Does anyone elses child have a useless father?

Tammy - posted on 02/28/2009

I have a soon to be 13 year old son, who's father is totally useless. From the time my son was 3 we have been gone. He sees his "father" for lack of a better word once a week, and goes to his house. While there dad watches tv and expects his son to play with his girlfriends kids while he watches. It is getting to the point my son dreads Sundays... Babysitting, boy do I hear that!!!!

Mhari - posted on 02/25/2009

hey i feel ya hun. i split wit ma babies dad when she was a month old, she is now 13 months old, and still her dad who is 18 is still acting like a little kid. Having a tantrum because its his weekend to take his daughter but cant b arsed to get out of bed.  He pays child support and still doesnt care or change his ways i honestly think that most blokes need to grow up!!!!

Roxanne - posted on 02/25/2009

your daughter is BEAUTIFULand you are lucky to have her.  just remember that there are others out there to help you that have been through this.  my son's "father" has at least two biological  children by other women and one he claims as his own  that is not...go figure.  until they grow up they will not  do wha t is needed and by then it is too late.  hang in there and know you are an excellent mommy  and your daughter will ALWAYS remember that!!

Roxanne - posted on 02/25/2009

yes, i have been a single mother since the day i told him i was pregnant.  he will show up when it is convienent and never picks up the telephone to call his son.  this has been going on for the almost 7 years this beautiful child has been on earth and a year prior.  he pays nothing and never intends to.  he buys nothing and never intends to and when  an occasional birthday or christmas gift pops up it is suppose to be a HUGE pat  on his lazy back.  as of december 31,2008 at midnight he was given an ulitmatium of calling weekly and seeing him monthy or leave for good and now almost three months into 2009 no contact has been  made. his decision has been made and there is NO going back. i knew i would do  this  alone and he justified what i always knew.  i never say anything bad about  "daddy" though  i  do  not want him in his  life at all because he will be of no  benefit.  there are alot of woman l ike me and quite a few support groups too.  hang  in there and  remember you do not miss something you never had. roxanne

Ashlea - posted on 02/25/2009

My baby girls dad has two other kids with two different women. We were even married...but for only 2 months. He decided he wanted to bail because commitment wasn't his thing. Now he has a new girlfriend and we aren't even completely divorced yet! Sad thing is I'm sure he was messing around on me the whole time! He got pissed when I made him pay child support. Said his other two baby momma's don't make him why am I? WTF?!

Samantha - posted on 02/25/2009

Oh for sure!!! I'm Samantha. I'm 44 years old. I've been divorced from "the man" for 13+ years. I teach 3 hours away from home. Go home some weekends, and holidays. The REAL prob is I took the critter back some years ago - abusive, aggressive, gambler, etc.etc. said he'd change his ways........SURPRISE!!!!!! no such luck!!!

So.....now he's totally useless!!! I pay the mortgage, the levy for the 3-bedroom duplex, have loans up to eyeballs for 22year old daughter's university education (which he's responsible for!).....and the bloody list goes on!!!  I think I've spoilt the sh*& over the years, so now he can't commit to payment of anything (had 2 cars repossessed even after I bailed him out once).

He lives in my own with our 2 kids,Camille 22, and Brendan 19. Father and son do not speak because father threatens son. Father threatens daughter 'cos mother is not around! My 9 month old gorgeous granddaughter Emma gets woken up in the middle of the night 'cos grumpy grandpa's drunk.....again!!!!!!!!!

He was supposed to have moved out AGES ago.....I've just been a bit lenient 'cos he pays for groceries, the domestic and utilities........if/when he leaves, who will pay for these?    I can't because I'm all tied up with varsity loans; Brendan works, but he doesn't earn enough to take on this responsiblity!!!! We ALL want him gone........sounds bitchy, but we honestly don't care about his bi-polar, his anti-depressants, and the DRINKING and GAMBLING!!!!

AND NOT FORGETTING THE SWEARING/CURSING, NAME-CALLING.....

WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!

WE'D RATHER BE BROKE THAN PUT UP WITH THIS .....

I REALLY need some input...............some FREE advice is preferable!!!

Thank you all.........God bless..........

Noel - posted on 02/25/2009

I have two what I call sperm doners! just had twins 6 months ago and he decided that he wanted to do drugs, steroids and drink instead of being a father. I dont care. I raised two kids for the last 12 years by myself I can do it again.

