isabella - posted on 01/08/2013

well this mite releate but then again it mite not. im 15 and 6 months pregnant the day i found out that i was pregnant i texted my daughters dad and told him to call me. he called and i told him im pregnant his frist reaction was its not mine lose my number. and he changed his number than a week later he txted me saying he wanted to talk we met up and talk he said that he wanted me to have an abortion i said no i dont want that and he started crying sayin he had lied to me and i ask him about what he told me turned out he wasent 17 he was 20 he had just graduated last year from the high school i go to and he dident want to get introuble. i went strait and told my parents and we work it all out. to this day he dose not regreat his soon to be daughter it takes a dad to see what he made and he needs to understand 1/2 of him is in this precious like you both created together and if you want to keep the baby and he dont then tell him good bye. you baby is more important.

Jessy - posted on 01/08/2013

To me, I believe children are a blessing. They didnt ask to be born. Children are so fragile and precious. If the father doesnt want to take responsibility for his actions, then maybe he's not the best father figure to have around. If hes pressuring you about abortion, that means he is not going to want to take care of the baby, which means it will all be you. You will be the one losing hours of sleep, paying for costs, etc. Personally I don't beleve in abortions, I think they are just a way to cheat out of it. But it is your decision, just make sure you dont do anything that is going to haunt you or make you think "What if" in the future. Good luck!

Katie - posted on 01/07/2013

You should keep the baby listen to your heart. And as for him dont let him just walk away at the very least he owes you child support. If he didnt want the chance of a baby then he shouldnt of had sex its that simple. You didnt make the choice to risk getting pregnate alone so you shouldnt have to support the baby alone.

Zainab - posted on 01/06/2013

Hello no matter what anyone tells you or what he wants in my opinion its not his decision what you should do with your pregnancy and what you should do with your body if you chose to have this child and he does not want to be a part of it's life and you choose to raise it alone then that just shows him that you are a strong woman and always will be there for your family no matter what my heart goes out to you and no matter what decision you make just make sure its the right one for you no one else

Nancy - posted on 01/05/2013

Do what you feel is best.Don't let him pressure you.You don't need him.He'll be gone if you keep the baby and you'll resent him if you give in and have the abortion.Do what feels right for you.

D - posted on 01/05/2013

Your body, your choice. Good luck.

Lana - posted on 01/03/2013

There's no other option, it has to be the woman's choice, she carries the fetus. Life's not always fair, and in this case, it can't be. You wrote that women can "opt" out of being a parent, but I view it totally opposite from that. It's men who constantly opt out of parenting, men do have a choice, it's just not the choice they want.
Boys should be taught from a young age, as women are, not to treat sex as a hobby. It's a serious situation that brings new life, so be careful.

Ashley - posted on 01/03/2013

I know i'm going to get a lot of crap for this comment BUT why doesnt he have a say?? Why do ONLY the women have a say? If he wanted you to keep the baby but you wanted to abort it why do you get to make that decision entirely on your own? Yes its' your body and yes that baby is growing inside of you but it's not just yours. It's 50% yours and 50% his. Why can women opt out of being a mother but a father cant? Why do fathers have to be pushed into fatherhood whether they like it or not but yet if a mother doesnt want to she can do what she wants. This isnt fair. If he doesnt want to father this child then sorry but he shouldnt have to. If you are going to keep it then allow him to completely sign all of his rights over and never see him again. Pretend like he was a sperm donor and thats it. Another thing this should've been something that was discussed from the beginning. Whether you both wanted more children or not. And if not then maybe birth control should've been discussed. I dont know i just personally dont get people that have unprotected sex knowing what the outcome is gonna be but yet do it anyway and then in the end one parent doesnt want the child. Poor baby!

