Do deadbeat parents ever change?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

I often hear stories of how parents that chose to walk away from their children or dont pay support pretty much dont ever change. But is it wrong to hold out hope that one day they might. I dont mean put your life at a standstill but just in the back of your mind feel one day they may come around and be the parent they were always meant to be? Has anyone had any success stories or seen any success stories they can or would like to share?

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[deleted account]

One other thing I wonder is how they ditch some of their children to take care of the children from another mother or ditch their own blood to take care of kids that aren't theres? Ill never understand and Im glad I wont because that would mean I could go there to. Just disgusting!

Kristin - posted on 06/09/2012

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nope that is just another one of those little girl dreams we have all had, where everything turns out right in the end. people don't necessarily change but i have seen them adapt . for example my x started seeing the boys around tax time only to ask me for money. or most resent he has been paying child support for 3 wks i found out it was because they sent him a summons to pay or go to jail.

[deleted account]

No my ex hasn't changed - he didn't like it when I'm dictated the rules of when he wanted to have contact with my girls again after three years of nothing. The contact lasted barely 4.5 months (letters) when he decided of his own accord to stop writing to my girls. They haven't heard from him in nearly two years now. He sent me a few messages after he stopped writing to the girls, including claims that he'd written to the girls fortnightly for several months (though none of them arrived through the letter box), that he was going to take me to CAFCASS/Court for visitation (told him - OK, go ahead), yet to get any legal paperwork for that, roughly 18 months after he said that he was going to take me to court/CAFCASS.

He won't pay child maintenance, the main excuse, sorry reason that I've heard him give is because he doesn't see the girls he doesn't see why he should pay. He still thinks/claims that one of the girls was fathered by his brother, even though there's no proof, it never happened, and he put himself on all three birth certificates. That's on top of lots of other things.

Do I think he'll ever change - short answer no. Do I think that one day that he and his family will realise what he/they've missed out on in my girls' lives - probably, but it's not my problem. My girls are better off without their paternal family in their lives.

[deleted account]

nope. sorry i dont think so. i know what its like but its better to just face the facts and move on. I left my ex after being together a year and a half bc he was constantly cheating and then started hitting me wen i got pregnante. i am four months pregnante with his kid, we broke up a month ago and hes already married to another girl and told me he dont want anything to do with the kid and is going to have a baby with her now. it hurt me at first but that was until i met my fiance, hes amazing and i couldnt be happier. take my advice and move on

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Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

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Sorry but no. Although I don't measure a parent's worth by the amount of child support people get out of them. As long as they are there for the kids, lovong them they are not dead beats at all. Money cannot replace love. Most of the time 99% a parent doesn't pay because the court order is too high and they are under employed or unemployed. In this case I think it's wrong to take money or puish someone for being too poor to pay when moms get welfair when they are poor and don't get jailed for needing food stamps to feed the kids. as far as the leaving and dumping the kids no I really don't think people ever change at all.

Kristin - posted on 06/09/2012

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It's crazy how some ppl are, for some reason and I'm not sure if it was the way they were raise or lack or their parents parenting. My mom is a great mom, my father was eh, but I had a great step father and he treated me like I was his and even offered to adopt me but my bio father said no. On the other side my father always treated my step sibs good bc they were there all the time with him so of course he was like a father to them but with me not so much. There is no clear logical answer to y ppl act the way they do. We either accept them for who they are or get the heck away from them.

[deleted account]

My ex ran off after I told him I may have been pregnant again after he used time with our daughter to get sex out of me, once I caught on to what he was doing and then discovered I am in fact pregnant he told me to abort it or he's gone and he left...however he has been calling me private a couple of times and I know it is him because his voice accidentally recorded on my voicemail, him hanging out with his friends. Child support has sent garnishment paperwork to his job so he may have been calling to gripe about that I don't know but I didn't answer. I think it's sad how he used our baby like a tool to use me and then when she was "of no more use" he bailed and now has the nerve to call me blocking his new # like WE are the ones that would mess up his life, while my baby is crying for him at night. I dont bash him, I let her have her emotions and comfort her and tell her he is unable to be with her right now, that's all I can do. But I cannot lie that I hold out hope that he will get his act together but with someone like him it would be hard to trust that, with him calling now that I enforced the support order he could be trying to get back in good just to get me to somehow close it. So sick of his manipulations and mind games! No calls today though so maybe he is gone for good.

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