Jenna - posted on 02/24/2009

Well it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I realized more today then I have in close to the three years that my son has been alive what a dead-beat dad he is. My son turned 3 today and do you think that he got a phone call or anything from his father:? No way!

I've been through some of the same situations, me and Keegan's dad were together for about 2 years when I found out  I was pregnant. He was mean and an alcoholic druggie. I left him a short time after I found out I was pregnant, I had a couple relapses, but finally when my son was about 6 months old I stopped it for good. I won sole custody when we went to court and because he was in jail visitation was up to me. When he got out of jail he was allowed to take him for 4 hours during the week and 6 hours on the weekend. Sometimes he was really good, sometimes he just wouldn't show up or would call 10 mnutes before and say he couldn't make it. He now has another baby with another girlfriend who I have had many disagreements with because she continues to try to take MY son by herself. Well within the last month, my son's dad has just stopped taking him and stopped calling. Oh yea... I haven't received any child support (the $25/month) since July 2008. I had a conversation with my son's father's girlfriend a couple weeks ago and she said his dad won't talk to me because I "bitch" to much.. So as of now, it's been just over a month since my son has seen his dad.

Catharine - posted on 02/24/2009

I am sick and tired of men using the excuse that since "we" decided to keep the baby, then "we" should bear the responsibility alone....My deadbeat baby daddy used that excuse to me.....over and over and over again....I fought with him so much to keep the baby...and what is really ironic, is that my baby daddy has a business and law degree...I told him to go tell the judge that excuse, when I take him to court for child support and see how far he gets with that excuse!

Rita - posted on 02/24/2009

i struggle to keep things good i been in 3 homeless shelters and now i been out 8 months and now i am outta work from the car accident and well i got in the bank only anough to pay march rent no other money coming in i have a feeling i will end up back in the shelter were i dont want to be it took a toll on my 13 year old she was 10 when we went in and came out when she was 12 she hated me so much while we was in the shelter she had a and b grades before the shelter and while in the shelter she had d and f grades now were out she has been a and b grades and made the honor roll and is happy and nice and it will break her if we go back to a shelter but single moms have it worse than couples cause there is only 1 paycheck and when something happens there is no helping anything i am the mommy and daddy to my kids i love them and care for them and try my best

and when someone askes were my husband is i say sorry never married i am a single mom and they are like um well oh ok and then start treating me differant so i am a single mom and struggle alot but there is nothen wrong with being a single mom or a single dad i know a few single dads they have great jobs and dont struggle as much but single parents should not be treated differant cause they provide al the same things a couple can provide only 1 parent is missing from the pic

Rita - posted on 02/24/2009

i am a single mom of 2 kids and there dad dont see them much only when he feels like it so they saw him xmas and the next time he took them was valentines day thats a long time to wait to see him and they could wait a few more months to get to see him again he dont help out at all i am outta work right now i had a car accident i ask him for help cause no other money coming in right now he said no i have my own stuff i said look you dont pay child support and thats what i am asking for he said no i said ok fine why he has his new girlfriend and her kid and a new truck 2008 pathfinder and the got a house and he has to pay that i said well for one asshole the kids should be 1st with anything he laughed at me and hung up ok so i finnally got a court date for child support why do i have to give all my info what my bank book update and how much i make at work and do i have foodstamps or whatever i am the one with the kids 24/7 i want 200 a week seeing how he makes 1000 a week sometimes more but it goes by how much i bring home i dont understand that why he dont go the kids he dont take care of them or anything he dont even help out at xmas /birthdays/school cloths pull ups for my lil one nothen at all

the system sucks

Liz - posted on 02/23/2009

I wanted to add that really the most important thing is ensuring that the child feels loved, safe and valued, regardless of where that comes from - be it a single mom, an extended family, an adoptive family. if the person who is biologically responsible does not bring more positive than negative to the child's life, then that person should not be involved at all, as far as I am concerned - easier said than done I know. I can only hope that we single mothers will raise our children with an awareness of personal responsibility and a strong sense of right and wrong. Maybe we can change future generations for the better.

Liz - posted on 02/23/2009

My son's father pays no child support and has seen him all of 4 times. He and I were not in a long term relationship when I found out I was pregnant - his attitude was that it was my decision to have my son so I should bear the repsonsibility. This only gave credit to the fact that after a few dates I knew he wasn't someone that was worthy of my time. But..... life is funny and ironic sometimes. Actually, I would rather there be no involvement than sporadic and unreliable. I have a male best friend who is gay, has always wanted a child, and has stepped into the father role. He watches Ryley while I work, and for an unplanned pregnancy - it couldn'tve worked out better.