Nancy - posted on 01/02/2013

Perhaps a compromise would be to give the child up for adoption. Then, you wouldn't have to deal with your conscience over having an abortion, but if you and the father sign over your rights, neither of you would have to deal with the financial burden of raising the child. It's very clear that the father doesn't want another child, so you will have to decide whether you do, and why. If you just don't want an abortion, adoption is a very viable option. Many couples out there would love to have a baby but can't; your child would be loved and very wanted in a home like that. But, if you truly want to have this child, don't let the father's objections stop you. Just realize that going it alone will be very hard. I can tell you've really struggled with this decision; do you have family to give you emotional support through this?

Anne - posted on 01/01/2013

May I suggest that you ask him this question?
What about the rights of the child we have created?
Then have a look on YouTube for Gianna Jessen.
Hope this helps you in your difficult circumstances.

Aeryn - posted on 12/31/2012

I had an ex who wanted me to do the same thing. And it wasn't even his. The nerve of him to request that. But as for your situation, have the baby. I'm not for abortion. When you decide to have sex you take on the responsibility of possibly getting pregnant. Don't let him just walk away either. Go for child support. You'll always wonder what if if you have an abortion and I'm pretty sure you're a really good mom also so I think it's nice. Maybe it will be a boy this time:) Good luck and congrats on the new bundle.

Minda - posted on 12/30/2012

opps! I just read the update. I'm glad it all worked out well for you. Good choice!

Minda - posted on 12/30/2012

My ex also wanted me to get an abortion. He went as far as to tricking me we were going to the cinema only to find myself walking into a private abortion clinic. There was no way I was going to abort my baby & live with regret the rest of my life. My bby is now 11 years old & I don't regret my decsion. She is one of many blessings in my life. I'm a single mother & her 'sperm donor' is long gone but as I see it..it's his loss. I hope you decided to keep baby. Can you give us an update plz :)

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2012

My second child's father wanted me to get an abortion as well. We were engaged and had only had sex once and that wasn't until after we were engaged. I was holding out until marriage. Well that didn't happen. I was a single mom at the time of a one and a half year old. So it's not like he didn't like kids. I was very shocked. I refused to do it and broke up with him. I spent my pregnancy alone, he didn't show up for her birth and is not on the birth certificate. He did come around not long after she was born and became an avid father to her. He is an amazing father. Him and I have become friends. He did try to persuade me time and time again to abort her but I never gave in. I stood up for what I believed in even though he offered to pay for the abortion, my hotel and bring my to the abortion clinic. Even then, I refused. I told him I would go my pregnancy alone and raise her alone. I had 2 kids at 22 and I wouldn't have changed if for the world. Your child's father may or may not change his mind. You may have to raise a child entirely alone but that choice is up to you and you only. If you don't want to do it then don't. Don't let him persuade you to have an abortion. An abortion is something you can never change when it is done & you can never get your baby back. I have done public speaking in front of hundreds of people where I have spoke about my experience and have raise quite a bit of money for a prolife organization in my area. This experience you are going through, if you make the right choice, can positively help a ton of people.

Lana - posted on 12/29/2012

YOUR body, YOUR choice. Please do not let some prick rush you into doing something you could deeply regret. Try to have your "hindsight" early, and come to your own decision. He cannot force you into anything, and that is not the way to treat someone. He should have enough respect for you to let you speak about it openly.
Abortion is a big decision, and so is keeping the child, so find support, if HE can't give it to you, find a friend or even a straanger who can.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2012

Just read update. I hope he regrets ever saying that to you. I'm glad it turned out good.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2012

What a deadbeat! clearly he isn't man enough. If he walks away he will regret it.

Amanda - posted on 09/14/2012

It is completely up to you! He doesn't have a say over your body what so ever. I would never allow a man to tell me to have an abortion. Weather you decide to keep the baby & raise as a single Mom which I am sure you are great at....or have baby adopted it's up to you. I would rather have another loving family raise my blood than terminate a life.

Jade - posted on 09/13/2012

I also held so much hate for my partner and myself.

Jade - posted on 09/13/2012

Please dont do it. I gave in and had an abortion and you dont know how bad I was affected. EMOTIONALLY I WAS DISTANT. I couldnt take it. I am not against abortion but please make sure thatit is WHAT YOUUUU WANT.

Amy - posted on 09/13/2012

its your decision sweetie your the one carryin the baby and will have the upset of an abortion you need to think really long and hard about it. because you could regret losing that baby more than you would loosing your partner as youd live with it for the rest of your life take care good luck

Hattie - posted on 09/12/2012

Good Morning,

Just to reassure people and update you all.

I did have PPD or what we call in the uk post natal depression but was also dealing with the end of my relationship on top of that I was the only single parent I knew so this bred a lot of insecurities not to mention dealing with a premature baby who couldn't feed due to a tongue tie.

My son is now comming up to his 4th birthday and i'm more excited than him. We have a hall booked with his nursery friends comming it's going to be amazing.

I'm working and have been for the last 18months in a job I love and I have made and got back in touch with lots of friends.

My child still sees his dad once a week.



so basically things are good.

I still don't sleep but insomnia runs in the family and i'm still single but I no longer care.

Thank you all for your kind words of support and i'm sorry it took me so long to respond.



Hattie x

Marian - posted on 09/12/2012

I'm sorry that you are faced with such a difficult situation. But it sounds like you have made up your mind that you are keeping the baby no matter what. Are you really prepared to do this on your own? If so, then you don't need any advice, you just need a good support system around you to help. If Daddy wants an abortion, then tell him to go get one. Nobody can tell you what to do with your body. If he walks, he walks. It would be a shame, but he has that option.

You can do this. I might not be easy, but nothing that is worth doing is easy.

Best of luck to you!

Monique - posted on 09/10/2012

I am pro-choice - It is your decision. If you want to keep your baby, keep it!! Your baby will be well loved by you and I'm sure, your family as well. Good Luck!!!!

Monica - posted on 09/05/2012

Just tell him it's your decision and you want to go ahead with having the baby. Remember it is HIS decision to want to be part of your baby's life or not. You have to be prepared to have this baby on your own. A friend of mine (male) was in that kind of situation, he did not want to have a baby and his girlfriend fell pregnant, she had the baby but he is not and doesn't want to be a part of his daughter's life (which always shocked me!) but some men just won't.

Megan - posted on 09/01/2012

Further brief update: My beautiful daughter, Naomi, just celebrated her 3rd birthday! She is an incredible, smart, beautiful little girl (who is incredibly stubborn about potty training lol) and I could NOT imagine my life without her. Her dad sees her every other weekend - driving half an hour each way to spend the time with her. I can't say enough how all of the support when I was in such a lost place was appreciated, and I hope I am able to return the favor someday!

Brenna - posted on 08/31/2012

Don't ever compromise you or your child for whatever he desires. It's your body your child. If he was willing to stick it in you then he was willing to get your pregnant, he knew the consequences. Don't feel pressured to make a choice that you may regret. Do what you feel is right. You can go to the courts right away and just have him sign away his rights now so that he can get it off his chest if he has too. Hope for the best for you.

Teddy - posted on 08/31/2012

Adoption? I just can't think of any GOOD reason to VOLUNTEER being a single parent to TWO kids.

Hollie - posted on 08/29/2012

Tell him hes a piece of shit and ur kid wont need him because ur gonna be a strong mother and its not upto him what u do.. Just sayin

Lynn - posted on 03/07/2009

SO HE CAN GET ONE U DO WHAT IS BEST 4 U

Lanny - posted on 03/06/2009

The point that he really had a say in this whole thing was to use a condom or to have gotten himself fixed! Beyond that it really is your choice. I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you I found myself in a similar situation 14 1/2 years ago. I was using birth control and had only known him for about 4 months. I opted to have the child and although my son has not had the father he deserved I can say for myself he is the finest thing that I've ever done! I had a friend when I found out I was preg. who inquired on the dad to be's reaction and when I told her it was not real positive she told me to tell him that this baby might be the person who will bring him a cool glass of water on the day he dies! The beauty in that statement is that we never know who the tiny being we are growing might turn out to be! My ex threatened to take me to court to try to make me have an abortion (Yeah, right) and also offered to pay for the rest of my education if I did what he wanted! I just felt that having the child was the right thing for me, and I am glad that I followed my heart. The right answer for me may not be the right answer for you but I wonder if in your heart you know what you want to do, but maybe just need to know there is some support out here for you. We are here, and although we cannot make life easier for you, we can support you no matter what your choice. Take care and know you are not alone.