Molly - posted on 02/23/2009

My daughter's father fits right in with the epidemic.  He lives 900 miles away, so he doesn't get to see her, but he won't even pick up the phone to call.  He refuses to get a job to help support her and in fact never even sent her a card for her birthday or Christmas.  He says that until he sees her regularly he refuses to do anything for her.  I won't bring her up to see him because he isn't stable and runs with a drug using, dangerous crowd.  I can't trust him with his own child for fear of the situation he would put her in.  Now we've hit the point where I wonder what to say when she asks for him.

Gina - posted on 02/23/2009

your not alone....my sons father works all the time and calls me the house mouse, someone put in his head that the man works and the mother does all the parenting. i only work part time but i am a full time mom also, that 2 jobs and he doesnt see that. I ask him all the time are you a father or a dad, anyone can be  a father but being a dad is a 50/50 responsablity. we have had our fights and sometimes i still feel like i do it all... he is getting a bit better.

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2009

How pathetic is it..how many USELESS BABY DADDY'S there is???

Catharine - posted on 02/23/2009

OMG!!!! I have a Useless baby daddy...we were together for 10 years...and I just had our baby in November 2008...he said he didn't have time for a baby...so in the end, I ended up moving back home to my mom's and since then, the father has only seen his son once!!!!

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2009

I am sooo glad I found this! My daughter's dad is worthless..funny tho..he was an OK father until he got with his hoe bag girlfriend and she wants him to father her children and push him farther and farther away from his 3 children he has. 2 of them are mine..one is not. So, I guess, when it all comes down to it..I just keep telling myself..provide as stable of a life as you can for the girls...and one day they will see and realize that their daddy chose a girl over them...by any means this isn't about jealousy..because she did me a favor by taking him off my hands..but seriously..i think he would want more for his kids than what he's given them..it's like it's a chore for him to have them..and if i ask him to keep them an extra half hour...it's a crime..o well. i've been doing this for a year..and i'm doing it all on my own..no extra help from anyone..for the time being he's paying support.until he quits this job....like he has the other 12 he's had in the 7 years we were together...it helps to vent a little bit..and it is hard..there are many times i've wanted to just throw my hands up and say forget it..but they keep me going..if it wasn't for them...idk where i'd be.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

my girls always ask "when is daddy going to babysit us again"..so I think that some not all just dont take responsibility for thier actions.  he never calls and only takes the girls when I make him which is usually when I have to go out of town for work.  so I have tried to let it go and not try to set up other visits unless he asks for them..again he never does

Diane - posted on 02/23/2009

I have a 5 yeah old little girl with my ex husband, he wasnt very nice and we split in 2005. Since then he fits her in when he has nothing else to do, he has never had time with her just the 2 of them and he doesnt pay anything towards her. I told him until he sorted regular contact with her and not just pop in and out when it suites him he couldn see her as it wasnt fair. He hasnt seen her for over a year now, i call him now and again and ask him if he's sorted out regular contact and he says hes sorting it etc but still nothing. How do you explaine to a 5 year old he's not bothering?? She is very grown up for her age, but this is just something she doesnt understand, any advise?? Did i do the right thing in stopping him until she got regular contact??

Lyndsey - posted on 02/22/2009

Hey, im finding this hard already and my little boy is only 5 1/2 months, his dad does not see him nearly enough and he feels as if he shouldnt have too, he only has my son every other weekend and does not seem to realise why i find it so difficult on my own all the time. Its nice to know that im not the only one with this problem, but i say that if it carries on then my son will realise on his own that maybe he is not worth it.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2009

You tell it girl! Since my divorce, my ex hasn't taken a minute off work to take them to a doctor's appointment, stay home with them when sick.... In fact, my ex is so pathetic that on his "visitation" day, he takes my 2 year old to a babysitter so he doesn't have to watch her. Thank god for my wonderful parents. They have been such a help to me, and they both recently retired, which has been the best.