Darlene - posted on 03/06/2009

Quoting Nicole:

One year ago today I found out I was expecting..... Had met the dad online also in March of '07... Jan of '08 WHAM..... He has 2  kids , I have 3..... He never ask me to get an abortion but he made it clear he had no desire to have another baby & would not support me in anyway ... So a year later here I am struggling to make ends meet and stressing every day but you know what its worth it..... I have the most precious gift in the world and I am enjoying every minute of it..... He is the loser and the one who doesn't know what he is missing..... Good Luck

Nicole, There is no need to struggle to make ends meet! He has a LEGAL obligation to pay for that child like it or not. He was in the bed along with you. He should share if not in the raising of the child but most certainly with the financial support of him! Go to your local court house and register with support inforcement. You may have to take him to court but you will get the financial relief you so deserve! Good luck!!

Darlene - posted on 03/06/2009

Quoting Nicole:

One year ago today I found out I was expecting..... Had met the dad online also in March of '07... Jan of '08 WHAM..... He has 2  kids , I have 3..... He never ask me to get an abortion but he made it clear he had no desire to have another baby & would not support me in anyway ... So a year later here I am struggling to make ends meet and stressing every day but you know what its worth it..... I have the most precious gift in the world and I am enjoying every minute of it..... He is the loser and the one who doesn't know what he is missing..... Good Luck

Nicole, There is no need to struggle to make ends meet! He has a LEGAL obligation to pay for that child like it or not. He was in the bed along with you. He should share if not in the raising of the child but most certainly with the financial support of him! Go to your local court house and register with support inforcement. You may have to take him to court but you will get the financial relief you so deserve! Good luck!!

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2009

i got pregnant at 18 and my boyfriend was ok with keeping our daughter at first, then his father starting telling him all the negative things about baby's and he came to me when i was almost 4 months pregnant and asked me to have an abortion.i told him at that point we had already decided to keep the baby so i was doing this with or without him. i ended up going half way across the world to australia were i'm originaly from i was gone for 7 weeks and in that time we talked and i decided to come back to canada. we didnt work out in the end but he is still involved with her and has regular visits.in the end its your choice, but i think if you say you're willing to do it on your own then make sure you truly are and then go for it he may come around in the end

Lara - posted on 03/02/2009

My heart goes out to u and it is your choice No one can bully you into making it either way I myself personally have been in pretty much the same situation with the father of my youngest. I personally kept the baby myself and packed his bags for him He is now living in New Zealand After having the baby I realized for myself I made the right decision There was always a chance of us not working out but now I have a beautiful little girl who fills in sooooo much time i basically don't have time to realize Im doing it alone It is hard Im not in a fantasy about it but it is so worth it You know within yourself how strong you have to be to be a single parent but don't forget you have a wonderful little 4 yr old daughter who would be more then over joyed to share in this experience with you. Good luck dear If you ever want to chat or just scream and get it all out Im always around MWAH Lara xx

Angel - posted on 03/01/2009

Do what you want to do. My sons father wanted me to do the same thing and I told him no and had my son alone. He didn't even meet his son till he was 3, he now regrets the things that he said to me. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you want to have the baby and do it alone then more power to you.