Kate - posted on 02/18/2009

my sons father abandoned us when my son was 7 month old. left us with nothing - evicted from home lost everything.  i fought and got full custody and arranged maintainence payments.  he came back into my sons life for about 6 weeks and like idiot i let him!!! now he has disappeard again, not paid penny for 3 months even though he knows we cant survive as we get no assistance from anywhere. he says his son is not his repsonsibility.  I know things will get sorted but in meantime how do you feed, clothe your child. I work and give him best i can but just cant make ends meet!!!!!!   I dont understand mentality of these men that just walk away without care in the world and then its left to the mum who I think already has enough on her plate to fight the system - and with what??? nothing.

Megan - posted on 02/17/2009

I wish my sons father wasn't involved it would make life much easier.
Our situation is confusing... We dated for a short time went to a party together I got drunk he drove so he did not. I had to work at 7 in the morning and he begged me since 1 am to sleep with him by 4 I was like If I do this can I sleep well I did and here's my son.
After that he started getting controlling and acting like he was going to hit me on a daily basis so I left him.
He didn't believe me that I was pregnant and HAD to go to the clinic with me (I left him I have no idea why he thought I was going to trap him) But sure enough I was pregnant.
After that every couple weeks he would call me just to fight and scream at me so that I was so upset I was getting sick. He even had his sister call me to tell me how much of a bitch I was.
He had people following me "to make sure I was doing anything stupid" and continued to do this after I had our son.
He threatened to take him after I had him so I wouldn't leave our sons side. He even brought his new wife to my hospital room after our son was born. He wouldn't even come to the hospital the day he was born.
He saw him once in the hospital, once when he was 3 weeks old. I told him his girlfriend wasn't allowed at my house (every one of her family members have been in jail and all are druggies none of them have their own kids because they have all lost their custodial rights) So because of these things I wouldn't allow her in my house. He came over and woke our son up to hold him and she started blowing the horn after he was there for 5 minutes.
He came again 2 months later 3 days before our first court hearing where he brought 6 people with him, all people that harassed me my entire pregnancy.
We went to court he got supervised visits. He asked to take Jaryn to his sisters house (the one that harassed me while I was pregnant) I agreed to let him go as long as I went with him. His mother calls me to tell me his sisters are going to jump me while he ran out the door with my son and because he lived out of state from me there was nothing I could do he told her. I was terrified so I wouldn't let him go.
They've tried to get custody taken away from me. I work go to college to be a special education teacher and take care of my son I drink only when my son is gone and I DO NOT do drugs I hate drugs. They tried to plant drugs in my car to get him taken away.
Also I let him see him for extra time over Christmas he got in a fight with me about it and pushed me while I was carrying our son down the steps.
The insanities are crazy and all of this happened before my son was 6 months.
This craziness has been happening ever since and my son is 3, so I WISH hsi father wasn't involved because I honestly believe that my sons father is only involved because he knows I don't want him to be.

Peggy - posted on 02/17/2009

Unfortunately My daughter that is now 12 has not seen or heard from her father for 5 years.  Mentally or financially.  I feel that those kids that do have a father in their lives (deadbeat or not)  are fortunate. Imagine a 1st grader not understanding why her Dad does not love her anymore and you are left there to explain.

Karina - posted on 02/17/2009

I totally feel you on that!  I am in the same situation.  I have a 3 year old and daddy and I have been separated for some time, even when he was here, he really wasn't.  Hes totally useless.  I am always with my son, I totally take care of him and do everything!  I also work too!  so I am dam tired half the time.  I don't have much free time for myself and when his father decides to take him (at his convienence) its like he is babysitting.  I think its an epidemic of useless fathers not taking responsibility for their actions!

Susan - posted on 02/16/2009

this is the senario they take on,i think, like oooh come to daddy and see how much fun i am....it is like a false image of all fun and games,,, see how much fun I am? of course asshole!!! you only have the kids when its convenient for you and for only like a few hours a week...wouldnt anyone act hte same way if they knew if was going to start and end the same time every week/month????

Susan - posted on 02/16/2009

good gawd....i have trouble finding those fathers who are totally involved!LOL!!! Yea, my sons father willl ONLY watch my son when it is convenient for HIM...and no one else.Like he wants to take a shower, so HIS MOTHER takes him till he is all nice and ready....WTF!!! I dont have that luxury!!!! Oh wait1 did i mention that we dont live in the same state anymore, and he NEVER calls or writes or anything, then sends him some cash in the mail with a sad excuse for a card only for his birthday.....onlybc his mother reminds him.....and no other time of the year!!! way to go raging alcoholc!!!

Pam - posted on 02/16/2009

I put my husband (now ex) out before my daughter was 3 years old. He was an alcoholic and I didn't want her to think that kind of behaviour was normal. He was "on again, off again" when it came to his visits, we did the whole court thing, I got sole custody (he basically handed her over) and the rest is history.

I have gone through being very angry, not so much now, at having the responsibility of raising my daughter, not having any financial help etc...The older she got, the less she talked about him. I took her to counselling just so I knew I was doing whatever I could to help her if she was sad, angry etc...

It has been 3 years since he has seen her. Within the past few weeks he has called wanting to speak with her. He is now sober. Okay...great for him...I totally wish him to be successful with his sobriety. I guess the frustrating part is that NOW he is ready. What about the years when she needed him and he was not there for her.

I have tried to let go of the anger because it doesn't serve any purpose. The past cannot be changed regardless.

I think I have done a wonderful job raising her despite everything (and in spite of him). She will grow up knowing the truth and that I was always there for her. That is all I can ask for.

Kelly - posted on 02/15/2009

yeah my daughters dad has never seen her and shes 4 months...he says he wants to but i dont believe him because he would have already seen her if he wanted to so yea hes an ass hole

Adele - posted on 02/15/2009

both my childrens dad's are a waste of space my son's dad has never seen him and was with my fiancee for 4 years he cheated while i was pregnant he has not seen his little girl or paid a penny in 4 months he is well i can't say in public.

Theresa - posted on 02/14/2009

yes , i have 3 chidren 2 are boys from one relationship that lasted 9 yrs and even when we were 2gether , if i said i was going shopping ,i wd say please dont let them have choc or stay up late, i wd come home and find them still up and choc around there mouths,we ve been separated 4 nearly eight years now and he has them every fortnight , he wont take time of work on a sat ,so he either gets his dad 2 look after them or they come back to me on a sat morn ,after being picked up on fri after sch , then he picks them up again sat eve and brings them back to me on sun morn, he lets them play on x boxs or whatever box they have (they have every games console going ) but not at mine , i just do the park or art stuff etc , they eat what they want ,so when they return i feel like a bad mother , because i cant give or do what he does , but i realize that hes only buying there love , he says he doesnt phone during the week because he misses them to much , sorry but what a load of crap , if my kids are away even for one night i phone to say hello or goodnight , thats because i miss them .x

Heidi - posted on 02/14/2009

LOL!! I too have a deadbeat husband...actually I am glad he is not involved b/c then I would be worried when she was with him!!

Sali - posted on 02/14/2009

My ex takes our son out 1 afternoon a week ,they go to the cinema or something just as fun and then he gets him a new toy. How am i supposed to compete with that . I feel like I`m banging my head against a wall.

Sam - posted on 02/14/2009

yeah i now that feelin,my ex left me the day we found out i was pregnant then on and off relationship with no emotional support throughout and we finally split 4 days b4 she was born.since then hes seen her 4 times in 16 weeks,thinks im only b.feedin so that he cant have her from 10am till 5pm,says its not fair that i have her.no help with nappies etc and when he does see all he does is sit on the chair watchin telly!!! mind you he is only 27 with the mind of a 16 yr old.my 12yr olds father only sees her once a year if she lucky!! resposibility and fathers(cause there not dads) dont go....

Kelly - posted on 02/11/2009

YES!! My daughters dad is so fucking useless, he has 3 other kids, all with different moms, and i didnt even find this out til it was too late! He is always getting introuble (DUI's, going to jail, getting into fights etc.) I just filed for child support so I hope he has a good job!! haha

Kelly - posted on 02/11/2009

I think there are a lot of dumb men out there, but not all dad's are bad as my brother does as much of the parenting as my sister-in-law when he's not at work. But I left my son's dad be4 he was even born. He complained b/c i wouldn't go out with him when i was preg. even though all he did was get drunk and leave me sitting in a chair to talk with his friends who would talk to me for like 5 min, and then move on. I told him he needed to stop drinking every night of the week and start saving money, he wouldn't and i could see this is how it would be for the rest of time so i left him. Then he is all oh i want to be a part, i want to help make decisions etc. etc....well it's been almost 2 months since he's seen him last so much for caring!