Noel - posted on 02/25/2009

Its your decision. I had twins 6 months ago and everyone was telling me when i first got pregnant to abort the pregnancy. I called a clinic but as i started talking to them I broke down in tears and they told me they wouldnt do an abortion on me cuz i was to emotional. I dont believe in abortion for myself, I called just to make people happy and when I found out they have to wait till they see and hear a heartbeat that was the kicker for me.

you dont need him if you feel you can do it alone. tell him what your decision is and say take it or leave it but this is what I'm doing.

I guess what i'm saying is dont do something you'll regret especially since I see you arent up for it just because of him.

Good luck!

Catharine - posted on 02/24/2009

I am happy for you that you have decided to keep your baby. I was in the same boat...I was with my baby Daddy for almost 10 years...and when I found out I was pregnant the first thing that came out of his mouth was get an abortion. I was a total mess, because I did not want to do that. I looked into any other possibilty...I even looked into open adoptions....but he kept saying that he did not want me to give the baby up for adoption...just abort it all together....I was in a very physically and mentally abusive relationship, and was very vulnerable to what ever he said to me...so I ended up booking an appointment for the abortion on May 12, 2008. I was heart broken....but then, something clicked in me...I finally saw the light...May 12, 2008 came...I told the jerk that I was on my way to the clinic to get the baby aborted....but I didn't go...Instead, I yelled and screamed at him back, and told him that I was going to have this baby with or without him....and although I was in Financial debt up to my eyeballs, I would find a way to do it. I worked two jobs up until I was almost 7 months pregnant...65 hours a week...bought everything for my baby on my own...and I mean EVERYTHING, because I had nothing...and my girlfriends threw me a big baby shower, and gave me tons of gifts for my baby, as they all knew I was going to go at it alone. Once the father saw that I was persistant and was going to do this...he started to come around...but in the end, I ended up leaving him, and am now the proud mommy of a beautiful baby son...who is almost 3 months old. I love him sooooo much, and I never knew that there could be such a wonderful feeling in the world that I experience each and every day with my little boo...
I gave birth alone in the hospital...It made me sick to my stomach knowing that I almost chose the asswhole before my baby....but I know in the end, I made the right decission...I have given another human being a chance at life...to become a wonderful loving person...to grow up and get a good education, and raise him with values and morals...and make sure that he NEVER grows up to be like his father...
I wish you all the happiness in the world...it will be very tough...and you will have your days of anger and resentment towards the baby daddy, but when your baby looks at you for the first time...you will be instantly hooked, and be so blessed that you made the right decision.

Teresa - posted on 02/19/2009

Quoting Megan:

UPDATE:

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for your thoughts, encouragement, and experiences. It's always nice to know someone else understands.

I am keeping the baby. I am 8 weeks today and am due on 8/18/08. :):):)

At this point it seems that dad is coming around. He is now saying that he wants to do this together, and that he will be there for the baby. Although I am still a bit skeptical of the sudden change of heart, I am happy for it. And he's convinced it's a boy - which would be good considering we already have the girls covered between us haha! I hope it works out for all of us!

Thanks again to all of you, and I will keep updating the thread.

I haven't read past this yet, so I hope you still stuck w/ this decision.  Good for you for not murdering your baby.  My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant w/ our son.  I am a single mom of 3.  While I HATE that he left and it isn't fair to any of my kids, I wouldn't give up my son for anything.  Apparently a week before he was born my husband's girlfriend aborted my husband's baby.  As much as I hate my situation it makes me sick every day knowing that she killed that baby. :(

Paris - posted on 02/19/2009

Quoting Mary:

Lay in bed and think about your child inside of you. Give her or him a chance. There is life inside of you. Please don't end it!