Noreen - posted on 02/10/2009

My ex lives in another state although when he lived here in PA he didnt do much so its really not a big change. My issue really is that I have to do EVERYTHING and when I ask him to call me to discuss our daughter who is 9 1/2 and some issues that she is having like school because he doesnt feel like talking on the phone he wont call me back!!!!!! Thank god for texting and Facebook because I sure as heck let him know what I think on both!! And you know HE was the one who told me that he didnt call me back because he didnt feel like talking on the phone!! He cant even lie good!!!!! I dont know why I bother..I really dont. The part that really sucks is that my daughter misses him so much. He lives in NJ and has a lot of medical problems so he cant drive to come in to see her although I wouldnt let him take her alone anyway. He is too stupid! Seriosly he is! And Patti H. your so right about saying that there is nothing you can do about it unless he hurts your child! When my ex and I were in court because he wanted visiation and I wanted to do it leagally I brought this one thing up to the judge that when she was 4 he took her for the day and on the way to taking her to my home he stopped at a Convient and LEFT HER IN THE CAR because..and I quote"I didnt want to deal with the car seat". My daughter was crying and got herself out of the car and wondered in the parking lot. She went into the store and he yells at her!! The judge said although the act was STUPID its no against the law!!



Sorry for going on and on but I just cant help it! LOL

Amanda - posted on 02/10/2009

Thank's for all of the support and comments ladies, it makes me feel a little more at ease to know that there are many women out there feeling the things I'm feeling and going through what I'm going through. I do agree, we get the best deal seeing our kids all the time and being the comforter, protector, playpal etc...I wouldn't change it I guess, sometimes it would just be nice to have another person who feels the love and responsibility that I feel towards my son.

Alice - posted on 02/09/2009

haha call them sperm donors - me and my daughters dads other sons mother call him the sperm donor... wonder if there are many more out there

patricia...exactly - I still have support from his family - we win! we see their first smile and more!! which aggrivates my daughters dad hehe - our future is bright! his is very black and dull!!!

GO US MUMS!!!

Patricia - posted on 02/09/2009

i have the problem of dealing with the father choosing his friends over his kids and his new girlfriend...he has seen them once in 2 1/2 months....but i stay strong and have alot of family support...even on his side.his mom and sister along with my sister and mom...but i struggle with it everyday...the questions of why and what but in the end he loses out not me,i see them in the morning before school and before they go to bed, i help them with their problems,i hug their sorrows away, i watch movies with them and laugh with them when the funny things in life happen.....i win....god bless :)

Jessica - posted on 02/09/2009

how about a father who has never even seen his son and he will be ten in september..some men just give the title dad a bad name so afew friends of mine have started calling men who aren't invloved in their kids life "donors"

Jessica - posted on 02/09/2009

how about a father who has never even seen his son and he will be ten in september..some men just give the title dad a bad name so afew friends of mine have started calling men who aren't invloved in their kids life "donors"

Alice - posted on 02/09/2009

ok here is my story...

Dad wouldnt change nappies, bath, feed or interact with baby when born so i did it all by myself even when we were together

He lied, cheated, isolated me from friends and family ... I had depression but didnt realise until i left him Jan 07 when my daughter was about to turn one as on xmas day he was texting his cow infront of my family and new years eve.. he went out and cheated on me so enough was enough...

Ever since we broke up I have paid off $5 - $6 grand in debt he left me in, he has paid no money towards my daughters up bringing, she is about to go for 2nd surgery and this is where he becomes "golden daddy" - well he thinks

She sees him every 2nd weekend - but the altimatum is that she stays at his sisters and he stays there when she is there as he attempted suicide, used drugs (not to sure if still using), and alsorts!!

i wish he would just leave us alone but he thinks he is gods gift to woman and the best daddy in the world .. as he spoils her and i am mean mummy with boundaries... but she is happy when calmed down from coming back from his as she has a content smile every day and even if she has her tantys etc i know everything is going to be ok and that i know she loves me no matter what - just have to think positive and not negitive

But I believe in karma what goes around comes around.... his is coming :p 

Ashley - posted on 02/07/2009

I know quite a bit about useless fathers. My sons biological father has been in prison most of my son's life. He gets out of prison, has once chance to meet his son and the first thing my son sees is his bio-dad beat me. Now, he's going to prison again for up to 5 years. 2 years for sure. My son is 4 and has no idea that the man that raises him isn't his real dad. In this case, biological or not-it doesn't matter. His dad is the man who has raised him for years. Blood means nothing. I can say that not all men and fathers are usless. I have been with someone who took me on with 2 kids already and now we have a baby together too. He is a great father 2 all three of my kids. He'd go to the end of the planet for All my kids because when it comes down to it, HE IS DAD! My children never go a day without knowing they are loved. A person doesn't need anyone to help raise their kids but it sure is nice to finally find someone who is an equal parent. Don't give up. Being a single mom is hard as hell. I had 1 baby & found myself pregnant again & alone with 2 kids. I had a 2 year old and a baby when I found a man worthy of raising kids with. Even now, I do most of the childrearing because dad works 9-10 hours a day and I'm a stay @home mom. But I know that at the end of the day, I am proud of myself for being a great mom. I finally stopped hating my sons bio-dad & realized that my son is way too good for him. I would never want my son to spend one second with someone who didn't appreciate him. If you ever need to vent, you are more than welcome to vent to me. It's nice sometimes to just have someone to unwind too.

Angelica - posted on 02/07/2009

I can't say that my son has a deadbeat dad, because I haven't had to deal with him since my son was about a week old. There are times that I feel bad for pushing him out, but then I think about what kind of person he was. I will just say that he was the kind of guy you have fun with when you are single. But he definatly, wasn't the kind of person who can take responsibility. I nipped the problem in the butt before it could get out of hand. however, it hasn't been easy. But I have great parents who are supportive, and 5 wonderful younger sisters who help out a great deal.

So, I understand what you are saying. There does seem to be alot of guys out there that are trying to skirt their job of being a daddy. But luckily, it is only a small percent of the guys in the world. Think of it this way, bad news travels faster and better than good news. So you hear about the bad dads more often.

POWER to the Single moms out there.

Jane - posted on 02/07/2009

The best think my son's dad ever did for my son was to walk away and never come back!! I threw him out when my son was 12 weeks old and his dad would come around and see him during the week then take my son for a few hours on a Saturday. When my son was 16 weeks old and having major surgery to remove a tumour his dad asked me what time the op would be done, I told him 8.00am so he said he would come to the hospital in the afternoon once everything was finished! At 16 months I was fed up with my son coming back after his visits with his father stinking of cigerette smoke, wet, sometimes dirty, nappy, hungry and thirsty, so I told his dad that he could only see him at my house or my mother's. When he failed to turn up on time the first time I told him to either be there when we had arranged or to not bother coming back - so he never came back! He wouldn't work so that I could never get maintenance from him so it's not like I lost out on the deal!! My son is now nearly 10 and an absolute joy. I am so glad that my son has not had the influence of his selfish, purile, lazy father in his life, I am sure he is growing into a better person because of this.

Some men just do not deserve the gift of children. They seem to think that, other than boasting about their kids when they are down the pub, their responsibilities ended at conception.

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2009

Let me start by saying that there ARE good men out there.

I just have a hard time finding them!

My older daughter never saw her father, and he never sent dime one for her support. She will be 21 next month. My younger daughter has had her father in her life since day one (we were married but I divorced him when she was 4) but now that moron is in jail.

There is a part of me that thinks it is very important for a child to have his/her father in his/her life. But there is a part of me that thinks if the father is really a dunce, the child might be better off without his influence. It's a touchy situation. It is heartbreaking that so many fathers shirk their responsibilities.

Power to the mommies!

Jane - posted on 02/06/2009

I have a 13 yr old boy bn a single mum all his life. His dad has contact with him for the use he does. My boy is getting into trouble at home, school, and in the community I used to ask his fater for help with him but there is no point. When I asked him to have his child to sleep 1 nite a month his response was " and when am I suposed to go out?".

this is a 37 yr old man that still lives with his parents!!!!

why cant all absent fathers grow back bones and take responsibilty for their actions? Use single moms have too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marie - posted on 02/06/2009

Well I'm glad to see my frustrations are felt by others. My sons dad has no problem playin daddy to everyone else's kids but his own son. I say let them get on with it! life's too short  to waste the little energy we have left after sortin out the children to stress out over em. You reap what you sow/ wot goes around comes around. I am focussing on keeping the relationship between me and my son where it is which is fan bluddy tastic! he's my best friend and worships the ground i walk on. The sleepless nights when he's ill and attending all the school plays alone will pay off in the end (when he gets that contract with a top FC club - i hope)

Ladies - stay strong! I'm so glad I found this site, don't feel so lonely anymore