I agree with mary theres a life inside you i had an 2 abortion in 2006 wen i was 16 i had help making my decision the first time my parents said i was to young and being fresh out of school i wouldnt be able to support myself and the baby so i aborted then silly me fell pregnant straight after and decided to abort to because the guy i was seeing promised me this great life but dint want to raise anyone eles kids but his own it kills me wen i think about it the first would be 3 in october nd the second would be 3 on the 26th november i beat myself up for a long time after but think back to that year i wouldnt be able to support myself even with the baby bonus we get here in australia and i also think that if i had either of those to babies i wouldnt have my son today its up to u but if u dont want to do it DONT  

Natisha - posted on 02/18/2009

Do not abort your baby. Whether you have to raise it on your own because he chooses to walk away or not... don't give it up or abort it. Religion and personal preference governs how I feel about abortion. If you have to like REALLY have to... then adopt it out to a well of family that can support it. But it's not our decision to kill unborn children.

Hang in there! I am sure whatever choice you make will be best in your situation.!!!

Kellie - posted on 02/18/2009

hi 10 years ago i ended up pregant with my little boy.At first my ex want me to have an abortion i told him no i am keeping this baby.To cut along story short my ex is so thankful i didn,t listen to him.He is an awsome father love his son with all his heart.Would do anythink for him and best of all my son thinks his Dad is the best Dad in the world.So stay stronge once he see the baby he could change his mind.How ever it workes out the baby is lucky to have such a great Mum.Good luck.God Bless

Jill - posted on 02/03/2009

Hey I know that there have already been a lot of posts but I just wanted to say get as much proof as you can that he doesn't want the baby. So if he changes his mind later and tries to come back and get custody and stuff you have proof. My ex didn't want my son and wanted me to get an abortion but now he wants joint custody when he can't even handle having him for a weekend. I would be nice if I had that proof from back then to back me up in court.

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2009

Whaen I was pregnant with my third child his father told me I needed to have an abortion. He even said he would pay for it, I told him I wouldn't so he told me to have fun on my own. My son is going to celebrate his 4th bday in a couple of weeks an dI wouldn't trade him for anything. My point is the decision is yours, he made his opinion known. Only you can decide what to do. Good luck!

Melanie - posted on 01/28/2009

Someone before mentioned that if you tell him you're having it and he can walk away, that he is no longer bound to child support...that is absolutely FALSE! The only way that happens is if he terminates his parental rights with the state and that is not an easy process. Judges require parenting courses, counselling, etc, before they consider granting a request like that.

I'm glad to hear he's coming around. If he doesn't stay around though, don't live in fear thinking that you're on your own finacially. You'll be ok. I'm a divorced mother of a 6 and 10 yr old boys. They are the joy of my life. Hang in there...if I can do it alone anyone can!

Bobbi - posted on 01/28/2009

It's your body and your choice but if you have ANY reservations about it then do not do it.  You have many options available to you.  No man has ever been through what a women goes through making a choice like this.  I have had a couple friends that have made this choice and know they could not have done it with a child but think about it every day, how old would they be now, who would they look like, all of those things. 

If he really wants out that bad --- and your okay doing it alone look at legal options now to say hey I can do what I want and sign here and your off the hook.  I would really think that through also though.  With economy the way it is it would help you.

Bobbi - posted on 01/28/2009

It's your body and your choice but if you have ANY reservations about it then do not do it.  You have many options available to you.  No man has ever been through what a women goes through making a choice like this.  I have had a couple friends that have made this choice and know they could not have done it with a child but think about it every day, how old would they be now, who would they look like, all of those things. 

If he really wants out that bad --- and your okay doing it alone look at legal options now to say hey I can do what I want and sign here and your off the hook.  I would really think that through also though.  With economy the way it is it would help you.

Trish - posted on 01/23/2009

It is your decision. I had an abortion when I was 17, at the time it really was not my choice.I kept getting infections and none of the meds would work to clear it up. If i continued the pregnancy the baby would have had serious health issues or would have been still born. Then at 28 i got pregnant again and miscarried at 9 weeks. My daughter was a rough pregnancy and I would do it all over again to have her. I regret my decision at 17 and paid for it again at 28. Take your time and consider all your options. Don't do anything that would make you regret your decision. Good luck to you and your daughter. My personal feelings are who cares what he thinks he has already made his decision